It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
by GCatsPjs
Summary: MerDer Christmas Story
1. Christmas Eve

Chapter 1- Christmas Eve

Snow.

Goddamned snow.

I hate snow… and right now… I hate my car. They don't mix… they really don't mix… and the tree branch in the road… that I avoided so that I didn't mess up my car… I hate that right now… I really… really… really hate that tree branch… because, not only has it managed to mess up my car… but it has managed to mess up any hope for a happy Christmas… or… a mildly happy Christmas… and… for that matter, a warm Christmas… and here I am, it's Christmas eve… and I'm sitting on the side of a stupid tiny little road that I decided to take to keep away from the busy holiday traffic.

It's not like I was invited home for Christmas anyway. I could call her. I could call her and tell her that I need someone to pick me up.

That would be wonderful. My mother who couldn't care less about whether or not I existed, let alone be home for Christmas would love to be called from Boston to be told her daughter skidded out on a road in some Podunk town in New York state… She'd love that… She probably had to work on Christmas anyway. Whatever.

Meredith slammed her head down on the steering wheel in frustration. "I am such a moron." She mumbled, hearing her horn sound as she just let it rest on the steering wheel, unable to bring herself to lifting her head.

I need a drink.

She had resigned herself to sitting in the snow bank that she had slid into, unable to move her car back or forward, her driver's side door slammed against the hard snow, her tired buried in the ditch that she had slid into, her windshield wipers still whacking wildly as the snow continued to fall on her car.

Maybe if it snows enough, I'll be buried and die of carbon monoxide poisoning…

She suddenly jumped, hearing a light rapping at the steamed window on her passenger side.

Or… I'll be murdered by some insane ax murderer out for a winter stroll.

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Meredith pushed the button on her window, opening it just a crack. "Hello?" She said softly.

"Hey." A soft masculine voice spoke through the crack. She could see a pair of blue eyes looking in at her. "Do you need some help?" The man asked.

"I don't know." Meredith muttered.

"You're stuck." The man said softly.

"Yes." She replied.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes."

"Do you need a lift somewhere?"

What the hell… ask…

"Are you going to kill me?" She asked.

The man chuckled lightly. "Honestly, miss… I don't have any time to kill you." He chuckled. "I have a car full of kids on their way to grandma's for Christmas…they get pretty rowdy if we don't keep moving… do you need a ride somewhere?" He asked.

"Um…" Meredith whispered, looking at the dwindling gas tank needle.

"I promise, I won't kill you." He laughed.

"What's your name first?"

"Michael Jones." He replied.

"I'm supposed to believe that?" She asked, hearing him laugh.

"It's getting cold out here…" He chuckled, trying to convince her to make a decision. "Coming?" He asked. "I can have the sheriff down here tow your car in the morning… get it somewhere safe…"

Meredith sat for a second, watching the snow cover her car.

What the hell.

"What the hell…" She mumbled, rolling the window up, she pulled her keys from her ignition, she slid over onto the passenger side and grabbed her bag, carefully opening the door to get out.

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Meredith stepped out of the car, and stood up in the cold, slushy snow. The man took a step back into the street slightly, reaching his hand out to help her from the car. She cautiously took his hand, stepping out over the shoulder, into the slushy road, her car door slamming behind her. "Are you okay?" He asked politely, looking at the stressed look on her face as she looked towards the car, and back up at the stranger.

"I think I am." She said with a sigh. "My car… not so lucky…" She mumbled.

"Ah… it'll be alright. My brother-in-law does auto body work, we can have him look at it if you want." He smiled.

"Um… you're awfully friendly for someone who just met a woman on the side of the road. Are you sure you're not a mass murderer?"

"I'm pretty sure." He replied. "I'm actually a podiatrist."

"Ah…" She nodded as she followed him towards his car.

Meredith walked behind him, single file down the road a bit, where he had pulled his minivan off the road. If she listened carefully, over the sound of the car, she could hear a chorus of children, singing jingle bells. The man walked over to the passenger side, where the window opened slowly. "Joann?" He said, addressing the woman who smiled politely from the seat, her piercing blue eyes and black hair, both striking features as she looked up at her husband. "It looks like this young lady is going to need a lift somewhere…" He said softly. "Do you think your parents will mind another guest until we can get her situated somewhere?"

"I don't think they'll mind a bit. I think we have room for one more back there." She smiled, glancing in the back of the car. She reached her hand out to Meredith. "Joann." She smiled.

"I'm Meredith." Meredith replied, shaking her hand politely, before the man opened the door to the minivan.

The children all quieted, seeing their father open the door, they watched the woman outside the car cautiously. Four kids of varying ages sat watching their father expectantly as he picked up a few toys that had fallen on the floor of the van. "Kids, this is Meredith… we're going to be helping her out tonight, so I want you to be extra nice to her." He smiled. "Timothy, can you move over next to Jen so that Meredith can sit there?" He asked a little boy who was about seven years old. The little boy nodded his head and unbuckled his seatbelt, sliding over in his seat to the next spot, he grabbed the seatbelt and buckled himself in. Meredith carefully got into her seat, reaching for the seatbelt, she smiled at the little boy, as he held the latch for her. 

"Thank you." She whispered softly.

"You're welcome." He smiled as the father closed the door and moved around to the front of the car, opening the driver's side.

"Alright, is everyone ready to go?"

"YES!" Came a chorus of giggles and excitement as the father began to drive down the snowy road. Meredith watched as they passed her car as it slowly became covered with the falling snow.

I really hope that I don't regret this.

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The singing went on for an hour and a half. An hour and a half Meredith sat in the car and the singing never stopped. It was Christmas carol after Christmas carol, all of the children singing loudly, not once in unison, arguing and fighting over lyrics and candy canes the entire way. Michael turned around, seeing Meredith cringing as the children's off key singing slammed into her ear drums.

"Hey kids…" He said softly, getting their attention as they quieted slowly. "Why don't we hush a bit now… we're almost at Granny's house.

"YAY!" They all screeched happily, Meredith cringing at the sound, but soon the car was back to a quiet murmur as the children just talked amongst themselves and waited for them to arrive at their grandmother's house.

Shortly, they pulled into the long driveway of a house, driving for another half mile, they arrived at a very large, very expensive estate.

Holy Jesus, look at the size of that house…

The kids became excited as their father parked the car. The little girl in the back reached up and swung the minivan door open as the two children in the back jumped out. Meredith sat for a moment, still unsure if this was a good idea, when someone tapped her leg. She looked, and the little boy beside her was tapping her. "Come on, Meredith… we're at granny's house… here… I'll take your hand if you're nervous." He said as he held his hand out.

"Thank you, Timothy…" She said with a smile as she unbuckled her seatbelt and slid from the seat. The little boy jumped from the car and immediately latched his hand to hers. Meredith turned, and Joann was getting the baby out of her car seat.

"You guys can go on in… Michael will introduce you around…" She smiled as she watched her son as he tugged on her arm. "Timmy… be polite, please."

"I'm just telling you, Meredith… You'll really like Granny …" He smiled as Meredith smiled lightly at him and followed her towards the door, where the other two children were already banging with their fists.

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Great… I don't know where I am, I don't know where my car is… and now I'm knocking on the door to someone's grandparents at ten in the evening on Christmas eve. I feel like an intruder.

Suddenly, the door opened and an older woman peeked her head out. Her eyes went down to the group of children looking in at her. "I don't want whatever you're selling…" She teased, a playful smile on her face as she closed the door.

"GRANNY!" The three children screeched as they pounded on the door giggling. Michael stood beside them, Joann handing him the youngest as he reached out and turned the handle.

"Its always easier to get inside if you use the doorknob…" Michael chuckled as he opened the door, sending the three kids charging into the house. Michael stepped in, followed by Joann.

Now what do I do?

"Are you coming in, or are you going to stand out there in the cold all evening, dear?" The older woman said softly as she came to the door.

"I…"

"Mom…" Michael said, standing behind the older woman, he smiled. "This is Meredith… she was having a little bit of car trouble down the road, and we thought instead of leaving her outside to freeze, that we'd bring her along."

The older woman looked at the frightened young woman standing on her doorstep and smiled. "Well come on in then, Meredith… these winters seem to get colder every year… we don't want you to have to bring it in here with you." She said softly as she held out her hand for the young woman.

She seems nice enough.

Meredith smiled softly and took the woman's hand. "That's a good girl… Kathleen, Bethany, and Nancy are all here… we're just waiting on Derek." She smiled as she led Meredith into a room full of children and adults sitting, laughing and talking.

"We're always waiting on Derek." Michael shook his head as he followed them into the family room.

Derek. Must be another son.

Meredith stood awkwardly in the doorway, her backpack still in her hand as she stared at the room full of strangers.

"Here dear, I'll take this for you…" The older woman said as she carefully extracted the bag from her hand, helping to take her coat off.

"Oh… thank you…" Meredith said softly as she turned around, her mind still reeling at the beauty of the room. The ceilings were vaulted and in the corner sat a huge Christmas tree decorated with what looked to be hundreds of Christmas ornaments. The lights sparkled brightly as the room was surrounded in garland and decorations. In the corner sat a large red chair in which no one was sitting in.

Suddenly, Meredith felt a tug on her hand. "Meredith! Meredith!" Timothy exclaimed. "Come play with us!" He giggled excitedly.

"Timmy… Meredith is going to sit down right now…" Joann said softly as she led the young woman to a chair across the room. She kindly introduced Meredith around to her sisters and brother's –in – law, and named the kids as they ran past.

This isn't awkward at all.

"So Meredith… where are you from?" Nancy asked softly.

"Boston." She said softly. "I'm from Boston… I was… um I was on my way home to see my mother…"

Not entirely true.

"Oh, dear… you should give her a call… she must be worried sick!" The mother said softly.

"Um… no… no, it's alright… she… she didn't know I was coming to see her for Christmas… and she's probably sleeping already… I don't want to wake her."

Liar. You lied on Christmas. I hope you're happy with yourself.

"Now where about did you get stuck?"

"About an hour and a half south…" She sighed.

I think.

"I think…It's alright though… I am very sorry that I intruded on your Christmas, Ma'am."

"That is nonsense… and call me Mom… everyone else around here does… except for the children… I'm their Granny… but you're a little older then they are." She winked. "In fact… you're probably just about Derek's age… He'll be here soon, I'm sure you'll get along. He's a nice boy… a little quiet…"

"Stuck up." Nancy replied.

"Mama's boy…" Kathleen replied.

"Selfish…" Joann sighed, shaking her head.

"You girls cut it out..." She shook her head at her daughters and rolled her eyes. "It's not that obvious who my favorite is, is it?" She asked with a sparkle in her eye as she winked at Meredith and stood up. "Derek has had a tough year…and we haven't seen him in forever…" She sighed. "Would you like to get you a glass of milk or something?" She smiled. "Of course you would…" She said as she turned and excused herself.

"Thank you…" Meredith whispered softly, watching as the three women continued to talk about one thing or another, that Meredith obviously knew nothing about, but was being polite and not totally zoning out. 

There was a knock on the door and the room went silent. The children all slowed down, bumping into one another as they waited for the expected arrival.

What are they waiting for… isn't someone going to open the door?

There was another knock as the children hushed one another. Meredith listened, and she could hear the faint jingling of bells. She smiled.

There was a third knock on the door, and more jingles, when the oldest child spoke up. "It's Santa!" She exclaimed, running quickly towards the door, the grandmother walked to the door and everyone watched through the foyer door to see the grandmother check the peek hole to be sure. Meredith watched the little girl stand excitedly as her grandmother instructed her to open the door, her braids hanging down as she grinned at her grandmother. Slowly, the girl opened the door, and with that, revealed a man standing at the door.

"Santa!" She exclaimed as all of the children gasped at the tall man standing at the door, dressed in a Santa suit. The belly on the suit was awkwardly fit, and the beard looked to be a little loose, not to mention the bit of dark hair showing at the side of his hat.

"HO HO HO!" The man shouted, hearing the squeals of laughter and happiness coming from the children as he stepped into the house, a red sack filled to the brim with boxes and gifts. He stepped into the house and looked into the family room. "This looks like the right place…" He said as he looked around the room with the family. The children were watching in awe as the women laughed hysterically into their husband's shoulders as 'santa' made his way through the room.

"We saved you a chair, Santa!" One of the little girls exclaimed as he walked over the toys that were already littering the floor in his overly shiny black boots.

"Why thank you, Mary…" Santa said with a laugh.

"Oh my gosh! Santa knows my name!" Mary exclaimed as she giggled with her cousins and siblings as she watched Santa sit comfortably in the chair that was laid out for him. He smiled as he looked around the room.

"What are you guys all laughing at?" Santa asked with a playful chuckle as the girls wiped tears from their eyes as they laughed so hard. "Funny, huh?" He asked, his eyes were gleaming with playfulness as he sat in his chair.

"How was the trip, Santa?" Joann laughed as she watched Santa sit comfortably in the chair, scratching his chin under his beard.

"Long… and tiring… and then I had to get into this suit…" He teased, his voice a faux deep voice, adding emphasis to the 'Santa' charm. "Looks like we have some new faces." Santa said as his eyes caught sight of two babies in the playpen in the room.

"Yep." Kathleen said with a laugh. "If you'd come and visit more than every other year…"

"Kathleen…" Her husband said in a soft warning tone, though she still laughed at the joke she had made.

"What can I say… I'm a busy guy…" Santa replied, his eyes panning the room.

"Santa!" Timothy said happily as he stepped up to the man sitting in the big red chair. "This is Meredith… She's having Christmas with us…Her car is broked…" The little boy smiled as he pointed to Meredith sitting silently on the couch watching the man with a curious amusement.

"Ah… I was wondering why there was an extra one of you." He said with a laugh as he reached his hand out to her. "Meredith… I'm Santa…" He smiled under the beard, his blue eyes sparkling as she watched the young woman giggle.

"Santa… I've always been a fan." She said, her lips curling to a smile as her eyes twinkled in the Christmas lights. She shook his white gloved hand and smiled at the tender way he shook it, his smile was bright and mischievous.

"Alright… its time for some presents!" Santa exclaimed. "Ho Ho Who wants gifts?"

"ME! ME! ME!" The children screamed and bounced around as their grandmother carefully lined them up for their opportunity to sit on Santa's lap. One by one the children hopped onto Santa's lap and asked for gifts. They laughed and giggled and teased one another, their pictures were taken by their happy and laughing parents.

Meredith sat on the couch and watched all of this happiness going on in front of her. She had never, ever experienced anything like it. She always liked Christmas alright… it was a time for snow and good shopping… beautifully sculpted landscapes dusted in the moonlight after a newly fallen snow. She had always heard of the 'Christmas spirit'. She had always known that there was supposed to be something more than spending time home alone on her Christmas break because her mother was at the hospital saving other people's Christmases.

Sitting in this living room, she felt it. She could feel this warm, squeezing feeling in her heart, warming her, caressing her, giving her butterflies. She could see the pure and unadulterated happiness in the children's eyes, the joy in the family's laughter. She felt comfortable here, she felt like she fit in, she didn't feel like a stranger anymore.

"Meredith? Meredith?" Timmy's voice pulled her from her reverie and her attention snapped to the little boy. "Santa wants you to sit on his lap…" He said with a grin.

The mother's all giggled at Meredith's look of surprise. "Me?" She asked with a smirk as she glanced to Santa. He held his arm out, beckoning her over to him. "I don't know Santa… I'm a little old to be sitting on…"

"Nonsense!" He said with a laugh. "You look like you could use a Christmas wish." He said, holding his hand out. "What do you say… you don't have to… sit on my lap… but you can tell me your Christmas wish in my ear?" He asked with a smile, his eyes still twinkling at her, making her heartbeat speed up.

She shook her head and laughed, listening to the children as they coaxed her along. "Come on Meredith! Tell Santa what you want for Christmas! Come on! Meredith! You have to do it!" They all giggled and laughed as they tugged on her arm.

"Alright…" Meredith said finally laughing as she stood up, the children cheering that she wanted to be a part of their family tradition. She walked over to Santa, and bent down lightly to whisper in his ear. "I want a family just like this." She whispered softly, watching as all of the children looked at Santa in anticipation. He turned his head towards her, their noses nearly touching as he looked into her eyes. He watched as her eyes turned a deep shade of grey, and his blue eyes sparkled with happiness as he smiled under the beard.

"Well… we'll see what Santa can do about that." He smiled, watching as Meredith made her way back to the couch amid cheers and laughter of the family, her face turning a bright shade of red as she sat down.

"Well…" Santa said, looking at the now empty bag of gifts. "It looks to me like Santa's going to have to make his way out of here… Which way to my reindeer?" he asked, listening to the children laughing as he stood up.

"I think they're that way!" One of the little girls pointed towards the door as she giggled.

"I think you're right, Sarah!" Santa laughed. "Now… you kids all be good tonight for your mommy and daddy and Granny… and in the morning… maybe there will be something special waiting for you under the Christmas tree." He winked.

"YAY!" The children all exclaimed as the group of children followed Santa to the front door. They watched him walk onto the porch and disappear down the steps as they all giggled in anticipation.

"Alright, children…" Their grandmother said softly. "It's just about time for bed! If we want Santa to come tonight, we need to get to sleep. You all know where your bedrooms are… up to bed."

"Aww… Granny…" The older kids whined as they shuffled their way to their parents.

"You heard me… up to bed… or Santa can't come back…" She said as she watched her daughters and son in laws all stand up and get their children prepared for bed. She walked into the kitchen to find Meredith standing by the sink peering out the window as the sounds of the rest of the family slowly disappeared. "We have an extra spare bedroom…" She smiled at the young girl.

"Thank you." She said, turning her head. "It really was… nice of you to let me stay here tonight." She smiled.

"We enjoyed having you here, Meredith… I have a few things to do down here, and then I'll show you where the bedroom is."

"Thank you…Mom." She said with a smile.

"There you go… that didn't hurt, did it?" She asked with a wink.

"No." She said softly as she smiled politely as she watched her walk back out of the kitchen and into the family room.

Meredith sighed as she looked out the window, shaking her head thinking of her silly wish to Santa, thinking that it was probably someone they hired every year to be Santa for the children. She giggled a little as she heard the kitchen door open, fully expecting 'Mom' to come strolling through the door, she turned and came face to face with a tall, handsome man, standing just feet from her. He had thick, dark hair, newly brushed and styled. He was wearing a warm sweater and jeans, and a cologne that was enough to tingle the senses. And then there were those eyes. Why did those eyes look so familiar?

"I'm Derek." He said softly with a smile that was enough to make her melt right there.

She stood there for a moment, frozen to the spot, her eyes staring directly into his as she tried to will herself to move, speak, breathe.

"Meredith." She whispered, shaking his hand, her eyes never leaving his as she tilted her head. "Have we met before?" She asked softly.

"Nope… I don't think so." He smiled.

There is that smile again.

"Well… Meredith… it was nice to meet you. I should… probably get to bed… I have…a busy day tomorrow." He said softly as he kept eye contact with her as he took a step backwards.

"It was nice to meet you, Derek." She said softly, watching as he walked out of the room, her eyes being caught by the sight of the shiny black boots on his feet.

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Mrs. Shepherd stood in the living room carefully shifting a few things around in the living room as she cleaned up the toys and wrapping paper from the children's gifts. She sighed softly as she bent down to pick up a fire truck that one of the boys had 'driven' under the tree.

"You didn't wait for me to put the lights up." A male's voice startled her slightly, though she didn't show that she had.

"If I waited for you dear, it would have been valentines day." She said with a laugh as she turned around, finding her son standing there with his hands in his pockets, grinning like a fool.

"I'm sorry." He said, giving his mother a sincere glance as she stood up and walked towards him.

"It's alright dear… we all have our own lives too… we can't all be rushing off to family functions at every single holiday." She said, her eyebrows raised as she took a nice long look at her son. "You're looking healthy."

"Is that a crack at the belly?" He asked, pulling his hand from his pocket, patting the front of his sweater.

"No dear…" She laughed. "You do… you have a lot of color in your face… and you have put on a few pounds… but it fits you nicely." She smiled.

"How did I do?" he asked.

"You were magnificent." She replied. "The children loved it."

"I wish dad could have seen it." He sighed, giving his mother a sad smile as he watched her smile disappear. "Mom… I'm sorry…"

"No… no…" She said softly. "You know… it's just the first Christmas without him. I knew…that it was going to be hard… but I'm so glad that you came… I'm so glad that you were able to come." She said happily as she pulled her son into a hug, feeling his arms wrap around him so tightly. "You're looking more and more like him every day." She said, pulling from the hug, she reached up and touched his face as she looked into his eyes. "You had better stop getting to be so handsome… women will be afraid to talk to you."

"Mom…" He shook his head as he gave her another hug, laughing into her shoulder. "Speaking of women… who is…"

"Oh! Meredith! I forgot, I was going to show her to her room… poor thing…" She said quickly as she moved towards the kitchen. "She's such a sweetheart, Derek…"

"Mom… Mom I…" Derek said as he followed her into the kitchen.

"Meredith…" She said as she watched her turn around in surprise. She smiled at her entrance, and her smile disappeared as Derek followed her in, though the playfulness was still radiating in her eyes, she was not about to reveal anything just yet. "Meredith, I'd like for you to meet my son." She said proudly as she held her hand out to Derek. She grabbed his hand and held it out to Meredith. "Meredith, this is Derek."

"So the prodigal son returns." Meredith said with a sly smile, watching Derek as he smiled back at her, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he shook his head and laughed, reaching his hand out to her, his smile becoming warmer as she accepted his offer and shook it. "I've heard a lot about you this evening."

"If it came from my mother, I know it was good… if it came from any of my sisters, they're pathological liars." He replied, feeling his mother smack him lightly as his eyes never left Meredith's.

"Meredith… Derek was our Santa tonight…" She smiled. "We used to have Derek's father do it every year… but he passed on in January of this year…" She said softly.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Meredith said softly, unsure of exactly what to say. She then suddenly realized, that she was still shaking Derek's hand, his eyes holding that mischievous look again, his smile growing wider as she quickly pulled her hand from his. "I… I should probably go to sleep… I'll probably have to go dig my car out of a snowbank tomorrow morning…" She said quickly as she took a step back, glancing to Mrs. Shepherd.

"Of course dear…" She said with a smile as she watched her son watching the young woman. "Derek… say goodnight…"

"Goodnight, Mom…Goodnight, Meredith." Derek said softly with a smile, still mesmerized by her as he watched her fidget and turn.

"Goodnight, Derek." She said with a smile as she followed after Derek's mother. "It was nice to meet you...again…" She said softly as she slipped out the kitchen door after his mother.

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Mrs. Shepherd kindly led Meredith up the steps that the other family members had disappeared up. She smiled as she heard the giggling of the children in the bedrooms as their parents hushed them. She was led down the long hallway to a bedroom in the corner, opening the door to find a moderately sized guest room.

"There are extra blankets in the closet… and Michael brought your bag and coat up here so that you have them nearby as well." She smiled softly as she watched the young girl look around in awe as she stepped over to the window. Meredith stepped over to the window and looked out on the property that the house was sitting on, seeing the bright moonlight reflecting off the snow below them. "It's a beautiful night…" She whispered.

"It is." Meredith said softly. "There are some clouds moving in though…" She whispered as she turned around. "I just would like to thank you again… for letting a stranger intrude on your family like this… I really had no intention of…"

"Hush… You're fine…" She said with a smile. "As long as you're respectful and kind, which you have shown to be, you're always welcome in my home. Now get yourself comfortable… get some sleep… and we'll talk about all of this stuff in the morning."

"But… tomorrow is Christmas morning… and I don't want to…"

"You don't want to what, dear?"

"I don't want you to feel like…You shouldn't have to put me up like this…"

"It's late… Christmas eve… the busses aren't running… and we're not about to let a young lady sit out in the cold on Christmas eve. We'll figure all of this out in the morning… you can call your mother… or Michael can bring you to your car… but we'll figure it out in the morning…" She smiled soflty. "Goodnight, Meredith."

"Goodnight…Mom." Meredith smiled, shaking her head as she said it, grinning at the older woman's laugh as she turned and quietly slipped from the room.

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Meredith sat on the bed for a moment, looking around the room for a couple more minutes as she turned to her bag and lifted it to the bed. She opened the bag and shifted its contents around, pulling out a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and her favorite t-shirt. She quickly changed, feeling the coolness of the room against her skin as she hurriedly slipped into them, making her feel a little more comfortable. She pulled her bag to the floor, tossing the clothes that she had been wearing atop it, and pulled back the covers on the bed. She reached over and turned on the bedside table, and switched off the other light in the room.

Slowly, she slipped into the bed, feeling the cool sheets against her toes as she rested her hands atop the blanket, the covers over her up to her chest as she closed her eyes for a moment. Her eyes opened once again.

She lay there in the bed, slowly going over the events of the evening. She smiled at the greeting that she had given the man at her car. Michael. She smiled a little more at the thought of the car full of children, so excited to go to their grandmother's house. She thought of the open and honest greetings that the family had for her, a stranger to their house, to their traditions. She thought of the look on the little girl's face as she opened the door to Santa. She thought of the baby, sitting on Santa's lap, sobbing for his mother as Santa struggled to talk to him, to soothe him, to make him understand that he wasn't going to hurt him. And she thought of her wish. She thought of what it would like to have a family like that, how things might not seem as hard, how family time would be an actual release from the rigors of medical school, and not an added stress.

She wondered if she would ever have something like that, a family to laugh with, a significant other to hold her hand beside the Christmas tree, a child to scream Christmas carols with. Right now that was way too far away to think about, and the more she tried to push those feelings aside, the stronger they became. She sighed, tossing onto her side, and then back again to the other side as she tried to relax, finding absolutely no peace of mind. After about a half hour, she couldn't take the silence.

She sighed as she sat up, slowly pulling the blankets from on top of her, she slid her feet to the warm rug beside the bed. She stood up and listened, hearing only the wind from outside, and the creaking of the tree outside the window. She slowly walked over to the door, opening it into the almost dark hallway, lit by the light by the stairs.

She quietly crept down the hallway to the stairs, listening to the snoring and sleep sounds from the rooms of the different families. She listened to the stairs creak slightly as she tried to walk tenderly down the steps, noting that the Christmas tree lights were still on, but the rest of the house was silent and darkened. She listened for any movement, content with the peacefulness, she relaxed. It was hard enough for her to be in a stranger's home, but to be sneaking around it was nerve-wracking. She was drawn to the flicker of the Christmas lights, the colorful tree that stood in the corner of the family room. Her eyes remained trained on that giant tree, as she stepped closer to it. She could smell the pine, the forest's perfume invaded her senses. She stepped forward to glance at the ornaments, balls of glass and tiny wooden teddy bears, round ornaments with pictures of friends and family members, and cookie ornaments obviously made by children or grandchildren, carefully placed on as many branches as possible. She slowly reached out to touch one of the tiny ornaments.

"You're not the Grinch, are you?" A man's voice startled her and she jumped, turning swiftly, she noticed that she wasn't alone in the room. Sitting in a recliner across the room, sat Derek. He was looking up at her with a grin filled with pure amusement, his eyes sparkling with the hundred lights of the Christmas tree.

"The Grinch?" She whispered, tilting her head as she tried to slow her heartbeat as her breath caught in her throat.

"Yeah… that green guy… that runs around to everyone's house and steals all of their Christmas goodies… You're not him, are you?"

"Do I look like him?" She asked, shaking her head.

"I'm not sure… it's dark in here… you could be green." He laughed. 

"I assure you… I am not green…" She giggled. "And what are you doing sitting in a dark room by yourself… how do we know that you're not the Grinch?" She asked, her voice taking on a playful tone as she stood before him, a humored grin on her face.

"Pretty brash coming from a stranded stranger sneaking around my mother's house." He replied, watching as she retreated emotionally.

Meredith took a step back, dropping her hands. "I'm sorry." She said softly. "I'm sorry if I interrupted you."

"I didn't mean to insult you." He said softly, sitting up. "And you didn't interrupt me… I was just watching the lights… just like you." He smiled. "I'm not one to question the admiration of Christmas."

"I've just… never seen anything so absolutely beautiful." She said, turning to look up at the tree, the star glimmering at the top.

"It used to be bigger." Derek replied, watching her turn her head to face him. "When I was little… it was much bigger…" He said as he stood up. He walked over to stand beside her at the tree. "I'm sorry that I startled you."

"It's fine." She nodded, her fingers flicking and fiddling as she tried to keep her attention on the tree, and not the strange feeling in her stomach as he stood beside her. "I shouldn't have been sneaking around…"

"Can't sleep?" He asked.

"No."

"Miss seeing your family for the holidays?" He asked.

"No… no… not at all…" She said, quickly regretting saying it like that.

"You don't miss your family… or you don't see your family at the holidays?"

"Kind of… both." She replied, sitting down beside the Christmas tree, looking up at the bright lights as they shine down on them both, like a million stars in the sky. "It's a long convoluted story that I don't think that anyone wants to hear… it's not important… it doesn't even matter… I should have just stayed in my dorm room alone with my little plastic Christmas tree." She sighed as she lay down on the carpet, looking up at the tree.

Derek looked down at her as she stared up at the tree, he smiled watching this beautiful girl lie before him, her hair splayed across the carpet, her eyes reflecting the light of the tree as she babbled on about how miserable she would 'rather' be. He shook his head and chuckled to himself as he sat down on the carpet beside her. "I'll listen to your long convoluted story that no one wants to hear if you listen to mine." He said as he looked back at her. Her eyes stared directly into his as he suddenly felt a chill run down his neck. He watched her smile, her eyes rolling after a moment as she looked up at the tree for a moment.

"Alright." She said, her eyes glancing back at him as she smiled, feeling that same chill as he lay back down on the carpet beside her. They turned their heads to face one another, their eyes transfixed as she smiled. Their hands hovered at their sides, as she squeezed her hand into a fist as she tried to calm her rapid heartbeat. Then she felt his hand, warm and inviting, softly touching the knuckle of her hand, asking politely to be invited inside her hand.

He smirked just a little bit, his eyes sparkling as she slowly opened her hand, letting his warm hand envelop her tiny fingers into his palm as they both turned their heads and lay in silence as the grandfather clock tolled the midnight hour.


	2. Christmas Day Pt 1

Chapter 2- Christmas Day- Part 1

The two of them lay beneath the Christmas tree for quite a while, their silent conversation ringing throughout the room as they tried to push aside the butterflies in both of their stomachs.

I'm holding hands with a strange man. Why would I hold hands with a strange man? Well… he seems sincere, polite. He's still a stranger.

Meredith began to withdraw her hand slowly, feeling his fingertips envelop her hand further. His head turned and she could tell that he was looking at her.

"I'll listen to your story, but your hand needs to stay there." He said softly. "Sometimes there are parts of the story that can't be told out loud, but only through body language. I want to make sure I catch everything." He said softly.

He's smooth.

"Okay." She whispered. Her voice was small and nervous, though a quick glance to her side, she could see a mischievous smile. The same one that he had held when she walked downstairs and he had surprised her. "My story." She sighed, turning her face to the tree once again. "I have never had a Christmas even remotely as magical as the one that I witnessed today with your family." She whispered. "My Christmases were usually spent alone… maybe not alone, but with a family friend watching me… bringing me along with their family for their traditions and whatnot." She sighed. She turned her head to face him again. "My mother… is a very busy woman." She shook her head. "It's an awful excuse… to be too busy for Christmas… to be… to busy for your own child on Christmas. I mean… most people in her profession are able to find time for their families… their husbands, their children… but not my mother… her job is her life… it was and it still is, and it always will be. My parents divorced when I was five years old… so any semblance of Christmas before that… I don't even remember. But after that… it was just a day like any other day… I never met Santa… never had the joy of peeking from the top of the stairs to listen for reindeer… or that magical sound of bells… Did you ever notice how magical those jingle bells sound?" She asked, her eye sincere as she watched his eyes.

"I do." He whispered, nodding his head softly as he listened intently. She could feel his thumb softly rubbing the side of her hand, and although it was starting to rise a heat in her like she had never felt before, she refused to move. It was a comforting feeling, a soft delicate thumb softly running across her skin. She could feel her face flushing as she lie there, and was thankful for the darkness of the room.

"I guess… I missed all of those things while I was growing up… and it only became more business like as I grew up, a Christmas card with a gift card inside, or a little extra money in my savings account… very impersonal…"

"The cold wasn't just outside." He said softly, turning his head to face her.

"Exactly." She said, turning her face to him. She smiled sadly, watching his eyes search hers. "What's your story? You have a beautiful family… that obviously loves you. You seem to not be a drunk or a drug addict… Why do you have a sad soul?" Meredith whispered.

"A sad soul? Really?" He asked, his voice sincere as he watched her, seeing her nod as she smiled slightly.

"Yes." She shrugged and looked back at the tree. "Your mother said that you were having a tough year… I listened. I told you my sob story, it's time for yours." She said with a sad smile, her nose crinkling slightly as she turned her face back to him and watched him match her smile.

"My sob story…" He chuckled a little under his breath as he watched her shift to her side, her complete attention on him. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest as she continued to hold his hand with her left, and placed her right hand on his chest as she lay her head down on the carpet. "I… have a non existent social life… a non existent love life, and a non existent… well… life in general." He said sadly. "My whole life has been centered around my family… my loved ones, my friends. I went to college… and then to medical school… and now I'm in my second year of my internship… and its hell… My boss is a slave driver, my teachers at the hospital are rarely free enough to offer any help or advice, and I barely sleep anymore. I was engaged to a woman that I didn't know if I loved… until I found out that she had cheated on me with numerous men on numerous occasions… and my father died in January. I saw my family then… for the two days I was allowed off to grieve… and then I had to get back to work. Before that, I was unable to come home for two Christmases in a row… between med school and work… it was just impossible." He sighed as he turned his head to face the tree, she watched as his eyes filled with tears. "I missed my father's last Christmas." He said, his bottom lip sticking out just slightly as he stared at the lights of the Christmas tree.

"Hey… you can't cry." She said softly, watching him as he slowly turned his head to face her again.

"I can't cry?"

"No." She said, her own eyes filling with tears. "It wasn't part of the deal… I didn't cry during my story, you don't get to cry during yours." She said confidently, her voice wavering slightly.

She watched as his lips curled up into a sad smile, he shook his head a little as a tear fell down his cheek. "No crying?" He whispered.

"No. It's not allowed." She shook her head, her lip sticking out just slightly as she felt a tear rolling down her cheek.

"What if I told you… that Christmas was his absolute favorite holiday?"

"No." She replied, shaking her head, watching as he sat up, releasing her hand.

"What if I told you… that his favorite thing to do for Christmas was decorate the tree… and he would set each one of us up on chairs beside the tree, to decorate a certain level of it… and as tall as you could get, that's as high as your decorations could go… and that he would always lift one of us to put the star on top…" Derek explained, standing carefully beside the tree, he demonstrated how his father held his children. "He would hold us up really high and be sure that we fastened it tightly, and when he was through, he would let us go… into his arms and cradle us softly for a moment before he let us to the ground to see our handywork… and he did it with his children… his grandchildren… and… and… and… he'll never be able to do it with my children." He said with a whimper. "I can't even cry about that?" He asked.

"No… no crying… I don't do crying…" She shook her head.

"Maybe you need to." He said, falling to his knees beside her as he looked down on her. "Maybe you need to… express it and tell your mother how you feel… have you ever told her how you feel? Have you ever told her how much you had missed because of her?"

"What would be the point?" She shrugged. "I can't just tell her that I'm angry that I missed out on all of those Christmases. I can just hope that in the future… I can find someone to make it better… to make all of those lonely times worthwhile. I can find someone that will be able to give me all of the Christmas wishes that I ever wanted, that I could ever hope for. Find someone to share stories with." She sighed, shrugging her shoulder as she watched him stand above her. "You can cry that your father isn't here, Derek… and you can be sad that you missed your last chance to have Christmas with him… or you can take your memories that you have of him and relive them in the future… when you can have children of your own to share them with…"

"Someone to share stories with…" Derek whispered, sitting down beside her again, he lay down carefully on the carpet, instinctively pulling her closer to him. She didn't pull back, and she wasn't sure why. She placed her hand in his, and her other hand on his chest as they stared up at the tree together.

"Someone to hold your hand under the Christmas tree." Meredith whispered, closing her eyes as she began to feel drowsy.

"Someone to hold your hand under the Christmas tree… that you decorated together." He whispered in return, closing his eyes as he too began to feel the drowsiness of the evening closing in.

--------------

Soft dreams, memories and the sweet scent of flowers lulled Derek to sleep as he lay as comfortable as he had ever been on the floor of his mother's family room. What started as a few moments resting peacefully, turned into a couple of hours of peace filled slumber. His mind was only interrupted by the sound of tiny giggles coming from above him, and for a moment before he opened his eyes, he had to try to remember where he was. He could feel the weight of someone resting against him, feel the soft tendrils of hair pressed against his face, and smell the heavenly scent of the soft body against him. He listened carefully once again, and heard another set of giggles from above him. He listened carefully.

"Looks like Santa left something special for Derek under the Christmas tree." A voice whispered, hearing a chorus of giggles.

"Almost thirty years…" Derek mumbled, opening his eyes to see his four sisters standing above him, looking down on the two people lying snuggled under the tree. "Almost thirty years and you four still can't mind your own business." He whispered as he watched the grin on all of their faces. "What do you want?" He asked, his voice deep and gravely as he yawned slightly, listening to the soft snoring of the woman lying against him.

"We need to put the gifts under the tree…" Kathleen whispered.

"Oh." He whispered, pressing his face down into Meredith's hair for a moment, he looked up at them. "Can you give us a second?" He whispered, watching his sisters shake their head with a humored grin. "Please…" He whispered.

"We'll be in the kitchen." Bethany replied, nudging Joann as they giggled again. Nancy and Kathleen hovered for another moment before giggling and walking towards the kitchen.

Derek watched as they disappeared, one by one into the kitchen, giggling just slightly as they disappeared behind the door. He leaned his head back for a moment and shifted slightly under her weight, her head resting fully on his chest, her right arm draped delicately over his stomach, grasping his sweater. He smiled softly as he lifted his hand, carefully running his fingers through her hair. "Meredith." He whispered, trying to be gentle as he tried desperately not to startle her. "Meredith?" He whispered again, carefully rubbing her arm as he pushed her hair from her face. He shifted slightly as he watched her eyes open slowly.

After a moment, her eyes widened as she sat up quickly. "Oh!" She exclaimed, pushing herself from his arms swiftly as she looked around. Derek could immediately tell that she was embarrassed and upset. "I'm sorry…" She shook her head as she checked her mouth quickly for any drool, rubbed her eyes as she looked around at the room, the clouds outside becoming a little more light as dawn began to break, she watched the soft smile on Derek's face and immediately felt embarrassed, that she had crossed some kind of line that she shouldn't have. "Oh, I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry…" She whispered as she stood up quickly.

"Meredith…" He said, unsure of what exactly to say to her in her state of panic. "Wait…" He said watching as she quickly retreated to the stairs, and climbed them swiftly. "Meredith…" He said one more time, the scent of her hair and the warmth of her body now just a memory.

Derek sat on the floor of the living room in a slight state of shock. Meredith's quick departure was almost expected, yet he was still surprised by how quickly she had disappeared up the steps. He felt cold there suddenly, sitting beneath the Christmas tree alone, knowing full well that he would need to form some sort of explanation for his sisters who were most likely standing at the kitchen door as he sat there. He could feel a slight tug at his heart, and the tiny pull at his emotions as he shook his head and sighed, remembering the moment that they had shared.

Slowly, he lifted himself from the floor, glancing to the stairs one last time, he resisted climbing them to find her. He took a deep breath as he walked slowly towards the kitchen. As he neared the kitchen, he listened to the sounds within, the footsteps moving from the door as his sisters made themselves busy with nothing as he opened the door. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him, watching as they all stopped what they were doing and looked up at him. "What?" He said, glancing around the room at the four of them.

"What?" Nancy asked, a look of concern on her face as she watched her brother's eyes. They could all tell that he wasn't amused, wasn't happy, wasn't exactly completely there at that moment, so any need or feeling to crack a joke or smile was squashed as he stood defensively at the door.

"We're glad you were able to make it, Derek." Joann said softly, watching her brother as he continued to stand defensively by the door. He nodded his head as he looked to his other two sisters, Bethany and Kathleen.

"Are you going to say anything?" He asked, daring them to make a joke.

"There's nothing to say, Derek." Kathleen replied.

"What do you want us to say?" Bethany asked.

"Nothing." He said softly. "Do you need help with getting the gifts ready?" He asked.

"It's alright, Derek." Bethany replied. "Go on upstairs and get some sleep… the kids don't even know you're here… they're going to be very excited to see you. You're going to need all of the sleep that you can get." She offered him a small smile as she watched his eyes graze the room one more time as he turned and silently walked out of the room. He listened for a moment, hearing only silence in the kitchen as he stood there. He then turned, and made his way quickly up the stairs.

He stepped down the hallway to the room that his mother had prepared for him, watching the light at the bottom of the door of the room at the end of the hallway. He glanced to the door to his room and sighed, taking a deep breath, he turned for the end of the hallway. Walking quickly to the door, he tapped on it lightly, pressing his cheek against the cool wooden door. He waited to see if she would open it, and listened to her moving around in the room. "Meredith." He whispered softly, his voice deep and concerned. He waited to see if she would reply, and heard none. "Meredith…" He said again, a little louder. "I just… wanted to apologize if I stepped over any lines…" He said softly. "I want you to know that… you didn't step over any here… Thank you… Thank you for talking to me." He whispered, looking down to the floor he could see by her shadow that she was standing by the door. "I just wanted to thank you." He whispered again as he turned and slowly made his way back down the hallway towards his room.

Looking to the floor, he watched as the hallway slowly filled with light. He turned to the door and reached for the doorknob, glancing back to the woman standing in the doorway of the bedroom, peering out at him. "Thank you, Derek." She whispered to him, watching as he smiled just slightly at her gesture. "Have sweet dreams." She whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Meredith." He smiled softly as he watched her watch him.

"Merry Christmas, Derek." Meredith whispered back, watching as he slowly slipped into the bedroom, slowly closing the door behind him.

-----------

Meredith didn't feel like she had been sleeping too long, before she heard the sound of something that rose her completely out of a sound sleep. Loudly, coming from downstairs came the clanking sound of metal objects being smacked together. She sat up straight in bed, looking around for a moment she had to remind herself of where she was. When she heard the giggling of children and the sound of feet making their way downstairs, she grinned brightly. Slowly, she made her way to the door, pressing her ear to the wood, she listened to the sound of children whispering and giggling as they conspired of gifts and who was good or bad. She listened and smiled, when suddenly she jumped back from the door at the sound of someone knocking lightly. She thought it was one of the adults, but could tell by the location of the knock that it was much lower on the door.

She opened the door slowly, peeking down to the source of the tiny knock and smiled down at a messy haired little boy with blue eyes grinning as bright as bright could be up at her. "Merry Christmas, Meredith." Timothy smiled, his eyes twinkling with that gleam that children get on Christmas morning, and it made Meredith's heart lift to see his rosy pink cheeks and happy smile at her door.

"Merry Christmas, Timothy." She replied, watching down the hallway as some of the other children slowly made their way downstairs. "What's going on out there?" She asked curiously, watching as he looked anxiously back at everyone and then back up at Meredith.

"It's Christmas morning, silly! That's the wakeup call! We all gotta get downstairs… come on!" He exclaimed happily.

"Just let me change and…"

"No!" He laughed. "Shepherds never get dressed before the first gift is opened…" He giggled. "Hurry!" He laughed as he ran off towards the stairs, giggling and laughing as he ran along.

Meredith stood at the door, watching the joy and laughter in the little boy's face, in the skip in his step as he giggled his way down the steps with his cousins. She could feel the warmth and magical feeling seeping into her body as she stood there. She looked down at her pajama bottoms and her t-shirt, and back up again as another child made their way from the room, calling for everyone to wait up, her braids bouncing as she went, her warm pajamas providing her with a comfort. She contemplated going back into the room and changing, listening as the clanking stopped downstairs. She assumed that it meant that everyone was present and accounted for.

She felt a little empty feeling though, growing at the pit of her stomach, knowing that she was just tagging along with this family. The longer she stood there, listening to the sounds of the morning greetings at the bottom of the stairs, the more lonely and out of place she felt.

This isn't my family. Why am I smiling at this? It's not right. I have no right to be here, I am an intruder. I am an intruder, and I have to get out of here. I have to get back to the Christmas that I know, because I am only piggy backing on this beautiful Christmas. It's not fair to the Shepherds. It's not fair to the…

In mid thought, a door down the hallway opened, pulling her thoughts down there. She looked at the opening of the door and watched as someone popped their head out and looked towards the stairs. His hair was messy, standing on end, and his focus was at the stairs for a moment. She thought for a second to close the door, hide behind it, when his face turned towards her. "Morning!" He exclaimed, his grin was brighter and happier than Timothy's had been, and his eyes were filled with more mischief and wonder than the little boy's as well.

"Good Morning." She said with a tiny giggle, tilting her head, she couldn't help but grin at the happy sound in his voice.

"It's Christmas." He whispered, his face becoming serious for only a moment before it was replaced by that magical grin.

"It is." She replied, watching as he looked towards the stairs once again.

"What are you still doing up here?" He asked. 

"What are you still doing up here?" She replied.

"Some Grinch kept me up all night long." He laughed at her smile, watching the twinkle in her eye and the pink in her cheeks as she blushed in the doorway. "I'll race you downstairs…" He said with a smile.

"You're closer, it wouldn't be fair." She replied, glancing to the stairs, and back to him.

"Then come over here…come on… we can start here…" He laughed.

She grinned brightly, the sound of the children and adults downstairs was loud and happy and she couldn't help but want to be a part of it, intruder or not. She felt guilty though, standing there, wanting to be a part of this tradition that she shouldn't be a part of. "What's wrong?" He asked, watching her body language change, her smile disappear slightly.

"I should go get my car." She whispered. "I have to go." She said, turning suddenly towards the room.

"No!" He exclaimed, running down the hallway, he didn't realize how slippery the wooden floor was, and started to slide wildly towards her. "Crap…" He exclaimed as he nearly slid right into her, making her giggle as he slammed into the doorframe, if not on purpose and hard, but enough to make her laugh. He touched her arm. "You can't go." He whispered.

"Why not? I have my own Christmas to get to." She replied.

"You said that it's not worth it… you aren't appreciated… stay here…" He said, tilting his head as he smiled. "Please?" He asked.

"It is an imposition, Derek. I don't belong here."

"What about me? I haven't been here in two years… some of my own nieces and nephews don't know who I am."

"That's different." She shook her head.

"Please stay…" He said, looking into her eyes as she tried to avoid his gaze. His raven black hair was pointing in all different directions, his eyes holding a sleepy gaze, though still filled with that wonder and happiness of Christmas morning. "Please?"

"Derek?" Mrs. Shepherd's voice came from downstairs. "Derek, are you coming down?"

"I'll be right down, Mom…" He replied.

"Okay, sweetheart. Get Meredith while you're up there, will you? Tell her that we're waiting to open our gifts…" She replied.

"I'll get her." He said, his face turning as he grinned wickedly. "Mom said to get you." He said.

"I have to…" She grinned and giggled.

"I have to get you!" He exclaimed as he suddenly grabbed her gently.

"Derek!" She exclaimed, laughing uproariously as he pulled her into his arms, lifting her from the floor.

"Mom said to get you!" He exclaimed against her protests as he carried her down the hallway, feeling as she struggled only slightly, only enough to not give in completely to his strong arms as he held her against his chest.

"Put me down!" She squealed as he bounded down the steps with her in his arms, squealing and laughing as he chuckled.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, they were immediately met by the stares of the family. Everyone stopped what they were doing for a moment and watched the two young people on the stairs. As soon as they caught sight of all of the eyes on them, Derek gently lifted Meredith to the ground. They stood on the landing, staring out at the family, both of their faces bright red for the time being, their eyes holding a guilty mischief as they both tried desperately not to laugh at the family's surprise.

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Derek exclaimed, trying to dispel the stares, though he could see the smirk on everyone's face, and he knew it wasn't an uncomfortable stare. He could tell that it was a cautious, grin worthy stare filled with curiosity and happiness. He glanced to Meredith and could tell immediately that she was feeling uncomfortable, all of the eyes on both of them. "What are you all looking at? Mom told me to get Meredith…" He shook his head. He grabbed her hand and tugged, walking down the stairs with a laugh, he headed towards the Christmas tree. "Where are my presents?" he laughed as all of the children converged on their favorite uncle, and the real Christmas morning could begin.

------------------

Derek muscled his way through the throng of children attacking him for hugs and kisses, pretending that he was climbing a mountain as he laughed and chuckled, tripping his way across the room to the large red chair where Santa had been sitting the night before. One by one, the children climbed atop him, over him, around him, laughing and giggling as Derek asked them all how they had been and if they were excited for Christmas. Each and every one of them had a grin so bright and so happy, and Derek was taking it all in.

Meredith stood to the side, her giggles mixed with everyone else's as she sat down quietly against the wall away from everything, also taking in the sights and festivities within a distance. She looked up when she saw Bethany approaching her, and suddenly felt nervous after the display that had occurred just moments before when she was in Derek's arms, though she was grateful when she sat beside her and only asked her if she'd like a cup of coffee. Meredith accepted politely and Bethany made her way towards the kitchen as Meredith continued to scan the room.

Mrs. Shepherd was making herself busy by the tree, arranging gifts as Michael, Neil, Joseph, and Justin brought their share of children's gifts to their wife's side where the children could open the gifts when they were ready. Joann was tending to her little one, while Nancy wiped her daughter's runny nose and checked a bump on her head that she had gotten when she was roughhousing with the other children. Kathleen was standing over her brother taking pictures as the children climbed over him as everyone laughed and giggled happily.

The cheer was interrupted for only a moment when the telephone rang, and Michael reached for it as he leaned over a table beside the tree. He smiled as he said his greeting, and listened carefully as he talked to the person on the other line. His face was suddenly serious and Meredith noticed that he had glanced to her as he talked. He nodded his head, speaking a few more things as he visibly tried to remain calm. Meredith knew that Michael had called the sheriff's office of the town where she had left her car, and she could only assume that this was regarding her car. She sighed at the thought of her car being stuck in a snow bank somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and for a moment wondered what would have come of her if she had just stayed there. It was a ratty old Jeep, but it was her car.

Michael glanced up and watched Meredith watch him on the phone. "Meredith... it's the sheriff's office about your car." He said, holding the phone out. She stood up and walked carefully across the room, though for some reason, she was getting a nervous feeling in her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was just in her head, or the way Michael was looking at her. He had sort of a cringed look on his face, as if something was really bugging him as he handed her the phone, and she could have sworn that she heard him whisper 'sorry' as she took the receiver.

Derek watched as Meredith took the phone beside the tree. He tried not to make it too obvious as he tickled his nieces and nephews and talked with them animatedly. He watched as she said something into the phone, her face suddenly gone pale. He watched as her eyes began to fill with tears, her hands started to tremble. She sat down on one of the chairs, talking softly into the phone as she attempted to calm her nerves, and after a few moments, she turned and put the phone on the receiver. She stared at the floor for a moment and looked up, her eyes meeting his for just a moment as he shifted his nephew to his other knee. Her face was flushed suddenly as she stood up and moved quickly towards the stairs.

"You stay right here, buddy… I need to go do something quickly…I'll be right back…" Derek said softly as he set his nephew on the chair, gave one of his nieces a peck on the cheek and made his way quickly through the room over gifts and followed Meredith up the stairs. He took the steps two at a time, and everyone's eyes followed him as he disappeared into the hallway upstairs.

He rounded the corner and walked towards the bedroom that Meredith had been staying in, but stopped short when he passed the bathroom. From within, he could hear the sound of her crying softly. He lifted his hand to knock, and suddenly, the door opened, and he was flung inside the bathroom, pulled inside by his arm.

"Geez…" Derek said as he turned quickly, though stopping what he was going to say as soon as he saw the look on her face. "What happened?"

"My… car…" She whispered, her voice desperate as she shook her head.

"What about it? What happened?"

"It's totaled." She whimpered, covering her mouth with her hand as soon as she had seen it.

"Totaled?" Derek asked, his mouth wide in surprise.

"Snowplow…" She whispered. "A snow plow came down the road about an hour after I was picked up by Michael… and it smashed into my car… it totaled it… it's at a tow yard nearby where it happened… Derek… my car was totaled…" She said softly, looking at the stranger as she shook her head. "Nevermind… just… nevermind, why am I even telling you this? I don't know you… I don't even know what I'm… I need to get out of here…" She said as she turned and stormed out of the bathroom, running down the hallway, she turned the corner to the bedroom to get her things. She pulled off her t-shirt as she entered the room, rummaging through her bag to find some clothes, she looked up when the door opened. "Getting dressed here!" She exclaimed, watching as he walked back out the door and stood with the door open just a little.

"Meredith, you don't have to leave…"

"Yes I do." She said as she pulled a sweater from her bag. She threw it over her head as she rummaged through for clean underwear.

"No you don't… I can take you wherever you want to go…" He replied as he listened to her angrily shoving her pajamas into her bag.

"Oh… that's a great idea… I think I'm going to not only impose on people on their beautiful Christmas day… but I'm going to force their son, brother, uncle… whatever… that they haven't seen for longer than five minutes in two years… and I've never met…to Boston so that my mother can ream me out about leaving my car on the side of the road in the middle of a snowstorm… oh… that sounds like a great idea… I would rather hitchhike… be murdered and then I won't have to deal with this…" She babbled on as she pulled on her clean underwear and grabbed her jeans, leaning on the bed, tipping backwards, she pulled them up onto her legs and over her hips, zipping them and buttoning them, she sprang up.

"Meredith… can I come in now?" He asked.

"I'm still naked." She muttered as she continued to shove her things in her bag. She grabbed her coat and fling it over her shoulders, shoving her arms into the sleeves, she stomped to the door and swung the door open.

"You're not naked."

"Nice deduction, Sherlock." Meredith mumbled as she stalked past him and towards the stairs.

"Meredith… you can't leave…please…"

"I can leave… I have to leave… I've imposed enough… I can find a ride to a bus stop or a… taxi… or whatever… but I can't stay here any longer." She mumbled as she bounded down the stairs quickly, her bag bouncing on her back as she headed down the stairs. Derek followed her down the steps as she headed towards the door. Everyone's eyes were on the two of them as the door opened. "Mrs. Shepherd… everyone… thank you for a wonderful Christmas… Thank you very much…" She smiled as she pulled her boots onto her feet.

"Meredith…" Mrs. Shepherd said as she headed towards the door, Derek standing beside her as he continued to beg her to stay. "Meredith, please don't go…"

"I should go… I really should go… I appreciate your hospitality and everything… and… and… I just…" She whispered as she started to panic, seeing all of the faces popping up in the doorway from the family room, their eyes showing concern as she anxiously stuttered. "Have a Merry Christmas… thank you." She muttered as she swung the door opened and walked out onto the porch and down the stairs. When she reached the bottom step, she realized that the front walk had yet to be shoveled, and there had been quite a snowfall when she had been sleeping. She stepped right into the snow, feeling the cold wetness of it seep into her jeans as she stood there nearly knee deep in it.

You have got to be kidding me!

Meredith was determined to get somewhere, though, and was frustrated and embarrassed and very upset. She stomped through the snow, down the walk to the driveway, freshly plowed, she was happy to have gotten that far as she started to walk briskly down the long, long driveway.

"Meredith!"

Doesn't he ever give up?

Meredith picked up the pace and Derek continued to call to her as she walked quicker and quicker down the driveway.

"Meredith, wait!" He exclaimed as he finally caught up with her.

She swung around and glared at him. "I have to go… it's cold out here, and I just want to get somewhere warm."

"You can…"

"Not there… I don't want to do this… alright? Just let me go… okay? You don't know me… I don't know you… so let's make it much easier and let me just get somewhere on my own, or freeze to death in the process." She growled.

"My mother will kill me if I don't bring you back to the house." Derek replied.

"Your mother will kill you?"

"Yes." Derek said, a slight smirk on his face as he nodded.

"And if I refuse?"

"I'll be dead… you'll be dead… and I don't want either of those…"

"So… what are you saying?" She asked, giving him an irritated glare as she watched him take a step forward towards her.

"That means I'm going to lift you up and bring you back to the house if I have to."

"No you won't!" She exclaimed.

"Oh… I will…" He said with a grin as he watched her back up a little more, turning on her heel, she started to run.

"I can run faster than you!" He exclaimed as he ran after her.

"No you can't! Stop chasing me!" She exclaimed as she suddenly lost her footing on the slippery drive.

"I will stop chasing you when you stop running!" he exclaimed, sliding onto his butt, he slid down onto the ground right behind her and as she fell down, she landed directly on top of his body, her body crashing into his as he grabbed her around the waist. "GOT YOU!"

"LET GO!" She exclaimed, her scream actually a giggle as she struggled to get away from him, yanking and pulling at his arms as he held her securely.

"Agree that you'll go back to the house." He groaned, his back hurting as he lay there on the icy cold ground.

"No!"

"Tell me that you'll go back to the house!" He exclaimed.

"No! No! No! No!" She screamed, giggling as she struggled.

"Stop playing hard to get!" he exclaimed, suddenly feeling her body relax against his, her struggling ceasing.

"That was a cheap shot." She said, out of breath, warm from her struggle on the ice.

"My ass is freezing…" he muttered.

"You're the cowboy here…" She replied, trying to catch her breath, she felt his grip loosen as she rolled off him onto her stomach on the ground.

"Please come back." He said softly. "Where else do you have to go? Your car is totaled and you don't want to see your mother… please… impose on a family full of strangers if it means you won't be lonely, sad… and alone…"

"You just don't want to be alone." She said, raising her eyebrows as he stood up and held his hand out to her.

"Maybe…" He smiled. "Maybe I don't want to be alone…but why can't we be alone together?" He asked as she grasped his hand and stood up, pulling her hand from his.

"Derek…"

"Please?"

"What do I do about my car?" She pouted.

"We'll figure that out… after Christmas…" He said, watching her sad face. He reached out with his hand and touched her chin, bringing her eyes to meet his. "It's too late to do anything… and no one is around on Christmas day… I promise… that I will help you get home, get back to school, get anywhere you want after today… but in the meantime, you're going to have to pretend you're happy to be here with me."

"With your family." She corrected as she crossed her arms over her chest, giving him a faux suspicious look.

"No… with me… they have them… we're alone together… remember?" He asked.

"Alone together…"

"Yep." He grinned holding his hand out to her. "Please…" He said softly once again, watching as her eyes searched his.

"Alright…" She sighed, shaking her head as she took his hand softly and let him lead her back towards the house.

"Oh…" Derek said as he turned his eyes towards her. "It really wasn't my mother's idea for me to come find you…" He shrugged. "It was mine."

She looked up into his eyes and gave him a smirk, shaking her head. "I kind of figured…" She said with a tiny giggle as she tightened her grip on his hand and walked with him back towards the house.

--------------

Walking back to the house together, Derek could feel her arm tensing up as they neared the door. "I can't go back in there…" She whispered, stopping as they continued up the driveway.

"Meredith…"

"No… Derek… I embarrassed myself. I ran out of there like an idiot. I can't go in there…"

"Trust me Meredith…they've already forgotten…"

"Trust you… trust you? You want me to trust you… I don't even know you, and you keep telling me to trust you!" She exclaimed as she began to pace in the driveway.

"I don't really know you, but I know you're high maintenance." He smirked as he watched her stop pacing and glare at him. He laughed out loud at the expression on her face and shook his head.

"I am not high maintenance!" She exclaimed.

"No… you're stubborn… and if you're stubborn, you're not going to think anything of what my family thinks of you… so let's go inside…before my feet fall off." He said, indicating his feet.

"You're wearing slippers!" She exclaimed, watching his toes wiggle out of the front of them.

"Yes… very wet slippers now…" He said as he held his hand out to her again. "Let's go…"

"Why would you wear slippers?" She asked as she grabbed his hand and walked with him up the driveway.

"I didn't have time to get my boots on, you're too fast…" He said with a chuckle as they got to the walk. They looked at the snow and before Meredith could say another word, he lifted her up with a squeal and carried her through the snow, up the steps and deposited her on the porch.

"What is with you and carrying women around… do you have a caveman complex or something?"

"Hush before I hit you with my club…" He winked as he opened the door for her and they both stepped inside.

Stepping inside from the cold, they found the same happiness and cheer that had been there when they had left. The children were starting to open their gifts, and all of the parents were sitting around in the family room laughing and talking. Derek kicked his slippers off and helped Meredith with her coat as he nodded his head towards the family room.

As she entered the room, with Derek right behind her, Timothy looked up and grinned. "Meredith! Look what Santa brought me!" He exclaimed, holding up a fire truck in both hands as she smiled.

"That's great, Timothy…" She smiled softly as she watched Derek watch her.

Bethany came around from the side of her and handed her a cup of coffee. "Here you go…" She smiled as she nodded towards the couch, where there were two seats left. "You guys can get that spot…" She smirked at her brother, who shook his head as he placed his hand on Meredith's back lightly, leading her towards the couch. He carefully took her coffee for her so that she could get situated on the couch, and handed it to her as he sat beside her, and they continued to watch the joy and happiness of the children opening their Christmas gifts.

--------------

The gifts were opened and the children played, giggled, laughed and napped as Mrs. Shepherd and her four daughters made their way to the kitchen to put the finishing touches on dinner. Derek sat with his brothers in law and talked happily about this and that while Meredith sat awkwardly beside him, beginning to feel wholly out of place. She was fidgeting with her fingers, listening to one of the children's tales of Christmas while she bit her bottom lip.

"Meredith?" Nancy called from the kitchen door. "Why don't you come on into the kitchen…we're all in here, you can help too if you want." She smiled happily, seeing the girl look nervously at her.

"They won't bite." Derek whispered from beside her, and jumped when she pinched his leg lightly. "Ow…" He whispered, giving her a faux dirty look as she smirked at him. "Go on…"

"But I'm not…"

"You said you wanted a family like this… go on… go pretend you're a part of it." He nodded towards the kitchen.

The little girl on her lap climbed down onto the floor, and began to play with one of her dolls as Meredith started to stand up. As she turned to walk to the kitchen, she felt Derek grab her arm and pull her towards him. She leaned down and chills ran down her spine as she felt his hot breath against her skin. "They're going to ask you for details." He whispered.

"Details of what?" She asked, turning her head to face him, giving him an incredulous look.

"You know what… give them what they want." He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"You're ridiculous." She shook her head as she pulled her hand slowly from his, gave him a sly grin and walked towards the kitchen. He watched as she disappeared through the kitchen door and immediately noticed that all of his brothers in law were looking at him. 

"What?" He asked, his cheeks turning red as he glanced around at them.

"You like her…" Michael laughed.

"Shut up…" Derek replied. "She's alone at Christmas… her car was totaled… it was a bad day, I am just being nice." He replied, shaking his head.

"Derek… you can't be serious… the way that you're looking at her…" Neil shook his head.

"What is this, a hair salon? I have to tell you all of the gossip going on around the street? Can we talk about something else, please?" Derek asked with an embarrassed sigh, the smirk still not leaving his face.

"Just tell me… are you going to make a move?" Joseph asked, leaning in and nudging Derek.

"Alright…no… no, I have absolutely no interest in the long lost girl from wherever. I'm being polite… we are dropping that conversation… starting now." Derek replied, giving them all a serious look.

"Denial!" Michael laughed as the other men laughed as well.

------

Meredith stepped into the kitchen shyly, smiling at the five women who were standing around doing various things to prepare for dinner. She smiled and sighed slightly, still feeling that tingle from Derek's touch on her fingertips. "What can I help with…?" She smiled softly, glancing around at the women as they looked up and smiled happily.

"Well… the dishes are up there in that cupboard, Meredith…" Mrs. Shepherd replied, pointing to a cupboard. "The children get the smaller dishes, and their table is set up at the end of the dining room… and the adults get the larger dishes with the holly design on it… salad bowls… and the silver is in the case on the wall over there." She smiled as she watched the girl nod, a smile on her face that made her smile herself.

Meredith walked over to the cupboard and began to pull plates out from the cupboard, doing as she had been told with the smaller plates and the larger plates, and moved them towards the dining room. She returned for napkins and silver, lighting the candles as she had been asked and talking candidly with the other women in the kitchen.

"So… you and Derek seemed very comfortable last night." Kathleen said softly, glancing over to Meredith as she pulled wine glasses from the cupboard.

"He talked to me when I couldn't sleep." She replied, nodding softly. "I just… felt a little awkward being in a home that I didn't belong in." She shrugged softly.

"Dear…" Mrs. Shepherd says turning around. "I invited you into my home… you belong here… please… stop feeling as if it is an imposition… you are a smart, articulated young woman… and I can tell that Derek likes you very much. I think he enjoys your company." She pointed out.

"Derek is nice." She replied, taking the glasses in her hands to the dining room. She set them up and returned to the kitchen.

"Will you be going ice skating with us after dinner?" Bethany asked softly as she glanced to her sister.

"Ice skating?" Meredith whispered. "I've never been ice skating before…"

"Every Christmas night we go to the town square to go ice skating… there'll be rental skates there… you're more than welcome to join us." Kathleen replied.

"Of course she's going to join us." Mrs. Shepherd replied.

"I… guess I'm going ice skating." Meredith shrugged with a giggle as she stood against the cupboard.

"Good." Nancy smiled. "I'm sure Derek will be more than willing to teach you how to ice skate." She winked with a giggle as Meredith shook her head, her cheeks turning bright red as she grinned.

"Alright… I think dinner is all ready." Mrs. Shepherd said with a smile as she pulled the turkey from the oven.

"I'll go gather the natives…" Joann giggled as she shook her head and laughed, walking out towards the family room.

----------------------

Dinner was set up on the table, and parents lifted, carried, ushered, and convinced their children into their chairs as they all sat down at the long dining room table that was set up. The turkey was placed at the table on the end, and Mrs. Shepherd sat at her seat at the other end of the table. Meredith watched carefully as everyone came into the room slowly. Husbands pulled chairs out for their wives, children begged their parents for a spot at the adult table and babies were lined up in their high chairs, happy to have a toy or a bowl with cereal in it while everyone else prepared to sit down for dinner.

She watched the candles on the table, the flickering of the flame as they methodically licked away at the candle wick, sending silent streams of wax cascading down the sides of the long tapered candles. She watched the colors of the table cloth and how the red and green of the trim was laced delicately around it, as if whoever had made it, did so with such care and love. She was so engrossed in the happiness of the family's preparation, that she hadn't even realized that everything was just about ready. She didn't move until she felt a slight pressure on her right shoulder. She looked to the right and Derek stood there with a kind smile as he carefully took her hand. His eyes remained on hers completely as he reached out gently and pulled the chair out for her.

"Thank you." She said, watching as his eyes sparkled again, his eyes winking slightly as he helped pull the chair in for her now, seating her comfortably in her chair. He then took a step to her left and pulled the chair beside her, the chair on the end of the table, out slightly so that he could prepare to sit down.

Derek stood before his family, the hungry bunch of happy people as they giggled, laughed, joked and smiled. He felt bad for becoming solemn all of a sudden, and Meredith could see the look in his face was solid and determined. She knew what he was about to do, just by the way he stood there at the end of the table. He attempted to recite his words in his head before he let them spill from his lips, and she could see that every word that was emitted would be an important one.

"Alright everyone… okay…" He said as everyone started to quiet, watching as Derek stood at the end, looking down the long table at his family. "Alright everyone." He said once again, attempting to gain their attention. "Okay…" He smiled, carefully taking his glass, but not before smiling down at Meredith as she looked up at him with an expectant and supportive gaze. He smiled softly as he watched as everyone reached for their glass. "I would like to offer a toast…" He said softly as he watched his mother watch on proudly. Her son was now carrying on a tradition that her husband had always thought important, reflection on friends and family during Christmas dinner, was one of his favorite things, and she watched as her son stood before them all with her husband's eyes, her husband's smile, and her husband's stance.

"My father… our father… dad… he… unfortunately… could not be here this year to celebrate this wondrous time of year with us." Derek said softly, trying to stay strong. "He would stand here… year after year and hold his glass in the air for minutes at time… babbling on about the time of year… how beautiful everything was covered in snow… and how much he looked forward to the coming year…. He would comment on the weather…the beauty of mom…" Derek grinned. "He would make sure everyone understood and knew… how absolutely in love with his family he was. He would make sure that everyone understood how this time of year was special to him… how you all touched his heart, touched his soul… touched his mind every moment of every day." He whispered, his eyes catching his mother's as he smiled. He could feel the teardrops in his eyes.

"I… told myself… that I wouldn't cry today… when I did this toast." He said, glancing to Meredith. "I know that some of you here… don't do crying…" He laughed a little as he watched Meredith laugh. He looked up and panned the room again. "But I think I'll tell you… something that someone who has a different perspective on things told me… She told me that… I can cry… if I want… I can cry if I want to… to mourn the passing of my father and his traditions and his love for the holiday season… or… or I can carry on those traditions. I can love… honor… and take those traditions and hold them near and dear to my heart. I can cradle those memories in my arms… as I will my own child some day… and lift those memories to the top of the Christmas tree each year when I put the star at the top." He said as he let a tear fall. "Christmas… is about the past." He sighed. "It's about… the future…" He said, nodding towards his nieces and nephews… "But most importantly… it's about the present… and how it would be a shame if we let it pass by without taking a pause for those who are in our past… and in… our future." He whispered, glancing down at Meredith, seeing the slow tear rolling down her cheek. "So… without further adieu… and without further explanation… I wish to toast my father… Richard Shepherd… may he live in our past… our present… and in the future…" He said as he held up his glass, smiling as he and the rest of the family clinked their glasses, complimenting Derek on his sentiment.

As the table livened up, and the toasting was complete, Derek sat back in his chair and let out a big breath. With the attention off of him now, he relaxed in his chair, watching as everyone passed around the different parts of the meal. He was about to reach for the bowl of mashed potatoes, when he felt a hand on his. He turned his head to see Meredith smiling at him. "That was a very nice thing you did…" She whispered.

"Thank you, Meredith." He smiled softly, watching her smile at the sparkle in his eye as he kept his eyes on hers as he served himself his Christmas meal.

---------------

When dinner was finished and the conversation slowed down slightly, the men all stood up to help clear the table. They gathered the plates and leftovers, wrapping everything quickly as the women sat around the table, accepting coffee and tea from them as they carried them in as the dishes were washed. It didn't take long for some of the children to stand up and lean on their mother's arms.

"Are we gonna go soon?" Mary asked as she tugged on her mother's arm. 

"We'll go soon, why don't you and the other kids go get your boots and coats ready… and then we'll get going…" Nancy said softly as she watched the little girl perk up as she ran off to announce to her cousins that it was just about time to go.

Meredith watched as all of the women stood up and started to prepare the children for their trip to the ice skating rink. She smiled as they bundled them all up really well, listening to their laughter as they giggled about Santa and all of the gifts that they had gotten, along with how excited they were about going ice skating.

"So who are you riding with?" A voice came from beside her as a hand touched her shoulder. She turned her head to face a now familiar sly smile.

"I was thinking that I would be going with Michael's family… Timothy asked me to sit next to him on the way there." She said with a smirk as she looked over to the little boy grinning from the doorway. He gave her a bit of a surprised look and watched as she walked away from his hand, towards the little boy.

"Oh… Slam…" Michael laughed, giving Derek a bit of a punch on the arm as he watched Derek get a smirk on his face. "Put into your place by my own seven year old son… Derek… I'm disappointed…" Michael laughed.

Derek smirked and leaned into Michael. "You being a podiatrist may come in handy one of these days, Michael… you may need your expertise to figure out how to get my foot out of your ass…" He chuckled.

"Oh man… you're getting nasty now… not only were you turned down for a seven year old… you're jealous of him… you have got it so bad for that girl…" Michael teased, watching as Derek shook his head and laughed, walking towards Meredith and Timothy.

She was leaning down helping him with his jacket, talking softly to him as he smiled at her. Derek approached her slowly, standing above them. "Hi Uncle Derek." Timothy grinned up at him.

"Hey buddy." He grinned, his smile flashing to Meredith as well.

"What are you smiling about?" Meredith asked, watching him almost suspiciously as she pulled the little boy's hat up onto his head.

"Oh… I was just thinking about how cute of a couple you two make." He said as he watched Timothy's eyes raise to him quickly.

"Couple?" Timothy asked.

"Derek?" Meredith asked, a bit of a laugh in her voice.

"Oh yes… It's nice to see that you found yourself a girlfriend at this early of an age, Timothy… it's kind of cute, actually." Derek remarked.

"Meredith isn't my girlfriend!" He exclaimed, getting a few looks from other family members as he took a step back.

"Could have fooled me… you're all over her… next thing I know, you're going to be kissing her and going out on dates with her… and then you'll marry her and have lots of babies together." Derek went on and on as the little boy's face cringed more and more.

"Ew, ew, ew!" Timothy exclaimed. He looked up at Meredith, whose face was holding one of shock and surprise and back to his uncle, whose smirk was one filled with mischief. His eyes were sparkling as she suddenly glared at him.

"I'm just saying that you make a very cute couple… and I hope that I can be invited to the wedding…"

"Meredith… I don't think we should sit next to eachother in the car." Timothy said nervously as he turned and went to find his father.

"You…" Meredith turned and growled at Derek.

"What?" He asked innocently, backing up as he watched her take a step towards him.

"You…" She growled again, pointing her finger at him, she poked him in the chest as he backed up further, both were aware of many of the family members watching the altercation and neither cared. "You… you… you…. You…" She stammered as she backed him up against the wall, her finger pressed against his chest hard, poking into his sternum as she gave him an angry growl.

"You know… in some countries…" Derek said, a smirk on his face. "This is considered foreplay." He whispered, bending his face down to hers so that his nose was virtually touching hers, and his eyes were looking directly into hers.

"Argh!" She exclaimed, turning quickly, she followed many of the family members out of the door and into the driveway, leaving Derek and his giggling self against the wall in the hallway.

Meredith stood in the driveway outside as everyone poured from the house, one at a time, they all made their way towards their cars, buckling children and babies into their seats, smiling, laughing, and talking as they went. When Derek stepped from the house, she glared at him the entire time he made his way to his car, a devilish smirk on his face that she couldn't help but shake her head to. She watched for a few seconds, and she felt someone touch her shoulder. She smiled as Mrs. Shepherd smiled at her. "Would you mind going with Derek, dear?" She asked softly.

"Hm?" Meredith asked, unsure if she had heard her correctly. She turned her face to see the older woman smiling.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble… I was going to ride with Michael… Derek offered to take you along." She replied softly.

"Um… um… yeah… sure…" She said, her voice stuttering a bit. She didn't want to decline Mrs. Shepherd, it wouldn't be her place, so she smiled politely and turned towards Derek's car. She walked towards it and reached for the handle on the passenger side. Before she could open it, another hand appeared beside hers. She looked up, and there he was, grinning brightly beside her.

"Let me take care of that for you." He said with a wicked smile, the playfulness in his eyes was reflecting and beautiful, yet she refused to play into it as she allowed him to open the door for her.

"Thank you." She whispered, carefully climbing into the car, she watched as his eyes became concerned for a moment, wondering if he had crossed the line with the whole Timothy thing. She flashed him a small smile, the kind that made her eyes sparkle in just the right way, a mischievous secret smile that she knew he would catch, and suddenly his eyes lit back up again, and he smiled a little as he closed the door for her. She watched as he walked around the car, climbing in silently, he started it up and turned around to follow the other cars from the driveway.

He raised his arm to the back of the seat, looking out the rear window of the car as he turned it carefully, and when he was ready to follow the other cars, he let his hand fall slowly and gently to her shoulder, where he looked her in the eyes and smiled, before making his way down the driveway behind his family, his hand sliding softly down her arm where his hand again asked politely for admittance into hers, and was warmly invited in.


	3. Christmas Day Pt 2

Chapter 3- Christmas Day- Pt. 2

The trip to the ice skating rink was in silence. It was a comfortable silence, but silent nonetheless. They followed the troupe of Shepherds down the long driveway and through the streets of Christmas lights and lightly fallen snow. She wiggled her fingers lightly in his grasp, feeling his warm hand grasp hers tighter, assuring that his grip was solid. She watched out the windshield, totally aware that his gaze kept shifting to her beside him, to their hands, and then back to the road.

He smiled softly as they pulled into the parking lot of the outdoor rink, the ice was less than busy with a few Christmas day skaters, only to be multiplied by the number as the Shepherd clan pulled in. Everyone had their own skates and mothers and fathers both helped to secure the skates and help their wobbly children to the ice as Derek and Meredith sat silently in the car looking out at them all.

"I don't know how to skate." She whispered.

"Neither do I." Derek said, glancing to her with a small smile.

"You know how to skate… don't give me that…" She said, giving him a sideways glance.

"Okay… I… may be able to skate… but I said I couldn't so that you wouldn't feel bad." He smiled as he watched her shake her head. "What?" He asked with a humored smile as she watched him.

"You don't have to try to impress me…" She said with a tiny giggle.

"Meredith… I do believe that you have made me blush." Derek laughed as he touched his face.

"Just get out of the stupid car and help me figure out how to make a total ass out of myself in front of your family…" She shook her head and laughed as she opened the door and climbed out.

"Okay…" He laughed, unbuckling his seatbelt and climbing out of the car himself.

He walked around the car and followed her as she walked towards the rink. Some of the Shepherd children were already out on the ice, showing off their ice skating skills as they skated in circles, and around the beautiful outdoor rink. Meredith walked to the edge and leaned slightly on the Plexiglas walls as she watched the children skate expertly around the rink. She looked up at the Christmas tree, standing high and bright at the other end of the rink, looming delicately over the brightly lit ice. "You come here every Christmas?" Meredith asked, watching as Derek walked up along side her, leaning against the wall as well.

"Every Christmas that I've been home." He said softly, chuckling as one of his nephews slid onto his butt on the ice, laughing as his sister helped him stand back up again.

"So you're pretty good at ice skating…?" She asked suspiciously.

"I'm alright…" he shrugged, watching as her eyes met his mischievous gaze.

"You're being modest…" She smirked. "You're being modest and it's killing me… did you take ice ballet or something?" She asked, laughing out loud at the disgusted look on his face, followed by a grin.

"Hockey…" He said, sticking his tongue out at her. "I played ice hockey…" He shook his head. "Ice ballet…" He mumbled in a disapproving tone as he chuckled. "Let's get you some skates…" He said as he reached for her hand.

She looked up into his eyes for a moment and down at his hand again. Her eyes lifted to his and she giggled a little as she reached for his hand, letting her hand become tightened in his grip. "How did you get to be so charming?" She asked softly as she tilted her head and smiled softly.

"I learned at an early age that a way to a woman's heart is through laughter and politeness." He replied as he led her towards the building where the rental skates were stored.

"Wait… wait…" She said, tugging back on his hand, turning him around to face her for a moment. "If that's true… then why aren't you already snatched up? If you have already figured out the way to a woman's heart, why aren't you taken already?"

"Because I had never found anyone who had a laugh that I couldn't live without… a smile that could just… warm the coldest heart… a giggle that could send shivers down my spine." He replied, tugging her hand. "Now are we going to go get those stupid skates, or do I have to throw you over my shoulder again?" He asked with a smile.

"Lead the way, Igor…" She laughed, watching his eyes sparkle happily as they walked towards the building together.

----------------------

"Alright…" Derek said as he looked up at her sitting on the bench as he knelt before her. "I'm going to tie these really tight… just let me know if it's too tight, alright?" he said as he watched her nod her head as he expertly laced up the boot of the ice skate. "You want to make sure your ankles are secure and safe…"

"So when I fall on my butt, they don't snap like twigs…" She replied, watching him give her a sly smile and shake his head.

"You're not going to fall… you're going to do fine…" He smiled. "The little ones can skate, you'll be able to skate too…" He replied.

"Oh… so… that's supposed to make me feel better… the children that are much younger than you have more experience, so they're not going to be falling… it's the big klutz on the ice we're going to have to worry about."

"Oh hush… You're not big…" He laughed at her faux shocked look as he grabbed hold of her other foot. "You have very cute feet, by the way." He said as he slid the other skate on her foot. He looked up at her with a sly grin and watched her cheeks turn crimson. "What?" He asked, shaking his head. "You do…" He shrugged as he tied up the other boot tightly.

"Derek Shepherd…" Meredith said with a smile. "I do believe that you're flirting with me." She grinned, watching as his face turned crimson as well.

"Be that as it may…" He said with a sly grin as he stood up before her, holding his hand out to her. "I only speak the truth… and your feet… my dear… may not be the only cute thing about you."

She shook her hand and laughed, grasping his hand as she stood up on the ice skates, a bit wobbly at first. "If you don't stop it with the sweetness, I may sink into the sugar that you've poured onto the floor…" She giggled as he held her tightly in his embrace, walking expertly on his own skates.

"Tight enough?" He asked, glancing into her eyes as he stopped them.

"Your grip on me is just fine… thank you." She laughed.

"I meant the skates." He replied, turning to face her as he ignored the snickers and looks from his family as the exited the building and were making their way towards the ice.

"I know what you meant." She giggled, looking up into his eyes.

"Where are your mittens?" He asked.

"Right here." She said, pulling her mittens from her pockets. She showed them to him and grinned like a little girl.

"Well, a lot of good they're doing in your pockets…" He said, snatching them from her grip, he gave her a wide eyed expression as he held the first one open for her hand. She slid her hand in slowly, her eyes never leaving his as her fingertips entered the warm confines of the mitten. "There… fits like a glove…" he said with a little sparkle in his eye as she smiled at him, sliding her other hand into the warmth of the other mitten.

"Alright…" She said as she smiled softly, averting her gaze for a moment. "I think I'm ready…" She said, glancing around him to see all of the children skating expertly around the ice, some of the littler ones with their parents helping them along as Derek's mother sat beside the rink with a cup of hot cocoa, her eyes glancing now and then to her son and his new friend.

"You think you're ready… you have to be sure you're ready…" He laughed.

"Don't pressure me Derek… I'm not so sure that I know what I've gotten myself into just yet…" She said, smiling sweetly at him as he wrapped his arms around her once again and helped her towards the ice.

-------------------

Derek held her securely as they walked towards the ice rink, and with every step, he could feel her gripping him tighter and tighter. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, trying not to make her feel that she had to do it.

"I don't know yet." She whispered.

"It's alright… just… let's take it slowly, alright?" He whispered, feeling her grip loosen just slightly as the reached the steps to the rink. Carefully, he let her grab hold of the small railing on the steps, and lower herself down one step, then the second to the ice. She stepped gingerly and looked up at Derek. Her smile widened to a grin as her eyes sparkled.

"I'm doing it." She laughed.

"Well… you're getting closer." He laughed as he stepped down onto the ice faster, skating around her to her other side effortlessly.

"Show off." She grumbled with a little laugh.

"That's not him showing off…" Joann said as she skated up to the two of them. "Derek… go take a spin around the rink… I'll stay here with Meredith…"

"It's alright." Derek said, shaking his head, smiling as his sister gave him a little push.

"Go on…" She shooed him away.

"Yeah…" Meredith said, her cheeks turning pink with the cool wind as she glanced to Joann. "I don't want to keep you from your fun… let every one else take turns holding me up…" She laughed as Joann laughed with her.

Derek shook his head and chuckled. "I'll be right back…" He said with a laugh. He pointed to his sister and raised his eyebrows. "I promised her that she wouldn't fall." He said, his voice almost a warning as he quickly started to skate backwards, his eyes directly on hers.

"How are you doing?" Joann asked, watching as Meredith's eyes seemed to reflect a nervous feeling all of a sudden.

"I'm alright…" Meredith said, flashing a smile.

"I was really sorry to hear about your car… It sounds like it's pretty bad…" She cringed slightly.

"Yeah…" Meredith shook her head.

"Listen… if you need anything… just let us know, alright… Neil is a mechanic… he probably has some used cars at his shop if you needed something to drive or whatever… and you know, we'll take you to school or home or anything if you need anything…"

"Why are you all so nice to me?" Meredith asked. "I haven't asked for anything, yet you are all so nice, inviting… giving…"

"You've been nothing but sweet to our family, Meredith… and you seem to be enjoying yourself. You deserved to have a good Christmas… just like everyone else." Joann smiled. She looked up and laughed at her brother, skating circles around one of his sisters as she tried to make her way around the rink. "Look at that little brat…" She laughed.

"What is he doing?" Meredith giggled.

"When we were younger, Nancy was always the worst skater… he'd spin circles around her telling her that he was going to push her down." Joann laughed. "He has never pushed her… but she usually lunges at him at some point, and falls."

Derek looked up as he spun another circle, glancing over at the two of them. He had a sheepish smile on his face as he skated expertly in their direction. "Here we go…" Meredith laughed.

"What?" Derek asked, out of breath. His nose was red and cold and he smiled as he looked between Meredith and Joann.

"Meredith wants to know if you're going to taunt her when she goes around the rink like you do to Nancy." Joann asked.

"Oh… no… never." Derek said with a laugh, nearly sarcastic, though he was being sincere.

"Well… I'm going to let you two… be… I guess…" Joann laughed as she smiled at Meredith and gave her brother a light punch on his shoulder that he understood the meaning of, and went on her way to check on her kids.

"So are you going to taunt me?" Meredith asked, watching as he just looked from her feet to her eyes slowly.

"No." He said with a smile. "I would never…Are you ready?" He asked.

"Ready?" She asked. "I thought I was doing it." Meredith teased with a laugh.

"Here… take my hand." He said, holding his hand out to her. She reached forward and grasped it tightly, her other hand firmly on the side. "Now give me your other hand." He said as he held his other hand to her. She gave him a suspicious look and after a moment, reached her hand to him. "I'll… go backwards… you go forwards…"

"How do I… go…?" She asked.

"See the little ridges at the front of your skate… push off those…"

"Oh…" She whispered as she stood there, holding his hands for a moment.

"Don't stare at your feet." He smiled. "Look at me."

"You."

"Mm…. hmm… me… just watch me…"

"Awfully vain of you, Derek." Meredith giggled as Derek pushed back a little, taking her with him slowly.

"What can I say?" He asked with a small laugh. "I like to look good…" He said, watching her blush a little, his smile so bright that his eyes narrowed slightly, the colors of the Christmas tree above them shining down brightly. "Watch my eyes…" He whispered softly as he pushed back a little more, gliding them softly across the ice.

"I'm doing it." She whispered.

"You are…" Derek smiled.

"I'm ice skating…" She laughed.

"You're ice skating." He said, feeling her feet move in front of him as he glided them along. The children and his sisters and brother in laws were all skating quickly past him, but the only thing that he could see was the beautiful eyes staring straight into him. He suddenly felt warm all over, and his winter coat was making him sweat. His hands were warm under the gloves, only to be multiplied by the tight grip that she had on them. "Tell me something about you." He whispered.

"Something about me?" She asked.

"Yeah… what is… your favorite color?" He asked, pulling her along on skates. "Keep our minds off the skating…" He smiled.

"My… favorite color is… purple…" She smiled.

"Mm… purple." He smiled.

"Yep."

"You're from Boston?" He asked.

"Yep…" She replied with a grin. "Actually, Seattle… but I grew up in Boston."

"I work in Boston." Derek said softly.

"You do…" She grinned. "That's a coincidence…"

"My mother is chief of surgery at Boston General." Meredith said, and watched as Derek's face went pale, his eyes widened. "Derek?"

"Your mother is…"

"Ellis Grey…" Meredith said, watching as suddenly, Derek lost his footing, flailing his arm, he flew backwards, grabbing her, he fell flat on his back onto the ice, smacking his head, Meredith following behind, landing on top of him. "Derek!" She exclaimed, feeling the rush of people coming to check on him.

-------------------

Derek lay still on the ice, his eyes closed as everyone crowded around him calling out his name. Meredith slid off him and called to him, tears starting to form in her eyes as she watched him lie there motionless.

"Derek! Open your eyes now!" She exclaimed, feeling the sob building up in her body as she watched him lie there. His mother calling to him as she climbed out onto the ice.

"I have never seen him fall like that before…" Bethany said as she too joined the crowd.

"Derek…" His mother said sternly, hoping that her voice would knock him back into consciousness.

"Derek… please…" Meredith said, her voice was filled with worry as they checked his head, noting that other than a big bump, he'd be fine.

"I'm not even sure that bump wasn't there before…" Nancy said, glancing around at the grim crowd.

"That wasn't funny…" Derek groaned as everyone now felt comfortable enough to laugh at Nancy's joke.

"I thought it was funny…" Nancy laughed as Derek opened his eyes slowly. His eyes were instantly met by the fear filled gaze of Meredith looking down on him with such worry that he could see the tears setting in.

"Oh…" He groaned, trying to lift his head as he reached up to touch the bump. "Oh… please don't cry…" he whispered, shaking his head slightly as he felt the dizziness setting in.

"Are you alright?" Meredith whispered.

"I'll… I'll be alright…" He mumbled as he tried to sit up.

"Alright everyone… let's help Derek get off the ice…" Mrs. Shepherd instructed the men as the children skated by to check to make sure that Derek was moving and alright.

Meredith helped lift him up as well, followed them all to the steps out of the rink, and held his arm as they led him to the table that was beside the rink. He sat down on the bench and Meredith moved in front of him to stare into his eyes. "Are you sure you're alright? You're not seeing double… or anything like that are you?"

"Oh… what a sight that'd be… two of you… who are you again?" He smirked.

"Cut that out!" She exclaimed, smacking his arm.

"Hey… no hitting the injured guy…" Derek mumbled, grabbing her arm in full swing. She stopped for a moment and stared him in the eyes. "I'm alright…" He whispered. "I'm alright… Meredith… Grey…" He cringed.

"You have met my mother." Meredith said, her eyes widened in shock.

"She's my slave driving boss, Meredith." Derek said, rubbing the back of his head.

"You're kidding!"

"Nope."

"You're kidding!" She exclaimed again.

"Do I look like I'm kidding? Would I have fell on my head if I were kidding?" He replied.

"Maybe… I don't know you that well…" Meredith shrugged.

"Oh, you're hilarious…" Derek chuckled as he groaned a little.

"Are you going to be alright?" She asked, kneeling in front of him.

"I'll be alright…" He whispered. "Maybe…"

"What would make it better?" She whispered, glancing into his eyes, as she watched them wander to his sisters and mother as they watched them from a nearby table and then back to Meredith.

"If you kiss it…" He whispered, his grin becoming wicked as he watched her shake her head at him with an amused expression.

"You want me to kiss the bump on your head?"

"No…" He whispered, watching as her eyes became almost transparent, the playfulness was simply irresistible to him. "I want you to kiss my lips." He whispered, raising his eyebrows as his lower lip stuck out just a little, and he watched her eyes.

"You want me to kiss your lips…?" He whispered.

"Yep…" He smirked. "I'm sure that my headache would feel much better if you did that…"

"Oh… your headache would feel much better…?" She replied, watching him carefully.

"Oh, yes." He whispered.

"And you don't care that my mother is your boss?"

"Hey… I don't want to kiss her." He smiled. "Only you."

"In front of your family?" She whispered back.

"In front of God and everyone." He replied, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"You want me to kiss you…"

"That's what I said…"

"On the lips…"

"Yes."

"In front of God and everyone?"

"Yes."

"Right here…"

"No… right here…" He said as he grabbed her jacket suddenly, pulling her into him hard, he pressed his lips against hers. He could feel a warm sensation start to take over his entire body, and just when he thought that she was going to pull away in surprise, he felt her deepen the kiss, only succeeding in making them both fill with the heat of one million suns, brightening their spirits as they smiled against one another's mouths.

"That's one way to put it…" She whispered, feeling him pull from the kiss, their lips swollen from the kiss, her tender tongue carefully running over her soft lips as she tasted him on her mouth. He was catching his breath now, their eyes now filled with a happy, love filled expression as they just sat like that for a moment, stunned by their own feelings and actions.

--------------

When the kiss was complete, their minds were reeling. Meredith felt a strong dizziness in her brain, her eyes instantly filling with tears as she stared into his intense gaze. She couldn't help but swallow hard at the man who was gazing lovingly at her, into her eyes, into her soul.

"Derek." She whispered finally, knowing that there was sure to be a rather confident reply. He knew what he had done, he knew what he had started, and Meredith had absolutely no idea where to go from there. She was quite aware of the dozen or so eyes that were staring at them, the sounds of giggles mixing with the shouts and energy of the children on the ice.

"Meredith." Derek said, tilting his head slightly as he watched her eyes water slightly. He couldn't tell if she was about to cry, shout at him, laugh, smile… he had only known her for a day, yet he felt like he had known her for an eternity. There was just something about the way she saw things, the way she handled herself, the way she had told him not to cry the evening before… and why she had told him not to cry. 

She is strong.

Derek could tell by the look in her eyes that she also had no idea what to do. Her whispering his name had sent shivers down his spine, and yet neither one of them had moved an inch. There they sit there, Meredith on her knees, he sitting on the bench, both staring straight ahead. "Would you like some hot cocoa?" He asked softly, reaching for her hand as it lay on his leg.

She stared at him for a moment, her brow furrowed as if she hadn't understood his question. "I'm…warm enough." She whispered, the corners of her mouth slowly turning up into a smile as she watched his smile appear.

"Warm enough, huh?" He whispered.

"Yes."

"I think that I am too…" Derek admitted, tilting his head as he shook his head softly, still looking into her eyes. "We can go inside… if you want hot cocoa..." He whispered, trying to ignore the stares of his family. "Inside the building…" He whispered.

"Alone, huh?" She asked.

"We've handled alone before." Derek smiled. "I don't… want to pressure you… or anything… I mean, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, and I don't want you to think that I stepped over any…"

"You didn't step over any lines that I hadn't already erased." She smiled.

"So you liked the kiss…?" Derek smiled softly, his smile warming her from the inside out.

"I would like more of them…" She remarked with a wicked grin as Derek's playful gaze danced over her facial features.

"Meredith Grey… I do believe that you are flirting with me." He said as he watched her laugh.

"Maybe I am…" She shrugged. "Let's go get that hot cocoa…" She said as she carefully stood up, looking down into his crystal blue eyes as he looked up at her. "Are you feeling alright?" She asked, reaching to touch his head softly.

He reached out and took her hand, carefully bringing it to the bump on his head. He watched as she visually cringed before him, her grimace made him feel guilty. "I'll be alright." He said, nodding his head. He continued to hold her hand as he carefully stood up, the dizziness that he had felt before dissipated. He squeezed her hand as she wrapped it slowly around his waist. She looked up at him above her, finding that his eyes were piercing into her. She watched as he slowly brought his lips down to hers, tenderly accepting her lips as his prize, massaging them slowly with his own. His tongue gently grazed her teeth, and he smiled softly against her mouth when he felt the vibration of a soft moan against his tongue. The kiss was reluctantly broken, their gaze still piercing into one another as they slowly made their way towards the building for a cup of hot cocoa.

--------------

Mrs. Shepherd sat quietly at the table, her eyes following her son and Meredith into the building. She was hiding a smile as she shook her head and watched her children and grandchildren ice skating. She could feel someone sit beside her and looked to see her son in law, Michael sit beside her.

"How are you doing?" She asked softly as she watched the concerned look in his eyes.

"I'm doing alright… Is Derek doing better?" He asked.

"He went inside with Meredith for some hot cocoa." She replied, watching him nod.

"She seems like a nice girl." He said softly, trying to gauge his mother in law's feelings for the young girl that they had only met less than twenty four hours previous.

"She is a nice girl." She replied, watching as he smiled slightly. "She and Derek really seem to understand one another." She nodded.

"It concerns me though." Michael replied. "I don't want him to break her heart… I mean… he's been away from the dating scene for a while… and things with Addison went sour… I don't want him to make her his rebound girl or something." Michael swallowed hard, unsure of what she would say.

"Rebound?" She replied, looking him in the eyes with a confused expression. "Rebound from what? The boy was lonely when he was with that woman… and frankly, I'm glad that she is gone now… Derek needs to focus on a future."

"She's young."

"She's his friend." She replied. "Don't run off and have them married just yet, Michael. They're just exploring their connection, there is nothing wrong with that."

"I don't want Derek to be depressed again."

"None of us want that."

------------

"I went through a period of depression after that… saw someone and tried to straighten things out… but tended to keep busy with work." Derek said as he sipped his hot cocoa. The conversation seemed to run so smoothly with Meredith, her eyes reflected concern, happiness, thoughtfulness.

"So you're an intern…" Meredith said nodding her head as Derek nodded.

"Well… resident..." He replied. "This is my second year… I have my own interns… we teach one another… but it is a lot of hard work, and sometimes I wonder why I even got into it." He said, smiling a little.

"Why do you stay?" She asked curiously, carefully unzipping her jacket a little as she felt herself becoming warmer.

"Its… the surgery…" He smiled sheepishly. "It is such an unbelievable rush being in that operating room… there is just a certain…"

"High." She said, giving him a sheepish smile herself.

"Yes." He said, releasing the breath he had been holding for a moment. "A certain high… that you can't get from anything else…" He smiled, his eyes sparkling as he stared into hers. "Well… maybe one other thing…" He said softly.

"Oh… let's not get ahead of ourselves…" she laughed as she watched him blush. "I'm actually in my second year of med school." She smiled softly. "Cornell, in fact." She nodded.

"Absolutely beautiful campus… and their medical school is top notch… that's a great choice." He replied.

"It's not easy…" She sighed. "As you obviously know." She smiled. "Have you picked a specialty?" She said, shaking her head. "I'm sorry… now I'm getting personal…" She laughed.

"No… no… I'm very interested in Neuro." He replied.

"Which is why you bump into my mother a lot." Meredith nodded.

"Yes." He said with a smile as he sipped a little more hot cocoa.

"Oh…" She said, feeling the phone in her pocket begin to buzz, she smiled softly at him as she glanced at the phone. "Speak of the devil." She said with a smirk as she flipped the phone open. "Mom." Meredith said, her eyes glancing up at Derek as he watched her smile and sparkle quickly disappear. "No… no… it'll be alright… I know… I know that it was my only car… I don't expect you to replace it. Mom?" Meredith said, letting her head rest in her hand as she leaned her elbow on the table. Derek watched her face contort into a frustrated frown. "Mom… it's Christmas, can't we talk about this tomorrow or… I'm in… upstate New York somewhere… I got stuck in a snow bank… I know… I know you work on Christmas, but I thought you might want to see me…for… for Christmas…" She whimpered as she tried to keep her gaze off of Derek, tried to keep her voice down. "You don't have to come get me… they said they'd bring me there… they're already on their way to Boston…" She sighed as her voice became a tiny whimper. "I'm not crying…I'm not whining… Mom… I have a ride to Boston… they'll bring me tomorrow… tonight is… Mom, tonight is Christmas night…I don't expect them to give up their Christmas night because you want to see me in person to scold me about this…I'll see what I can do." She sighed. "Bye." She whispered as she stared at her phone for several minutes.

Every ounce of energy that was in her body at one time, seemed to have been drained with that one telephone call. Every sparkle that she had in her eyes was blown out by an icy cold wind from the frigid response of her mother. Derek sat helpless, watching her struggle not to cry, watching her struggle to hold it all together.

"She didn't even ask me if I was okay." Meredith whispered as she stood up suddenly, and stomped away in her ice skates, leaving Derek for only a split second before he stood up and followed her.

---------------

Derek walked about three steps behind her as she walked further through the small crowd in the indoor café. He followed her until she had no where else to go, faced with either turning around to look at him, or running into the wall, she went with the less painful staring into the corner.

"Meredith…" Derek said softly as he watched her try to hold it in, try to take deep breaths as her tears threatened to fall.

"I'm not going to cry." She whispered.

"You can…" He said softly.

"No… no I'm not going to." She said as she looked to the ceiling. "There is no reason for me to cry… this is… the best Christmas that I've ever had in my entire life." She said with a whisper as she turned around quickly. "And I'm not about to let her ruin it for me." She said confidently as she looked into his eyes. He could see the confidence in her stance, in the way she pursed her lips, and in the way she crossed her arms over her chest, though he was fairly sure that it was her stubbornness that was shining through. He knew that stubbornness and confidence were two completely different things that were often confused for one another. The only way that he could tell the difference at that exact moment was her eyes.

He could see the hurt in her eyes, he could see the pain and the hate, the anger and unrelenting torture. "You're being stubborn." He said, his eyes piercing into hers. His eyes held confidence. They held confidence and understanding, and hope. She watched as he tilted his head, his smile had disappeared the moment that she had stopped smiling, and she prayed to go back five minutes and laugh again. "I can take this two ways, Meredith…" Derek said as he matched her stance, though again… his eyes were holding the confidence, while hers held nothing but stubbornness. "I can be negative… and say that your mother is a cold hearted bitch… that she probably never appreciated you the way that you deserve to be appreciated, loved, taken care of… nurtured…" He sighed. 

"I could say that she will never change, and you'll be stuck with that angry old goat for the rest of her life… and the memory of how she was like that…" He said, watching her sparkle slowly return. "Or… I can go the positive route… and say… well… at least she called you on Christmas…" Derek said, pointing his finger at her. "Whether she remembered that it was Christmas or not is immaterial…face it… she's not an idiot… she knows what day of the year it is… She called you… you answered the phone… there is the answer to the question that you are so upset that she didn't ask… She didn't ask you if you were alright, because first of all… you wouldn't have answered the phone if you were not alright… second of all… you would have told her right away… or had someone call her to tell her that you were not alright, if you could have… and… she loves you… Meredith… In her own… stubborn… egotistical… arms length away… way… she loves you… and even though she doesn't show it in the same way that my family shows it… its there… or she probably would have gotten rid of you a lot sooner." Derek grinned.

Meredith stared at him for a moment, his words slowly sinking into her brain as she watched his eyes search hers for something. She wasn't quite sure what he was looking for, but she realized that he must have found it… because after a few moments, she watched his lips curl into one of the most brilliant smiles that she had ever seen. 

"What?" She whispered.

"You agree with me…" He grinned.

"Oh… shut up…" She muttered with a laugh as she tried to push past him, only to be grabbed tightly in his arms.

"You're so cute when you're stubborn…" He whispered into her ear, feeling her entire body reacting to his touch.

"You're all talk, Derek Shepherd." Meredith teased as she struggled against him a little.

"Oh yeah…?" He asked with a chuckle as he turned her around quickly, pulling her body into his, he was thankful that they were in an empty corner as he pushed her softly against the wall, his tongue grazing her lips and teeth gently as he felt her giggle against his mouth, a giggle that sent his heart racing, and his eyes sparkling. 

She pulled from the kiss, her eyes slightly dilated as she tried to regain her composure. Her breathing was erratic as she looked at him with a nearly shocked expression. "That's not all you are…" She whispered, looking at his features as he smiled, his hand coming up to rest gently on her cheek.

"What do you say… we go skate a little more…?" He asked, watching as she still stared at him with that expression.

"Skate?" She asked, unsure for the moment what he was talking about.

"Ice skate… the reason you're wearing those funny boots…" He said, pointing down.

She looked down and laughed. "Oh…" She giggled. "Yeah…. Ice skate…" She laughed, as she grabbed his hand, and the two of them laughed as they headed back out towards the ice skating rink.

---------------

Derek walked with Meredith on his arm as they made their way to the ice. Meredith's sights were on the rink, while Derek glanced to his mother, who looked up at him with a look of both happiness and concern.

"How is…?"

"I'm doing much better…" He said, watching her smile brighten just a little as he rubbed the back of his head.

Meredith looked up and smiled at her as well. "It wasn't anything a little hot cocoa couldn't take care of…" She smiled, watching Derek smile down at her as they carefully stepped down the stairs to the ice. She looked up at him with a determined look in her eye.

"No more shocks, alright?" He chuckled. "I don't think my brains can take much more jostling."

"No more shocks…" She giggled.

"You promise… no like… secret boyfriends… girlfriends… bouts with elephantitis that you haven't told me about…"

"You would like me less if I have elephantitis?"

"I'm not saying that at all… I would just like to know… you know… ahead of time…" He laughed as she gave him a strange look.

She giggled at his shrug and shook her head. "No elephantitis…" She laughed.

"Good…" He smiled as he began to skate backwards slowly, her hands grasped firmly in his as they glided across the ice. "Though you haven't said anything about the secret boyfriend or girlfriend…"

"No secret boyfriend or girlfriend…" She laughed.

"So I'm free to pursue you… if I like… ask you out on a date, perhaps…"

"Perhaps…" She replied. "Though I have the right to decline."

"Reject." He corrected.

"No, no… decline… what if a better offer comes along…?" She teased as his eyebrows shot up.

"Impossible!" He exclaimed as he started to speed up a little, their trip around the ice skating rink about halfway through. She laughed at his smile, shaking her head. 

"Derek, I've known you for less than twenty four hours… how would you know that you want to go out with me?"

"I know me." He smiled. "I know how you have made me feel for the past twenty four hours…"

"Are you sure that's not just indigestion?" She quipped, watching his faux surprise at her silly question.

"Meredith, Meredith, Meredith…" He shook his head. "But I do know you." He said softly.

"Right…"

"I'd like to get to know you." He said, correcting himself.

"Derek… You live in Boston."

"You're from Boston…" He smiled.

"But I don't go to school in Boston, Derek."

"No… but you don't go back to school until…"

"Mid January." He smiled.

"You're going to push this, aren't you?" She asked, smirking a little.

"I'll let go of your hands and skate circles around you…" He said with a grin.

"Oh…threats… very charming."

"I always get what I want… go ask my mother…" He said, nodding his head over towards her.

"You always get what you want…?" She asked, her smirk lifting his heart.

"Oh yes…" He nodded.

"We'll have to see about that…" She replied, laughing at the look on his face.

"So?" He asked, tilting his head as he started pulling her into the middle of the rink.

"I'll have to think about it…" She laughed, feeling the grip on her hands loosen. "Derek…" She said nervously.

"Think about it…" he said as he grinned, softly skating backwards a little as she opened her mouth in surprise, her hands slipping from him.

"Derek… get back here…" She mumbled as she tried to move, her legs stuck in that position as he grinned wickedly at her.

"If you want me, you have to come get me…" He whispered with a grin.

"This is mean… mean, mean, mean…" She whispered, her voice sounding furious, though the grin on her face deceived her.

"Come on…" he said, skating another foot away.

"Derek… don't leave me here…" She mumbled.

"I thought you were thinking…" He teased.

"Derek… don't leave me here…" She said, smirking as she shook her head.

"Think… think… think… think…" He laughed as he backed up a little more.

"Oh… I am so going to make you fall!" She exclaimed suddenly, pushing off her skate. She propelled herself forward, surprising herself and Derek as she went flying at full speed into him, sending him skating backwards. He had control, however, grabbing her into his arms as he skated backwards lightly into the wall, his skates pounding lightly into the window as he gripped her tightly, spinning her around and pushing her softly against the wall.

He put his fingers on her chin, pulling her eyes to look into his. "So… what do you think?" He asked.

"Derek." She said, shaking her head as she became lost in his eyes.

"Just one date…" He said, tilting his head.

"This is technically a date, Derek…"

"No… no… I mean a real one… let me take you out."

"Derek."

"I'll bring you to Boston… you can get settled… and you can dress up… I'll take you somewhere nice."

"Derek…" She said, shaking her head.

"How about I just kidnap you?"

"Ill advised…" She laughed, her eyes piercing into his.

"Really? You seriously think that kidnapping my boss's daughter would be bad for my career?" He asked with a laugh.

"Maybe…" She laughed, her eyes filling with tears as she watched him.

"One date…" He said softly. "That's all I ask. I've already kissed you… you seem to like that…" he said as he leaned in softly, resting his forehead against hers.

"Derek." She said, shaking her head slightly as her eyes agreed to it.

"One…" He said softly, his smile widening as he felt her opening up to him.

"Fine…" She sighed, pretending that it was such a huge decision, shaking her head. "Fine… one date…"

"YES!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air, he nearly lost his footing, and Meredith had to grab him around the waist to steady him.

She felt him wrap his arms around her as well, laughing into her hair as he smelled in the sweet scent of lavender. "Thank you for saving me…" He whispered as she just held him, and he just held her, oblivious to everything else as they stood alone beneath the Christmas tree.

------------

Derek watched Meredith as he helped untie her skates. Her eyes were drooping as she yawned, her eyes squeezing closed as she looked down at him for a moment. "Are you going to be able to make it to the car?" He asked, his smile widening as he watched her smirk.

"Are you looking for an excuse to pick me up and carry me somewhere? I'm not your little pocket pet, Derek…" She giggled.

"Oh… pocket pet… that's cute…" He chuckled as he shook his head and helped her pull her sneaker onto her foot. "There… all set…. Ready for solid ground…" He said as he stood and held his hand out to her.

"Thank you." She smiled as she grasped his hand, letting him help her stand up. "Now what?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Now what? You're ready to fall asleep… now we all go back to my mom's house and rest so that we can all leave in the morning." He laughed.

"Boring…" She said, yawning again, covering her mouth as she giggled at the expression on his face. "I guess I'm ready for bed…" She shook her head as they walked out towards the car.

They watched as all of the other family members carried their exhausted little ones back to their cars, Derek opened the passenger side door for her and she smiled gratefully as she climbed carefully inside. "Thank you." She whispered with a soft smile as she yawned once again.

"Oh, you're not tired at all…" Derek teased as he chuckled, closing the door gently as he walked over to the other side of the car.

He climbed into the driver's side and started the car, glancing over to her, he caught her in the middle of another yawn as he backed out of the parking space and made their way back to Derek's mother's house. She watched his hand as he settled it on the shifter in the center of the car, and she contemplated taking it into hers.

"What am I doing?" She sighed.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked, glancing to her as he drove.

"Yeah…" She said as she shook her head. "I don't know you… why am I letting you affect me like this?"

"Like what?" He asked, knowing full well how she was affecting him, but he was curious if she meant the same thing.

"I… I don't know… but…"

"No… tell me…"

"Like this… like right now." She said, looking up into his eyes as he glanced at her. "I want to tell you so badly how you are making me feel… but I have to stop myself."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know you."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it's true…" She sighed.

"But I want to know you… don't you want to know me?"

"Maybe."

"You say that a lot… I've noticed that…" He smiled.

She shook her head and laughed. "I just… I'm not very good at relationships."

"Neither am I." Derek replied.

"I push people away…"

"Me too…"

"I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." She replied.

"Me neither." He shrugged.

They slipped into silence as both of them contemplated the conversation that they had just had, contemplated saying more, and didn't regret a word. Meredith kept her eyes outside at the passing scenery, as Derek watched out the windshield.

Derek pulled into his mother's driveway slowly, glancing to Meredith as she continued to stare out the window.

"Is this an example?" Derek whispered.

Meredith turned and tilted her head.

"Of you pushing people away… is that what you're doing here?"

"I'm just… I'm just thinking…" She said as she watched other family members arrive, lifting their children from the cars and bringing them inside, they left Derek and Meredith their privacy as they just headed towards the house.

Derek thought of pushing, but judging by the look on her face, she didn't need any pushing, just to think. He kept the car running for a little while, letting her stare out into the snow and ice as he waited for her to speak.

"Meredith." He finally whispered, watching her turn her head to face him. "I…am… I am a doctor… and a very… very busy person…" He sighed. "I have had my share of good relationships and bad relationships… I have had my share of people pushing me away… but there is something… inside of me… and I don't know what it is… I don't know if it is… just the beauty of your face… or the soft tone of your voice… if it's the tender touch of your fingers… or the way that you seem to get me… having only spoken a few words. I crave your laughter… and I can't explain it… I mean… when you laugh, it warms my entire body… and you just… radiate with energy. Your kiss… makes me dizzy… I just wish I knew why…" He said as he watched her looking at him. "Maybe I'm crazy." He shrugged.

She didn't even pause as a smile slowly lit up her face. "We both must be crazy…" She shrugged.

Derek carefully moved his hand to her fingers, slowly taking it into his as he lifted it to his lips. "Why don't we get inside… get to sleep so that I can get you home tomorrow." He said softly.

"I don't want to go home." She whispered.

"We can talk about that on the ride to Boston… but right now…" He said, watching as she yawned again. "You need to get some sleep." He said as he reluctantly let go of her hand and climbed from the car. Just as she was about to open the door to get out, it opened for her, and Derek stood there with his hand extended. She smiled a bright smile and let him help her to the car, taking his hand as they walked towards the house, up the steps of the porch and into the front door.

They walked into the house quietly, saying their goodnights to the family members that were milling about the kitchen, and climbed the stairs slowly to the bedrooms. Derek walked her down the hallway to her room, and she could feel him tug her arm just a little bit as they reached the door.

"You're not going to disappear in the middle of the night, are you?" He whispered.

"Disappear?"

"You're not going to turn out to be a figment of my imagination…" He explained. "You're not going to freak out and leave me here… wondering who you are, where you are…"

"Derek… you know my mother." She giggled, shaking her head.

He shrugged. "How do I know you just didn't make that up…" He smirked.

"You know where I go to school…"

"You could have made that up too… Maybe you're name isn't Meredith at all… maybe it's Ester or Marmaduke…"

"Marmaduke? Marmaduke was a big orange dog!" She exclaimed with a laugh.

"It's dark in the hallway… you could be orange…" He chuckled as he laughed.

"Goodnight, Derek." She smiled softly as she squeezed his hand.

"Goodnight, Meredith…" He said sincerely, a half smile on his face as he watched her eyes sparkling as she looked into his. "Have sweet dreams…"

"I will." She smiled softly. "Don't worry, Derek… I'm not going anywhere…" She said as she leaned up carefully, catching his lip between her teeth, as her hand came up and carefully moved through his dark curls. His own hands reached up and raked through her soft, silken tendrils as his tongue explored her mouth, their eyes closed in delicate bliss, as they slowly pulled apart. Their hands were still on one another's cheek as they stared into one another's eyes. "Sweet dreams, Derek." She whispered as she reluctantly pulled from him, and reached for the doorknob, watching him smile softly as she slipped into the bedroom and closed the doors.

------------

Meredith prepared for bed, changing into her pajamas quickly while she thought of the evening that was now behind her. She sighed sadly knowing that it will all be over in the morning, when she gets into that car and waves goodbye to the people who welcomed her into her family this Christmas. She glanced to the window and moved towards it, watching the Christmas decorations in the backyard glisten and reflect on the fresh and pure white snow. She closed her eyes tightly, trying desperately to burn the memory into her mind as she slowly opened them again.

A salty tear made its long journey from the corner of her eye down her cheek, cascading over her soft skin as it made a resting place at the corner of her chin, where it dangled for just a moment before another tear made the same path, pushing the first over the edge, followed by a third and fourth.

--------

Derek rummaged through his suitcase, looking to find something comfortable to slip into before he headed downstairs again. He listened to his family ascending the stairs, saying their goodnights and shuffling the children into their rooms. He sighed, feeling the empty, alone feeling that he had been pushing away since Christmas Eve, poking through the surface and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't help but have the thought of his father running through his mind.

He thought of his mother, the strong matriarch of this large extended family, and how tomorrow will be the end of Christmas again, and she will once again be alone in the large house that she had made a family for, waiting diligently for next Christmas, or the next holiday when everyone would be together again. She claimed that she wasn't lonely, but he could see in her eyes the begging woman who prayed for her son to come to her now and then, to talk to her, and call her and let her know that everything was alright with him. She needed to know if he was happy, so that she knew whether or not she could be happy. It was just the way things worked, and as sad and depressing as it made him, he knew that he needed to be better at it. He needed to let her know that he cared.

He thought of all of the happy moments and all of the happy Christmases he has had. He thought of the passing of his father, and how before Christmas had begun… before he had gotten there, he had been so scared that things weren't going to be the same. He smiled just slightly, remembering the sparkle in his mother's eye, the smile on her face, the giggle in everyone's voices and the happiness that surrounded their family for the past two nights.

He thought of Meredith.

He smiled.

"I guess I was right…" He smiled softly as he carefully changed into a t-shirt and jogging pants. "Christmas wasn't the same…" He grinned as he reached for the doorknob.

He opened the door to find Meredith standing at his door with tears rolling down her cheeks, her hand raised in an attempt to knock. "It was better." He smiled as he grabbed her hand and pulled her into the room, closing the door behind them.

-----------

As soon as Meredith stepped into the bedroom, she walked right over to the bed. Derek watched as she lay down on the mattress, pulling the blankets over herself, she lay in a heap on the bed.

"Meredith?" He whispered. He listened and could hear her soft whimpers from beneath the covers. "Meredith…" He said as he sat on the edge of the bed. He watched as his covers moved slightly as she cried.

"I don't want to cry…" She whimpered from under the covers as she continued to sob.

"You don't want to cry? Why don't you want to cry? Why are you crying?"

"I don't want to go… I don't want to go to Boston… take me back to school… I can stay in my dorm… please…"

"Meredith… how will you get anywhere at school… you don't have your car…"

"Joann said that Neil can get me a car… don't make me go home… please don't make me go home…" She whimpered.

"But if you don't go to Boston… then we can't have our date…" He whispered softly.

He could hear the pause beneath the covers, the whimpering stopping for a moment and then the blanket flew from her face. "I never agreed to a date with you." She said quickly, her face was red from being under the blanket, mixed with crying.

"So you don't want to go out on a date with me?"

"I never said that either." She said, throwing the blanket back over her face.

"You're being confusing…"

"You're being too charming…" She muttered.

"Meredith…" he said softly as he carefully tugged on the blanket, feeling her pulling it back. He carefully lifted the covers and pushed his way under, coming face to face with her.

"This is my hide-out." She whispered.

"It's my bed."

"It is a coincidence." She shrugged.

"Meredith… it will be alright… I promise… I will be right there in Boston… you'll have a friend to talk to if you get upset…"

"My mother makes you work all the time."

"That… is true… but you can spend some time at the hospital… you can watch a surgery or two, maybe… that could be fun…"

"I guess…" She sighed. "But she's there… and she… doesn't like me hanging around… she says that I shouldn't have a boyfriend until after medical school. She says I need to concentrate on my studies… I need to focus all of my attention on medical school."

"Do you even like medical school?"

"I love it." She whispered.

"You're not doing it for your mother…?" He asked.

"No… I'm doing it for myself." She said, watching his eyes as he searched hers. "You believe me, right?"

"I do…" he said softly. "I just… I just wanted to ask that. I was curious."

"No… I love school… I want to be a surgeon… I want to have that rush that you told me about… I want to save lives… and have that skill… maybe I'm egotistical… maybe I'm…"

"You're not egotistical…" He said softly. "Do you think I am?"

"No." She whispered. "You're always thinking of others… if you weren't a doctor with the kind of attitude that you have towards other people, I don't know what you would be."

"My father was a surgeon." Derek whispered.

"He was?" She said, pulling the blankets off both of their heads as she looked him in the eyes, the light from the room now on them both.

"Yes." Derek nodded. "A pretty good one too… we used to be able to sit in the gallery sometimes… and there were other times where he'd come home… and I'd ask him what kinds of things he did… and he was never short on stories… ever." Derek said, smiling softly as he remembered his father fondly.

"Do you want to be a surgeon because he wanted you to be one?" She asked, feeling that it was fair game.

"I told you why I want to be a surgeon…" He grinned.

"The high…" She said softly as she watched his eyes as he nodded.

"What do you think of your mother's restrictions?"

"I think… that it just proves that she doesn't know me." Meredith nodded. "I don't need to focus anymore… and I don't need to concentrate anymore… I know my stuff… and I am fine… truthfully, I don't spend a whole lot of time studying… not any more than the girls with boyfriends and the weekend liquor parties in their rooms. If she knew what medical school was like now… rather than when she was in medical school… I mean… I don't know…" She shook her head. "I just don't want to go home." She whimpered.

"You don't want to go back to school either…" He confirmed.

"No." She sighed. "I want to stay here… under the blanket… with you… forever." She said, watching his eyes as he watched her.

"With me?" He asked.

"Well, I don't want to be lonely…" She shrugged.

"I'll… let you stay here… under the blanket… with me… forever… or for as long as you want to stay here… but you have to do one thing for me."

"What is that?" She asked softly.

"You have to let me hold you."

"Hold me?"

"Yes… you have to let me wrap my arms around you and hold you…" He whispered, watching her humored glance. "I'm serious." He said, his eyes sincere as he watched her eyes glisten with tears. "You don't have to go out with me if you don't want to, Meredith… but if you're going to insist on living in my bed… you're going to have to let me hold you."

She smiled softly as she turned her body against his, pressing herself against his body, she could feel his arms gently encircle her. She suddenly felt warmer, his nose buried in her hair as he breathed deeply. "You smell so sweet." He whispered against her neck as she felt the chills rolling through her body.

"Thank you." She whispered, her hands moving to his as he grasped her tightly, his arms so comfortable around her.

"Now just rest…" He whispered. "It's time to sleep now…" He said soothingly as he closed his own eyes, feeling her body relax against his as they both slowly fell asleep against one another, their worries and fears drifting away quickly, as they held tightly to one another into the night.


	4. Following Day Short Chapter

Chapter 4-

The morning sun rose against the walls of the bedroom, and Derek once again found his face buried in a head of wonderfully smelling golden locks of hair. He breathed deeply, closing his eyes as the scent of her wafted into his nostrils, sending his senses into overdrive.

He tried to move his arm slightly, finding that her hands were holding his arms against her. He shifted slightly, feeling her body push harder into his. "No…" She mumbled as she turned her head. "You promised you'd stay here…" She whispered.

"I did, didn't I?" He whispered.

"Mmm… hmm…" She whispered.

"Meredith…" He whispered.

"I know we have to go." She replied. "I just like it here…"

"I like it too…" he whispered, kissing her hair softly.

"I should get up…" She mumbled as she tried to pull slowly from his arms, only to be pulled back. "Derek…" She giggled.

"I'm not ready to let go." He mumbled as he felt her struggle slightly before she settled back into his arms again.

"We should get up… you have to get to work… I have to get home… and just get it over with…" She sighed.

"I don't want to go to work… I want to stay here… live under the blankets with you…"

"With me?" She asked, turning her head to look into his eyes.

"I don't want to be lonely." He smiled, watching her smile back at him. "Alright…" He sighed finally. "Go… get clean… I'll be in right after you…" He said, watching her eyes widen. "After you're done, I mean… I'll be in after your done…and dressed… and… just get out of my bed…" He said as she giggled and rolled out of the bed, looking down at him as she grinned.

"You're a good snuggler, by the way." She smiled as she flitted to the door and opened the door. As soon as she stepped out into the hallway, she noticed that Bethany was just coming out of her room holding one of her daughters.

"Good morning." Bethany said with a sly smile.

"Um… good morning…" Meredith said, her cheeks turning bright red as she stood beside the closed door. "I… should… I'll see you guys downstairs." She smiled as she made her way quickly to her bedroom.

Bethany grinned at the retreating girl and giggled to herself as she glanced to her brother's door and turned for the stairs.

--------

Showered and dressed, Derek stepped out of his room with his suitcase packed and ready to go. He checked the room one more time before stepping out into the hallway. He looked down towards Meredith's room to find her standing in the doorway waiting for him.

"Why didn't you go downstairs?" He asked, smiling softly as she stood there nervously.

"Bethany saw me." She said, tilting her head with a bit of a cringe on her face. "She saw me coming out of your room this morning."

"So what?" He shrugged.

"So she saw me coming out of your room… and you know… I've only known you for a day…She probably thinks I'm some kind of slut or something… you know… sleeping with strangers."

"Well, she'd have to think I'm a slut too…" Derek raised his eyebrows with a snort, watching her try not to smile. "I mean… two nights in a row… here I am, caught snuggling with a stranger…"

"Two nights in a row?"

"They all saw us under the Christmas tree the other night… you woke up when they went into the kitchen." He said with a small smirk.

"They did not…" She said as she took a step towards him.

"Yes… yes they did… and for one thing… we're both adults… right? I'm an adult… you're an adult… we can do what we please… strangers or not." He laughed as he took a step towards her.

"Derek…"

"And second of all… I kissed you yesterday… in front of God and everyone… they already know that I like you… who cares if they think we slept together?" He shrugged.

"I care!" She exclaimed, watching as he approached her, holding his arm out for her bag.

"Oh, Meredith… don't worry about it… they're sisters… they're supposed to be nosy…" He laughed as she handed him her bag. "Are you ready to go?"

"I guess…" She sighed.

"Alright…" he said as he threw her bag over his shoulder and took her hand.

"Derek… this is not good for the rumor mill…" She said, tugging her hand back, unable to pull it from his grip.

"Don't worry…" He shook his head as he laughed, tugging her along, they made their way down the stairs.

They descended the stairs together and Derek set his bag and Meredith's bag beside the door. "Let's go say goodbye…" he smiled as he pulled her along, though reluctant, she trusted him and came along with him.

They entered the dining room where everyone was eating cereal or eggs or feeding children, some of the other children were sitting in the family room watching cartoons on television. Mrs. Shepherd looked up to see her son walking into the room with Meredith. "You're leaving already, sweetheart?" She asked, standing up carefully as Derek approached her.

"I have to get back before tonight… I have a late shift…" He said softly as he gave his mother a tight hug. "I'll call when I get in…" He said as he squeezed her tightly.

"So Derek… how did you sleep last night?" Joann asked with a wicked grin.

"I slept great…thank you…" He smirked. "But I have to say… I certainly was exhausted…" He grinned as the other girls started to giggle. He glanced to Meredith whose cheeks were turning bright red in embarrassment.

Meredith stepped forward to give Mrs. Shepherd a hug as she offered one. She whispered softly into her ear. "Don't you mind them, sweetheart… I know that you have a good heart."

"Thank you." Meredith whispered, as she started to calm down. "Thank you for letting me stay here." She said, smiling softly at Mrs. Shepherd as she pulled from the hug.

"It was my pleasure dear. You are always welcome in my home."

"Thank you." She whispered.

After that initial remark was made about Derek and Meredith, the joke was over and everyone said their goodbyes to each of them. Neil offered Meredith his card so that she could inquire of a new car, and Michael offered to pay to have her car towed to her mother's house if she needed it. She was incredibly gracious for their generosity and felt the warmth of the Christmas spirit warming her once again. She said her goodbyes to the children, and Derek even teased Timothy a little when Meredith dropped a kiss on his cheek. With all of the goodbyes said, they headed for the door. As they waved goodbye, Mrs. Shepherd pushed her way through the throng of family members with a tiny wrapped box in her hands. "Meredith…" She said softly as she held out the box to her as Derek lifted their bags into the car. She stepped down the stairs as Meredith looked up to her.

Meredith walked from beside the car to Derek's mother, smiling softly as she held out the little wrapped box. She placed it firmly in Meredith's hands. "What is this?" She asked, tilting her head in curiosity as she watched her smile proudly.

"A gift for you." She said softly.

"A gift?"

"Merry Christmas." She smiled, tilting her head as she smiled, wrapping her arms around the young woman softly as she felt Meredith hug her back.

"Thank you…" Meredith said softly, glancing to the tiny box as she pulled from the hug. "Thank you so much…" She smiled as she felt Derek's hand on her shoulder.

"You take good care of her, young man…" Derek's mother said sternly as she smiled at her son.

"I will… You guys all behave yourselves… and I hope I see you before next Christmas!" Derek exclaimed as he carefully led Meredith to the car. He opened her door for her and watched as she climbed inside, closing the door behind her.

He smiled to his family as he waved, driving off down the driveway as he honked his horn, the warmth and safety of his family waving back as they made their way down the cold, snowy road alone, together.


	5. One year Later

Chapter 5-

One year later—

December 24 – 7:00 PM

The Shepherd family was enjoying the children's Christmas carols, hot chocolate and conversations of the past year. The weather was mild this year, and though there was the usual ring of Christmas cheer through the house, Mrs. Shepherd found herself periodically glancing towards the door.

"Don't worry mom… he said he'd try to be here." Nancy said, passing her mother, touching her shoulder softly.

"I know… You know me… I just miss my boy…He's always so busy." She said softly as she turned her attention towards the children once again. As soon as the doorbell rang though, she was on her feet and on the way to the door. She swung the door open, and her worried face was suddenly brightened by the face on the other side of the door. "Meredith!" She exclaimed happily as she threw her arms around the girl standing at the door.

"Hi…" Meredith laughed, her arms wrapped around her tightly as she hugged her back.

"Where is…"

"He had to work…" Meredith said sadly as she felt her loosen her grip slowly. She reached her hand down and lifted a large bag with gifts. "He sent me on instead… he said he'd try to make it tomorrow morning." Meredith said softly as she watched the hurt flash before her eyes. "I'm sorry…" Meredith whispered.

"No… no, sweetheart… it's not your fault…" She said with a smile.

"Meredith?" Joann's voice came from the hallway as she poked her head from the family room. "Everyone! Meredith is here!" She exclaimed. Meredith grinned when she heard the cheers from the family in the family room and looked at Mrs. Shepherd with a laugh.

"Sounds like you have quite the party going on in there…" She said with a giggle.

"You bet we do…"

"I brought the…" Meredith said, pulling out the small box that Mrs. Shepherd had handed to her before she had left with Derek one year prior. She opened it slowly.

"Oh… the ornament…" She said with a smile, looking at the tiny silver plated star that she had given Meredith.

"I don't… really have a Christmas tree… and Derek didn't have time to put one up this year… so I wanted to know if I could…"

"Of course." She said with a smile as she took Meredith's hand, leading her slowly towards the family room. "Alright everyone… you be nice to Meredith… Derek couldn't make it… he had to work… so he sent her along anyway…"

"He's a good boy!" Bethany exclaimed.

"There's no reason that you can't have a good time without him!" Michael exclaimed.

"How is the car working out for you?" Neil asked as Meredith made her way over to the couch.

"It's working out great." She smiled as she sat down on the couch, noticing that once again, there was that decorated red chair in the corner, just begging for Santa to visit. She sighed in resignation, knowing that Derek wouldn't be able to be Santa this year. "Thanks again…" She smiled. "I've kept it away from snowbanks and snow plows…" She laughed as they all settled back to enjoy the Christmas atmosphere. Kathleen brought her a cup of coffee, and the conversation warmed her heart as she slipped right back in where she had left off the previous year.

Every now and then though, she would think of Derek, slaving away at the hands of her mother at the hospital. He was sure that he was going to be able to get the time off, but at the last minute one of the other residents fell sick. She needed an extra few hands available, and Derek was of course one of them. She watched the door, just praying that he would walk through it, though the happiness of his family members warmed her heart.

He had convinced her to head over to his mother's house, knowing that if he didn't, she'd just spend the evening at her own mother's house alone and lonely while he was at work. She didn't want to leave him, knowing that they'd at least have the time when he came home, but he had convinced her that he'd most likely be too exhausted to do anything, anyway, and that she should really go on ahead to his mother's house, to at least send the presence of him along the way.

She had driven alone and sadly, the long winding roads from school, but he had gone through the directions with her and she had found the house in no time. It had helped a lot that there wasn't much snow, and that the weather had been clear, but she couldn't help but feel that pang of loneliness knowing that he wouldn't be there when she got there.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang once again, and Mrs. Shepherd looked up in confusion as she glanced around to everyone who shared the exact same look.

"SANTA!" One of the children exclaimed, running quickly to the door.

"Oh dear…" Mrs. Shepherd said nervously, knowing that it was most likely a neighbor or a family friend stopping by to wish them a Merry Christmas. There wouldn't be a Santa this year, and she felt awful knowing that when the door swung open, and it wasn't Santa, that her grandson would surely be disappointed. Neil had offered to dress up as Santa, but they figured in the long run that it would work out if they tried to dissipate that tradition, since it was getting too difficult to organize it completely.

"Donnie… Santa called baby… remember… he said he wouldn't be able to make it this Christmas…" She said softly as she took her grandson's hand and opened the door slowly.

She nearly lost her footing in surprise when she saw the red suit and black boots, those bright blue eyes and familiar smile shining from behind the snowy white beard.

"I TOLD YOU IT WAS SANTA, GRANNY!" Donnie exclaimed excitedly.

Mrs. Shepherd was speechless as she watched 'Santa' enter the house. "Ho Ho Ho!" he exclaimed, listening as he heard the pounding of feet running to the doorway of the family room, heads popping out to see the visitor at the door.

"I… I…"

"You thought Santa couldn't make it this year…" He said with a smirk beneath the beard. "You're not the only one that I tricked… are you?" The doorway was filled with family members, watching as Santa reached out and wrapped his arms around Mrs. Shepherd. "I told you that I'd make it if I could…" He whispered.

"Meredith is going to kill you…" She whispered in his ear as she listened to him chuckle in her ear.

He looked up and amid the crowd of family members stood Meredith, her mouth wide open in surprise as her cheeks turned bright red. He smiled beneath his beard as he grabbed the large red bag of gifts from beside him. He headed towards the family room as everyone parted to let him through. "Ho Ho Ho!" he exclaimed as he laughed, walking into the room. As he passed Meredith, she gave him a shake of the head as her mouth still hung open. "Meredith… if your mouth hangs open any wider, you're going to catch a fly in it." He whispered as he touched her chin with his gloved hand, smiling beneath the beard, she caught a glimpse of the wicked sparkle in his eye as he walked to the 'Santa chair' and made himself comfortable, his eyes trained on her the entire time as he placed his large bag of gifts beside him.

Slowly, Meredith's shock became happiness, feeling intense warmth pushing up through her body to her heart as she watched the first niece climb upon Santa's lap, starting the Christmas tradition all over again.

-------------

Child after child sat on Santa's lap, asking for their Christmas wishes, and each receiving a Christmas gift from Santa's red velvet bag. They all laughed giddily as Santa talked and joked with them, smiling as they hopped from his lap to hurriedly open their gift.

"Alright…" Santa said as he sat up slightly in his chair, his eyes roaming the room as he grinned at his giggling sisters, who still thought it was something to laugh at, their little brother dressing up like Santa. He watched as the children began to fall tired, their parents starting to drift off as they visited and talked for a while. "I think it's about time that Santa got on his way… he has a million places to be…" He chuckled as he stood up carefully from the chair. One or two of the children helped him up and giggled when he pulled up his pants a little as he glanced to Mrs. Shepherd as she giggled as well. "Looks like Santa lost a few pounds from last year…" he laughed as he shook his head, his eyes slowly made their way back to Meredith, who had been sitting in her chair with her hot cocoa to her lips, watching him carefully the entire way. He nodded his head lightly towards the door, and he smiled as she stood up carefully.

"I think I'll walk Santa to the door…" Meredith said softly as she climbed over the sleeping children and gifts strewn about the floor, her eyes carefully on Mrs. Shepherd who was smiling proudly at her son and his girlfriend as they made their exit towards the front door. They walked through the family room door, turning the corner towards the entrance of the house, and Derek pulled Meredith quickly aside, planting a kiss firmly on her lips.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

"Your beard itches…" She giggled as she pulled away from him, rubbing her face as he laughed. "What are you doing here?" She whispered.

"Your mother let me come."

"My mother let you come?" Meredith whispered.

"Well… you know… now that she knows about us… things have gotten a little… more peaceful around the hospital."

"You convinced her to let you come?"

"I always had the time off." Derek shook his head. "And… you know… Bartson got sick… so she asked me if I could work… and I told her what I was going to do tonight… so she told me to come here...She'd find someone else to fill in." He said softly, his eyes searching hers as she felt the lump in her throat growing larger, the butterflies in her stomach becoming more intense.

"What you were going to do tonight?" She swallowed hard.

"I needed to give your Christmas gift to you." He whispered as he reached into the pocket of his Santa suit.

"Derek…" She whispered.

"It's Santa…" he laughed.

He opened his hand, and neatly placed in the middle sat a tiny red box. He watched her as she shook her head, tears coming to her eyes as she tried to catch her breath.

"Derek…" She whispered.

"I said, it's Santa…" He chuckled again.

Carefully, he started his descent onto one knee, his eyes still looking up at her as she kept her eyes on his. "You can't cry when I do this…" He whispered.

"Santa…" She whispered, giggling between her tears as she shook her head, her hand coming up to her mouth as she watched his eyes sparkle playfully.

"Meredith…" He whispered, carefully pulling the beard down so that she could see his face, his body facing the door, so that if anyone stepped in, they wouldn't be able to see it. "Now I'm Derek." He grinned a sweet grin as he watched tears fall down her cheeks. "Meredith… Please spend every Christmas with me. Please spend…every Thanksgiving with me, every Valentines day… every Monday… with me… every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday… with me…Every… single day for the rest of our lives… It's all I want for Christmas this year, Meredith… and it's all I'll ever want for Christmas…Meredith Grey… will you marry me?" He whispered, watching as her eyes shifted from his eyes to the tiny box as he slowly revealed the ring. A solitaire diamond, shaped like a perfect star, on a band of platinum. She caught her breath as the ring was revealed, and her eyes spoke a thousand words as her mind reeled in circles.

"Derek." She whispered.

"Will you marry me, Meredith?" He whispered again, his smile bright as he watched her answer with her eyes, and he waited for the answer from her lips.

"Yes. Of course I'll marry you…" She whispered, tears still rolling down her cheeks as she heard a gasp from the doorway. She looked up to see the tiny head of Timothy standing in the doorway, his eyes widened in surprise.

"OH MY GOSH!" He exclaimed as he turned towards the family room. Derek snapped his beard up to cover his face and turned towards the doorway as he carefully slipped the ring on Meredith's finger. "MOMMY! DADDY! SANTA JUST ASKED MEREDITH TO MARRY HIM! UNCLE DEREK IS GOING TO BE SO MAD!" Timothy's voice rang through the entire house as Derek's eyes widened.

"You had better get out of here before there is mass chaos…" Meredith laughed as she grasped his hand and helped him from his knee.

Derek laughed as he swung open the door. He pulled the beard down once again as he grabbed her around the waist for a full, deep kiss as they listened to the sound of people coming towards the door of the family room. "I'll see you soon, my love." He whispered as he slipped out the door. She closed the door and slammed it, standing sheepishly against it as everyone crowded into the hallway, grins abound.

"What?" She asked as her eyes sparkled with a happiness like ever before. "What are you all looking at?" She giggled as she grinned broadly. "Where's the hot cocoa?" She asked as she turned for the kitchen, leaving everyone grinning in the hallway as she made her way quickly towards the safety of the kitchen.

--------------

Meredith retreated to the kitchen quickly, her giggles echoed through the house as she listened to the shuffle of everyone else as they piled into the kitchen after her. "Why are you guys following me?" She asked with a grin as Mrs. Shepherd pushed to the front of the crowd.

"I saw! I saw!" Timothy exclaimed as he ran up to Meredith. He grabbed her hand and showed everyone as they all grinned. "See! See Granny!" He exclaimed. "That was from Santa!"

"Timmy…" Meredith laughed. "You're giving away my secret." She said as she ruffled the little boy's hair.

"Oh, Meredith!" Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed as she pulled her into a tight hug as all of the other adults stood by watching and laughing.

"But Granny! Santa! Where did he go?" He exclaimed as he ran for the back door to the kitchen, opening the door to reveal Derek standing there, out of breath, but dressed in a sweater and jeans, a bright grin on his face. "Uncle Derek!" Timothy exclaimed, holding his arms up for Derek to lift him up. "Uncle Derek… don't be too mad at Meredith."

"Be mad at Meredith?" Derek asked as he stepped inside, his eyes directly on hers as he approached her, the love in his eyes was overwhelming as she pulled from Derek's mother's hug. "Why would I be mad at Meredith?" He asked as the little boy watched them approach her.

"Cuz… cuz… cuz…"

"Did Santa deliver my message?" Derek asked, a sly grin on his face as his mother grabbed him in a hug, squeezing both Derek and Timothy tightly.

"He did…" Meredith grinned, holding up the ring.

"Deliver your message?" Timothy asked.

"Yep…" Derek grinned as he stepped over to Meredith, wrapping an arm around her waist as he pulled her into him, happy as her head rested on his chest. "I didn't know if I could get here… so I asked Santa to bring Meredith's gift…"

"Well it doesn't count." Timothy said as he wiggled from his uncle's embrace. "It doesn't count unless you ask her yourself…" He said stubbornly as he looked up at his Uncle and Meredith.

"It doesn't count?" Derek asked, feigning surprise as his nephew shook his head. "But…"

"No… you have to ask her yourself." He said. "Right Mommy?" He turned to Joann who grinned and nodded her head. "Right, Granny?"

"So you want me to ask her myself?"

"Derek… You can't have Santa doing your dirty work…" Kathleen laughed as everyone giggled. They watched as his ears burned red, his cheeks matching.

"Oh, this is not fair…" He shook his head.

"Come on…we're waiting…" Bethany replied, nodding her head towards the ring.

"If Santa can do it… you can do it." Joe laughed as he wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulder, the children poking out from between their legs and through the doorway.

"Fine…" Derek grinned as he turned to Meredith, finding that she had already slipped the ring from her finger, preparing herself for her second proposal. He shook his head and laughed, carefully taking the ring from her finger. He knelt down on one knee as he looked up at her with a bright grin. "Meredith… will you marry me?" He whispered as everyone watched with happy grins and tiny giggles.

"I don't know, Derek… Santa's proposal was much more romantic than that…" Meredith said as everyone laughed.

"You want more romantic?" He asked, watching as she giggled and nodded. "Alright… more romantic…" He said as he closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the stares on him, he opened his eyes and smiled, his eyes twinkling playfully as he watched Meredith enjoy every moment of this, her eyes playing off of his perfectly. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace."

"Wait…" Nancy said, interrupting as everyone laughed. "That's not original enough…" She shook her head. "You can't quote Elizabeth Barrett Browning in your proposal…If Santa can do it from his heart… so can you…" She giggled as Meredith laughed, Derek's attention never leaving her as her cheeks began to turn red.

"My knee is starting to hurt here…" Derek teased as he continued to hold the ring out to her.

"Well dear… if you did it right the first time, you wouldn't still be down there…" Mrs. Shepherd giggled as she watched him shift slightly on his knee.

"Okay… romantic… original…I can do that…" He grinned brightly as he looked up into Meredith's eyes. "Meredith." He whispered. "There has never been another woman in my life that could take my breath away like you do." He whispered. "And with each breath that you take… you breathe a new one back into my soul again." He watched as her eyes began to well up with tears again, and he could feel his ears burning, but none of that mattered as he looked into her eyes. "You…saved my Christmas eve last year… You saved my Christmas Day, and you have saved every day since then. You made me realize that there is more to life than just what is here and now, but that there are memories to keep, cherish, love… in the past… and there are memories to keep… cherish, love… and create in the future. I love you Meredith Grey… from the tips of my toes to the top of my head… I love you with every inch… of my soul… and there is nothing more in the world… that I would like… than for you to be my wife. Will you marry me Meredith? Will you…?" He whispered, listening to the sniffles from the women behind him, knowing how deeply he had touched them with his words. Meredith never lost eye contact with him, never once wavered from his stare.

"Yes." She whispered, a gentle tear rolling down her cheek as Derek slipped the ring on her finger and stood up, lifting her high into the air as she squealed, reveling in the laughter and cheers of his family surrounding him as they all celebrated one of the happiest days of their lives.

--------------

Derek and Meredith made their way to the family room as everyone else did as well, the children hopping about their uncle as they giggled happily. He fell backwards onto the large decorated chair, and pulled Meredith down onto his lap with a squeal. He cradled her in his arms as she rested her head on his shoulder. "How was the drive?" He whispered.

"Lonely…" She whispered back.

"I'm sorry…" He replied, looking up as everyone watched the two of them. "What? Why are we still the center of attention?" He asked with a laugh, his smile outshining everyone in the room.

"We haven't seen you in a year, Derek." Joann shook her head. "We haven't seen Meredith either… phone calls and birthday cards don't count… you two have to spill the beans about how you are doing…" She smirked.

"We're happy… isn't that all you need to know?" Derek teased.

"No… we want details… all of the dirty details…" Nancy teased back.

"Maybe not all of the dirty details…" Justin threw in as everyone laughed.

"Where do you want us to start?" Meredith asked as she watched as everyone relaxed to hear their story.

"The morning that you left." Bethany said, remembering the last time they had seen the two of them, on their way back to Boston.

-------

_Derek shifted in his seat again, glancing over to the seat beside him, he watched as Meredith stared out the window at the passing scenery. "I'm sorry." He whispered. _

"You're sorry?" She asked, turning her head to offer him a small smile as he sighed, his eyes showing a lot of concern as she tilted her head in question.

"I'm sorry that I made that joke… to my family… you know about being exhausted… I don't want you to think that they don't respect you or something… and I don't want…"

"It's fine, Derek." She said as she smiled sadly. "So what if they think I'm a little bit adventurous…" She shrugged with a small smile. "They don't need to know everything."

"I guess you're right." He nodded. He glanced to see her hands fiddling with the small wrapped package, she silently wondered what the box had hidden inside. "Are you going to open it?" He asked softly, watching her carefully as she looked up into his eyes.

"Maybe." She said with a smile. "Shouldn't you be paying attention to the road, and not me?" She asked.

"Maybe…" He said with a smirk as he glanced at the road.

"Trust me Derek… you don't want to end up in a snowbank… your car will get totaled and you'll be carted away to a far off land with princes and fairytale Christmas decorations… only to be ripped away from it when you realize that it's not real life…" She giggled as he chuckled.

"Princes, huh?"

"See… I knew you were going to harp on that…"

"You said it, not me…"

"I'm just saying… Hey… look… a Christmas present!" She said, changing the subject, eliciting a laugh from Derek. "Let's open it and see what is inside!" She giggled, looking over at him as he smiled. She held the box firmly in her hand as she carefully pulled away the wrapping paper. She glanced to Derek out of the corner of her eye and then back to the gift again. She looked at the small white box, and scrutinized it carefully before opening it, her fingertips playing at the edge of the box.

"Are you going to open it, or stare at it?" He teased.

"I'm very close to throwing it at you…" Meredith laughed as she slowly opened the box. Her jaw opened in surprise as she carefully pulled the small amount of tissue paper that was covering the small silver ornament. "Derek…" She whispered as she carefully pulled the star from its wrapping, letting it dangle delicately from its golden string from her fingertip.

"Wow…" He whispered as he glanced to it. "That's…"

"What?" She whispered, watching as he swallowed hard.

"Nothing…" he whispered, bringing his attention back to the windshield, he remained quiet, his ears turning bright red as he tried to keep his eyes on the road.

"Derek… what is it?" She whispered, looking down, she gently placed the star back into the tissue paper. As she carefully placed it there, she noticed that there was a tiny piece of paper stuck to the lid of the box. Very carefully, she pulled it out, unfolding it slowly, she read the words out loud.

"Meredith. This star was a gift from myself to my Richard on our first Christmas together. I am sure that you are thinking that it is ridiculous to give up such a precious thing to a complete stranger, but I see it differently. While I can look at it and remember, and lament, and wish for things past…I want you to use it as a key to your future. I see you as a friend, to both myself and to my son. I see you as a daughter, if only for one Christmas, it was enough. You are young and smart, and you understand the importance of memories and keepsakes. Please keep this ornament for yourself, so that in the future, when you find that special someone, you can share it with them. With all of my love for the future, Marian Shepherd (Mom)." She sighed as she read the words, her eyes darting to Derek as she watched him concentrate on the road. "Derek?" She whispered.

He did not respond to her, his eyes trained on the road ahead as he just continued to drive. He noticed out of the corner of his eye, how delicately she folded the tiny paper into the box, covering it carefully with the tissue paper, she slid the lid onto it. She lifted the box to her heart, grasping it tightly with two hands as she bend her head down, and began to silently cry.

He wanted to reach for her, he wanted to put his arm around her, he wanted to console her and talk to her, kiss her, hold her, but he couldn't. Something was holding him back, and he wasn't sure what it was. His own mother had given up one of her most cherished possessions for this woman, and something was stopping him from telling her that there was no reason to cry. He then realized, that there was reason to cry. There was… a completely separate set of emotions that were attached to this gesture that he wasn't sure that he was ready to share with her, though when he felt her hand reach for his, begging for his attention and love, he was there to accept it, grasp it tightly, and offer her a supportive smile to try to help ease the pain and confusion of what she was feeling at that moment.

Maybe he wasn't prepared to share those emotions, maybe he wasn't prepared to completely let go of the importance of that ornament in Meredith's hands, or maybe… just maybe, he was ready… and that was why it hurt so much.

He held her hand tightly, her other hand covering the box firmly as she held it to her heart and closed her eyes, slowly bringing her tears to a stop, as she carefully leaned her head against him, closing her eyes to rest for the remainder of the trip.

---------- 

Everyone watched the two of them as they told the story, their eyes animated and happy, the high of their engagement ringing through in their voices as Derek leaned forward to kiss her cheek softly.

"Another story?" Kathleen asked with a smile as everyone else nodded happily.

"Hey… get some caffeine in me and I can talk all night." Derek said with a laugh as he tickled Meredith just a little, just to hear her giggle, watching as Nancy got up to get the coffee pot so they could prepare for some more stories.

----------------

Meredith sat up a little on Derek's lap and in a moment, his sister came into the room with a cup of coffee for Derek, and some hot cocoa for Meredith. They both thanked her as they took a sip. The children seemed to be nodding off in their spots, the littlest ones had been sleeping for a while.

"Okay… what's next?" Derek asked as he smiled, watching the family wait in anticipation for more stories. He couldn't believe how interested everyone was. Maybe it was the excitement of the engagement, or that they hadn't seen him in such a long time, or maybe it was because they had never seen him this happy before, he wasn't sure, but he did enjoy the attention, and it gave him the perfect excuse to flaunt his feelings for the woman in his arms. "Alright… so we got back to Boston… and I dropped Meredith off at her mother's house… and…"

"She of course, wasn't home… she was at the hospital…" Meredith shrugged.

"And then I went to work…" Derek rolled his eyes.

"So Meredith's mother is your boss…" Kathleen said with a nod.

"Yes… she is… and I wasn't quite sure how it would go over… if Meredith and I did start dating… if Meredith ever agreed to a date." He chuckled as Meredith poked him softly on the nose.

"I was playing hard to get." Meredith nodded.

"Good girl…" Mrs. Shepherd laughed.

"I dropped her off at her mother's house that day… and gave her my cell phone number… and told her if she wanted to call me, she could call me anytime… and she didn't call, and didn't call… and on New Years Eve…I got sick of waiting like a lovesick puppy dog." Derek said as he chuckled.

"It was four days…" Meredith laughed.

----------

_Meredith danced around the kitchen in her jogging pants and sweatshirt. She listened to the stereo and slid across the linoleum floor, her hair flouncing all over and her face red from all of the exercise. She popped a bag of microwave popcorn in the microwave and turned it on, continuing to listen to the loud music. She wiggled her butt and slipped and slid across the floor as her hair flew wildly around and her body moved with the music. _

"You should really learn to lock the…"

"AHH!!!" Meredith screamed on top of her lungs at the sound of the voice coming from the doorway. She turned quickly to see Derek standing there in the doorway, with the most amused look on his face. She stood there for a moment, stunned, her hair hanging in her eyes, her mouth and eyes wide open.

Derek stepped to the counter and turned the dial on the music, turning the music down. "You should really learn to lock the front door." He said with a smirk.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, out of breath as she pushed her hair back in any attempt to look even moderately normal.

"You never called me… I got worried… so I came over to see if you were alright… I'm sorry… I'll let myself out." He said as his smile disappeared, turning.

"No! No, Derek… don't go…" She said as she ran up to him, grabbing his arm to turn him around. "Don't go…"

"But you're obviously busy… it's alright… I'm glad to see that you're alright." He nodded.

"Derek… wait…" She said, grabbing his arm again as he tried to walk away. "I'm not busy… I'm sorry…"

"If you're not busy… why didn't you call me?" He asked, the hurt in his voice was evident, the pout was irresistible.

"I…I… I thought…"

"No… it's fine…"

"Derek." She said sternly, walking in front of him. "Derek…" She said as he started to push past her. "Derek, stop." She said as she jumped up and wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, hanging from his neck, she pressed her lips hard against his mouth. It took only a moment before he let her in, his senses completely gone haywire as he buried his tongue in her mouth, his hands roaming her body as she dug her hands into his hair, sucking and nipping at his lips as he did the same to hers.

Suddenly, he pulled away from her, pulling her hands from his neck. "No…no…I… I… I have to go… I… I…"

"No… Derek…" Meredith whimpered. "Please?"

"Meredith… it has been four days… I mean… I gave you the opportunity… you didn't take it… I know you're alright, I'm just going to go home."

"No… no you're not going home." She said as she stepped in front of the door.

"Meredith… move…" Derek said as he watched her cross her arms over her chest.

"No." She said sternly, reaching over her shoulder, she pulled the knob on the deadbolt.

"Now you lock your door?" Derek said with a sarcastic laugh.

"Yes." She said as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Go sit down…" She said, pointing to the couch.

"You're kidnapping me?" He chuckled.

"Yes." She nodded. "You and I need to talk." She said as she pointed. "Sit down, please…"

"Meredith… it's alright… you're not interested, I…"

"SIT DOWN!" She exclaimed, smiling suddenly. "Please." She said sweetly.

"Fine… I'll sit down…" He sighed as he walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Stay there…" She said as she turned and flitted into the kitchen for a moment. He watched as she disappeared through the doors, and after a moment, came running into the living room with a bag of microwave popcorn. She climbed over the back of the couch and sat beside him. "Want some?" She asked.

"No, thank you." He shook his head.

"Listen…" She said, popping a couple of pieces of popcorn into her mouth. "I'm really sorry that I haven't called you yet…" She said, watching as he stared at the table. "I… wanted… to and… and I almost have… a million times…" She said, tilting her head.

"But you didn't…" He said softly. "It's alright…"

"No… no it's not… I should have called you… if I wanted to… you know… I shouldn't be afraid of my feelings… but I am, Derek." She sighed. "When I was at your mother's house, I was there… I was stuck… I had no where to go… and here… here, I can hide and avoid… and I'm very, very good at avoiding."

"So that's good to hear… you were attracted to me because you were stuck with me…" Derek said as he started to get up.

"No! Will you listen to me, please? That didn't come out right…alright? I… I avoid… and… I always avoid the things I want… and usually… I lose the things I want, because I avoid it too long…Derek." She said, tilting her head, she put the bag of popcorn on the table next to the couch, and watched as he stared into his lap. She tilted her head and lay on her back, sliding her head onto his lap so that he was forced to look into her eyes. She gave him a silly smile. "I don't want to lose you, Derek." She whispered. "But I'm scared."

"I was worried about you." He whispered.

"I can see that… you broke into my mother's house…"

"Hey… I didn't break in… some flitty little thing left the door unlocked and listens to loud music, so she can't hear the doorbell or a knock." He shook his head. "Do I seem desperate?" He whispered, cringing a little. "Coming to look for you?"

"No." She smiled. "You don't want to lose me either." She whispered as she leaned up and kissed his lips lightly, their eyes catching for a moment.

"No…" He whispered. "I… I don't want to lose you." He shook his head as he leaned down and kissed her lips softly. "I think… that I might be… I think that…"

"Shh…" She whispered as she leaned up and kissed his lips again, repositioning herself so that he could pull her into his arms. He kissed her delicately and sweetly as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"I really like you, Meredith…" He whispered.

"I really like you." She said softly against his lips. "Hey…" She whispered as she looked into her eyes. "My… mother isn't coming home until after midnight, most likely… would you like to stay and celebrate New Years with me?" She whispered.

"What does 'most likely' mean?" He asked with a smirk.

"She's staying at the hospital tonight." She smiled softly as she touched his cheek. "Stay and snuggle…" She smiled, nodding towards the television.

"Stay and snuggle…" He whispered.

"Yep… you are very good at it…" She smiled.

"Does this count as our first date?" he asked as he pulled his jacket off slowly.

"Maybe…" She shrugged.

"You do say that word an awful lot…" He chuckled, as he pressed his lips against hers, swinging his jacket over the back of the couch, he leaned down and lay on the couch, pulling her tightly against his body as she switched the television on and draped his arm over her, snuggling deeply into his arms as they forgot about everything else.

------- 

"You guys are so sweet together!" Nancy exclaimed as she shook her head and laughed.

"I know, I think I should get my blood sugar checked…" Michael teased as Derek and Meredith both blushed.

They all giggled and laughed a little more, talking about this or that as the night grew later. "We should probably get everyone upstairs to bed." Kathleen said with a smile. "Or Santa won't be able to come…" She said as she raised her eyebrows, her two older children turned straight for the stairs.

"Come on everyone… bed time…" Joann said as she lifted her little one from the playpen, and started for the stairs, her girls and Timothy following behind as everyone said goodnight and slipped on up the stairs. Derek and Meredith remained on the chair, Meredith in Derek's arms as Mrs. Shepherd stepped back into the room before heading up to bed.

"Are you two going to stay down here for a little while?" She whispered with a happy smile.

"Yeah…" Derek said as he slipped Meredith from her lap as they both stood up. "We're going to… talk a little and just enjoy the Christmas lights, I think." Derek said, glancing to Meredith with a soft smile.

"Congratulations to you both." She said with a happy smile, hugging them both at the same time as she kissed her son's cheek.

"Thanks, Mom." Derek smiled.

"Thanks, Mom." Meredith whispered, with no hesitation.

"See… still doesn't hurt, does it?" Mrs. Shepherd said with a laugh as Meredith blushed a little at the little inside joke between them both. "Now don't you two get to sleep too late… we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." She said as she headed towards the stairs.

"Don't worry, Mom…" Derek said as he laughed, watching his mother disappear up the stairs to bed.

He turned to Meredith and smiled, his eyes sparkling in the lights of the Christmas tree. "Now it's just you and me, Grinch…" Derek teased as he tickled her a little, listening to her laugh as He stepped backwards with her towards the couch, falling backwards against the cushions with her on top of him with a laugh.

"Derek…" She giggled. "Stop tickling…" She laughed as she struggled a little, eventually settling in his lap once again, cradled softly by his arms. "Tell me…your favorite moment from the past year…" She whispered, her eyes sparkling up at him as he watched the light play off her face, searching his mind for just one defining moment that he could pinpoint as his favorite.

-----------

He shifted her slightly on his legs, still looking into her eyes as he smiled. "My favorite moment from the past year…" He said as his face became serious. "When you said you'd marry me…" He whispered. "The first time." He said as a grin appeared on his face.

"No… no… I mean before that… before today… what was your favorite moment?" She asked as she tilted her head as he watched her.

Derek laughed a little as he thought of something, looking to the ceiling as he cradled her.

"What?" She giggled. "Tell me…"

"It's not my favorite… but… I do remember it… very well… and very fondly…" He laughed.

"What?" She asked with an amused expression.

"The day that your mother found out about you and I." He laughed as she rolled her eyes.

"I swear…" She laughed.

"What…?"

"You just love telling this story."

--------

_Derek walked quickly down the hallway, he had plans for the evening and was starting to get excited. Valentines day was falling on a Saturday and he had the entire weekend free. He whistled as he walked around the corner, dodging the much smaller woman who was coming right in his direction. "Doctor Shepherd." Her voice was short and stern. _

"Doctor Grey." He nodded politely as he walked past her.

Just as he had thought that he was out of her sights, he heard her voice again. "Doctor Shepherd… can you come here for a moment?" She asked, her eyebrows raised as he turned to his colleague and handed him the chart he was holding.

"Yes, Ma'am." Derek said politely as he stepped down the hallway towards her.

"I'd like to speak with you privately, please." She said as she turned and headed down the hallway. Derek stopped for a moment, fear rising in his belly as he swallowed hard. With Ellis Grey four steps ahead of him he started to follow her down the hallway towards the conference room on the right. He stepped in behind her and she turned. "Doctor Shepherd, sit down please." She said sternly as she watched him stand nervously beside him. She watched as he pulled a chair out, carefully sitting down, he looked up at her above him.

She watched the fear in his eyes, a look that she had become all too familiar with in her young surgeons. However, the longer she watched him, the more confident they became. She could tell that he was running through every single thing he had done in that hospital for the past week in his mind, checking and double checking to make sure that there was nothing that he and messed up. That was the kind of confidence that she needed on her teams, that was the kind of confidence in a surgeon that she wanted, strived for in her hospital, but this matter had very little to do with surgery.

"Doctor Shepherd…" She said, crossing her arms over her chest as she watched him look up at her carefully. "I… am a very proud woman." She said as she watched his eyes follow hers. "I am a very proud… and very busy woman… with many responsibilities and not enough time to take care of them all…"

Ellis talked about her pride for several minutes and Derek sat there, his mind reeling at what she could possibly want, speaking to him privately. He had mentally gone through every procedure that he had performed that day, the day before, and the day before and he couldn't think of one thing that he had done wrong. He watched the strength in her eyes, and could clearly see in her sad eyes, her daughter. Derek's heart leapt at the thought of Meredith, his eyes brightening as he calmly listened to Ellis rant to him, rambling on about this responsibility or that, another similarity to her daughter. He almost smiled.

"What I'm getting at Doctor Shepherd, is that I know that you're seeing my daughter… and I'm not quite sure that I approve of it." She said sternly.

Derek's eyes widened. He had guilt written… permanently etched on his face. "Huh?" was all that he could utter.

"Meredith." She said sternly, noticing immediately that his eyes lightened at the sound of her name. "How do you know her?" She asked, more filled with a motherly concern than with scorn.

"I met her at Christmas, Ma'am." Derek said politely. "When her car was in that accident… my brother in law was the one that picked her up… brought her to my mother's house… I brought her home after Christmas."

Ellis nodded, watching him carefully as he spoke clearly and confidently. She could tell that he wasn't messing around, wasn't afraid of her. He just waited for her reaction. "I have noticed… that she spent a lot of time at the hospital while she was on her winter break. It was something that she rarely has ever done. She tends to avoid me." Ellis said softly, watching Derek nod. "I noticed that she was watching all of the surgeries that you were involved in… and also… I found this under the couch at my home." She said as she pulled out a silver ballpoint pen, with Derek's name delicately etched into the side.

Derek smiled slightly when he looked at the pen, looking up at her eyes, he reached out and touched it with his fingertips. "I had wondered where I lost that." He smiled softly, watching her eyes as they softened as well. "Doctor Grey, I assure you… that I have…"

"Derek." Ellis spoke softly. "I believe that you are one of our most talented residents here at Boston General…and I think that you're a very smart man. Just know… that Meredith is my baby… and although we don't see eye to eye… well… ever… she's still my daughter… and I would break the hands of any surgeon who got in the way of her dreams… even the most talented." Ellis smirked.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Her studies… come first."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"You… can come in second."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"And don't expect any special treatment… because you're dating my daughter."

"No, Ma'am." He shook his head.

"Also… I expect to see you at dinner soon, in my home with my daughter… perhaps next weekend, after your Valentines Day excursion?" She said with a slight smirk, reveling in the blush that took over Derek's cheeks.

"Yes, Ma'am." He smiled softly.

"You may go now, Doctor Shepherd. Have a pleasant weekend." She said softly as she took a step back, watching Derek stand up slowly. "Take care of her, Derek. She's a delicate soul." She said softly, watching Derek nod knowingly as he took a step from the room, a slight smirk on his face, broadening into a grin as he made his way towards the locker room to change.

----- 

"I just can't believe that you called my mother 'Ma'am'" Meredith giggled as Derek shook his head.

"Did you want me to call her 'sir'? I'm pretty sure that she would not have appreciated that." Derek laughed.

"I'm glad she let you come home for Christmas." Meredith whispered.

"Yes… but she assured me that this was not in any way a favor… just a way to get her daughter out of her hair." Derek laughed as Meredith shook her head.

"She did not say that!" She exclaimed with a laugh as he tickled her a little more.

"Alright…" Derek laughed. "It's your turn… what is your favorite moment this year…?" He asked as she looked up into his eyes, watching as she smiled and closed her eyes for a moment. "Meri…" He laughed, watching her open her eyes once again, happy tears in her eyes as she sighed happily.

-------------

Meredith sighed as she watched Derek's eyes search her face. She grinned brightly as her eyes sparkled. He could see the mischief that lie hiding in her eyes and he could feel his heart flutter as she thoughtfully pressed her upper teeth onto her bottom lip for a moment, something that he found her to do when she's thinking hard about something. He waited patiently for her answer, knowing that whatever she came up with was surely to be something that he would have a good laugh with her about.

"Spring break." She grinned, her devilish grin as she glanced into his eyes made him roll his eyes as he sighed.

"Of course…" He laughed. "You really think that two crazy half naked med students running around my apartment was the highlight of the year?"

"Maybe…" She giggled. "Come on, Derek… Cristina wasn't that bad…"

"Cristina… was bad…" Derek shook his head.

"Derek! You said you liked her!" Meredith giggled.

"I was being polite…" He laughed.

"Cut that out…" Meredith teased as she rolled in his arms.

"I'll just never forget when I met her…" Derek said, putting his head back against the couch as he squeezed Meredith closer.

-----------

_"So… this is where you hang out when you come here…?" Meredith's friend asked as she turned her head to face her roommate. _

"Yes." Meredith shrugged. "Derek always meets me here…it's close to the hospital."

"It's an old person bar…" Cristina whispered to her friend.

"It is not an…"

"Hi ladies…" A man said as he sat down on a barstool beside the two girls.

Cristina turned and looked at the man beside her, a tall handsome man, though older. He had chiseled good looks and brown hair, peppered with a bit of gray. He had a bright smile and sparkling eyes and Cristina turned back to Meredith. "I rest my case…" She said as she turned back to the man. Meredith just grinned as he watched the man look her friend up and down. "Can I help you?" Cristina said loudly, almost rudely.

"I was wondering if I could interest you ladies in a drink…" The man said with a grin as he glanced around Cristina to Meredith.

"Sure." Meredith said with a smile as Cristina turned and glared at her. "It's a free drink." She whispered.

"I am so telling Derek on you!" Cristina whispered angrily.

"You don't even know what Derek looks like…" Meredith giggled as she told the man beside Cristina what she wanted to drink. "Order your drink, dumbass." She whispered to Cristina.

"I don't want a drink from him…He's creepy." She whispered back.

"Contrary to popular belief… just because this is an 'old person' bar… doesn't mean everyone is deaf." The man chuckled as Cristina blushed.

"I'm Meredith." Meredith said as she reached her hand out to the man, watching as he brought her hand gently to his lips.

"It's a pleasure, Meredith." He said with a sly grin. "And your name?"

"Sophie." Cristina grunted.

Meredith almost fell off her barstool laughing, watching as the man laughed as well. "She's Cristina…"

"Cristina, Meredith… I'm Mark Sloan. I'm a surgeon over…"

"Oh… that's a great pick up line!" Cristina exclaimed turning to him. "Do you think we really care what you do for a living, Mark Sloan? Do you really think we care one iota that you may or may not have a lot of money stashed away… or might have some kind of 'In' for Boston General or…" Cristina paused as she thought for a second. "Cristina Yang…" She smiled sweetly, holding her hand to Mark suddenly. "So you're a surgeon? What is your specialty, Mark?" She asked, batting her eyelashes.

"Plastic surgery." He said with a soft growl.

"Oh." Cristina said as she pulled her hand back swiftly. "Nothing cool then…" She said as she turned back to the bar and took the beer that the bartender brought to her.

Mark watched the two of them drink for a moment as someone sat beside Meredith. She didn't look up at first, but she knew immediately who it was. The two men exchanged glances and Cristina looked behind Meredith cautiously. "Meredith… there's another one behind you… I think they're closing in on us…"

"We smell fresh young meat…" Derek whispered from behind Meredith, smirking across at Mark, leaning over behind Cristina.

"I'll elbow this one… you mess up poufy head's hair… and we'll make a run for it…" Cristina whispered, glancing up at Derek, who was smiling mischievously as he leaned on the bar.

"Maybe I'll just kiss him instead… distract him that way…" Meredith said as she tilted her head back onto his shoulder as he lowered his lips onto hers softly, her eyes closing as she smiled against his mouth.

"Meredith!" Cristina exclaimed as Meredith and Derek both began to laugh, tilting her head up, she grinned at her friend.

"Cris, this is Derek… Derek, this is my roommate Cristina…"

"It's nice to meet you, Cristina." Derek said, holding his hand out as Cristina's cheeks turned bright red, her mouth still open wide in shock.

"I think we surprised her…" Derek laughed.

"And the creepy old guy behind you is Mark… he's Derek's colleague and friend over at the hospital…" Meredith giggled.

"You were in on this the whole time?" Cristina asked, glaring at Mark. "I hate you even more now, you know…"

"I figured you might." Mark laughed as he accepted his drink from the bartender and chuckled as the four of them settled back and visited.

----------- 

"She hated him so much!" Meredith laughed uproariously as she remembered that day, her giggles warming his heart as he held her.

"Yeah… she hated him so much that she is still dating him… I'm surprised that they haven't killed one another yet." Derek chuckled. "Come on, Meri… that was a good and funny moment in the past year… but I want to hear… your favorite… what was your favorite moment… your favorite day…something that makes your fingers tingle… your mouth water… your heart beat faster…" Derek whispered as he buried his nose into her neck, growling slightly as he listened to her giggle. "Tell me…" He whispered.

------------

Meredith squeaked a little in Derek's arms as he tickled her neck with his nose. "You're being fresh…" She whispered as she shifted to sit up. She looked over at him and he flashed her sad eyes as he watched her move to sit beside him. "Where are you going?" He asked. "You still have to tell me." He said as he reached for her, feeling her wiggle from his grasp.

"I need to get something." She said as she leaned over the coffee table, where she had been sitting earlier.

"What do you need to get?" He asked, leaning with her a little as he watched her pick up the small white box on the coffee table. She leaned back and nearly bumped into him, watching as he smiled softly. She moved her leg, kneeling on the couch, he sat up a little more, so she could swing her leg around him, and face him as she straddled him. She held the box in her hands, looking down at it as she glanced up at him, their eyes meeting as his hands gently rubbed her legs and hips. "You remembered it." He said softly, the sparkle in his eyes was magical as his eyes filled with tears.

"Of course I remembered it." She whispered. "It belongs here on Christmas, with your family." She smiled softly as she leaned forward, pushing her body against his as she wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Our family, Meredith." He whispered, feeling her soft breath on his neck as she cuddled against him.

"My Christmas wish came true." She smiled, sitting up a little, still straddling him as she pressed her nose lightly against his.

"Your Christmas wish?" He asked, tilting his head just slightly. It took him only a moment, and he remembered. "It did… didn't it?" He asked, reaching up to touch her cheek. He very gently traced her jaw line with his fingertips, gently pushing her chin slightly so that he could capture her lips on his own. "I love you…" He whispered.

"That's it!" She exclaimed suddenly, sending his head back in surprise, his eyes widened.

"What's 'it'?" he asked.

"My favorite moment!" She grinned, the beauty of her smile warmed his heart, she looked so beautiful when she smiled, so free, so young, so delicious.

"What is your favorite moment?" He asked, leaning forward a bit to kiss her neck.

------------

_Derek walked down the hallway to his apartment. He sighed as he neared the door and stopped in his tracks when he heard loud music coming from within. At first he thought that maybe Mark had stopped in to hang around before his shift started, but Derek remembered seeing him at the hospital before he left. _

"Meredith?" he whispered to himself, wondering if she had showed up early. He knew that she had final exams all week long, but from the sound coming from his apartment, he knew she had to be inside. He had given her the key to his apartment the last time she was in town so that when she came down for weekends, she could go inside when he was at work if she wanted to. He smiled when he walked inside, and even the loud music that was probably annoying all of his neighbors didn't bother him. He followed the music through the apartment, walking into the little kitchenette as Meredith stood in the middle dancing around, a celery stick to her mouth as a microphone, a peanut butter jar in her other hand.

She turned around, wiggling her butt, completely unfazed by his presence, she danced to the seductive song and grinned when she saw him leaning against the doorway with a sideways grin. She moved close to him and rubbed her butt against him as she swung around and continued singing off key to the song, swaying back and forth with a bright grin on her face. He stepped over to the stereo as she stopped dancing, shoved the celery stick into the peanut butter jar and grinned.

"You're going to go deaf…" He teased as he watched her scoop out a bunch of peanut butter and shoved it in her mouth.

"NoImat." She garbled as the peanut butter stuck to the roof of her mouth.

"Yes you am…" Derek teased as he stepped close to her. He reached for the celery stick. "What are you eating, anyway?"

"All you have is health junk… I have to deal with what I have…" She said as she took another bite of the celery stick. "Do you realize that there is not one ounce of chocolate in this entire apartment? That is a crime! A crime, Derek!" She exclaimed as he shook his head and laughed, reaching for the celery stick again, only to have her twirl around and shove it into the peanut butter jar, sticking another gob into her mouth, she took a bite.

"It's a crime to let such a beautiful body waste away on chocolate and junk food…" Derek said as he reached for the peanut butter jar.

"Derek… this beautiful body NEEDS chocolate… it thrives on chocolate… do you want to be responsible for me wasting away? I think not…" She said as she swung the peanut butter jar away from him and shoved the remainder of the celery stick inside.

"Yes… my apartment is filled with health food… and yet you still find a way to make a snack unhealthy…" He teased as he grabbed the peanut butter jar just as she pulled the celery stick from it, swinging it up, she hit him in the face with a gob of peanut butter.

"Oops..." She giggled, covering her mouth with her hand as she watched him stand with an amused glare on his face, trying so desperately to hide the smile that was trying to move to his lips.

"Oops?" He said as he reached his hand up, slipping his finger through the peanut butter stuck to his cheek, he stuck his finger in his mouth, seductively licking the peanut butter, being sure to show her how his tongue was swirling around his finger tips as he stared lustfully into her eyes. "Oops? That's all you have to say for yourself?" he asked as she giggled. "I'll give you oops!" He exclaimed, giving her just a millisecond to take off running into the living room. "Get back here!" He exclaimed as he chased her, her giggling form running through the apartment made him laugh as he grabbed hold of her foot with his clean hand right by the couch, sending her tumbling across the cushions as she tried to escape.

"Let me go! Let me go!" She giggled as he crawled on top of her, turning her over beneath him as he held himself up with his arms over her.

"You're not going anywhere until you lick every bit of that peanut butter from my face…" He said as stared into her eyes.

She laughed as she stuck her tongue out, giving him a wet, sloppy lick over his cheek, where he proceeded to tickle her, sending her into squeals of laughter. "Stop! Stop tickling! Stop tickling!" She screeched.

He moved to the side of her, stopping his tickle assault for a moment as he became lost in her eyes. He smiled, his eyes sparkling as he watched her watch him. He shook his head as he felt his eyes becoming slightly teary, a lump in his throat as he watched her eyes playfully move over his features, a flash of concern, and a tilt of her head. "I love you, Meredith." He whispered.

He stopped, his eyes widening as he realized what he had said. He had said it… those three words that he had wanted to say on so many occasions, but couldn't find the right time. Those three words that he had been feeling for months now, but had never been able to verbalize. He wanted to say them at a special time, not in the middle of a tickle fight, it wasn't the right time, it wasn't perfect.

Or was it?

Her head tilted as she watched the million realizations bounce around in his head, the denial that he had said it… the anger of having it not be in an overtly romantic setting, the bargaining of whether or not she had heard it, and if he could take it back, and the depression of knowing that there was no way of going back, and finally…

Acceptance.

"I love you, Derek." She smiled.

She smiled.

Derek looked at the beautiful smile on her face, her hair strewn about the pillow of the couch, much in the same way it was on that first night she had met him at his mother's house, her eyes twinkling with a thousand lights of the Christmas tree, in the middle of June.

Without a word, a whisper, or a sound, he closed his eyes and carefully leaned in. The moment their lips touched was as if a thousand firecrackers had exploded, sending shockwaves of pleasure and love through both of their bodies as the kiss deepened, and with it, their love.

--------- 

"That was my favorite moment too." Derek smiled sheepishly at her as he watched the tear roll down her cheek.

"No… no, your favorite moment was when my mom found out about us… you already said…" She giggled as he shook his head.

"I take it back, I take it back…" He laughed.

"You can't take it back… you said it!" She giggled as she poked his belly.

"I didn't know you were going to go all 'I love you' on me… I didn't know you were going to be all sappy dappy and lovey dovey…"

"Oh… is that what I got?" She asked, sitting up as she rolled off his lap, standing up.

"Yep…" He said as he stood up beside her. "You're like a big ole blob of lovey dovey goo right now…" He said as he pushed his forehead down to hers. Suddenly, she let out a big yawn, her eyes closing as she opened them again to look into his. "Someone is tired."

"I… am not…" She yawned again, covering her mouth as she turned from him. "Tired…" She said as she looked up at the Christmas tree.

"Nope, not tired at all." He teased.

"Can we…?" She asked as she turned her head to face Derek, the white box still in her hand.

"Of course." He said with a smile as he stepped forward next to her. He watched as she gently removed the little silver star from the box, the tissue wrinkled from the many times of opening the box to admire it. She held the ornament by the little gold string, hanging from her fingertip as she felt Derek's hand on hers, reaching up to hold the string as well.

She turned her face to look him in the eyes, as they each raised their hand with the star, carefully slipping it onto the branch, their eyes never leaving one anothers.

"I love you, Meredith." He whispered, watching those thousand Christmas lights dance about her eyes, her face, her hair, her beautiful body.

"I love you, Derek." She whispered, as she leaned up and closed the invisible gap that was between them, sealing their love with a Christmas kiss as the clock tolled midnight.


	6. One Year Later Christmas Day

Chapter 6-

Christmas Day- Take two…

Derek breathed deeply, the scent of her hair sent his senses tingling as he rubbed her back slightly. Then he heard it.

Giggles.

Not again.

A slow, delicate smirk spread across his face as the giggling became a little louder. "What is it this time?" He whispered, looking up into two of his sister's eyes.

"This is the second year in a row…" Bethany giggled.

"This year, we got a picture." Kathleen giggled, holding up the camera, she pressed the button and the flash lit up the room.

"You're going to get it…" Derek groaned sleepily as he felt Meredith moving her head.

"What…" Meredith mumbled as she looked up, seeing the two women above her, she grinned. "What is…?"

"It's time to put the gifts under the tree." Nancy whispered from the doorway.

"Oh…" Meredith whispered as she sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes as Derek sat up beside her. The door to the kitchen opened and Joann walked into the room with a tray full of coffee cups.

"Do you need…" Derek whispered.

"Meredith." Nancy said with a smile. "We need Meredith, and we need you to go upstairs and go to bed."

"What if I don't want to go to bed?"

"Then go upstairs and stand at the top of the stairs… no boys allowed." Bethany replied.

"But…"

"Derek… you know the rules." Nancy replied.

"Meredith doesn't want me to leave." He said, crossing his arms over his chest, he glanced to Meredith, who had avoided eye contact with him as she smiled up at Joann and accepted a cup of coffee. "Meredith…" he whispered.

Her face turned towards him as she brought the coffee to her lips and raised her eyebrows. "What? There are only five cups of coffee…" She shrugged. She watched as he gave her a fake sad look, his eyes widened as he pouted.

"Oh… get that look off your face…" Joann said as she gave her brother a little shove with her foot as Meredith gave him a sad face back.

"Donnie has that exact same puppy dog expression when he wants something." Kathleen laughed. "Don't give in, Meredith." She whispered.

"Please…" Derek whispered. "I'll be so lonely upstairs…"

The four sisters watched the couple as they battled silently for a moment, watching as Derek slowly chipped away at her resolve, or so they thought.

"You know…" Meredith said with a little whisper as she slowly started to back away from Derek. "You're really cute when your pouting…" She smiled wickedly.

"What does that mean?" Derek asked.

"Go on upstairs… pout a little more… and I'll come upstairs to tuck you in." She grinned.

Derek's jaw dropped as the five women began to giggle as he stood up. "I see how it is…" He sighed as he shook his head. "I give you that pretty little ring… and how do you repay me? You side with them… You should be ashamed…" He said with a smirk.

"Oh…I'm not…" Meredith shook her head as she started to giggle more, the other four girls helped her from the floor as the five of them stood together.

"Goodnight, Derek…" They all whispered aloud at the same time as Derek shook his head.

"We'll see if I let you into the room." He winked at Meredith as the girls giggled some more, watching Derek blow a kiss to Meredith as he shook his head and made his way towards the stairs. He glanced down at the girls one more time, watching them huddle together and talk excitedly as he felt the warmth of Christmas and the thought of his family accepting Meredith so readily enter his heart and made him smile as he made his way upstairs into his bedroom.

-------

"Is he gone?" Nancy asked, stepping over to the stairs as she listened for Derek's door to close. She smiled as she turned. "Alright…" She said with a laugh as she looked to her sisters and Meredith. "Let the fun begin!" She said excitedly as Meredith watched Nancy, Kathleen, and Joann walk towards the back of the house. "Come on, Meredith…" She said waving her hand as she turned back to Bethany walking towards the stairs.

"What is…?"

"She's the look out…" Kathleen said as she grabbed Meredith's hand as they headed towards the door to the basement.

"The look out?"

"She's got to make sure none of the sneaky ones get downstairs while we're doing this…both the kids and the men…" Nancy laughed as Meredith nodded in understanding. "We take turns every year…" She explained.

The four of them headed down into the basement, where they all split up in different directions, leaving Meredith standing at the stairs watching as they started to gather plastic containers that were on the shelves. They placed container after container on the floor and Kathleen waved Meredith over. "What we usually do is… as we shop for gifts for the kids, we bring them over here to Mom's house… she will wrap them for us…"

"She says she enjoys it…" Nancy rolls her eyes.

"Hey, I'm glad she enjoys it… I hate wrapping gifts…" Joann giggled.

"She wraps them and puts them in these containers. Each container is marked with a letter… 'K' for me, 'B' for Bethany, 'N' for Nancy, and 'J' for Joann." Kathleen explained. "Otherwise, it's just chaotic…" 

"Look!" Nancy said as she pulled a large tub from the shelf.

"What?" Joann asked as she approached her quickly. She saw the marking on the top of the box and laughed. "This one has an 'M' on it!"

"But…" Meredith muttered as she blushed, watching as the three girls giggled.

"Mom is always thinking ahead." Nancy laughed as Meredith smiled nervously. "Welcome to the family, Meredith." She giggled as she grabbed the first container and began to carry it up the stairs.

Each of the girls followed behind with their own container as they began a bit of an assembly line up the stairs. Until the top of the stairs was so filled with containers, that they could hardly walk into the room. "I think mom needs a bigger house…" Nancy giggled as she stepped around the stacks of containers. "Alright… everyone grab a container and get unpacking…"

The four of them went to work, glancing to Bethany on the stairs as she sat with a grin, holding her cup of coffee. Each container was carefully unpacked, placed under the tree and secure as the morning began to break. The light in the room from the windows was becoming lighter as Kathleen placed the last gift beneath the tree. "There, all set." She smiled as she glanced around to the other girls.

"Now what do we do?" Meredith whispered, looking at the piles upon piles of gifts under the tree.

"Now…" Bethany said as she stepped down the stairs carefully, grinning brightly as she walked to the small table beside the tree. "Now we are rewarded for our hard work." She grinned as she held out the small plate of cookies that had been left beside the tree for Santa. Each one of the girls reached for their cookie, leaving one remaining, she held the plate to Meredith. "Five cookies." She smiled, watching as Meredith took the cookie from the plate. Kathleen, Bethany, Nancy and Joann each held their cookie out, as if they were going to toast, and Meredith followed their lead. "To another year of happiness and health." Bethany said softly.

"To another year of good kids, good husbands, and good friends." Kathleen replied.

"To another year of surprises and giggles." Nancy said with a smile.

"To another year of family, togetherness, and teamwork!" Joann replied.

The four sisters turned to Meredith, who suddenly looked overwhelmed by the attention. She watched the supportive glances of the other four girls and smiled. "To a new year…" She said slowly. "Of new family… new friends… and new experiences…" She said confidently, as the four girls lightly touched their cookies together in a toast, and began to eat them, as they each sat on the couch with their cups of coffee, exhausted.

When their coffee had gone cold, and the girls were done talking, morning was officially beginning to break. Bethany looked up. "I think Taylor is up…" She whispered, referring to her youngest daughter.

"Crap! Everyone upstairs!" They exclaimed as the four girls ran for the stairs, Kathleen grabbing Meredith's hand as they went. The five of them slipped quickly up the stairs, and one by one, each of their bedroom doors clicked shut.

Meredith stood in the darkened room for a moment, trying to catch her breath as she realized that she was grinning from ear to ear. Her eyes were wide with excitement, and her heart was beating wildly as she watched the snoring lump in the bed. She watched him for several moments, his head on the pillow intended for her, his arm extended across her side of the bed, as if waiting for her to slip beneath it.

She slowly stepped to the bed, still dressed in her clothes, and very carefully lifted his arm as she sat on the edge of the bed. She pushed her feet onto the bed, and lay down, fluidly rolling herself beneath his arm, coming face to face with his sleeping breath. She watched him, wide eyed and smiling as she kissed his nose softly, feeling the warmth of his bare chest on her fingertips.

"Your hands are cold." He whispered, his eyes opening to hers, his lips curling to smile when he caught sight of the wonder and excitement in her eyes. "You're beautiful." He whispered. "Did you have fun?" He asked.

"It had an 'M' on it." She smiled, watching the confusion in his eyes, as he gave her a curious look.

"What was that?" he whispered.

"Nothing…" She whispered. "It's a Shepherd girl thing…" She giggled as she closed her eyes and tucked her head into him, feeling his arms encircle her tighter until he could feel the gentle breath against his skin.

"Mm…" He whispered. "You smell like cookies." He whispered, as he fell back to sleep to her gentle giggle.

------------

Derek heard the clanging of the 'Christmas pot' and the loud shuffling of feet and excited giggles of the children passing his room as they excitedly moved downstairs. He could hear the gasping of the children and his sisters and brother in laws as they brought the little ones downstairs, cooing at the gifts as they excitedly talked about all of the gifts that Santa had brought them.

"They're so loud…" Derek grumbled with a sigh, his eyes still closed as he shifted slightly in his bed, cuddling Meredith closer, and suddenly realized that what he was holding wasn't Meredith at all, it was her pillow. "Meredith?" He mumbled, looking up, finding himself alone in the bed, cuddled tightly against her pillow, that she must have somehow slipped into his arms while he slept so that she could sneak out of the room. "Meredith?" He called.

The door swung open and Joann stepped into the room. "Meredith is downstairs with everyone else… get your lazy butt out of bed." She laughed as she tossed her daughter's stuffed animal at him.

"Hey!" He exclaimed, shaking his head as he watched her disappear out the door. He covered his head with his pillow as he tried to block out the sound of the children running by his door, banging on it screaming his name. "Go away! I'm trying to…"

Suddenly, the door flew open. "DEREK!" Her voice rang through the room and bounced off the walls like a rubber ball. Keeping with the theme, she ran forward and jumped onto the bed. "Get up! Get up! It's Christmas morning!" She exclaimed as she hopped up and down, bouncing out of the way when she saw him reaching for her foot without looking. She hopped sideways and landed on top of him, hearing him grunt as she pulled the pillow off his head. "Out of bed, sleepy head!" She exclaimed, the happiness in her voice was so wild, so unwieldy, so strange, yet for some reason, it was extremely alluring to him.

"No out of bed… Into bed…" he grumbled, giving her a pouty face as he grabbed her arms and pulled her into him in a hug.

"No…" She mumbled as she hugged him back. "Out of bed… out of bed… It's Christmas!" She grinned.

"Meredith… what has gotten into you?" He laughed as she wiggled around on top of him. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his.

"The Christmas spirit…" She giggled.

"Oh yeah? Well… it looks like we're going to need an exorcism… because I think it's taken over your body!" He exclaimed as he touched her cheeks with his hands, tilted his head slightly as he kissed her lips, sighing against her mouth.

"EW!" The sound of children in the doorway brought Derek and Meredith's attention to his two nieces standing in the doorway.

"I'll give you ew! I'll give you ew! Come here and give Uncle Derek a kiss!" He exclaimed as he pulled Meredith aside onto the bed as she laughed and he rolled off the bed, chasing the two squealing youngsters down the hallway, laughing as they made their way down the stairs quickly. He stood at the top of the stairs and turned back to look at his room, expecting Meredith to come flitting out of the door any second, and when he didn't, he became curious. He walked down the hallway and towards his room, peeking inside, he found a Meredith shaped lump under his covers. He closed the door and clicked the lock on the doorknob. "Hey…" He said as he walked over to her, 'knocking' lightly on the blanket, he didn't hear her make a sound. "Can I come in?" He asked.

"Uh huh…" She said softly.

He slowly lifted the covers, lying on the bed, he rolled underneath them, coming face to face with her. "What are you doing in here?" He asked with a whisper, as she grinned excitedly at him.

"Looking for a little bit of Christmas morning love." She whispered, her grin softening to a sweet smile.

"Mmm…" he growled as he wrapped his arm around her softly, running his hand up and down her back lightly as he leaned forward to kiss her softly. "I like Christmas morning love." He whispered. "I thought you wanted to get downstairs?" He whispered.

"I do." She whispered. "After…the morning love…" She smiled, leaning forward to kiss his mouth, catching his lip between his teeth, she could feel his breath catch

"I love the morning love..." He groaned as he pulled her body closer to his. He pulled his head back lightly and looked her in the eyes. He smiled slightly. "Feels awkward… doesn't it?"

"It's your mom's house." She whispered with a little giggle.

"Yeah…" He chuckled. "With a roomful of kids… and parents…" He laughed.

"Look at it his way…" She said, raising her eyebrows. "Your mom… busy with the grandkids… your sisters… busy with the kids… the kids… all busy with the presents… why can't we just stay up here and keep busy with one another?"

"Mmm… I love the way you think…" he growled as he grabbed her and pulled her on top of him, kissing her mouth, deepening the kiss as he lifted her shirt, running his hands over her skin, sending shockwaves of electricity coursing through her body as she groaned beneath his touch, the weight of her body and the touch of her fingers on his chest gave him goosebumps.

Suddenly, they both jumped at the sound of loud clanging coming from directly behind the door. "SILENT NIGHT! HOLY NIGHT! ALL IS CALM! ALL IS BRIGHT!" The sound of Justin, Joe, Michael, and Neil came from outside their door as they slammed the metal spoon against a pot.

Derek laughed and groaned, burying his head into her shoulder as she giggled. "No Christmas morning loving this morning…" He whispered.

"I guess not…" she giggled.

"Maybe tonight…" He raised his eyebrows at her as she nodded. He rolled her off of him and ran to the door, unlocking it, he swung it open. "You guys are so dead!" he exclaimed as the four men ran off down the hallway towards the stairs. He watched as they laughed, descending the stairs, singing all the way, as Meredith poked her head around the corner, putting her arm on his back, running her nails across the bare skin as she listened to him groan slightly. "You… cannot do that…" he whispered, turning, he lifted her high in the air and launched her onto the bed with a laugh. He grabbed his shirt off the dresser. "Last one downstairs… washes the dinner dishes all by themselves!" he exclaimed as he ran out the door. Meredith leapt from the bed and chased after him, finding him throwing his t-shirt on at the stairs, she ran towards him and leapt onto his back with a laugh as he held her tightly as he ran down the stairs with her on his back. They reached the landing and all eyes were on them once again.

"You two certainly know how to make an entrance…" Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed.

"It's Christmas!" Meredith exclaimed.

"Where are my presents?" Derek asked as he made his way across the room to his chair, letting Meredith down to the ground as he sat down, pulling her into his lap, as they were instantly crawling with nieces and nephews.

---------------

Derek and Meredith sat on the large recliner chair together, laughing along with the children as they stood amazed at the number of gifts from Santa. Gifts were being handed out, and Derek sipped from his coffee as he usually did while all of the children and his sisters opened their gifts.

"Why don't you ever get gifts?" Meredith asked, watching as his eyebrows raised as he sipped his coffee.

"Hmm?"

"Gifts… you don't ever get any. This year… last year… you say… 'where are my gifts?'… when you come into the room, but I have never seen you open a package." She whispered to him.

"I never ask for gifts." Derek shrugged.

"So… if you don't ask for gifts, you don't get them?" She whispered.

"Not exactly…" He chuckled. "Every year… my sisters ask me what I want for Christmas… and I tell them one gift for each child that they have… they give them to me before Christmas, and that's what Santa hands out on Christmas eve. I used to give them to my father… he'd hand them out… but you know… the past two years…" He whispered as she nodded in understanding.

"So you don't get anything?" She whispered.

"I get to see them laugh…" he said as he nodded his head towards the kids. Each child had a huge grin on their face, some of them sitting in their parent's laps, some of them helping their little siblings open gifts, having them pulled from their parents as they attempt to open a box, one or two having a fit about this or that. The entire house was filled with what any person who didn't know them would call noise, to Derek it was like music to his ears. Meredith watched the wonder in his eyes, the happiness, the childlike grin on his face, and the way that he interacted with the children when they'd come up to him to show him something.

"Meredith… this is for you…" Joann said, handing Meredith a gift. "And Derek." She smiled, handing her brother a gift.

"Jo… you know that I don't accept gifts…" Derek shook his head, giving her a sideways glance.

"Shut up and open it…it's from all of us…" She shook her head as she walked back over to the tree and pulled out other gifts from beneath the tree.

He looked at the wrapped gift for a moment and glanced over to Meredith as she watched him. "What?" He asked.

"Aren't you going to open yours?" She asked.

"Yeah…"

"Then open it… did you forget how to open gifts? Here… I'll open it for you…" She said as she reached for the gift, only to have him hold it above his head out of her reach.

"Mine…" He said with a laugh as his eyes moved to his sister as she watched his and Meredith's exchange. She smiled at her brother as he gave her a shake of his head, glancing to Meredith. "Alright…" He said as he moved his hand from behind Meredith, grasping the gift with two hands, he very slowly unwrapped the gift, glancing to Meredith as she held her wrapped package in her hand, watching his fingers gently move over the colored wrapping. Slowly, it revealed a wooden box. It was delicately carved with a picture of a Christmas tree, a dark wood with small bits of inlaid colored wood for the decorations of the tree. "Jo…" Derek whispered, looking up at his sister as he watched her watching him. His eyes moved to Nancy and Kathleen, who amidst the fury of wrapping paper and crying children, were watching their brother carefully. He felt a hand on his arm and looked up, to find his sister Bethany standing beside him.

"Open it…" She said, giving him a half grin as the four girls looked to their mother, and back to Derek again.

Derek looked to Meredith, whose eyes were filling with tears already, the thought of what could be inside the box was only the start of the emotions she was feeling. Slowly, Derek slipped his thumb beneath the lip of the box, opening it ever so slowly. Meredith watched his eyes light up, a sharp intake of breath as he stared down into the box. "Mom…" He whispered, looking down at the blue-silver star lying amidst a wrapping of red velvet. It was the tree topper that he had remembered as a child, the same star that his father had held him up to place on the tree so many times, the same star that he had told Meredith about a year earlier, the same star that he had dreamed that his own child would hold high above their head as he held them in his arms and let them put it atop the tree. "Mom…" He whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks as he shook his head. "Mom, I cannot accept this… Jo…" He shook his head. "Nance… Beth… Kath…no… no…" He shook his head.

"Yes you can…" Bethany said as she knelt beside the chair, watching her brother's eyes fall onto hers. "It is yours…for your children… Derek…" She whispered.

Derek moved his eyes to his mother across the room, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, a look of pride and love filled her heart as she watched him shake his head. He then looked down into his lap, at the star, where two small hands were delicately caressing the silvery blue finish. Her eyes were on that star and nothing else, a curious excitement was hidden in her eyes that only Derek could see as she pulled the star from its box, it's corners pointed and sharp. He watched, enraptured by those hands as they moved over the tiny imperfections in the metal, the tiny dents or scratches in the finish, the memories of how they had gotten there, the memories of the hands that had touched it. Her finger stopped as she lifted the star into the light for a moment, scrutinizing the finish as she smiled softly. He looked at her curiously as her eyes met his and she ran her finger gently over a small rigid section of the star, near the base. Her eyes flashed to the star, and back to his eyes again as she reached up and took his hand, carefully running his finger over the rough section that she had found.

"What is…?" he whispered as he lifted it carefully from her hands, the entire family watching the exchange with curious looks abound. He repositioned the star in his hands, looking down at the tiny rough part, and his eyes flashed to hers.

Hidden between the star and the base, was a small bit of dried glue that Derek's father had used to repair a broken seam in the metal. Running his finger over the rough spot, and tilting it in the light, he could see what she had seen, it was the thumbprint of his father. His eyes closed tightly for a moment as he tried to contain his composure, as he tried to remain at least moderately unaffected by the gesture, but in the end, he opened his eyes, finding her sitting on his lap, a tiny smile on her face as her eyes reflected the exact same things that were running through his mind.

Gently, and without taking his eyes off of her, he placed the star in its box, covering it with the red velvet. He closed the box gently and reached his hand to her cheek. Her eyes reflected his love, her heart was pounding as he slowly brought his lips to hers and thanked her for her discovery.

--------------

For the moment of their kiss, it was almost if there was complete silence in the room, at least for Meredith and Derek. The sounds of Christmas morning were dulled in comparison to the sound of the heartbeats that they could hear in their ears as their lips slowly separated. The kiss was short and soft, delicate and perfect in every way, and not overly displayed in the least. After several moments, reality set in, and the sound of everyone getting back to the job at hand, opening gifts, was heard. Meredith rested her head on Derek's shoulder as they watched the festivities unfold.

The sounds of the little ones giggling as they played rang out through the room as the piles of wrapping paper became higher and higher, children climbing through it and making funny hats as they laughed and rolled around teasing one another. They sat there for a long time watching the family together, curled around one another happily in their chair.

Derek looked down at the small gift in Meredith's hands, her fingers carefully running over the wrapping as her eyes were on the rest of the family. "Aren't you going to open yours?" He whispered.

"Hm?" She whispered, lifting her head, she looked into her eyes.

"Your gift… aren't you going to open it?" He asked.

"Oh…" She smiled, kind of surprised, having obviously forgotten that was even in her hands. She sat up a little and glanced to him. "Ready?" She smiled, the excitement in her eyes was intoxicating. He could feel his heart fluttering as he nodded his head. Her fingers slipped below the gentle folds of the wrapping, bending her finger, the tape gave way from the paper it was grasping to, releasing so that she could gently unfold it.

"You're a neat unwrapper… for someone who is so excited about Christmas, I thought you'd be one of those people that rips it apart with your teeth." Derek chuckled in her ear as she laughed out loud, sending his heart into another wave of flutters.

She watched him slyly as she slipped her finger under the last piece of tape. "You have to savor it, Derek." She whispered, her eyes twinkling as she smiled, carefully pulling the wrapping from the small red box. She looked up at him as she touched the top, preparing them both for the contents. She pulled her legs up, and folded them underneath herself as she turned slightly, settling against the arm of the chair, her body still resting on his lap as she held her breath for a moment and glanced into his eyes.

"Still savoring?" He teased.

"Yes… anticipation, Derek." She smiled.

"Open it, already!" He exclaimed as he laughed, watching as she carefully opened the box. The two of them looked inside and they both smiled brightly, their eyes moving up to meet one another's. Nestled deep in the small box was a handmade ornament, shaped like a heart, decorated with glitter. Around the frame of the heart were the words. 'Our first Christmas together', and in the center was a small picture of the two of them ice skating from the year before. Their hands were clasped and their eyes were directed completely on the other. Their smiles were bright and happy.

Meredith giggled a little as she carefully held the ornament in her hand, looking up at Derek she sighed. "It should say… 'Our first Christmas together, alone'…" She giggled.

Derek laughed and nodded, glancing to his mother he smiled. "Thank you, Mom." He said with a laugh.

"You two deserve all of the happiness in the world…" Mrs. Shepherd replied as she started to stand up. She looked around at the whirlwind of gifts and wrappings. "It looks like it is just about time to start on dinner." She said as she watched the children finally begin to calm down.

"Oh…" Meredith said with a wiggle as she put the cover on the box with the ornament and placed it in Derek's lap. "I know a cue when I hear one." She said with a giggle as she kissed his cheek and slid from his lap, following Mrs. Shepherd and all of the other girls into the kitchen.

-------------

The women all entered the kitchen and immediately went to work on their usual assigned tasks each year. Vegetables were being cut, the turkey was being basted, bread was being placed on trays to be placed in the oven, and the table was being set. Meredith helped with all of the tasks, each of them talking and telling a story about this or that as dinner was prepared.

"Derek was… very touched by your gift." She said softly as she stood, peeling potatoes at the counter. "I… I was very flattered by mine as well. You guys didn't have to get us anything." She shrugged.

"Of course we did." Mrs. Shepherd said as she approached her. She looked over her shoulder at the potatoes she was peeling and touched her hand with the ring on it. "You were already family months before he put that rock on your finger." She said with a happy sigh.

"You are all being much too kind to me." Meredith shook her head.

"You keep our baby brother out of our hair…" Bethany laughed. "You keep him happy…"

"Yeah… do you ever fight?" Nancy asked, almost jokingly as she shook her head. "You're both just so in sync with one another.

"We fight… just like everyone does." She shrugged. "I'm stubborn, he's stubborn… it makes for a good argument." She laughed.

"He's always been good at getting what he wants." Kathleen replied, shaking her head.

"Alright girls… that's enough with bugging the love birds… let's get back to preparing dinner." Mrs. Shepherd said quickly.

They continued their preparations for a while longer quietly as they listened to the kids wrestle and fight in the family room with the men.

"So… you're in your third year of medical school?" Kathleen asked, turning her head to face Meredith.

"Yes… Cornell." She replied softly.

"How often do you see, Derek?" Nancy asked.

"Nancy… its not polite to ask personal questions like that." Bethany nudged her sister.

"No, it's fine." Meredith shrugged. "He works a lot… I study a lot… it's only a six hour drive… we meet halfway on weekends sometimes… I visit with him on holidays…"

"That's not too bad." Nancy replied, glaring at her sister for nudging her.

"Nah, it works out quite well… our schedules seem to fit perfectly…" She nodded to herself. "I have only a year and a half left… I should know by next Christmas where my internship will be." She said, glancing to Nancy.

"Are you going to try for Boston General?" She asked with a grin.

"No." Meredith said, a smile spreading across her lips. "Of course I am!" She laughed. "There are other hospitals in the Boston area though. I'm still contemplating if it would be fair for me to work in my mother's hospital… I don't want to get hassled." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"So I'm taking it that this is going to be a long engagement…" Joann said from the sink.

"Probably." Meredith said. "We haven't really talked about it…but I want to finish medical school… maybe we'll do it after I graduate… before things get busy with the internship." She smiled softly as she nodded, her thoughts kind of bringing her down a little.

"What is your mother doing for Christmas this year, dear?" Mrs. Shepherd asked, glancing to Meredith.

Meredith remained quiet for a moment, trying to figure out exactly how to broach the subject without making it sound like her mother was totally clueless, or that she was a bad daughter. "My mother tends to work on holidays." Meredith said as she looked up. "The hospital is usually short staffed… so she stays there… usually straight through Christmas day or the day after. Our Christmases have always been that way… it's no big deal though…" She sighed.

Mrs. Shepherd watched as Meredith's mood shifted slightly, the mention of her mother had definitely had an effect on her. She watched the young woman as she enveloped herself into a cocoon of silence, peeling the potatoes a little quicker as she tried to maintain her calm against the emotions that she was denying herself to feel.

The door to the kitchen opened, and as soon as Meredith heard his voice, her mood seemed to switch off, and her motions slowed, and she looked up at him with a sweet smile, and turned her attention back to the job at hand.

"What are you doing in here?" Nancy asked, raising her eyebrows at her brother as he walked through the kitchen quietly, ignoring her question as he wrapped his arms around Meredith's waist, leaning his head over her shoulder as she peeled potatoes.

"Just watching." He whispered as he kissed her cheek. "So what are you girls talking about in here?" he asked politely as he kept his arms around her, listening to her soft breathing as she continued to cut up the potatoes.

"Oh… we're talking about how you keep your hair so shiny, and your car so shiny… we're thinking there's a correlation." Kathleen nodded.

"Turtle wax." Bethany giggled.

"Oh, you guys are hilarious…" Derek shook his head as he pulled his hands from around her waist and leaned against the counter beside her. "I was going to go with Michael and Joe to the grocery store… pick up a few things… do you girls need anything?" He asked softly.

"I… I don't think we need anything…" Mrs. Shepherd said, looking around the kitchen, to her daughters. "I think we're all set." She smiled.

"Good…" Derek replied. "If you do decide there's something you need, let me know… call my cell…" He said as he leaned over and kissed Meredith's cheek.

Suddenly, from the family room, there came the sound of a large crash, and a loud screeching cry. Everyone dropped what they were doing and ran towards the other room.

--------------

They all ran for the family room, the source of both the screaming and the crash. Neil and Joe had come from the front door to see what had happened and Justin was standing beside the couch, looking behind it.

"What happened?" Nancy asked as all of the children stood watching as whoever was behind the couch continued to scream.

"Donnie… come out here, buddy…" Justin said, his voice begging as the little boy screamed his refusal.

"Justin, what happened?" Mrs. Shepherd asked.

"Donnie pulled on the cord to one of your little Christmas houses, it hit his head and then smashed into a million pieces on the ground." He said nervously.

"Justin, is he hurt?" Kathleen said nervously as she moved towards the couch. "Donnie… come out and see mommy…"

"NO!" He screamed loudly as he continued to cry.

"Move the couch…" Kathleen said as she tried to reach behind it, watching as the little boy moved out of reach as he continued to sob louder.

Without even thinking, Meredith stepped forward and knelt down carefully. Her frame was much smaller than any of the other adults, and she was able to slide herself behind the couch.

Everyone listened as they heard her voice speaking softly.

"Donnie…" She whispered. "Donnie, are you okay?" She said softly as she reached for the little boy, as he squirmed backwards away from her. "It's alright, buddy… it's just me…" She whispered. "It's Meredith…"

"Go away!" He exclaimed as he felt her hands reach for him. "Go away… I'm bad…" he whimpered.

"You're bad?" Meredith asked.

"I broke Granny's Christmas house." He sobbed.

"Aww…" Meredith whispered. "I'm pretty sure that Granny is going to be much more concerned about whether or not you have a bump on your little head than if her Christmas house is broken."

"But I did it, I broke it…" He sobbed.

"It's alright… but you can't tell her you're sorry if you're hiding behind the couch."

"She's gonna be so mad at me…" He sobbed.

"Did you do it on purpose?" She whispered, watching the light from above them shine down on the little boy's features as he gave her that puppy dog expression that Kathleen had warned her about. She imagined that Derek had once had that same little boy face, those same sweet, innocent blue eyes, and guilty, worried conscience when he had done anything wrong.

"No." he whispered.

"Then I don't think that you have anything to worry about…" She said softly. "Come here… let me see that bump…" She whispered as she reached for his hand.

The little boy watched the sincere look on her face, her hand reaching out to him. He sniffled as he reached for her hand, allowing her to pull him closer to her, she reached up and touched his forehead, feeling a bit of a bump forming on the top of his head, maybe a small scratch, but nothing too major. "Is it bad?" He whispered.

"It might need a Spiderman band aid…" She said with a cringe, watching the smile on his face starting to appear.

"That sounds serious…" He whispered back.

"Let's get you a mommy and daddy hug… then we'll check it again…" Meredith said as she started to back out from the couch, holding the little boy against her as she slid out from behind the couch. When she was able to get the little boy from behind the couch, she looked up at the dozen or so faces looking down at her, and she could feel her cheeks starting to burn. "Geez guys… he was behind the couch, it's not like he was stuck in a well or something." She laughed as everyone else started to laugh.

"Let me see that bump…" Derek said as he lifted the little boy from the ground, setting him on the couch, he looked him over really good.

"Doctor Meredith said I might need a Spiderman band aid…" Donnie sniffled.

"Oh, she did, did she…?" Derek asked as he looked up at Meredith as she stood up, everyone else going back to what they had been doing before, Michael began to clean the broken glass and Justin and Kathleen stood by waiting to take a look.

"Yep… No brain surgery today, Doctor Shepherd…" Meredith teased as she touched his shoulder.

Derek watched as Donnie looked up at Meredith with a half smile, sniffling a little. His glance went to his grandmother as she watched on with a concerned look. "I'm sorry I broke your house, Granny…" He whispered.

"Oh, baby…" Mrs. Shepherd whispered as she crouched down to the little boy. "I'm just glad you're alright."

"I'm okay…" He said with a smile as he looked up at Meredith again.

Derek stood up and let Kathleen, Justin, and his mother talk to the little boy, and he shifted to his side, grasping Meredith's hand as he tugged on it, moving her aside for a moment. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head as she squeezed him tightly. "Crisis management… very hot…" He whispered.

"Derek…" She giggled.

"Thank you…" He whispered, glancing to his sister and brother in law as they gave the little boy a hug, his eyes on Meredith the entire time. "You're going to be a great doctor." He whispered. "And you're already a great Aunt…" He said, feeling her squeeze him a little tighter. "Very… very sexy…" He whispered.

She looked up into his eyes and smiled, shaking her head. "You're incorrigible…" She laughed.

"Adorable… I think the word you were looking for there was 'Adorable'." He nodded, listening to her giggle as everything slowly went back to normal.

----------------

Dinner was prepared and placed on the table as the adults all gathered their children in their seats. Donnie held tightly to Meredith's hand as he looked up at her with a smile. "Okay, are you ready to go sit down with the other kids?" She asked as he nodded his head. 

"Uh huh… Meredith… will you help me when we go ice skating…?" He asked, tilting his head.

"You may need to help her out, Donnie…" Derek said from beside her as he grinned at her scowl. "And you may call her Aunt Meredith if you'd like…"

"Aunt Meredith?" He asked, watching as they both nodded. "I like that." He grinned. "I'm gonna go sit down with the kids now, Aunt Meredith… Uncle Derek." He giggled as he skipped off to his chair, waving at the two of them as he sat down.

"You're going to rub it in, huh?" She asked as she turned around, grabbing his shirt, she pulled him in for a kiss.

"Rub what in?"

"That I'm unavailable… you're going to tell everyone, aren't you?" She shook her head.

"Why shouldn't you… I tagged you… I should be the one to…" He was hushed by her hand on his mouth, a warning glare shot in his direction.

"If you say 'bag you' I'm going to smack you…" She whispered with raised eyebrows, watching him smile with his eyes as she let go of his smirk that she held in her hand.

"Shag… I was going to go with… Ow…" He grunted when she gave him a light punch in the stomach and walked past him with a smirk while he followed her to the table.

Everyone settled in for dinner, sitting carefully in their chairs, Derek waited for everyone to be seated before he would begin the toast. When everyone was seated and comfortable, Derek tapped his glass with his fork to bring attention to the head of the table. "Alright everyone… I'd like to offer a toast…" He said with a grin as everyone's attention was brought to the end of the table and everyone hushed as much as they could with this many people in the room.

"Alright…" he said as he held his glass in front of him. "I would like… to first say… thank you… to Michael… for… one of the best Christmas gifts last year, that anyone could have ever asked for… You brought something… someone… into all of our lives that we will love and cherish forever… and I'm so happy that you all could be here for my promise to her… and I am glad that you didn't bring another one this year, because one is enough…" He said quickly as everyone laughed, Meredith laughed as well, her cheeks turning red as she pretended to glare at him. "No… no… seriously though… seriously… she… is a blessing… and she is perfect in every possible way imaginable… and I know that you all make her Christmas… and her year just as happy as she makes mine. I want to thank… my sisters and mother… for this year's award for the best Christmas gift ever… there are no words that can express the gratitude that I have for that star… for both the meaning behind it, and the future of it in my own home. And I want to let you all know… every one of you… that you have all made the last two Christmases especially… some of the most magical times of my life... This toast is to family… to Christmas… and to the many more that we will have in the future." He said with a smile as everyone toasted to Derek's sentiments, sending the table into a frenzy of clinking glasses.

---------------

When dinner was finished, everyone piled into their cars and headed towards the ice skating rink. When they arrived at the rink, Derek parked his car and glanced to Meredith with a half smile. "What time do you have to leave tomorrow?" She whispered. He cringed slightly as he looked her in the eyes. "You have to leave tonight." She sighed.

"Meri, it's my…"

"It's your job… I know… I get it…" She said quickly as she smiled sadly and climbed out of the car.

"Meri, wait…" He said quickly as he jumped from the car. He ran up to her quickly retreating form. "Meri… please…"

"You said that we were going to have some time tonight… you said that you and I were going to…"

"We still can…" Derek said with a tilt of his head. "I was going to leave at ten or something… we…"

"Don't bother, Derek… it's fine… I'll be coming home tomorrow, and I can see you when I see you." She shrugged as she turned and walked quickly towards the building for skate rentals.

"Meredith… stop walking away from me…" He said as he grabbed for her arm as he watched her swing around, red faced and angry.

"Derek… I'm not in the mood to be jerked around… not emotionally and not physically… so let's just have some fun right now, so that you can get back to what you really… what… you really have to do…" She stammered as she stopped herself from saying something much worse. She wrenched her arm from his grip and stomped towards the building, swinging the door open, she nearly hit him with it.

"Meredith, you're making a scene." Derek whispered.

"No Derek, you're making a scene… I'm renting skates…" She said as she turned towards the counter and talked to the man behind it. He smiled at her and accepted her shoes as he gave her the size skate that she requested. She turned around to find Derek standing very close to her and without looking up at him, she stomped past him towards the bench to put her skates on. She sat down and pulled the first skate on, trying in vain to tie the lace. Giving up for the time being, she slid the other skate on and attempted to tie it, doing it over and over again, never finding the correct tightness for her ankle. She watched as he knelt before her and grabbed her foot. "What do you want?" She mumbled, letting him pull the laces on the boot.

"I'm helping." He whispered, tugging on the laces as he laced up the boot and tied it tightly. "Other foot…" He said as he looked up into her eyes.

"I don't need your help…" She muttered grumpily as she swung her other foot to him.

"No… no you don't… but… I like to help." He whispered.

"I don't want you to go tonight." She grumbled.

"I don't want to go tonight." He replied. "You know that I don't…"

"Can… I leave tonight too? I know you're going to be at work, but I'd feel better if I were sleeping in your bed tonight than at your mom's house alone…" She whispered.

"You can leave whenever you'd like…" He replied, shaking his head.

"I like your bed." She whispered.

"I like knowing that you're there." He replied. "It makes me feel like I have something to come home to." He tilted his head. "I'm sorry." He said softly as he tied her second boot, his eyes on her as she watched him. 

"I'm sorry…" She sighed.

"You just think that when we go back, that it all ends… the magic ends…" He sighed. "The magic doesn't end, Meredith… it follows you…Think of the magic of last Christmas… and all of the things that happened this year… all of those happy times that we had this year…that was magical… the magic was there… it's not going to go anywhere, I promise."

"Derek…" She whispered.

"Do you love me?" He whispered.

"Yes."

"Do you believe that I will take care of you?"

"Yes." She whispered.

"Then that's what I'm going to do." He replied. "That is what I am going to do… take care of you… forever… and the magic will never be gone." He replied as he tilted his head, watching her. "I'll make tonight up to you, baby. I promise." He said softly as he leaned forward as he stood up, kissing her lips softly as he sat beside her to put his own skates on.


	7. Christmas Eve Take three

Chapter 7-

One more year later- Christmas Eve

One year later-

Mrs. Shepherd stood in her dining room getting ready for her guests. Bethany and Kathleen said they'd be there at close to four o'clock, and Joann and Nancy said they'd be arriving closer to six. She had yet to hear from Derek or Meredith of when they would be there. It was about one in the afternoon as she stood staring up at the Christmas tree, the early afternoon sunshine came shining through the window brightly. Her eyes lifted to the telephone as the sound of the ring came echoing through the house. She grabbed the receiver and listened to the other side of the line.

"Hello?" She said politely, sitting on a chair at the table. There was a long pause as she took a breath to say it again, when she heard a small voice on the other side.

"Hi." The woman's voice was familiar, and it made her smile, but it sounded small and sad.

"Meredith?" She whispered into the line. Her voice was concerned, the young woman did not sound happy at all.

"Yeah." She said softly. "I just… wanted to apologize… I won't be able to make it to Christmas this year." She said softly.

"Oh…" She said, her voice curious, as if she wanted to ask further questions and wasn't sure exactly how to put it. "I… I'm sorry to hear that, sweetheart. Is… is everything alright in school? Is everything alright with…"

"Everything is okay." She said softly. "I'm just… I'm just going to spend Christmas break here… in school this year. It's been… a tough year and I'm not… ready to go home just yet." She whispered, her voice was tiny and almost lost, and Mrs. Shepherd's heart went out to her.

"We're going to miss you, sweetheart." She said softly. "Is…" She said softly as she heard the front door slam loudly.

"Mom…" Derek's voice rang through the house, surprising her. She jumped from her chair to summon him. "Mom?"

"I should go." Meredith said into the line. "Please have a nice Christmas." She said softly.

"Meredith… please don't…" Mrs. Shepherd said as she heard the line go dead. She hung the phone up and sighed as Derek entered the dining room.

"Mom…" He said, his face was rushed and tired, his eyes had lost that sparkle that she had been seeing in them lately, his hair was a mess, as if he had left without even combing it. He looked generally disheveled and depressed.

"Derek… what's wrong?" She asked, setting the phone onto the table as he stood before her trying to find his words.

----------------

As soon as she asked the question, Mrs. Shepherd could see the hurt in his eyes, the confusion. He avoided eye contact as he searched his mind for the words that he needed. "Derek, what happened with Meredith?" She asked, his eyes darting to hers, looking into them intensely.

"How do you…?"

"Sit down, sweetheart." She said softly, reaching her hand to touch his arm. He instantly wrapped his arms around his mother as he tried desperately not to cry. "It's alright, sweetie… it's okay…" She whispered, rubbing his back softly as he held her tightly. "It's alright…. Shhh…" She whispered, hearing him gasping slightly as he tried not to cry. "Sit down… sit down, sweetheart…" She whispered as she kissed his cheek, leading him to one of the dining room chairs, she pulled it out and helped him sit down, sitting across from him. She watched as he leaned his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands.

"How did you know it was about Meredith?" He whispered.

"Well… first of all… I know you… and I know that you love her very much…" She said, watching him nod his head. "Second of all… she would be here with you if it wasn't about her… and third of all… she called me to tell me she wouldn't be here for Christmas." She said softly as she rubbed his back.

His head moved swiftly to face her. "She called you?"

"Yes, dear… she told me that she wouldn't be able to make it this year…" She shook her head.

"She won't even talk to me." Derek whispered, placing his head in his hands again, staring at the table, his eyes moving back and forth with the wood grain as he tried to stop picturing her in his mind, tried to stop the memories of the argument, the words that they both spoke, and the eventual decision that they had grappled with and come to. "What did she tell you?" Derek asked.

"She said that she'd be staying at school for Christmas… and that things were difficult right now… she didn't mention you, sweetheart. Did you get into an argument?"

"We broke up." Derek whispered. "We… were kind of floundering… since… October or so… and we had been arguing… a lot… and then about two weeks ago, she called me to tell me that she wouldn't be coming to Christmas… that she's staying at school… and I've been trying to get a hold of her… I've been trying to call her… and a couple of days ago, she called and left a message saying that it was over, and that she needed to take care of some things… and that she'd call me when she was ready." He said quickly, his words almost slurring together, as if the thought of them breaking up left him inebriated and useless.

"When she was ready for what, sweetheart?"

"Talk? Talk, I guess… I… guess that's what she meant…" He said softly, shrugging his shoulders as he glanced to his mother, seeing the sympathetic look in her eyes.

"So she's staying at school… and she won't talk to you... what else could she be avoiding?"

Derek remained silent for a few seconds, his stomach churning as he felt his heart beating out of his chest. "I…" He sighed as he looked his mother in the eyes. "I was offered a fellowship in Seattle." He said as he watched the color of his mother's eyes change, watched her teeth bite down on her bottom lip as if she were trying to keep her thoughts to herself. 

"Seattle…" She whispered.

"Washington." Derek nodded. "Seattle Grace… one of the most prominent teaching hospitals in the country… I've been offered a fellowship and a possible attending position."

"Possible?" Was the only word his mother could mutter.

Derek could see the hurt in his mother's eyes, the thought of her son living clear across the country was enough to knot her stomach tightly and have her not utter a word. He had never seen his mother as speechless as she was sitting right here in front of him. She closed her eyes for a moment, blinking back tears that she refused to shed. "And… Meredith?" She whispered, her voice cracking as she watched his eyes.

"She… was offered an internship at both Seattle Grace… and Boston General… among about a half dozen other places." He replied, tilting his head slightly.

"Derek…" She shook her head.

"It would be a great opportunity… for both of us…" He replied.

Mrs. Shepherd could feel herself getting dizzy, her mind reeling at the emotions running through her mind. "I…" She whispered. "I… I… think… that I need to lie down…" She whispered as she stood up quickly, nearly losing her balance. Derek stood with her, grabbing her arm, he helped her walk towards the family room. He helped her to sit on the couch, kneeling beside her for a moment as she lay on her back.

"Are you alright?" He whispered as he held her hand. "Mom… I'm… please…"

"I'm alright, dear…" She whispered, her eyes closing for a moment as she took a deep breath. "I'm just… I'm just tired, that's all…" She said softly.

"I'm not going." He said, watching her eyes catch his. His eyes were determined. "I'm not going to Seattle…" He shook his head.

"Derek…"

"No… I'm not… going to rip her from her home… and I'm not going to leave my family." He said, tears coming to his eyes.

"Derek, you can't…"

"No…" He said as he watched her. "I made the decision last night… and that's why I needed to find her… to tell her… I need to tell her that I love her and that I don't want to leave… and that I won't make her leave… I just…"

"Sweetheart?" His mother said softly as she held his hand, sitting up slowly as she watched his eyes. "If… you know what you want…" She said as she placed her hand on his shoulder, moving it up to his cheek, she gently ran her thumb over his cheek, pushing the tear that had fallen, aside. "If you know what you want, baby… and what you want is Meredith… then why are you wasting your time here?" She shook her head.

"Because… I…"

"Go on…" She shook her head. "Go find her…"

"But it's Christmas Eve…" He whispered.

"All the more reason that you need to be with her right now, Derek." She shook her head.

"Are you alright?" he whispered, watching as his mother looked into his eyes.

"I will be much better when you find her…"

"But you needed to lie down."

"My body is much more dramatic than my mind… now go on… get out of here…" She said, running her hand through his hair quickly, straightening some of the unruly locks. "Go and find her… and tell her that we all miss her." She whispered as she kissed her son's cheek.

"I'm going to go find her." He nodded his head. "You're sure that you're alright…" He whispered.

"I'm fine… get out of my house!" She exclaimed with a laugh, watching a smile spread slowly across his lips as he stood up and walked towards the front door.

"I love you, Mom." He said quickly.

"I love you too, Derek. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." He replied, slipping out of the door, leaving his mother smiling, shaking her head as she sighed.

---------------

Meredith lay on her bed, her head on her pillow as she stared at the ceiling. She glanced to the corner where a bag full of gifts lay, ready and waiting for the Shepherd's to open them. She stared at the bag, wondering what had made her go through the trouble of finding them all gifts if all she was going to do was lie in her bed and cry that she wasn't there. She thought of the concern in Mrs. Shepherd's voice, the disappointment when she had said she wouldn't be there, and then she heard his voice in the background.

She didn't want to hear his voice, she didn't want to see him, not now. She played with the ring on her finger, the tiny star that sparkled in any light, much in the same as his eyes. She wasn't sure why she kept the ring on her finger, if only that it was his promise to her, not her promise to him, and it wouldn't be fair to remove it until he got his say. He still loved her, and she still loved him, but something was off, something was wrong and she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

She flopped onto her side, facing away from the bag of gifts and her eyes fell onto the tiny Christmas tree that she had put up in her room. Dangling from one of the tiny branches was the little ornament that Mrs. Shepherd had made for her. The little heart with their picture of that first Christmas.

"I hate Christmas." She mumbled as she closed her eyes tightly. As if on cue, the door opened.

"Hey lazy ass… when are you going?" Cristina muttered as she stood in the doorway, her slippers and pajamas still on as she held a cup of coffee in her hands.

"I told you before, I'm not going." She groaned, rolling away from her friend as she sighed and stared at the other wall.

"Oh, you're going…" She said as she walked over. She put the mug of coffee on the table and flopped onto the bed. "You have to go."

"No I don't… you're not going home for Christmas, I'm not going home for Christmas."

"I'm Jewish." She muttered.

"It's the same freaking thing… time off… near Christmas… winter break… go home…"

"I told you, Mark is coming here." She said with a snort.

"Oh… I see… you just want me out of the apartment so that you two can screw like bunnies and walk around the place naked…" Meredith said as she rolled onto her back.

"No…Because… first of all… I don't care if you're here when we walk around naked… Second of all… You don't even want to be here… and most importantly, I want you out because I refuse to take part and hang up decorations for this little pity party that you've thrown together." Cristina said, grabbing her mug of coffee, she took a sip.

"It's not a pity party… things just didn't work out for Derek and I."

"That's rather funny since you're sitting here with a bag full of gifts for his family, his engagement ring still on your finger, and that stupid internship letter in your hand." She said, ripping the paper from her hands. "Are you going to tell him that you accepted or not?"

"Not." She groaned, rolling over away from Cristina.

"He's going to find out one way or another." Cristina muttered. "You have to stop avoiding him and talk to him!"

"I broke up with him!"

"You broke up with his answering machine, you idiot… You can't break up with an answering machine… first… It's beyond rude… beyond tasteless… I mean… You may as well have just walked up to him, cracked his sternum wide open and reached in with your bare hand… pulled his heart out and took a big bite out of it… You'll be lucky if the guy takes you back after that little action."

"I don't want him to take me back… I don't deserve him anyway." She muttered as she threw her pillow over her head. "So are you guys going to slip me some food under my door… I think slices of pizza will do just fine." Meredith said, looking out from behind the pillow. "They'd fit nicely under the door…" She mumbled as she looked at her friend.

"You are going!" Cristina exclaimed as she stood up, slammed her mug onto the table and grabbed her friend's bag.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked as she sat up in her bed.

"I'm packing your goddamned clothes and I'm throwing you out into the snow!" Cristina exclaimed as she walked over to Meredith's closet and started pulling clothes out.

"Stop! Cristina! I'm not going!" She exclaimed as she leapt from her bed. She reached for the bag and Cristina wrenched it out of her reach.

"You're going, Meredith. Derek… is a really, really… really nice guy… and he loves you… and he wants to take care of you… and he does… he takes very good care of you…"

"He wanted to leave me!" She exclaimed.

"He wanted you to come with him! He wants what is best for you… for him... for your future and you're just throwing it all… every single last bit of it out the goddamned window! It's about time you did something by yourself! It's about time you sacrificed something for Derek! Stop forcing Derek to make sacrifices for you!"

"What do you think this is all about?" Meredith exclaimed, waving the paper in her hand around. "This is me sacrificing! I am sacrificing!" She exclaimed.

"You… are doing that… for yourself!" Cristina exclaimed, throwing the bag onto the floor. "I'm sick of it, Meredith… all of this goddamned 'pity me' shit… the whole… 'oh… my mother is a big fat meanie that never loved me…' shit…. Your mother loves you… You know it… I know it… Derek knows it… because if she didn't, she wouldn't give a shit what you did with your life! Now get off your goddamned ass… stop with the pity parade… pity party… pity shit… and get your shit…get into your car… and go find him!" Cristina exclaimed, her face was red and angry.

"But…"

"NO!" Cristina shouted, grabbing Meredith's pillow from her bed. "You will find him!" She said, smacking her with the pillow. "You will apologize to him!" She exclaimed, smacking her again. "AND you will get down on your hands and knees and you will BEG him to take your sorry ass back!" She shouted, throwing the pillow onto the bed.

"I…"

"GO! NOW!" She screamed, watching Meredith stand there with a pitiful look on her face. "Go! Go! Go! Now! Now! Now!" She exclaimed, watching as Meredith grabbed her bag quickly and started putting clothes into it. "Faster! Faster!" She shouted.

"Stop rushing me!" Meredith exclaimed.

"You had better be out of here in ten minutes… or I'll be back…" Cristina said as she grabbed her mug and walked towards the door. "You don't want me to come back." She said with a warning tone as she stepped out of the room.

Meredith watched the door close and scowled. "Tyrant…" She grumbled.

"I heard that!" Cristina exclaimed as she walked down the hallway towards her own room.

--------------

Derek drove down the road carefully. He had decided that taking the back roads would be easiest, he could drive a little faster on them, and it would get him to her sooner. He sighed as he looked down at the gift he had bought for her, shaking his head, he sighed. "Why the hell would I get a gift for a woman that drives me so insane…puts up such a fight over everything, argues… doesn't give an inch when it isn't in her favor… a woman that broke up with me over the phone…on a message… why would I give her a gift?" He whispered as his mood started to darken slightly.

_"Meri…?" Derek said softly as he stepped into his apartment, hearing her swearing and cursing from the kitchen. A strong pungent odor took over his senses and he could see smoke coming from the kitchen. He picked up his pace. "Meri, are you alright?" He asked as he stepped into the kitchen quickly, finding her standing at the stove stabbing something on a tray. "Meri…" He said quickly as he wrapped his arms around her._

"I'm so stupid! So, so stupid!" She exclaimed as she stabbed the charred remains of what must have been dinner on the tray in front of her.

He placed his hand on hers, gently prying the knife from her fingertips, he turned her around into his arms. "What's going on in here?"

"I was… I was… making dinner… and I messed it up… I was going to surprise you with dinner, and I messed it all up…" She said as she started to cry into his chest, her arms wrapped around him as he rubbed her back gently. "I messed it all up…"

He looked over her shoulder at the crispy black disks that sat on the tray, filled with stab marks as he soothed her. "Aw… sweetheart… it doesn't look that bad…" He whispered.

"Derek! Did you look at them? They're officially carbon!" She exclaimed as she buried her head in his chest again.

"Oh, baby… you tried… at least you tried…" He whispered as he kissed her head.

"I wanted to surprise you…" She mumbled into him as he held her.

"You did surprise me…" He said softly. "Now what were you going to make me?" He asked.

"See! You can't even tell what it was supposed to be!" She exclaimed.

"No…" Derek laughed. "No, I mean… I see that it's chicken… what were you going to make with it?" He asked.

"I don't know… maybe some beans or a salad or something… Maybe… um… something less complicated than using the oven…" She sighed, sniffling.

"Why don't we make that… we can eat that… and then we'll go out and maybe get some ice cream or something… and we'll forget about the chicken all together." He shrugged.

"I bet you never want me to cook for you again…" She mumbled into him as she sighed.

"I love anything you do for me, baby… even if you… kill it after you burn it to a crisp…" He said, picking up the knife with the charred chicken sticking to it and giving it a disgusted look.

"Oh, you're hilarious…" She pouted with a little smile.

"See… you're smiling…" Derek said with a laugh. "It must not be as traumatic after all…" He chuckled.

"I'm only smiling because when we're all rich and famous… we're going to hire a cook…" She sighed with a laugh as she leaned up and kissed his nose.

"I love you, Meri, Meri, quite contrary…" He whispered, watching her grin, her tears gone as she giggled, squeezing him in a tight hug as she flitted off to try to make them something different.

"Meri, Meri, quite contrary… How does your garden grow… with a kiss and a squeeze, a thank you and a please… how much I love you, you'll never know…" He smiled softly at the little rhyme that he had made up so long ago. She was stubborn, yes… and she could be selfish at times… but there were those moments those 'Meri' moments that touched his heart, his soul. He knew that it was those moments that outweighed those few selfish moments in the end, and he knew that he just needed to get to her to tell her that, even if it meant going a little too fast for his own good.

--------------

"Stop… pushing me…" Meredith mumbled as she held her one bag over her shoulder, the bag of gifts in her other hand. Cristina followed her with a third bag as her other hand pushed Meredith out the door into the hallway.

"You need to go… now… it's almost two… it takes at least three hours to get there…" Cristina growled as she pushed her friend out the door.

"Cris… I'm going… I'm going!"

"Tell Derek that I said hi." Cristina said, setting Meredith's bag down as she took a step back and waved.

"I'm coming back here when I'm done!" Meredith exclaimed.

"See you later!" Cristina exclaimed, waving again.

"Cris… don't you dare lock me out when I get back!"

"Bye, Meredith!" She shouted, slamming the door in her face.

Meredith stared at the closed door and glanced out to the parking lot. She could feel her phone vibrating in her pocket. "No… no… I'm not picking up, Derek… You're just going to have to wait until I get there…" She sighed as she grabbed her third bag and hauled it towards the car.

She looked to the sky as she loaded the bags into the car, noticing that the clouds were looking very menacing. She was happy that she would be leaving while it was still daylight, though she was really conflicted in exactly what was making her go. She couldn't decide if she was going to see Derek, his family… She wasn't sure if she was going because Cristina made her go.

She slammed her trunk closed and climbed into the driver's seat, starting her car, she began her trip down the familiar roads. Her mind wandered slightly as she drove, the country roads that she loved to wind around were clear as far as she could tell, and she was in for a relaxing drive, if not for the impending arrival. Her mind flashed back to that day that they had discussed Seattle, the last day that she had spoken to him, and she could feel the pit in her stomach grow.

_Meredith lay on her bed, her headphones in her ears as she sang along, writing notes as she read. She didn't hear the phone ringing as she kicked her feet in the air her hand writing the notes fluidly as she sand along. Suddenly, she felt the phone hit her on her arm. She turned her head to see Cristina standing in the doorway. "Hey Snoop Dogg, Derek's on the phone." She said as Meredith scowled at her as she rubbed her arm._

"Thanks…" She grumbled as she pulled her headphones from her ears. She put the phone to her ear. "Hey…"

"Hey." Derek said into the phone. His voice was soft, cautious.

"What's going on?" She asked softly.

"I wanted to talk about… the thing…"

"We talked about it, Derek." She said sternly. "We talked about it, and you decided that you wanted to go… and I told you that I didn't know…"

"Then I need your answer."

"Derek… stop… pressuring me."

"Meredith."

"Derek, I have to study for my finals... I can't sit here and argue with you about this!" She exclaimed.

"I'm not asking you to argue with me, I'm asking you why you don't want to go? It is one of the top three teaching hospitals in the country."

"And so is Boston… Derek…. So is Boston…and I'm not sure I want to give up that opportunity. I don't know if I want to give up working close to where I grew up… ship myself across the goddamned country to a cold, rainy place that I've never been…"

"So you'd rather be at a cold, snowy place that you know well?"

"Frankly… yes."

"Meredith… tell me you'd do this for me." Derek asked.

"No. Derek… My answer is no."

"Your answer is no…"

"Yes… my answer is no…"

"You won't even do this for me?"

"Derek… at this time… no… I can't make that decision. I have too much on my plate right now… after finals are over, I can make a clearer decision, but I'm not going to make that decision right now."

"Not even for me…"

"Derek… stop this…I have to go…I'll call you later, alright? We can talk about it later…"

"Yeah… yeah, whatever…" Derek said grumpily as he sighed.

"I love you."

"Love you." He grumbled as he hung the phone up.

Meredith could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks as she cried, the tears blurring her vision for a moment as she realized that she had been driving for a while. She turned a sharp curve as she wiped the tears from her eyes, catching her breath, it was taken just as fast as she saw the deer standing in the middle of the road. She screamed, closed her eyes and slammed on her brakes all at the same time, but nothing prepared her for the screeching scream of her tires, the grotesque thump of the deer's body slamming against the grill of the car, and the stomach wrenching sound of the glass and metal of the car smashing and scraping against the guardrail that it came to rest against.

---------------------

Darkness. All she could see was darkness and she refused to move an inch. Darkness was nice. Darkness… was painless and darkness was peaceful… except for that hissing sound. She wondered what the hissing sound was. Was there a hissing sound in heaven? Was she in hell? Yeah… probably in hell…

She realized that the reason that it was so dark, was that she had failed to open her eyes. She had failed to open her eyes because she refused to open her eyes. She didn't want to see anything. She didn't want to feel anything and she didn't want to know that her eyes opened she'd be seeing some sort of light and have the urge to follow it or something. She sat there for quite a while, listening as the hissing slowly began to stop. She began to feel cold, sitting there with her eyes closed, her body rigid and stiff as she refused to open her eyes.

Wasn't hell supposed to be warm?

With that thought, she slowly, very slowly opened her eyes. The first thing that she saw, was her hands. That's all she wanted to see, was her hands, herself, her skin, her body. Her hands weren't broken, that was good. They were clinging to the steering wheel tightly enough to make her knuckles white, but they weren't broken. She refused to look anywhere but at her hands, slowly, very slowly peeling her fingers from the steering wheel, she could feel the stiffness of her fingers as they had gripped the steering wheel, and as soon as she released it, they began trembling uncontrollably. Her fingers, her hands, her arms, her entire body began to tremble as she stared at the steering wheel.

Her hands still trembling, she tried to move her feet, finding that they were still attached to her body, yet not quite coordinated, she reached her fingers for the door handle and very slowly, very carefully pulled on the handle. She was able to move the door away from herself, the smell of smoke, oil, gasoline, and burned rubber filled the air as she coughed at the smoke hissing from her car. She lifted her leg with her hand, pushing it from the car, she found that both of her legs were intact, no noticeable injuries, just the feeling of jello in every part of her body. She felt the urge to cry, to scream, to yell, to shout, but could do nothing, she tumbled from the car, the door smacking her in the side as she landed on the ground, crawling across the cold, wet ground she looked at the damage of her car.

It was as if the front of her car never even existed as a whole. The entire front end of her car was gone, and her two front tires were off the ground, sitting atop something that she assumed was the deer, but refused to acknowledge. She rolled onto the ground onto her back, feeling the cold wet snow seeping into her jeans and her jacket, feeling the wetness of the road on her fingers and cheek as she rolled to her side, rolling to her stomach, she pulled herself up onto her knees. She wanted to cry, she wanted something but no matter how hard she tried, she was unable to form a thought, a word, a feeling, an emotion. Nothing. There was nothing.

There was no car, and there was nothing in her mind at that moment.

She carefully stood up, her legs feeling weak, and she knew that she needed to stand up, but she didn't know how she had done it. She put all of her concentration in that as she shuffled her way to the front of the car, or where the front of the car used to be, and she stared. She stared at the giant piece of metal before her and she didn't say, think, feel a thing. The cold December wind was whipping against her body as the evening began to fall around her. She was alive, and that was all that she knew.

She stared at the car for so long, and so hard, that she didn't hear the car driving down the road in the opposite direction. She saw the lights, but didn't think anything of it as she stared at the giant hunk of metal before her, the piece of metal that used to be her car. She didn't hear the door close, or the sound of the person's feet clomping towards her quickly, slowing beside her as they too stared down at the giant piece of twisted metal.

Suddenly, she was grabbed, jarred from her surrealistic fantasy as two hands grabbed her jacket and pulled her around. "Meredith?" His face was in hers, and she didn't recognize it at first, she couldn't recognize anything, until she heard it again. "Meredith? Are you alright?" He demanded, his voice was desperate as he saw the blank look on her face.

"Derek!" She exclaimed, her trembling body grabbing his waist with her arms as she squeezed him with all of her strength, her head feeling the tender warmth of his chest as he squeezed her back.

"Meri…" he whispered as he squeezed her so tightly, that he never wanted to let go. "Meri… let me see you…" he whispered as he pulled her hands off of him. "Are you alright? Did you get hurt? Let me see your face… how are your legs? Your arms? Are you okay? You're all wet… did you fall in the snow? What happened? I…I…" He said as tears came to his eyes as he knelt before her, watching as she fell to her knees as well, as if it were a great burden that had been lifted from her shoulders with him there. "Meri… talk to me…" He whispered. "Say… say something…"

"I'm so sorry…" She whispered as she shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks as she continued to shake her head. "I'm… I'm so sorry…" She sobbed.

"Let me get you to the car…" he whispered as he started to stand up. He lifted her from the ground and carried her towards his car, pulled off the road in a small driveway that was across the street. His car door was still opened, and he just slid her into the driver's seat for a moment as he ran to the other side and opened the passenger seat, lowering the seat, he reached across and lifted her across the seat onto the passenger side. She lay with her eyes wide opened, still obviously in shock, whimpering the same two words over and over. "It's alright… it's alright…" He whispered as he held her hand, releasing it to touch her face. He leaned up and kissed her lips softly, opening his own eyes to find her tear filled eyes looking into his own.

"I'm still alive." She whimpered.

"You're still alive…" he said softly as he smoothed her hair back.

"And it's still Christmas Eve…"

"Yes…" He whispered.

"And you came to find me…" She whimpered.

"Of course…" He replied.

"You do love me."

"I have never said otherwise…" He whispered, noticing that her words were still coming from her shocked experience, but he could tell that they were sincere, her brain working on a different plane at the moment. "I'm going to call the tow truck… okay? You stay right here…" He whispered as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

"No!" She exclaimed, grabbing hold of his hand as he started to pull away. "Don't… go… please? Don't… leave me…" She whispered, her eyes filled with sadness and torment as she shook her head. He knew that she didn't mean now. He knew that she didn't mean to not leave her for the tow truck. Her eyes spoke volumes as he watched the light blue color of them fill with more tears.

"I'm not going anywhere." He whispered.

"You're going to stay here with me?" She whispered.

"Anywhere you are… I am there…" He said softly as he leaned forward and kissed her lips, softly releasing her fingers as he stood up to make his phone call to a tow truck.

----------------

Derek stood behind his car with his phone to his ear, he glanced in his car and could see Meredith laying in the seat, her lips were moving as she talked to no one, obviously still in shock about the whole thing. She glanced up through the back window of the car at him and gave him a pitiful pout as he waited for someone to pick up.

"Hello?" The voice on the line was a bit rushed but friendly nonetheless.

"Neil… it's Derek."

"Derek… what's up? We're getting ready to head over to mom's… do you need something?"

"Um… well… actually… is anyone at your shop working today?"

"Why? Your car get a little dinged up? Why would you…"

"Meredith got into a bit of an… accident…" He said softly.

"Meredith? Is she alright? Where are you? Are you with her?"

"We're… about forty miles south of your shop… and… I don't want to leave the car out here… She was on her way to mom's house and hit a deer. She's pretty shaken up over it… and… I think the car is totaled…" He grimaced at the leg of the deer sticking out from under the car.

"She hit a deer? Jesus… she could have been killed!"

"Well… you know how they say getting back 'to' nature…?" Derek said, shaking his head as he walked around the mess.

"Yeah…" Neil replied.

"Meredith is the only woman that I know that gets back 'at' nature…" He chuckled as he heard his brother in law laugh.

"Just let me know about where you are, and there should be a 24 hour tow nearby… I'll have them bring the car to their garage…" Neil said with a sigh. "I'm glad she's alright."

"I am too…" Derek said, feeling the anxiety that he had been pushing back since he had seen the accident start to push its way into the forefront.

------

Meredith sat in the car whimpering as she continued to try to make sense of what was going on. She knew she was in a car, Derek's car. Derek… why was Derek in the middle of nowhere? She looked back through the back window, and sure enough, he was standing there with his cell phone to his ear. He smiled slightly at her as he continued to talk, pacing back and forth and after a moment, he walked back closer to her car… if one could call it that. She wanted to close her eyes, but all that she saw when she did that was the curve in the road and the deer staring back at her.

"Derek…" She whimpered, rolling slightly in the seat, she looked out the back window as she crawled up onto her seat that he had laid back for her. She watched as he opened her car door and reached in for something, sitting on her seat as he continued to talk on the telephone, the door was open and he was pulling things out of the car. He stood up and walked to the back of the car, inserting her key into the trunk, which she noticed was the only working part of the vehicle. She watched as he carefully swung her bag over his shoulder, still talking into the phone, grabbed her second bag and the bag of gifts and walked back towards his car. He saw her staring back at him and made a motion with his hand for her to turn around, shaking his head as he watched her oblige, rolling back onto her back as he opened the back door to the car. He said one or two more things into the phone and closed it, sliding it into his pocket. He then slid her bags into the back seat of the car as he watched her looking up at him.

"You have to lay down… you may have whiplash, sweetheart…" He whispered, as he reached across to touch her cheek.

"Derek…" She whimpered, the only word she could utter as she watched him climb from the back seat and close the door, opening the driver's side. He slipped into the car and watched as she shook her head, her lower lip protruding as she whimpered. "Derek…" She whispered.

"It's alright… come here…." He whispered as he reached his arm out for her. She moved close to him and let him pull her into him, feeling her tensed muscles start to ache as he pulled her head into his chest, kissing it softly as he held her.

She whimpered in his arms as she tried not to cry, listening to his breathing as he held her. "Derek…" She whimpered.

"I don't know what I'd ever do if something ever happened to you, Meredith." He whispered against her as he kissed her head over and over, breathing in her sweetness, feeling the warmth of her body against him. "I would die if anything ever happened to you…" He whispered. "I need you… please don't leave me…" He whimpered as he held her tightly, not hearing a word from her as she lie against him, only the sound of her breathing, the sound of her swallowing, the sound of her just being with him.

"Derek…" She whimpered as she suddenly pulled away from him to look in his eyes, her eyes filled with tears and a strange realization as she tilted her head.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

Her eyes flashed to her car and back to him, and back to the car again. "Derek… I killed… Rudolph!" She exclaimed suddenly, wrapping her arms around him as she crawled into the driver's side and began to sob into his arms, feeling him chuckle just slightly as he held her, silently thanking her for lightening the mood for just one moment in a series of emotional moments with only more to come in the future.

--------------------

Derek shifted her in his arms, cradling her in the driver's seat as he pushed the seat back a little. She sobbed into his shoulder as he held her, keeping one another warm as they waited for the tow truck. He rocked her gently against him, her sobs were so loud and so sad that he wished that he could do more than just hold her. He kissed her cheek, her ear, any part of her body that his lips could reach, he kissed, feeling her body trembling, helpless against his.

He reached up with his fingers, carefully reaching for the zipper of her winter coat, he gently tugged at it, pulling it down. Her eyes met his as she shifted, letting him slip his hand between the lining of the coat and her sweater, his closeness was soothing and comforting. She hiccupped back her sobs, tears rolling mercilessly down her cheeks as she sniffled. Her eyes were reddened and so very sad, and the dusk mixed with the rising moon shed a blue luminous light over the two of them. He didn't need the light to see the color of her eyes, he could always see the color of her eyes, even in the darkest of rooms.

No words needed to be spoken, as his fingers gently grazed the material of her sweater, running back and forth along her body as he continued to watch her eyes. She shifted her head so that she could rest it against his arm, so that her head would not be against the window, and she nodded slightly as she felt him tugging lightly on the hem of her sweater. Delicately, his fingers folded beneath the sweater, his fingertips lightly grazing the warm skin of her belly, sending shivers across her body as he touched her skin. He dipped his fingers a little farther as he gently leaned his face forward to hers, their eyes never wavering.

She sniffled just slightly, feeling his arms shift her so that he could reach her easily, his lips descending upon hers. Suddenly, her finger came up to touch his lips, stopping the inevitable kiss that both of them wanted so desperately.

"I can't kiss you." She whispered, her voice was sad and forlorn, her eyes were suddenly broken and tear filled once again.

"You can't kiss me?" He whispered, the question in his eyes was painful, the sound of his swallowing was loud.

"I can't just… kiss any stranger that picks me up on the side of the road… now can I?" She whispered, her eyes suddenly taking on a playful glint, as she watched the fear slowly erase from his eyes.

"No…" He whispered cautiously as he searched her face carefully, his fingertips still gently grazing the soft skin of her belly. "No… I don't suppose that you can." He whispered as he watched the corners of her lips twist up slightly. "For all you know… I could be a serial…"

"Dater…" She laughed, feeling some of the anxiety of the moment wash away with her laughter, feeling his body vibrate with his laugh.

"A serial dater?" He asked, still chuckling as she nodded softly.

"Yeah… one of those guys that tries to date as many women as he can in a short amount of time with no commitment…to see how many he can have sex with…" She giggled.

"You must have really hit your head." He teased as he moved his hand from her belly to her face, watching the look on her face change to one of disappointment. He gently moved his fingers over her face, gently pushing the hair from her eyes as he replaced his hand back where it had been, watching as she calmed in his arms once again.

"Besides…" She whispered. "I… might have a boyfriend…I can't just be kissing random men…"

Derek's eyes dropped to her hand, lying gently against his on her belly, her coat sleeve covering her fingers. She reached her other hand down, feeling him shift slightly and slowly pulled the sleeve up a little, revealing the diamond ring. His eyes lifted from the ring, to her eyes, and she could tell, even in the darkness of the car that they held the exact same sparkle. He breathed in slightly, watching as she watched his eyes. "I see… that you're taken…" He whispered.

"I was." She whispered. "I was… taken…" Her voice trembled slightly as she spoke, her tongue rolling along her top lip for a moment as she bit down on her lower lip. "I think that I made a mistake." She whispered.

"A mistake?" He asked, watching as he swallowed hard again, his mouth becoming increasingly drier with each sentence.

"I… had… a decision to make… for him." She whispered. "And I was afraid… and I took the easy way out." She whispered. "I… don't know if I did what was best for me… or if I did what was easier for me."

"What are you so afraid of?" He whispered, watching as she shifted eye contact. "What are you so afraid of… and what makes you think that he wouldn't be there to help you through it?" He whispered.

"I know… that he'd be there through it… He's always there… and he promised that he'd always be there." She whispered. "I… panicked." She whispered. "I panicked, and… I left a message on his machine… and I told him that I didn't want to be with him anymore… I told him that I had my life… and he had his… and that… that…that I didn't need him… when all I really need… all that I ever needed… was him…" She cried as her eyes met his, tears rolling down her cheeks as she sniffled. "All that I ever needed was him… and I ruined it all with one… stupid… message…" She shook her head, closing her eyes tightly for a moment. When she opened her eyes, he was staring directly into hers, into her soul. He had tears in his eyes, and they sparkled in the rising moonlight.

"What…if he lost the message?" He shrugged a little, giving her a look of possibility. "What if… he was listening to his voice mails… and just… erased it on accident… and he never heard it?"

"He called me right after I left it." She said, her eyes on his. "He heard it… I can't just pretend it didn't happen." She whispered.

"Well… what if he didn't like that answer…?" Derek said, raising his eyebrows. "What if… he thinks you're full of crap like you say you are…?" Derek asked, watching her eyebrows raise, a slight smirk on her lips.

"I'm not full of crap…" She whispered. "I have real fears…" She sighed.

"Alright… but what if… he loves you so… goddamned much that even when you won't give an inch… he still takes the back roads to get to you… finding you helpless on the side of the road with a deer stuck under your car…"

"Okay… you're taking way this out of context…" She sighed, shaking her head with a grin.

"What if… he loves you… and he refuses to take no for an answer?" Derek whispered, lustfully as he pulled her closer to him. "What if… he were here…with you right now… and all he wanted to do… was take advantage of you?" He whispered, making the hair on the back of her neck stand up with his hot breath. "What if… his seat reclines?" He whispered, pulling the switch on the seat, sending them flying backwards a bit as she squealed with a laugh. "And what if… he thinks that you have way too many clothes on?" He whispered, feeling her shift in the seat, straddling him carefully as she shook her head over him, pulling her jacket from her arms, she swung it into the back seat, and sat back, looking down on his smiling face.

"I'd tell him… that he still has that gleam of sadness in his eyes…" She whispered, as her lip began to tremble. "And I'd tell him thank you… for not taking my shit…" She whispered as she leaned down against him, feeling his arms encircle her tightly, as she began to cry into his chest, tears of apology.

--------------------

Derek held her tightly to his body, his hands roaming beneath her sweater, his hands gently caressing her back as he whispered words of comfort in her ear. He held her in his arms as she cried softly into him, reveling in every single touch. "I'm sorry…" She whispered.

"No more apologies…" He said, his voice deep as he held her close, pressing his nose into her hair as he lay back with her against him. Upon opening his eyes, he noticed the flashing lights of a tow truck coming down the road. "Baby… the tow truck is here…" Derek whispered.

"Let him take the stupid piece of crap." She mumbled into him as she refused to let go. 

"Sweetheart, you have to let go of me so that I can get talk to the tow truck driver."

"No…" She whispered as she grumbled against him.

"Meri…" He chuckled as he lightly tickled her sides, sending her backwards into the horn. She gave him a surprised look as she smiled through her tears. "Go on…" He whispered, shaking his head as he helped her move to the other seat. "Here…" He said softly as he pulled his coat off. "Snuggle up in this and I'll be right back." He said as he leaned forward for a soft kiss.

"What… am I your kitten or something? You think that I need something that smells like you to keep me comfortable?" She mumbled as she accepted his coat, curling into it as he kissed her softly once again.

"Yes." He whispered, kissing her forehead one more time before he slipped out of the car.

"Aren't you going to be cold?" She asked, watching as he peeked in at her.

"You keep me warm by staying in there, alright?" He said, blowing her a kiss before he closed the door.

---------

Derek helped with getting the car on the trailer bed, watching in amazement at the damage to the car. He was so thankful and surprised that Meredith wasn't hurt in that accident, the damage that the car had sustained was extensive, and it was a miracle that it wasn't worse, at least as far as they could tell.

It didn't take too long before Derek was on his way back to his own car, he checked his watch and noted that it was about six o'clock, and he had another hour and a half drive ahead of him to get to his mother's house. He pulled his phone out and noticed that there were six phone calls from his mother, and he knew then that Neil had called her, or was at her house, and told her what had happened. He opened the car door and peeked in, finding Meredith resting on her seat, curled against his coat, sleeping soundly.

"My poor girl…" He whispered as he sat in his seat and reached over, his fingers lightly grazing her cheek as he smiled sadly over at her. She snored lightly as she lay there, her eyes fluttering lightly as she slept peacefully, a small smile on her lips.

He started his car and backed out of the small drive that he was in, and very carefully made his way down the road. When he was sure that he had calmed down enough, he watched the road carefully as he lifted his phone to his ear and dialed. He could hear the rushed sound in her voice when she answered.

"Derek?" She said, her voice nervous and frightened.

"We're alright, Mom." Derek said softly.

"Meredith? Is Meredith alright? Let me talk to her… you found her and she was alright…?" She asked, her voice was panicked and uneven.

"Mom… Meredith is alright… she's sleeping next to me right now… we're on our way there right now…"

"When will you be here, dear… oh… oh I feel so awful… she must have been so frightened…" 

"I promise that she's alright, mom. She was a little shaken up, but she's alright…I'm bringing her there now…we should be there in about two hours…" he said, giving them a little extra time for travel.

"Good boy." She said softly. "Take care of her, Derek." She whispered, sighing as she listened to her son's breath on the line.

"I will… I promise… I'll take good care of her…" He said, nodding his head, he hung the phone up and sighed, flipping the phone into the center console of the car, he continued to drive, his eyes glancing over to the sleeping beauty beside him, curled gently in his coat, dreaming peacefully.

--------------------

Meredith slept for the full hour and a half drive, and Derek glanced to her as he turned into the driveway, pulling down the drive to the left, away from the house as he pulled up to the small guest house. He stopped the car and cut off the engine, glancing to her again, he pulled his seatbelt off and reached his arms out to her. Tenderly, he pulled his coat from her. "Meri…" he whispered, trying not to startle her from her sound sleep. "Meri…" He whispered again. Her eyes opened wide, and she gasped slightly as she came face to face with Derek, her eyes closing again as she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, sweetheart… I wasn't trying to frighten you…" He said softly as he touched her cheek as she leaned her head back down, her eyes drifting sleepily to him.

"Where are we?" She grumbled softly as she looked up at the unfamiliar building, the front porch on as she looked at it.

"We're at the guest house…" Derek replied.

"Guest house?" She asked, sitting up.

"It's my mom's property… you know, how the driveway turns to the right… well, that driveway leads here…"

"Why are we here?" She asked, suspiciously, watching as the grin on his face spread wider. 

"Santa… silly…" He shook his head as he opened his door and climbed out. "Come on…" He said, glancing inside.

"Come inside? You want me to watch Santa get dressed? Don't you think it's bad enough that I killed one of his reindeer… now you want me to be a peeping tom?"

"Meri… don't be stubborn… trust me." He said softly as he closed his door. He walked to her side and opened the door for her. He crouched down and pulled his coat from on top of her, unbuckling her seatbelt. "How are you feeling?" He whispered as he watched her grimace.

"Things hurt…" She grumbled as she tried to move, finding that her neck and back were hurting pretty badly. "Derek… it hurts…" She whined as he pulled her coat from the back seat.

"Come on…" he said softly. "Let's get you in there for a little bit of Derapy…" He winked as she rolled her eyes, allowing him to drape her coat around her shoulders as she carefully climbed out of the car.

He held her hand and walked her up the steps of the tiny porch. Opening the door, he slipped inside, flipping the switch on, she slid in behind him.

"It's nice and warm in here…" She said softly, glancing to him as they both slid their boots off in the doorway.

"It's Christmas eve… Santa isn't going to be getting into his gear in the middle of the snow bank in the front yard." He chuckled as she giggled. The room was small, a tiny couch in the corner with a television, the large red Santa bag was sitting on the couch and the Santa suit sat draped across the arm of the couch. Beside the couch were the shiny black boots that always made her smile, thinking of that first official meeting between her and Derek. "What?" he whispered.

"What?" She asked, looking over at him.

"You're smiling. Tell me what you're smiling about."

"Oh…" She said with a sigh. "I'm just… thinking about the first time we met…" She said softly.

"I thought so." He said with a laugh as he watched her blush.

"You were so charming back then…" She sighed, pretending she missed it as she stared off at the Santa suit. "Are you going to put it on?" She asked.

"It's warm…" He said, shaking his head.

"Warm…huh?" She asked as she watched him nod his head, his eyes moving slowly to her, his lopsided smile made her giggle. "What are you thinking, boy…?" She asked, watching as he took a step forward.

"I want to check you over…" He said sincerely, his smile disappearing for a moment. "I want… to make sure you're alright… you know… officially… before we go to the house."

"You want to check me over? You mean… like… naked…?" She asked, watching him look her in the eyes and smile. "We've been back together for two hours, and already you're trying to strip me down?" She teased.

"Yes and… well, yeah…" He shrugged. "We were never broken up." He said, looking into her eyes as he approached her. He placed his arms around her body as he pulled her into him gently. "We're only broken up if you say it to my face…" He said softly. "You can't break up with someone on a machine… It's not fair."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"So I've heard." He replied as he flipped his thumbs beneath the fabric of her coat and dropped it on the floor.

"Derek…" She said as she turned to pick it up, only to have her arm tugged on as he pulled her further into the guest house. They passed the tiny kitchenette, and the bathroom, and entered the room in the back, finding a neatly made queen sized bed.

"Now lay down…" he whispered as he pulled his coat from his shoulders and tossed it on the chair beside the bed.

"Derek…" She said, shaking her head as he eyed her carefully, his hands reaching out to touch her shoulders as he began to rub them softly with his hands, back and forth, back and forth. "Derek…" She whispered again, watching as he shook his head, his hands sliding down her arms, touching her hands as they reached the hem of her shirt. "Derek… this is…"

"Shh…" He whispered, shaking his head with a soft, sweet smile on his face. "I need to do this…" He whispered. "I need to do this for my own peace of mind…" he whispered as his fingertips graced her belly, as he slowly and deliberately lifted her sweater from her belly, her chest, his fingertips grazing her skin as he kept his eyes on hers, until they disappeared behind a flash of red as her arms raised up, and her eyes were on his again, her sweater discarded on the bed. "Beautiful." He whispered, his eyes remaining on her face as she stood before him, staring into his eyes.

"I don't think it's fair… that I should be the only one without my shirt on." She whispered. "You need… to get ready for your appearance…" She whispered as her fingertips reached for the hem of his sweater, her hands slipping beneath it to touch his taught and tight belly, the goosebumps rising on his skin giving him a slight smirk as she very gently pulled his shirt from his body, up and over his chest and off his arms and hed, discarded on the bed beside her own sweater. "Mmm…" She whispered as she took her hands, placing them on his chest as she let them graze over his skin lightly, her nails gently raking over his nipples, a slight giggle as they stood erect from his chest, teasing her, daring her to taste them.

His eyes grazed her figure, each and every inch was scrutinized by his sparkling blue eyes. "Where does it hurt?" He whispered, grimacing at the bruise on her shoulder from her seatbelt, running his fingertip over it, he looked into her eyes and shook his head.

"My back." She whispered, her head dropping forward into his chest, her hair cascading over his skin, sending his need to be with her to new heights. Gently, he reached his hands around her, pulling her body to his, she nestled into his bare chest as his fingers and hands grazed carefully over her back, kneading, rubbing, scratching. His lips cascaded over her shoulder as he listened to her gentle groans of satisfaction. With his hands still on her back, he carefully unclasped her bra, sliding his hands to her shoulders where he slipped it from her arms, releasing her warm breasts against his bare chest, eliciting a groan from him as he had a sharp intake of breath.

"Does it hurt anywhere else?" he whispered.

"I…" She whispered as she raised her head, her eyes catching his passion filled gaze as he pushed back slightly, feeling her legs give in as she landed softly on the bed, her neck and back gently supported by his strong arms as he made sure that she was comfortable.

"You can tell me…" he groaned lustfully as he kissed her collarbone, positioning himself over her as he supported his body with his arms. "Tell me where it hurts… and I'll kiss it…" He whispered.

"Derek…" She groaned as her hands found the button of his jeans, tugging forcefully, she was content when she found her target, pulling the zipper down as well as she slipped her hands beneath the waist of his jeans, the elastic of his boxers, sliding them down his ass as her hips bucked forward needfully.

"Meredith…" He groaned as he helped her pull his jeans the rest of the way off, his own hands on a journey to find the key to her secrets, and in a moment, his hands were running down her smooth ass, his fingers caressing her thighs as he pulled her jeans from her, freeing his precious prize. He squeezed her thighs, feeling her squeal slightly as she pushed forward forcefully, the pressure of his body against hers overwhelming as she began to feel dizzy, rolling to her side, she brought her face to his as their eyes met.

There were no questions, no apologies and no playfulness there. This was serious business, this was love. As they shared one another on that bed, giving themselves to one another completely and unregretful, there were sparks, fireworks, lightning, and one million stars exploding all at once as they pushed one another to the limits that neither knew existed, if only to prove that what they felt was truly there.

--------------------

Derek and Meredith lay together exhausted beneath the covers as he held her tightly in his arms. "Derek." Meredith whispered.

"Hmm…?" He replied, breathing in her scent.

"Don't you think that everyone is wondering where Santa is?" She whispered, moving her head to look up at him. The look of surprise on his face made her giggle.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" He exclaimed as he sat upright, sending her tumbling down onto the pillow as she giggled wildly, pulling the blanket up onto herself as his naked form bounced through the room looking for clothes. "Let's go! Come on!" He exclaimed as she rolled around on the bed laughing at him balancing on one foot, bouncing up and down as he tried to get his boxers on. "Meredith!"

"HAHAHA!" She laughed, sitting up as she held the blanket to her body, her face turning bright red as she flopped back down on the pillow.

"Meredith!" He whispered furiously, running out of the room in his jeans as she continued to laugh hysterically.

He came running into the room, the Santa belly over his shoulders, held on with straps as she started to laugh even harder. "Meredith!" He exclaimed, throwing her bra and panties at her, followed by her jeans and sweater as she rolled around on the bed, tears streaming down her face because she was laughing so hard. "If you don't get dressed! I'm leaving without you!" He exclaimed with a laugh as he ran back out of the room.

Meredith continued laughing as she threw her clothes on, tears streaming down her face as she continued to laugh as Derek put the Santa suit on. "You…. You forgot! You forgot! Why do you think we are here?" She panted, trying to catch her breath between the giggles as she lay down on the bed, rolling around giggling as he slipped the black boots onto his feet..

"Oh, you're so going to get it!" He exclaimed as he leaned down over her, the big Santa belly poking her as she shook her head, laughing harder.

"You already gave it to me, Santa!" She exclaimed as he shook his head, an amused look on his face as he grabbed his coat, and walked into the other room.

"Let's go!" He exclaimed, grabbing his other boots, the bag of gifts, and the Santa beard and started for the door. Meredith grabbed her coat as he ushered her out as she continued giggling all the way to the car.

---------------

Mrs. Shepherd was pacing now. Derek had told her that he'd be there in two hours, and it was over two and a half hours now. He wasn't answering his cell phone, and she was very close to sending one of the other guys to go out looking for them. Just when she walked into the family room, the doorbell rang.

"Santa!" One of the little girls exclaimed as everyone stood up to go to the door, waiting for it to open and reveal Santa. Mrs. Shepherd walked to the door with her grand daughter and when they opened the door, everyone began to laugh.

There was Santa, standing at the door, with a giggling Meredith in his arms. "Did anyone send for one of these? No? Okay… I'm throwing it out into the snow…" He said as he started to turn around.

"NO!" All of the children laughed and giggled as Meredith wiggled out of his grip. She stood up and walked inside as the entire family converged on her. Derek stood in the doorway, watching the reception of Meredith and shook his head as he stood by waiting to be acknowledged.

"Meredith! We heard what happened! Are you alright? Your car was totaled? That is awful! Are you hurt? Did you need to go to the hospital?" Question after question rang out as Meredith gave everyone a hug.

Meredith glanced to Derek, seeing the playful look in his eyes, she smiled. "I'm more popular than Santa Claus…" She laughed as everyone then turned around to face Santa, as the children began to squeal about his visit as well, as Mrs. Shepherd took Meredith's hand and led her into the family room, and two of the little girls grabbed each of Santa's hands and led him to his decorated chair, Derek smiled in contentment as everything appeared to be returning to normal.

--------------------

Santa's visit was a big success and all of the children were very excited about his arrival. They laughed and giggled as they sat on Santa's lap, waiting eagerly in line as they waited for their name to be called. Meredith sat quietly on the couch, her legs pulled up into her as she watched silently in her corner, her smile was slight as her mind drifted off somewhere else. She was still sore from the accident, and she had other worries on her mind that she was trying to push aside. Her eyes drifted to the Christmas tree, the sounds of the room fading away softly as she watched the twinkling lights sparkle, her eyes moving slowly up the tree to the top, where a shiny new star sat atop it. She thought of Derek's star, sitting in that small wooden box in his apartment. He once again didn't have enough time to put a Christmas tree up, in fact, if one were to walk into his apartment, you would wonder if it were actually Christmas time.

Meredith shifted slightly, an offered cup of coffee slowly went cold as it sat beside her on the coffee table. She had taken a small sip, but her stomach was churning, and she was afraid if she had anything to eat, it might upset it further. She pulled her legs in tighter, feeling slightly as if she were trying to hide something from everyone, her eyes still focused on the tree as she felt her stomach squeeze, wincing slightly she turned her face to the festivities, finding Mrs. Shepherd watching her with a concerned eye. She smiled softly as she took a deep breath, unaccustomed to being looked after.

The longer she sat there, the warmer she had become, she could feel her body beginning to sweat as she swallowed hard, her throat dry and her breathing slightly irregular. Her stomach squeezed again, sending bile into her throat as she swallowed, standing up as nonchalantly as she could, she quietly slipped from the room and made her way to the bathroom, closing the door behind her, she emptied her stomach into the toilet.

She tried to be quiet about it, tried to remain calm, her skin was warm and sweaty, her hands placed on the floor on either side of the toilet bowl as she squeezed her eyes closed, trying to catch her breath. Tears streamed down her face, as her stomach tried to squeeze again, sending her coughing as she tried to control the squeezing feeling in her belly. "No…" She whispered as she shook her head. "Please…" She whimpered as she squeezed her eyes tighter, reaching up to flush the toilet, she felt a cool hand on hers.

She took a deep breath as she slowly opened her eyes, finding Mrs. Shepherd crouching beside her as she turned her head. "I…I…" She whispered.

"It's alright…" She whispered, reaching her hand out to touch Meredith's face. "You're alright…"

"I…" She whispered as now tears of anxiety and sadness began to run down her face.

"He doesn't know, does he?" She whispered.

Meredith shook her head quickly, her eyes pouring over with tears as Mrs. Shepherd pulled the girl from beside her, holding her tightly as she began to cry. "I can't tell him…" She whispered as she felt Mrs. Shepherd's arms around her. "How can I tell him?"

Mrs. Shepherd pulled Meredith from her for a moment, looking into her eyes, seeing all of her fears and worries boiling up to the surface as her eyes sparkled. "You just… tell him… Meredith…" She shook her head, tilting her head. She watched as Meredith shook her head, her mind filled with one million thoughts. "You just… tell him… He's not going to be mad, Meredith… maybe a little stressed out… but he's not going to be upset…"

"He could be… we didn't discuss this… this isn't what we were supposed to have… it wasn't supposed to happen this way… I have school… he's never around… I'll never be around… My mother was never around… it can't work… it can't work… it can't work…" She sobbed, burying her face in Mrs. Shepherd's shoulder, it broke her heart to see her so broken.

"Shhh…" Mrs. Shepherd whispered as she gently rocked Meredith back and forth, her eyes glistening with sympathetic tears as she listened carefully to the woman's worries. "You hush those worries right now…" She said, her voice nearly demanding, though soft and soothing. "No more crying… we'll figure this out, sweetheart… we'll figure this out…"

---------------

The Christmas festivities went on in the family room, and through the crowd of children and gifts and laughter and wrapping paper, Derek hadn't noticed that Meredith wasn't in the room until she re-entered with his mother. Her nose was slightly red, and her eyes showed signs of crying. He immediately became concerned, though when he looked into her eyes, she shook her head and smiled just slightly as if to tell him that everything was alright. Her eyes deceived her, however and he could tell that there was something on her mind, something clouding that sparkle that he had seen earlier.

His eyes then went suddenly to his niece, tugging on his coat. "Santa…I love you." The little girl said, her dark curls bouncing as she grinned a bright grin.

"Santa loves you, Chelsea Lynn." Derek said with a chuckle and a 'ho, ho' as he glanced back to the couch to see Meredith sitting back in her corner, watching him with an amused look on her face. He tilted his head, and she shook hers, again trying to quell his worries about her. Derek let out a big yawn, sending the children into a fit of giggles as they watched him stretch. "Santa is getting pretty tired…" He said, watching as some of the littler ones yawned and stretched too, giggling as he stood up. "Santa should get back to his sleigh before he falls asleep sitting here…" He said, shaking his head. "You guys all better get up to bed too… You don't want Santa to fall asleep before you do… then there won't be any gifts for you to open in the morning!" He exclaimed, watching a couple of the children gasp in surprise as Derek watched them looking up at him. "Who wants to walk me to the door this year?" He asked, glancing around the room as everyone raised their hands. "Meredith… will you walk me to the door?" He said, watching her look up at the sound of her name. "Door?" He said, nodding in the direction of the door, watching her nod her head as she stood up and followed him through the crowd of children and adults as they left the room together.

They made it to the door and she started to open it for him, when he put his hand on hers. "What's going on?" He asked, watching as she looked up into his eyes.

"Nothing is going on… I'm alright… I'm just sore… and tired… and I don't feel well…" She said as she shrugged.

"And you were crying." He said, watching as she tilted her head, a slightly amused look on her face.

"And you think that you need to know everything, don't you, Derek Shepherd?"

"I do need to know everything…from the bottom of those giant stinky feet of yours, to the reason for each and every tiny little drop of salty water that comes out of your tear ducts." He said, raising his eyebrows at her.

"We'll talk later…" She said, opening the door for him.

"You promise?"

"SAY GOODBYE TO SANTA EVERYONE!" Meredith exclaimed, giving him a devilish glance.

"GOODBYE SANTA!" The sound of children and adults came screeching into the room.

"Goodbye, Santa…" Meredith said softly.

"I'll be back for you." He said slyly, shaking his head as he stepped out of the door.

"I'm sure you will." She said, blowing him a kiss as he quietly slipped out the door, watching her close the door softly behind her.

--------------------

Everyone waited patiently in the family room, cleaning wrapping paper up as the children played with their toys before bed time. Meredith sat on the couch, smiling as Donnie carefully climbed into her lap, looking up at her with a smile as he pulled his stuffed teddy bear into his arms and cuddled it. "Aunt Meredith, are you staying over?" He asked, his blue eyes sparkling as he looked up at her.

"I most definitely am…" She said softly as she ran her fingers through the little boy's hair. "I don't want to miss Santa Claus…" She shook her head.

"No… No you don't…" He said with a sweet smile. "Can I sleep with you in your room?" He asked, watching Meredith as she smiled at him, her eyes lifting as Derek walked into the room.

"Hey…a party… and I wasn't invited!" He exclaimed as everyone looked up and smiled, the adults with knowing glances, and the children squealed with excitement. Donnie forgot his question to Meredith and slid off her lap to give his uncle a hug and a kiss.

"You were invited dear… you just had other things to attend to…" His mother laughed, shaking her head, her eyes moved to Meredith, whose smile faded at her knowing look. She was dreading this conversation, the unknown was something she liked to keep safely hidden like a package that should never be opened. She knew that with all of the events leading to this day, and the day itself, that her secret was no longer safe. It was going to be revealed, and she was scared to death of the results.

Derek stepped over to the couch, smiling softly as he sat beside her, listening to her giggle slightly as he slid her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her securely. "So did my little Vixen tell you all about her trip?" He asked, watching her eyes meet his as she shook her head with a roll of her eyes.

"Not any more than you told us…" Neil bit, getting the joke that Derek was making.

"OH yeah… she was just 'Blitzen' down the road… and that little 'Dancer' just 'Danced' out into her line of site… and it was too late… You guys should have seen it…" He shook his head as everyone laughed. "I saw her on the side of the road…to see if she needed help, of course… and you know… I pointed at the hood of her car… asked her… 'Looks like you hit a deer… where did it land… up dere?' I asked… pointing up at the top of the car… and she shook her head… said… no… it's Donder… and pointed under the car… Boy did I feel 'Cupid'." Derek laughed as his sisters all rolled their eyes, Meredith wiggled in his embrace as her face burned with embarrassment.

"Mean… mean, mean, mean…" She giggled as she moved around as he held her tightly, kissing her cheek.

"Seriously though…" Derek whispered, kissing her again as she relaxed in his arms. "It was really bad…" He shook his head. "I don't know how she even got out of that accident without getting hurt…"

"That's two cars in three Christmases, Meredith…" Michael shook his head with a laugh.

"I'm never letting her drive to Christmas Eve again…" Derek chuckled as she scowled at him with a smirk.

"Right… like you could stop me…" She teased back as she leaned her head back to kiss his ear.

"At least I was the one that saved her this time…" Derek said softly with a smile.

"Oh yeah… because that trip to the guest house could have been really awkward if it was anyone else…" Nancy said with her eyebrows raised as she watched both Derek's and Meredith's face turn bright red as everyone laughed.

They all talked candidly for a little while until the adults all slipped into a silence that seemed a little awkward at first, though they all attributed it to the exhaustion of the day. The little ones were starting to get cranky and slowly, everyone began to make their way upstairs. Meredith stood up and turned around, stretching carefully, she looked down at Derek and held her hand out to him. "Are you coming to bed?" She asked, watching him sigh a little as he looked up at her.

"I thought that we were going to talk." He said, tilting his head up to her as he watched her tilt her head with a slight pout. He took her hand in his as everyone disappeared up the stairs, leaving them to their conversation.

"Not tonight, sweetie… maybe tomorrow… I'm just so sleepy…" She whispered as she shifted from one leg to the other as she watched his eyes search hers again. "Stop that." She whispered, looking at him with a defensive frown as she tried to pull her hand away, only to have it latched onto tighter.

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like you think that there's something wrong." She whispered, watching him shake his head. "What?" She said, trying to pull her hand away again, only to have him grip it tighter.

"You're not telling me things…" He said, his voice stern as he let go of her hand. "You went through all of that apologizing shit… just to get back to the same place we were before all of this, Meredith… I'm sick of it." He growled.

"Derek, I…"

"No…" He said, shaking his head as he sighed. "No… I really think I'm sick of this, Meredith. It's fine, okay? You don't want to be with me anymore…I get it… I'm an absentee boyfriend who loves his goddamned job… and you're taking all of your sadness and hatred for your mother when she used to push you aside for her job, and you're throwing it at me… Fine… that's just fine… You don't want to be involved with a guy that loves you… that adores you… that would pick you up and put you back together when you fall apart… that's fine! I'll go find someone who is willing to let me do that for them… because all you've done to me is lie to me! You made me believe that you loved me! That you'd do anything for me, but it's not true and you know it! You are only out for you! Meredith Grey is the only important person in Meredith Grey's world!"

The more he talked, the smaller she felt. Her eyes were watering now and her stomach was twisting again as he watched the anger in his eyes. He was trying to keep his voice down, but his angry pointing finger was getting closer to her, and she could feel herself start to tremble. She didn't say a word as he continued his tirade, but with each passing word, she felt her emotions shutting down, a lightheaded feeling filling her brain.

"It's fine… Meredith… It's just fine… because I understand that all that you want is some little puppy dog to follow you around and do whatever it is that you want! I was willing to give up one of the best opportunities of my life for you… but that was this morning…Maybe I will go to Seattle now… Maybe I will go… and if you want to come, you can come with me… I should make that decision for me… not for you! I waited and pined for you! I let you into my home, into my mother's home! Into my memories and my heart, and what have you given me, Meredith? What have you given me? Nothing but grief and heartache! When I found you on the side of the road earlier today… I was a fucking nervous wreck that you were hurt… or worse…" He whispered. "Then you go through this giant fucking apology routine and make me think that everything is alright… only to bring us right back to where we are right now!" he growled.

"Derek!" Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed from the stairs as she watched her son angrily growl at Meredith, her eyes were filled with such fear, such sadness that she couldn't move. Her entire body was trembling as she stared into his angry eyes, now trained on his mother on the stairs as she stared ahead. "What are you doing?" She exclaimed as she approached them quickly, grabbing Meredith tightly, she felt the woman wrap her arms around her as she trembled; looking for something to help hold her up, for it wouldn't have been long before she fell to the floor. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, talking to her like that!" His mother exclaimed as she shook her head furiously at him, Meredith sobbing into her shoulder.

Derek stood in shock for a moment as all of the anger that he had been feeling slowly drained from his body, the anger disappeared from his face, and he had the need to just run. The look in his mother's face was one of such disappointment that she had never seen, her head shaking disapprovingly as she looked for his answer to her question.

"Derek, answer me! Why are you speaking to her like that? Where is all of this hate coming from?" She asked, tears coming to her eyes as she listened to Meredith's sobs into her shoulder.

"I…" he whispered as he shook his head, tears springing to his eyes as he looked at what he had done to her, what he had reduced her to. "I…can't…I can't…" He whispered as he shook his head again, walking past his mother, he ascended the stairs quickly, the door to his room closing firmly behind him as Mrs. Shepherd was left to pick up the pieces of the woman in her arms.

--------------------

Mrs. Shepherd held Meredith in her arms for several moments, her tears falling like a torrent of rain, soaking everything in its path. Her tears soaked through Mrs. Shepherd's nightshirt as she let sob after sob control her. Mrs. Shepherd rubbed her back gently trying to make sense of what had happened between the two of them. Only hearing the end of the conversation, she was left to assume that Meredith hadn't had much of a chance to get a word in about anything. She held her firmly in her arms as she reached her hands up and pulled the woman from her embrace, looking into her broken eyes as she shook her head.

"Meredith…" Mrs. Shepherd whispered. "Meredith…you should not let him talk to you like that…" She said softly.

"He's right…" She shook her head as she looked to the ground. "He's right… I… I am taking out my frustration and fears on him… I am… keeping things from him… He's right… I'm wrong… he's right…"

"He is wrong for talking to you like that, Meredith." She shook her head. "You need to stand up for yourself… He was just mean… and it was absolutely uncalled for." She shook her head, watching as Meredith's tears slowly stopped, listening to the strength in Mrs. Shepherd's voice made her feel more confident.

"But I did…"

"Meredith…" She said softly. "You're in this relationship together… and… he didn't rip that ring off your finger… and he didn't kick you out in the cold. He's giving you an opportunity to go up there and defend yourself… to prove to him that you both have your faults… that this relationship isn't just about you… or him… it's about both of you… it should always be… about both of you." She shook her head. "Because… It's not just the two of you anymore." She nodded down toward Meredith's belly.

Meredith sniffled as she looked into Mrs. Shepherd's eyes, and she could see the resolve slowly building there after Derek had so haphazardly torn it down. "This is the worst Christmas ever…" She mumbled as she tilted her head, her lower lip sticking out as she sighed. "And that's a lot coming from me." She whimpered.

Mrs. Shepherd looked to the clock, finding it only quarter past eleven, and she smiled. "Christmas doesn't officially start for another forty five minutes, Meredith… there is still time." She said softly as she reached her arms out and pulled her into a hug, feeling the girl squeeze her tightly as her tears dried against her nightshirt.

"Thank you, Mom." Meredith whispered, a warm feeling spreading through her body as she took a deep breath and broke from the hug. "I'm going to…" She whispered, nodding towards the stairs, watching as Mrs. Shepherd nodded her head.

"Good luck, sweetheart." She whispered, watching Meredith walk slowly up the stairs.

------------

Meredith took one step at a time, very slowly, obviously not looking forward to the inevitable as she listened to each step squeak and squeal below her weight. She took a deep breath as she reached the top step. She looked down the hallway at the doors to the various bedrooms, the light under Derek's door was off and she closed her eyes tightly before she took another step down the hallway. She took three steps while holding her breath, releasing the breath slowly as she continued to walk, stopping in front of his door. She opened the door, watching the light shine in from the hallway and saw his feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He wasn't moving, and she didn't care if he did. She closed the door, and each step she made, she became stronger, more sure of what she was going to say to him.

He didn't move.

"Derek." She said, her voice was soft, a whimper, but in the dark she knew that he couldn't see her face, so she cleared her throat and put a brave face on. "Derek…I… have absolutely no idea what you were thinking downstairs when you said all of those things… and I don't… know if you meant any of it… or… if you didn't… but… I… you… You're right… Derek… You're right… on some counts… and I'll give you that much…" She closed her eyes and steadied herself as she felt her stomach clench. "I know... that you feel that I'm taking advantage of you... of your kindness, of your love... and you think that I've been pushing you away... and... you're right… that I've been pushing you away… and you're right that… I … look at you and see someone that could cause me pain… someone who loves their job so much that it can come in the way of other things that could matter… used to matter, should still matter…But… You're wrong when you say that I want you to do what I want you to do, Derek… I'm not testing your love for me… I'm not… seeing if you'll do whatever I want… I'm hoping… that you'll go… that you'll do what you want… what you think is right for you… because I am not going to hold you back… I'm not going to be the one that tells you to stay here for me… and I'm not going to make you drag me across the country only to find out that I'm not what you wanted… I'm not who you think I am… and that I'm not all that you think I can be… I'm afraid… of disappointing you." She coughed.

"And you're wrong to think that my apology was anything but sincere, Derek… You were there when I needed you… You're always there when I need you… and I'm not… used to it yet… I'm used to doing things for myself… I'm used to… fending for myself… and when I fell from the car… when I was crawling across the goddamned frozen ground, all I could think about was how I could have died without telling you that I love you… without telling you that I needed you… that I love it when you hold me… when you touch me… when you talk to me… I love that you want me to come with you to Seattle, Derek… and I love you enough to go… but… I will not… hold you back from your dreams, Derek… I will not… be the one to drag you down."

"Derek…" She cleared her throat. "There's something I need to tell you." She said softly. "There's something that I need to tell you… and I will explain everything to you… and I will tell you the honest truth… but not like this… not without you looking at me. I'm going downstairs… and if… you care to hear my side of the story, you'll meet me down there face to face. If you don't care to hear my side of the story… then I'll leave in the morning." She said softly. With all of the strength that she could muster, she turned to the door walked across the room and opened it slowly. She looked back to find that he hadn't moved an inch, his feet still in the same place they had been when she walked into the room. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I love you, Derek." She whispered as she stepped from the room and into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

--------------------

Derek lay in the bed, staring off into darkness as Meredith's words echoed in his head. He had been waiting weeks to talk to her about all of the things that had been going on between them, he had waited patiently, standing aside as she ignored him, ignored his phone calls, refused to talk to him. He knew that it was a difficult decision that had to be made, and he knew that she wasn't sure of how to approach it, but he also knew that they needed to talk about it. Every time he brought it up, there was another excuse. His frustration mounted with each and every conversation that he had with her and their arguments were frequent and could get quite messy, and usually ended with one of them hanging up on the other.

He squeezed his eyes closed as he thought of the words that he had spoken to her, the angry tone in his voice, the mean and horrible things that he had said. He ran through the conversation before the argument in his mind, the joking, the happiness… then there was the pause in the conversation, and Derek remembered the tears in Meredith's eyes when she had walked back into the room... He remembered his mother's hand on her shoulder, and the sadness and forlorn look in her eyes when she looked across the room at him. She had tried to smile it away, tried to say that everything was fine, and when he asked her about it before he left, she hadn't made that promise. He needed to talk to her, he needed to know what she was thinking, what she was feeling, he needed to understand her, because there was no way to make her happy if he couldn't get inside of her head.

So when she avoided it that last time, all of the anger and frustration that he had been holding back for so long just made its way to the surface, bubbling over into a series of angry whispers that ended with his mother's angry face, and Meredith's broken soul. He had heard her excuses, and he understood that she had a long, hard day… but these issues couldn't be pushed aside any longer, and he had just had enough. He had accused her of not loving him, when what she said when she had come into his room just then, was that she loved him too much to be with him. He couldn't understand what she meant by that, couldn't understand how she could keep so many secrets from him, yet tell him that she loved him.

She had been brave though, walking up to his bedroom to tell him those things, she had been brave and soft, and not accusing at all. The guilt that he already felt in his heart was rising quicker as he lay there, thinking of the hurtful things that he had said to her, thinking of how brave she had been. He was proud of her, calling him on his anger and not running away. He was proud of her for standing up for herself, for them and their relationship. He was proud of her for not avoiding the argument, but for facing it for what it was, not knowing what would await her in the bedroom. He needed to tell her that he was proud of her. He needed to tell her that he was sorry for the things that he had said, and that he had no right to speak such angry words to such a sweet, sensitive person who had been putting up with his late night returns and last minute date cancellations. It wasn't she that was at fault here, and it wasn't himself necessarily at all. It was something that they needed to work out together, and she seemed like she really wanted to talk, to get this thought or feeling off her chest, this fact or issue that she was thinking about.

Swiftly, he sat up in bed, rolling from the mattress, he placed his feet on the ground quickly. He could feel the blood rushing to his head for a moment as he shook off the dizziness, stepping forward towards the door, he walked lightly as not to make a sound.

He opened the door slowly, stepping out into the hallway, he looked towards the stairs, noting that it was dark downstairs except for the Christmas lights. He walked lightly, his toes touching the floor first, followed just slightly by his heel, as he made his way to the top of the stairs.

He listened to the sounds of the clocks in the family room, and he listened for any other movement, talking, anything. Hearing none, he took the first step and cringed at the sound of the creak in the stair, trying so hard not to make any more noise, he crept slowly down the stairs making as little noise as possible.

He stood at the bottom of the stairs, the nervousness in his belly was overwhelming as he closed his eyes and swallowed, sliding his feet across the hardwood floor, he slipped his way towards the family room.

He stopped in the doorway, watching her figure sit cross-legged beneath the tree. Her eyes were looking straight up at that little silver star that his mother had given her on that first Christmas. The Christmas lights danced off her face, twinkling their thousand lights down onto her, lighting her features perfectly beneath the looming evergreen.

He had no idea what to do. He stood there, entranced by her beauty. Her lips were pursed, her nose, wiggling just slightly at the scent of the fireplace burning out. Her hair was long and flowing, cascading delicately down her neck and back in perfect soft curls that he loved to run his fingers through. Her hair was much longer than it had been when he first met her, and he loved each and every inch of it, the smell and the silky feel of it, the way that wisps of it would fly across her face into her eyes, begging to be touched by his fingertips.

Her toes were wiggling just slightly, as they often did when she sat and waited for something. Derek had noticed quite a long time ago that Meredith couldn't keep still. Her body was always in some kind of motion, be it dancing around the kitchen to the music in her head, or tapping a pen against her nose while she studied for an exam. Her eyes were always fluttering, sleeping, awake, and she had a way of babbling about just about anything. But there was nothing that could compare to her laugh. Goosebumps arose on his skin when he thought of her laugh, her giggle, the way she would snort just slightly when he'd say something funny, or that full laugh that she would give when he would say something that surprised her. It was a loud, beautiful melody that drifted into his ears and sent off every sense in his body. The way that her mouth opened when she laughed, her soft pink lips showing off that beautiful smile that could melt his knees in a moment.

Derek had become so lost in his thoughts of her, that he hadn't noticed that she had turned her head to face him. Her eyes were now on his, and as soon as they met like two stars colliding in the nighttime sky. The first thing Derek had noticed, was that she had stopped. She had stopped everything. She had stopped moving, she had stopped blinking, and if it were possible, she had stopped breathing.

Her face held no surprise as he made no more movement towards her, still unsure of exactly how he would be able to proceed at this point. He waited for her cue.

Slowly, deliberately, and with no other movement, her hand came down and brushed the spot beside her, her eyes and face moving back to the Christmas tree.

He stepped forward towards her, kneeling softly onto the carpet, he sat beside her. He didn't dare touch her, he didn't feel that it was fair to her to make the first move. He was the one that hurt her, he wanted her to make the first move when she was ready.

He watched out of the corner of her eye as she slowly leaned back, lying her body against the soft carpet as her hair splayed across the floor, softly, delicately, framing her head like an angelic halo. "Do you want your Christmas gift, Derek?" She whispered, her voice was soft and delicate, like a newly bloomed flower.

He turned his head to look into her eyes, gazing into the fire of one thousand Christmas lights that danced across her iris. His eyes filled with confusion, and to that she reached for his hand.

Slowly, he lifted his hand to hers, fully expecting her to take it in hers. When she turned his palm down, and gently lifted her sweater, his brow furrowed. Gently, she placed his hand on her belly, his thumb resting across her belly button. He watched as her eyes spoke to him, her eyebrows gently raising as she squeezed the top of his hand on her belly. "Merry Christmas, Derek." She whispered, watching as slowly, his eyes widened in surprise, and delicately brightened. His eyes asked one million questions, or one question one million times as a smile slowly tipped the corners of her lips, confirming the answer to his question.

"Merry Christmas, Meredith." Derek whispered as his tears crested delicately over his eyelids and poured down his cheeks.

They sat like that for what seemed like forever, searching for the next words in their long awaited conversation as gently and melodically, the clock tolled midnight.


	8. Christmas Day Take three

Chapter 8-

Christmas Day- Take Three-

Derek sat with his hand on her belly for the longest time, his eyes reflecting nothing but a deep, undying love for her as her eyes reflected his. He didn't want to speak, he didn't want to ruin the moment, those seconds, those words that were unsaid, but were screaming so loudly in his ears. He needed her to say it, to speak the words that he needed to hear, and suddenly, panic began to rise in his stomach and she could see it in his eyes.

She moved his hand softly, rolling to her side, she reached up and grasped his sweater with her left hand. She tugged lightly as she watched his breathing become shallower. He rolled slowly onto his hip, following her hand as she tugged him across her. He knelt with one leg on each side of her, straddling her body as he hovered over her, her hand still firmly attached to his sweater as his arms supported himself on either side of her, her hand pulling his face to hers as their eyes met in a passionate battle as they stared intensely into their souls.

She swallowed hard, her lips grazing his as she spoke, not in a kiss, but in such a way that she could speak into his soul, their eyes still battling for control. "You… were mean." She whispered.

"I was mean." He whimpered, tears coming to his eyes.

"You said… that I was selfish." She whispered.

"I said that you were selfish." He repeated, shaking his head softly as he felt his tears overflowing, dropping onto her delicate skin, cascading with her own, mixing and combining to form a larger tear, much like their love combined to form a larger love.

"You want the truth, don't you?" She whispered. "You want these lips… and these eyes to tell you the truth."

"Yes." He whispered. "That's all that I ever wanted, Meredith." He replied. "I'm…"

"Shh…" She whispered, her fingertips touching his lips softly as she searched his eyes. "Listen…" She whispered. "I… have known for weeks… about the internship choices… and my acceptance in those programs. I have known for weeks, that I have had to make a decision based on that. I waited… and I waited… and you had stated your case… and I was afraid… Derek. I was afraid of leaving what I know… and what I love about my home. You… want to go to Seattle… you know that it is a good opportunity for you, and you know that it would be a good opportunity for me… and I was afraid… and I'm still afraid… and… I avoided… like I usually do…" She whispered. "But it wasn't because I didn't love you…and it wasn't because I thought that you needed to give something up for me… I was ready to go, Derek… and I was prepared to tell you that I could go with you… that I would accept the internship… Hell, I had a letter written out to them and everything… and that was going to be my decision…" She said, watching as he listened intently. His eyes were still filled with love, his attention was completely on her.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment as she tried to concentrate with him being so close to her, her body just aching to pull him to her, the inches between them were slowly becoming too much for her to bear.

"I… found out almost three weeks ago… Derek… officially… on the day that I was going to send that letter to Seattle… that was the day that I found out… and I tore the letter up… and I cried… and cried...no one wants a pregnant intern…" She whispered.

"Meri…" He whispered, shaking his head.

"I ran through the different scenarios… you know? I mean… I have one semester left… that's three months… I'll have the summer…The baby would be born at the beginning of August…and my internship starts in September...sounded like it fit in perfectly… for about ten seconds… and then I remembered Seattle… and how you wanted me to be there with you… and how you had dreams for you, and for me… and that having a child would just be too much pressure, Derek… It would be too much pressure for a surgeon, an attending… especially if I worked there too… I mean… we don't have any family out there… and we're not married… it wouldn't look good if I were your intern… the mother of your child… and the more I thought of it, the more I felt that I needed to let you go, to do this on my own… I don't want to… hold you back." She rambled as she broke eye contact, staring at his chin instead of his eyes as she worked her thoughts out loud.

"Meredith…" He whispered.

"Not to mention…" She whispered as she cringed slightly. "My mother is going to kill you." She said, her eyes meeting his.

"I don't care." He whispered.

"Derek…" She whispered as she shook her head. "You do care… you do care, and it matters to me… So that's why… I… tried to… break things off with you. I accepted the internship in Boston… and I pushed you away. I told you that I couldn't make it for Christmas… I refused to let you in, Derek… and I was mean… I was mean by keeping you in the dark. I was mean because I lied by omission and I didn't tell you the truth of why I was doing what I was doing… and I was mean by not telling you that I am pregnant with our child." She whispered, watching the sharp intake of breath. "What?" She whispered.

"Say that again." He whispered.

"What?" She asked, her eyes showing confusion as she watched just a tinge of playfulness sneak into his.

"What you just said…" He replied. "Say it again."

"That I'm pregnant with our child?" She asked, watching his eyes light up a little more, and that little gasp. "What are you…?"

"That's my heart skipping a beat." He said softly, shaking his head as he watched her eyes start to water.

"Derek…" She whimpered, shaking her head as she watched his soft smile. He lifted his hand to her temple, very delicately tracing his fingertips down her face, crossing the stream of tears that were making their way down her face to her ear, as his finger delicately slid over her cheek to her chin. He leaned down and ever so delicately kissed her chin, where his finger had landed.

"I'm not going to Seattle, Meredith." He said softly. "I have already decided to turn down the fellowship." 

"Derek… it's…"

"It was my decision this whole time, Meri… it was always my decision… and… this fact… this… tiny little fact…" He whispered, glancing to her abdomen and back to her eyes. "It's only another reason for me to stay. Meredith…I understand that you panicked… and I understand that you're concerned about what your mother is going to say… what she will do… how she will treat me after this…but you don't have to protect me, Meri… You don't have to push me away to protect me… because when you do that… you make me do stupid, stupid, stupid things… like making angry assumptions that break your heart… You're filled with doubt, and when you don't tell me the truth… when you hide, and keep things from me… you fill me with doubt." He whispered as he watched her eyes. "You drive me… Meri…You're my inspiration."

"Derek…" She whispered, shaking her head slightly as she tried to stave off her tears a little longer.

"I'm very proud of you, Meredith Grey." He whispered.

"Proud of me?" She whispered, her eyes settling back on his.

"You're a very strong woman… a very smart woman… and a very brave woman, and I love you with every fiber of my being… every inch of my soul is dedicated to you… every beat of my heart… is for you… every breath that leaves my lips… is yours… and every time you laugh… you send a wave of warmth and love into my heart that cannot be matched by anything, Meredith… when I was upset with you earlier… I was scared." She shook her head. "I was so afraid… that you didn't love me anymore… that I did exactly what you do, Meri… I pushed you away…" He said, his eyes intensely on hers. "And I noticed… that pushing you away… hurt a hell of a lot worse than you pushing me away. Please… Meredith… please don't push me away anymore… I don't want you to feel that heartache. I don't want you to hurt like I hurt myself…please tell me that I haven't ruined what we have… please tell me that you'll take me back after all of the horrible things I said… please forgive me…" He said, tears dropping onto her face, tickling her cheeks as he begged for her forgiveness. "Please…" He whispered.

"You're not going to Seattle?" She whispered, shaking her head.

"I'm not going anywhere, Meredith." He whispered.

"You're…not upset about…"

"You can say it, Meredith." He whispered, lifting his hand to wipe his tears. "Say it for me."

"You're not upset about the baby?" She asked, tilting her head as his eyes sparkled.

"I love our baby." Derek whispered, watching as slowly, his lips curled to a soft, loving smile. "I love you… and I love our baby." He whispered.

"My mother is still going to kill you." She whispered.

"I can handle that…"

"And the whole working in the same hospital… not being married… that stuff…" She whispered.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, Meredith." He shook his head, the smile never leaving his face. 

"Are you going to regret this decision, Derek? I don't want to do this if you're going to regret this decision…"

"Shut up, Meredith. Shut up and just kiss me already…" He whispered as he lowered his lips onto hers, tasting her sweet angelic smile against his as he rolled onto his side, he carried her with him with a giggle as he squeezed her tightly, kissing her temple softly as she settled on his chest. They lay on the floor, their thoughts bouncing wildly in their head, and Derek glanced to her with surprise for a moment. "Meri…" He whispered. "You don't think that the accident…"

"The seatbelt was on my lap… not across my belly…"

"But the stress…" He whispered.

"The only thing that I was stressed about… was that I needed to get to you." She whispered. "And when I turned around… there you were."

"So everything is fine?" He whispered, cuddling her tightly against his body.

"Besides the whole 'my mother is going to kill you' thing… everything is perfect." She smiled into him as she felt him sigh.

"Now that you mention it…" He whispered. "I am a dead man… aren't I?" 

"Yes."

"That's alright… I have you to keep me warm." He whispered, as he kissed her hair softly, cuddling her against his body as they relaxed against one another, gently falling asleep together beneath the Christmas tree.

--------------------

One by one, the doors upstairs opened. The morning was still dark, and four sets of eyes met in the hallway as they smiled devilish grins. Slowly, they crept from their rooms to the stairs, stopping for a moment.

"Should one of us go get Meredith?" Nancy whispered.

"Nancy…two Christmases in a row… they've been sound asleep beneath the Christmas tree together… what on earth makes you think that they're anywhere else but there?" Kathleen whispered as the other girls giggled slightly.

"True… true…" Nancy said they slowly descended the stairs, following the lights of the Christmas tree.

Nancy, Kathleen and Joann walked towards the family room when suddenly, the heard Bethany squeal, her voice muffled as she grunted. The other three girls quickly walked back around the corner towards the stairs, to find Derek holding Bethany in his grip, with his hand around her mouth as she kicked at him.

"What are you doing to her, moron?" Kathleen asked as she walked up to her brother and smacked him in the arm as he released his sister.

He grinned as she turned around quickly and scowled. "You ass! I thought you were a burglar!" Bethany whispered angrily at her brother, sending him into a deeper laughter as all four girls scowled at him.

"What are you doing down here?" Joann demanded, angrily growling at her brother as he continued to giggle at the embarrassed, flustered looks on his sister's faces.

"I just… came in here to tell you that Meri sleeping on the couch… and if you wake her up, I'll beat you all to a pulp…" Derek said, raising his eyebrows at his sisters as they challenged him. "Don't think I won't do it…" He whispered. "She had a long day… she needs her rest…"

"Look at you being all protective…" Nancy said, giving Derek a slight punch on the shoulder as she laughed.

"Please… let her sleep… if she wakes up while you guys are doing the gift thing… that's fine… but don't wake her up…" He said, watching as they nodded softly at him as he turned to walk up the stairs.

"Wait…" Joann whispered. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Upstairs to bed…" He shrugged. "You do the gift thing… Meredith sleeps n the couch… I sleep on the…"

"No… no… You're our proxy Meredith." Nancy said, grabbing her brother's hand as she pulled him along.

"Proxy Meredith?"

"Yep. You're her stand in…" Joann said as they walked behind them towards the basement as Kathleen stood by the stairs. "Don't you remember when I was nine months pregnant with Sydney, and Michael had to do the gift thing… well… you're the lucky sap this year…" She grinned as he shook his head at her.

"What is she doing?" Derek asked, nodding towards Kathleen as she stepped back up the stairs, sitting on one of the middle stairs.

"She's the lookout… Geez, Derek…" Nancy shook her head as they opened the basement door and turned the light on.

"But I… I'm not supposed to be involved in the…"

"Oh hush, Derek… You've always been one of the girls…" Bethany said as she bounded down the stairs quickly, giggling as Derek chased after her.

--------------------

When Derek got downstairs with his sisters, entering the basement, he looked around at all of the plastic containers as they started to pull them down from the shelves. "Holy crap!" Derek exclaimed.

"Geez… keep it down…" Bethany elbowed him as she passed him, piling the containers against the wall near the stairs.

"There have to be a thousand gifts down here…" He said, his mouth wide as he watched Nancy roll her eyes.

"You know… we just can't stop multiplying…" Joann giggled as she checked the containers.

"They're labeled." Derek pointed out.

"Yes, Mr. Genius… very good." Bethany teased.

"You know… you're treading on thin ice, Beth… I may take away your Christmas gift from Meri." He said, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Meredith would never let you do that." Nancy said, shaking her head as Derek shrugged. "So when are you and Meredith going to get married?" She asked, glancing to Derek. "I'm assuming you're going to actually start planning the wedding after she graduates in May."

"Maybe…" He shrugged. "She's accepted an internship at Boston General." He said as he lifted the containers onto one another as the girls pulled them from the shelves.

"Aww… how cute… you're going to stick together…" Bethany teased as Derek stuck his tongue out at her.

"She didn't want to go too far from home." He shrugged. "I don't blame her… I don't think I was really ready to go all the way across the country… I'd miss you dumbbells too much." He laughed as Joann poked him.

"So you're going to wait on having kids?" Nancy asked, watching as Derek's eyes met hers quickly.

"Kids? Yeah… yeah, we're planning on waiting… get ourselves settled in our jobs… then we'll try." He lied through his teeth, the anticipation in his belly growing stronger as he wanted so badly to just scream it out loud. "We're going to wait." He repeated.

"You already said that." Bethany said as she passed him again.

"I… I know that I already said that."

"Ha!" Nancy said suddenly, watching as Derek jumped as she held her finger up at him, her eyes wide with surprise.

"What?" Derek exclaimed. "Be quiet!"

"You… you… you…!" She said as she continued to point at him, trying to get her words out as her sisters watched with an amused grin, and Derek stood there stunned and surprised, scared to death that his sister had actually figured it out.

"What!?" Joann exclaimed.

"You're scared of having kids!" Nancy exclaimed.

"I am not!" Derek exclaimed as a wave of relief passed through his body.

"Yes! Yes you are! Did you see him sweating when I mentioned kids… Uncle Derek is afraid of having his own kids! Hahahaha!" Nancy laughed as Derek shook his head.

"I am not! I am not afraid of having children!" Derek exclaimed.

"Yes you are! Look at you! You went totally pale! Oh my God!" Bethany giggled as she watched Derek's face turn bright red as he shook his head. 

"I'm going upstairs!" He exclaimed, pretending to be upset as he grabbed two of the plastic containers and stalked up the steps. When he knew his sisters were out of eyesight, no one could have missed the huge grin on his face as he made his way to the family room.

--------------------

The four of them slowly brought the containers up the stairs, piling them carefully in the dining room as they tried their best to remain quiet. Bethany was arranging them by names as Derek stood and helped, watching as they gathered the containers.

"Whose is the one with the 'M' on it?" Derek asked, his forehead wrinkled as he gave his sister a confused look. "Mom?"

"Derek…" Bethany said, giving him an irritated glare. "It's early… don't irritate me…"

"No… seriously…"

"It's Meredith, you dummy…" Bethany said with a shake of her head.

"How is everything going?" A voice came from the hallway that they didn't expect. They turned around and the girls giggled as Derek swallowed hard.

"Mom." He said, a sharp intake of breath as his mother eyed him for a moment.

"What is he doing here?" She asked, her voice a bit stern as she glanced to Nancy.

"Meredith is sleeping on the couch…Derek is helping…" Bethany said, giving her mother a confused look as she watched the angry look on her mother's face and the serious sorrowful look on her brother's face.

"Meredith is sleeping." Mrs. Shepherd said as she stared into her son's eyes hard, watching him carefully.

"Yes." Derek said softly, his eyes smiling softly as he smirked just slightly. "Meredith is resting…" He said softly. "She needs her rest…" He said, the sparkle in his eye revealing so much to his mother, though he had no idea that she knew.

She watched the playfulness in his eyes and he noticed the joy in hers. She gave him a hopeful smile as she tilted her head, their conversation was silent as their eyes did the talking. He glanced towards the family room, and when his mother did the same, he knew that Meredith had told her. He smirked as he glanced to his sisters who were talking about something together. He very slowly lifted his finger to his lips to let his mother know that they didn't know, and she gave him a sly grin and a shake of the head. "Well… if you girls have everything under control…" She said with a smile as she stepped closer to them.

"Hey… I'm not a…" He stopped when his mother turned her head, raising her eyebrows at him and gave him a warning glance.

"We're good, Mom." Joann giggled as they looked at the sheepish look on Derek's face.

"I think I'm going to go on back up to bed… sweet dreams." She said softly as she touched her son's hand and squeezed it lightly as she turned and walked out of the room slowly.

"What was that all about?" Nancy asked, noticing the attention that her mother had given Derek.

"None of your business, Nosy Nancy…" Derek said in a mocking tone as he pulled the top off of one of the containers. "Alright… what are we doing with these things?" He asked, looking up at Bethany as she shook her head at him.

"Under the tree… let's go…" She shook her head at him and rolled her eyes as the four of them started to move quickly to pull the gifts into the family room quietly.

Derek stepped into the room first, his eyes wandered directly to the couch, where Meredith lay curled beneath the blanket that he had draped across her. After they had fallen asleep on the floor for about an hour, he had woken up and moved her to the couch. In her exhausted state, she had hardly even noticed that she had been moved, moving only slightly as he lay her on the soft cushions, her hands tucked neatly below her cheek as she pushed her body back and cuddled into the pillows of the couch as if she had been there all night. He carefully placed his handful of gifts beneath the tree and stepped over to her.

He knelt before the couch, tilting his head as he watched her sleep for a moment. He reached his hand for her blanket and very tenderly pulled it to cover her shoulder, watching her cuddle deeper into the blanket. He listened for a moment and noticed that he didn't hear his sisters moving around behind him, and turned around to see the three of them standing in the doorway with sappy grins on their faces.

He could feel his face burn with embarrassment, looking to the stairs, he noticed that Kathleen was also watching him as he shook his head and took a deep breath as he looked at the sleeping woman before him. "You know…" He whispered. "You're the only person in this world that I would embarrass myself in front of my family for… you should feel fortunate." He laughed to himself as he stood up and turned around, watching as his sisters scattered through the room to get more gifts to put under the tree.

---------

When the gifts were placed under the tree, and the cookies were eaten, the four women each said goodnight to their brother as they quietly climbed the stairs for their beds. Derek turned again and looked down at Meredith lying so peacefully on the couch. He hated to have to wake her up, so he decided that he'd do his best to move her as little as possible.

He walked to the couch and stood above her, carefully pulling her body towards him, he rolled above her and behind her, lying on the couch behind her, his back against the back of the couch as he very gingerly pulled her body into his, tipping his chin over her shoulder as he felt her wiggle backwards into his arms.

He could feel her moving slightly as he kissed her cheek, lying his head back once again. "Der…" She grumbled, breathing in his scent as she took a deep breath.

"Hm…" he whispered.

"Mmm…" She groaned softly as she smiled in her sleep. "I love… you." She whispered softly.

"I love you, sweetheart." He whispered, as he buried his face in her hair, breathing deeply as he lulled himself softly to sleep with the thought of the warmth and happiness in his body and in his arms.

--------------------

The morning light was beginning to peek through the windows a little brighter, and Derek listened softly as he thought he heard the sound of someone on the stairs. The feet were quiet and light, not an adult's feet. "Meri." He whispered softly into her ear. "Meri…"

He felt her turn in his arms slightly, his eyes were on hers as she opened them slowly. "What?" She groaned slightly as she watched him put his finger to his lips.

"Do you want to see something magical?" He whispered.

"Magical?" She whispered.

"Come with me." He said softly, carefully climbing from behind her. He helped her carefully climb from the couch and took her hand, leading her to the kitchen slowly. She followed behind, closing the door, but for a crack, while they turned around beside the door. "Here… stand here…" Derek said softly, placing her in front of him as he positioned the open door so that they could see the doorway to the hallway.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her cheek as she yawned, her eyes droopy and tired, but he could feel the energy in her body as they listened to the very slow footsteps of the person on the stairs. Then they heard her voice.

"Santa?" The little girl whispered, having heard the sound of someone downstairs, she could only assume that it was who she was expecting. They then realized that there were two little ones on the stairs, tiptoeing quietly behind one another. "Santa, are you down there?" Her voice echoed through the quiet hallway as she reached the bottom stair.

"I don't think he's down there, Zoey…" Another little girl whispered.

"Do you think he came?" The little girl asked.

Meredith watched in anticipation as the two little girls stood just around the corner of the family room, talking nervously and discussing whether or not they should see if Santa did pay them a visit. Meredith held her breath, slowly waking up as Derek held her securely in his arms, his nose resting on the top of her head as he breathed deeply, warming her completely with his embrace. She glanced up at him, watching the sparkle in his eyes as he smiled down at her, watching her face brighten like one of those little girls that were trying to work up the courage to walk around the corner. She turned her attention back to the living room.

From around the corner, popped the head of a dark haired girl, her eyes were wide blue orbs of surprise and wonder as she grabbed her cousin's arm, pulling her into the room behind her. "Oh my gosh!" She exclaimed, her mouth wide with wonder and excitement as she looked at all of the gifts.

"SANTA CAME!" The smaller girl exclaimed, her arm tugged by the older girl as she hushed her.

"He did come! Wow! Look at all of these presents!"

"Let's go tell Granny!" The little one exclaimed as both girls laughed and giggled as the ran as quickly as they could up the stairs together.

Meredith sighed happily as the little girls disappeared up the stairs and she could feel a lump in her throat as her eyes began to water.

"That's all you've wanted… isn't it?" Derek whispered in her ear as she shivered in his arms. His breath was warm and his voice was filled with love.

"That's what I want with you." She whispered, turning in his arms, she looked into his eyes, noticing that his eyes were watering as well. "You're crying…" She whispered, reaching up to touch the tear on his cheek.

"No… no, I'm not crying… my… my face is… leaking…" He sniffled as he rubbed his eye, listening to her soft giggle. "How are you feeling?" He whispered.

"I'm… a little sore still…" She whispered. "I missed the present thingy…"

"Don't worry…" He smiled as he touched her cheek. "I got to be the proxy Meredith." He said with a smile.

"Oh, you did… did you?" She smiled as she shook her head, resting it on his chest with a giggle.

"Oh yes…" He said with a sigh. "They made me put on a wig… high heels…and talk in a really high voice…" He said, demonstrating as she giggled.

"I don't wear high heels!" She laughed, looking up into his eyes.

"Well… if I were a woman… I would." He said with a definitive nod, watching as her eyebrows rose at his response. "They were very comfortable… and they made me feel like a grown up…" He said with a laugh as she giggled in his arms.

"I'm hungry." She mumbled, rubbing her tummy as she looked up at him sweetly.

"Anything for you, my queen." He whispered, pressing his forehead against hers.

"Look at that… I've already got you trained." She smiled as he chuckled.

"I am at your service." He said with a soft kiss on her lips. "Meri…" He whispered as he watched her eyes searching his once again.

"Hm…" She whispered.

"When did you tell my mother?" He asked sincerely, his eyes happy and soft, his voice low and sweet.

"I didn't… have to tell her." Meredith shrugged. "She already knew…"

"How did she know?"

"I… got sick last night… when you were Santa…and she helped me feel better. She helped me realize that I shouldn't hide from it… and that I needed to tell you." She said softly.

"But she knew… she knew about it when you and I were arguing?"

"Yes." Meredith whispered. "Did you talk to her?" Meredith whispered.

"She came downstairs last night…I think that she knows that you told me."

"Of course she does." Meredith shook her head as she reached up and ran her fingers through his hair with a soft smile.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He smirked at her as he ran his thumb across her cheek, his eyes settling on her lips for a moment before moving back to her eyes.

"You have 'New Daddy' written all of your face, Derek…" She giggled as she watched his smile slowly appeared.

"I do not…" He said with a shake of his head.

"Oh… you do…and you've had it since the moment that I told you." She nodded, watching as his cheeks began to blush. "See… there it is…" She laughed as he shook his head.

"Oh, hush… you little vixen…" He whispered as he leaned down to kiss her lips. "Let's get you something to eat quickly before the house is flooded with munchkins…" He said softly as he hugged her tightly, took her hand and helped her onto the barstool so that he could prepare her something to eat.

--------------------

Derek pulled a bowl from the cupboard, a spoon from the drawer and placed it in front of her. "So what kind of cereal would you like?" He asked as he leaned across the counter as she looked him in the eyes with a sideways grin. "What do pregnant women eat these days?" He whispered.

"I… would like… sugar smacks with sliced pickles and some peanut butter for dipping…" She grinned, watching as his face straightened and turned into a disgusted look. Her eyes held a playful tinge as he watched the corners of her mouth slip into a devilish smirk.

He then wiped the smirk off his face and turned around. "Alright…" He said as he turned towards the cupboard.

"What?" She asked, surprised that he was moving quickly.

"Sugar smacks…" He said, pulling the box down from the cupboard, he set it on the counter.

"Derek…" She giggled.

"Pickle slices… did you want Dill or Sweet pickles?"

"Derek! I was kidding!" She giggled as he raised his eyebrows.

"I'll cut up both… can't be too careful…" He said as he turned towards the refrigerator and pulled a jar of dill pickles out and a jar of sweet pickles out, rummaging around in the refrigerator, he laughed and pulled a third jar out. "Relish… just in case…" He grinned.

"Derek… cut it out… your sisters are going to be down here in a minute… and then our secret will be out and then what are you going to do?"

"Tell them that they're all a bunch of dummies for telling me that I am afraid of fatherhood…" He said as he pulled two jars from the cupboard. "Crunchy or creamy?" He asked, looking between the jars. "Oh… I bet you like creamy…" He said, wiggling his eyebrows at her as she shook her head and giggled.

"Derek! Put that stuff back!" She laughed as she took a poured a handful of cereal from the box into the bowl and grabbed some and put it in her mouth. "Wait… you were talking about fatherhood with your sisters?" She asked, crunching away at the cereal.

"They brought it up." He said. "I had to try so hard not to say anything… and I'll tell you… it was very hard not to spill the beans." He grinned. "Would you like some beans with your cereal?"

"No!" She giggled as she shook her head as she watched him pull a dill pickle from the container. "Oh… Derek, please don't…" She shook her head as she watched him take a bite. As soon as the smell reached her nostrils, she covered her mouth.

"Meri… are you sure you're not the Grinch… because you're starting to turn green…" He said as he watched her jump from the barstool. She ran directly in the bathroom with Derek right behind her. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He exclaimed as she started to throw up the cereal that she had just eaten, kneeling on the floor, she could feel her ears and cheeks burning in embarrassment.

"Out!" She exclaimed as she continued to be sick, giving him a glare as he slowly backed out of the bathroom. He closed the door behind him as he cringed, leaning against the frame as he heard his sisters and some of the kids coming down. Bethany walked into the hallway and saw him standing there. She had thought she had heard someone becoming sick, and wasn't sure.

"Is someone throwing up?"

"Um…" Derek said as he coughed. "No." He yawned. "Wow… Christmas is here already!" He exclaimed. "Let's get those kids out of bed!" He said as he walked forward, grabbing his sister's shoulder as he led her from the hallway, her suspicious glare on her brother as she glanced towards the bathroom as he lead her towards the family room.

"Derek! Why are all of these things on the counter?" Nancy called as she saw them walk by the kitchen as she stood at the counter.

"I was… cleaning out the refrigerator." He said quickly as he walked into the family room with Bethany.

"Oh…" Nancy said, giving a strange look as she looked up to see Meredith walk by the doorway. "Hey Meredith!" She said happily, watching as Meredith turned her face, attempting a smile. "Are you alright, you look like you don't feel well…"

"Um… yeah… yeah, I'm fine…Just… tired…" She smiled.

Derek then came around the corner and found Meredith, scooping her up with a squeal as he whispered to her and Nancy watched him bring her into the family room as she shook her head and cleaned off the items from the counter.

--------------------

Derek swung Meredith in his arms, flopping back onto the couch as she giggled a little. "Sorry about the pickle…"

"I warned you." She whispered back.

"You've never complained about my pickle before." He whispered as he shrugged, watching as she tried not to laugh.

"As I recall… it was your pickle that got us into this situation in the first place…" She whispered as he gave her a surprised look as she laughed. She shook her head as she cuddled into his chest, her head resting on him as her legs stretch across his lap. Slowly, the room filled with children and parents as each stepped into the room and gasped excitedly. "See how much more fun it is to be down here when Christmas actually starts… not lying in your bed like a lazy butt?" Meredith asked as Derek gave her a squeeze.

"It is nice." He said as he kissed her head softly. "I like it a lot." He whispered as they looked up at the Christmas tree, the children running over to the tree and laughing as they looked up to their parents.

Derek held her firmly in his arms, the thought of his own child was floating through his mind as he watched the little ones smiling and giggling, so happy and full of Christmas magic. He kissed her head softly as she watched him watch the children, knowing exactly what he was thinking as he ran his fingers through her hair. They both looked up as Mrs. Shepherd approached from around the tree, her hands folded across her chest, her eyebrows raised as she turned an almost stern look into a hopeful question.

"Not yet." Derek shook his head.

"But…I want…" She whined like a little kid, watching as her son laughed.

"Dinner…We'll do it at dinner." He nodded with a smile, as his mother waved her hand at him and sighed. She shook her head with a disappointed sigh and turned away from them, smiling as they giggled together.

"She's really excited, isn't she?" Meredith whispered as everyone started to settle and sing Christmas carols.

"Well, I am her favorite." He shrugged as he laughed at her playful scowl. "We're her favorite?" He asked.

"Derek… is everything a competition for you?"

"Most things… yeah…" He shrugged, listening to her melodic laugh as he tickled her. "I'm a surgeon Meri, it's in my blood.

"What's in your blood?" Bethany asked as she flopped down on the couch beside them. "Secrets and denial?" She whispered as Derek's attention went to his sister as she smirked at him devilishly, smirking as she watched the two of them practically glow as they sat there together, their eyes definitely showing that there was something more to the giggles and whispers that they had been sharing in the corner of the room, not to mention Derek's hasty retreat from beside the bathroom that morning.

"Beth." Derek said as his eyes sparkled with an untouchable happiness. "Did I ever mention that you're my favorite sister?" He asked, watching as her smirk turned slowly to a grin, his eyes answering the question she wanted to ask out loud.

"Derek… you have a tell." She said as she tilted her head, watching as Meredith looked up at Derek and then back at his sister as they had a silent battle of smirks and sibling dares and watched as her eyes carefully trailed down his face to his arm, following his arm slowly down to his fingertips.

"A tell?" He whispered, watching her eyes, he followed where her eyes had gone, down his shoulder, past his elbow to his wrist and finally his fingertips, where his hand sit in the most revealing of places, Meredith's belly. It wasn't a conscious decision to place his hand there, yet it, combined with a couple other suspicions that she had been having had pushed her theory along. And finally her suspicions were proven to be correct when he moved his hand quickly, his eyes darting to his sister as he watched her eyes light up, a smile lighting it up.

"Bethany." He said, his eyebrows raising as he felt Meredith shift as she giggled slightly, unable to keep the news in any longer, she buried her face into Derek's chest as she slowly took his hand and wrapped his arm around her gently, placing his hand back on her belly, her eyes meeting Bethany's in a happy response. Derek gave her a warning glare, an almost angry response as he challenged her.

"Oh, relax, dummy…" Bethany said as she laughed. "I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Tell anyone what?" Kathleen asked as she walked over near them.

"Oh…" Bethany smirked as she glanced to Derek. "Derek's going to dress as a clown for Taylor's second birthday this year." She whispered, looking up at her sister. "He insists." Bethany smiled at the small scoff from her brother, and the tiny giggles from Meredith as Kathleen shrugged.

"And the secret is…?" Kathleen asked.

"I don't want Taylor to know…"

"She's a year and a half old, Beth… I don't think she's going to care…" 

"Whatever…" Bethany said as she stood up and glanced down at the couple, smirking as Kathleen moved on to continue helping to get everyone ready for gift giving. "I'm going to go get some coffee… does the sappy dappy duo want anything?" She asked as she watched Derek shake his head.

"Meri wants some cereal…" Derek asked as he raised his eyebrows.

"Alright…" Bethany smiled brightly. "I'll go get that for you…" She said as she flitted off towards the kitchen.

Derek could feel Meredith giggling in his arms, her happiness just radiated from her soul, warming every inch of his body as he felt her relaxing in his embrace. "So… that's two." Derek whispered to her as he kissed her temple, watching her nod. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?" He whispered, kissing her again. "Are we… alright?" He asked sincerely. "Are we in a good place?" He asked.

"We… still have decisions to make… and things to talk about… but… I guess those can wait…at least until tomorrow." She whispered.

"Or tonight… on our way back to Boston." Derek said as he watched her give him a sad look. "Meri… I…"

"I know that it's not your fault." She nodded. "She always ruined my Christmas before, why should this year be any different?" She said as she cuddled into him, a slight sadness in her eyes as he squeezed her tightly.

"No sadness… we're here and now… and we're together, and things are right… all of the other shit doesn't matter, Meri. It doesn't matter."

"I wish I believed you." She whispered.

"I do too." He replied, feeling her energy slowly dissipate, her happiness drain slowly from her eyes and her smile. "Meri." He whispered, watching her eyes as they moved to meet his. "Make my heart skip a beat." He whispered, his eyes sparkling as he watched her. "Say it to me… make it skip a beat."

A small smile crept up her face as he watched her energy slowly returning. He watched as her hidden happiness pushed its way to the surface as she leaned to his ear and pressed her lips against it. "Our baby." She whispered, feeling his cheek move against her skin as he grinned, his breath catch in his throat. She couldn't help but smile back at him. She sat back and Derek watched as her glowing happiness radiated once more, remaining there throughout the morning and into the early afternoon.

--------------------

The early afternoon crept on the family quickly as they watched the clutter of the room increase with each giggle, tear of the wrapping paper or bounce on someone's lap. The more gifts that were opened, the more noise and trash and wrapping paper accumulation occurred. Thirteen children and nine adults always made for a good time, if not a crowded time and each year the volume appeared to get louder.

"Did you ever notice how each year, it gets a little tougher to concentrate in here?" Derek asked as Meredith sat beside him, her legs crossed on the couch as her fingers fiddled with the Rubick's cube.

"That's because everyone is getting older, and every year, one more kid can talk." Nancy said as she pointed across the room at all of the children as the smaller ones slept in their playpens and the older children argued and laughed about their new toys. "Not to mention that the noise goes on longer because they no longer slip into that 'I woke up at 5:00 in the morning with only two solid hours of sleep' coma." She laughed as Meredith glanced up at her from the toy she was playing with as Nancy sat on the other side of her.

"The kids are getting so big…" Meredith commented. "I don't know how you're going to be able to keep squeezing them all in here." Meredith said with a giggle as she watched the oldest grandchild, Rachel, who was turning twelve in January climb over her younger sister to get to another toy.

"She's already asking to sit at the adult table at dinner…" Nancy said as she watched the children for a little while.

Meredith smiled as her eyes passed over the family, sparkling with happiness as she looked up as Derek stood up beside her. He nodded towards the group of kids in the corner to let her know that's where he was going. She nodded and glanced to Nancy, who smiled over at her. "Have you guys set a date yet?" She asked softly, trying not to pry, but showing her curiosity.

"A date?" She asked, caught off guard by the question, her thoughts jumbled as she looked away from the Rubick's cube and into Nancy's eyes.

"Wedding." She said softly, tilting her head as Meredith's eyes cleared, and a look of realization came over them.

"Oh… oh… a wedding date… no… we really… really haven't discussed it." She said, shaking her head as she moved the cube around in her hands, working diligently on it.

"After you graduate, probably…" Nancy asked.

"Most likely." Meredith replied, feeling herself becoming slightly uncomfortable at the questions, she could feel her hands moving faster over the cube. "Probably… after… yeah…" She nodded, looking up at Nancy. "We… are… you know… pretty busy and stuff…" She shrugged.

"Oh… I understand." Nancy said politely. "I was just wondering...I'm sorry if…" She shrugged slightly as she smiled politely.

"It's alright… my mind is just elsewhere… I'm sorry." She smiled as she nudged Nancy a little, her eyes looking up to Derek as the sound of a pager rang through the house. She knew that sound, and what it meant and as soon as that noise was heard, she could feel her heart sink like a rock.

Their eyes met as he cringed a little, her stomach knotting as he looked at the pager. His brow furrowed as he looked at the message, his face raising to meet hers. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. "Apparently you were supposed to call Cristina when you got here?" He asked as he smiled.

"Oh!" Meredith exclaimed as she stood up quickly. She turned to Nancy and smiled. "My roommate drives me crazy." She said with a laugh as she excused herself to the hallway, passing Derek with a quick kiss on her way out into the foyer to find her jacket where she had left her phone.

She pulled the phone from her pocket and made a face at the fourteen messages on her phone, most likely all from Cristina. She dialed the number and only had to wait one ring before Cristina picked up. "So that's what I have to do to get a phone call?"

"Cris… I'm sorry! I got here… and I was…"

"Too busy screwing like bunnies?"

"Hey… his family is here… cut that out…"

"Oh give me a break, Mer. It's not like there isn't an empty closet or corner of the house where there are no wandering eyes where you two can make out like a couple of teenagers. I see that you made it safe and sound, though… that's good… and you seem to not be wallowing in self pity… so I'm guessing that you did the whole begging thing and 'Derbert' took you back."

"You know he hates when you call him 'Derbert'…" Meredith giggled.

"He's not here… is he? I can call him whatever I want." She laughed. "Did you tell him about mini?"

"Yes."

"And he didn't hop a flight to another state… or accuse you of sleeping with other men or something?"

"No, Cris… he… is staying."

"He's staying?"

"In Boston."

"He's staying in Boston?"

"Yes."

"Your mother is going to kill him."

"I told him that… he doesn't care." Meredith said softly.

"I'd care if I were him… she can make or break his career… she's going to break him…"

"I know." Meredith said with a sigh. "How is Mark?"

"Oh… he's good… he's really good… you know how I told you… how he does that thing with…"

"Cristina… it's alright… I'm sorry… I promise to call you with updates on how things are going if you do not finish that sentence." Meredith replied.

"Fair enough."

"Oh…" Meredith sighed as she took a deep breath. "On my way here…I hit a deer."

"You hit a deer?"

"With my car."

"You hit a deer with your car?"

"Yes."

"So… wait… you hit a deer with your car, and you don't call me… how is the deer?"

"Dead…"

"The car?"

"Also dead…"

"Meredith Grey, you have quite the track record going there."

"I know…" She sighed.

"You alright?" Cristina asked.

"I'm alright." Meredith said, shaking her head. "I'll… see you later, alright? I should get back to things…"

"Okay… Have a good Christmas, Meredith."

"I will, Cris… You too." 

"Thanks." Cristina replied.

"Cris… thanks… for everything." Meredith said, her voice was soft as she could feel her eyes starting to mist up.

"Meredith… you're bordering on sappy…"

"Hanging up now… I'll call you later."

"Bye." Cristina replied as she hung the phone up.

Meredith flipped her phone closed and smiled softly as she took a deep breath. She knew that Cristina knew what she was thanking her for. She glanced up at the movement in the doorway, smiling at the person leaning against the door frame.

"Does she feel better now?" Derek asked, smiling softly as he tilted his head.

"She does." Meredith whispered, stepping close to him. She encircled his waist with her arms as she leaned her head onto his chest.

"The girls are going to start dinner now… Mom is looking for you." Derek whispered.

"Thank you." She said with a soft smile as she looked up at him, smiling softly as he leaned down to kiss her. "Derek?" She whispered, her eyes looking into his as she grabbed his shirt softly.

"Hm…?" He whispered.

"Are we going to get married? I mean…school… baby… internship…Are we going to still get married?"

"Do you want to?"

"Yes. But… I don't want to do it just because of the baby… and I don't want to do it quickly… and I want our family there… our friends…maybe… maybe even my mother…if she wants… if she's still talking to me…" Meredith babbled.

"Whatever you want, Meredith… I'll give you anything."

She stared into his eyes, once again talking to him with her eyes, her soft sigh an indication of her concern, but her smile an indication of her contentment. "I love you." She whispered as she reached up for a kiss, and slipped back into the family room.

--------------------

Dinner preparations went fairly quickly, the women in the kitchen as they prepared the annual dinner. Children passed through the kitchen now and then, asking their mothers questions, or just looking for a carrot stick to nibble on to get them through the afternoon to dinner. Donnie walked over to Meredith as she peeled the potatoes, and tugged on her shirt. "Aunt Meredith?" He asked, looking up at her with his big blue eyes, a slight smile on his lips as she looked down at him.

"Hey sweetie…" She said as she smiled at the little boy.

"Uncle Derek told me to come in here to tell you that you're the prettiest girl ever." Donnie smiled.

"Oh… he did, did he?"

"Yep."

"Well… you go and tell your Uncle Derek that if he wants to tell me something, that he can come in here and tell me himself…" Meredith replied, watching the little boy grin up at her.

"Okay!" He exclaimed as he took off running into the family room once again as Meredith continued to peel potatoes. She could feel the eyes on her as her face burned slightly in embarrassment and turned around to see everyone else in the room avert their gaze.

"I have a question." Meredith said, just randomly asking a question for anyone to answer.

"Hm…?" Nancy asked, looking up from what she was doing.

"How many times as Derek ever brought someone to dinner… or Christmas or something… I mean… He was engaged or going out with someone before I met him… Addison I think her name was… did he ever embarrass her like he does to me?"

"Addison?" Bethany said making a face. "Addison was one mistake that Derek learned his lesson from."

"She was a lying bitch." Kathleen muttered, seeing her mother's disapproving glare. "What, she was…"

"Addison never came to holidays." Joann replied. "We're pretty sure that she thought that she was better than us. She'd try to convince Derek to stay with her on Christmas…Thanksgiving… she always wanted to take him with her family… saying that her family was more important than his… basically." Joann rolled her eyes.

"He's so in love, Meredith." Kathleen said with a smirk. "We've never seen him act this way about anyone. There's no need to be embarrassed…it's cute." She smiled.

"This is my third Christmas here…" Meredith said with a happy smile. "I can't imagine my Christmas without all of this… I wouldn't want to… I love it here." She said, her smile sincere as she nodded in affirmation.

Bethany, Kathleen and Mrs. Shepherd's heads turned as the door opened and Derek stepped inside. He was holding his nephew in his arms and a smirk on his face as he looked around the room, his sister's eyes all on him as Meredith finally realized that the room had gotten quiet. She turned her head, as did Nancy, who rolled her eyes when she saw the two of them come into the room.

"Hey… no boys allowed…" Meredith teased as she turned and leaned against the counter as Derek approached her. They stood before her with a smirk on each of their faces. "What?" She asked, looking from Derek to Donnie, their smirks matched as they gave her a devilish grin.

"Uncle Derek says he's here now…" Donnie giggled as he glanced to Derek and back to Meredith.

"Well… Uncle Derek knows the rules…" Meredith raised her eyebrows to Donnie as her eyes moved to Derek's.

"Uncle Derek says he loves you." Donnie said with a giggle.

Meredith continued to watch Derek and the way that his smirk widened to a smile as Derek stepped forward and leaned to give her a kiss. "I love you." He said with a laugh as Donnie grinned as he looked between the two of them.

"My turn!" Donnie said as he leaned in and kissed Meredith as well.

"Well look at that…" Mrs. Shepherd said as she watched the exchange. "Looks like Meredith has a decision to make… two very handsome boys giving her kisses…"

Meredith smirked as she turned to the counter, her cheeks bright red as she grabbed a carrot stick. She reached her hand out carefully and smiled. "Here Derek… you run off and play with the other boys… I'll take the portable one…" She grinned as she lifted Donnie from Derek's arms and handed Derek a carrot stick as she giggled and moved around him as Donnie giggled madly, watching as Derek began to follow her around the kitchen with a laugh. All of the women laughed at the exchange as Derek made his pursuit of Meredith around the kitchen island.

"But I said I love you…" He teased as he rounded the corner. "He was just the messenger…" Derek laughed.

"Look at this face…" Meredith laughed, squeezing the little boy's cheeks. "How can I resist this face…"

"He's a troublemaker…" Derek teased, watching as Donnie and Meredith's eyes widened in surprise.

"He's no troublemaker…" Meredith giggled. "You're the troublemaker…" She said as she continued to evade him.

"Yeah! You're the troublemaker!" Donnie exclaimed.

Meredith slowed and set the little boy's bottom onto the counter as she stood beside him as Derek caught up with them. "You don't want him…" He said as she watched him with sparkling eyes. "He can't drive…"

"He's right!" Donnie exclaimed. "I'm sorry Aunt Meredith…" He shrugged.

"So you're breaking up with me?" Meredith asked Donnie as she gave him a fake sad face.

"Yep!" he exclaimed as he wiggled on the counter.

Meredith lifted him to the ground and gave him a quick kiss. "Alright then… go off… it'll be hard to get over you, but it was fun while it lasted…" Meredith teased as the little boy took off running into the family room giggling.

"So… got rid of the rugrat, I see…" Derek said as he approached her quickly.

"It was a difficult decision…hopefully we'll still be able to be friends…" Meredith teased. "I guess I can settle with you…" She shrugged as she wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning up for a kiss.

"And I guess you're adequate as well…" He said with a smirk as he obliged, kissing her softly on the lips, oblivious to his mother and sisters in the room.

--------------------

Meredith flitted into the living room, smiling as she walked around the couch where Derek was sitting. She giggled as he reached his hand for her and laughed louder when he pulled her forward into his lap. "Hey!" She exclaimed as the other men rolled their eyes and chuckled at his flirting once again. "I just came in here to get you guys." She said softly. "Dinner is ready…"

"Dinner?" Derek asked as he pretended to look surprised. "Why didn't you say so?" He said as he lifted her in his arms and set her on the ground and walked across the floor towards the dining room. The other men laughed as she sat there with a surprised look in her face, her mouth widened in shock as Derek turned as he got to the kitchen door, a devilish grin on his face. "Well… are you hungry or not?" He asked with a laugh as Meredith shook her head at him and got up and helped to gather the children together to sit down at their table.

There was laughing and giggling, arguing and crying among the children as they all crowded into the large dining room. Derek was helping his mother and sisters with bringing the food into the dining room, and Meredith helped with the children as they all ended up settling in their chairs, where their place settings were ready and waiting. Derek began handing the glasses of wine around the table, placing one glass at each setting and when he got to Meredith, he winked at her as he placed her glass at her setting.

"Der…"

"I love you." He whispered as he smiled seductively at her, his eyes sparkling with an excited energy as he watched everyone get settled in their chairs. He turned as his mother walked into the dining room, the last person in the kitchen as she lifted the turkey onto the table, allowing Derek to position it for carving as she made her way to the other side of the table to sit down.

Derek watched as everyone settled themselves, the children hushing as he stood there waiting for their attention, a slight tapping of his glass and all eyes were on him. "Okay…" He chuckled as he watched everyone settle carefully and look up at him. He held his glass as all eyes were on his, and he reached his hand out to hold Meredith's. She softly allowed him to hold her hand in his as he cleared his throat and held the glass in the air with his other hand. "Okay…" He smiled softly, his eyes becoming mildly sentimental as he announced that he was ready to make a toast.

He cleared his throat again as everyone hushed and smiled across the table. "I would like to first say… that I love you all… each and every one of you… and that… my family is the single most important thing in my life. I would like to toast to our family… our health… and our happiness. I would like to just say how proud I am of my little nieces and nephews… and of Joe for his promotion this year… and say… how important it is for us all to be together at least once every year… because it makes our gatherings so special. This year… I was… offered a fellowship. It was a fellowship with the possibility of moving into an attending position… and... I kind of kept it quiet… because I didn't want you guys to worry about it. It was in Seattle." He sighed, watching his sisters exchange glances with their husbands as Derek continued to stand before them. "I had an opportunity to take a fellowship in Seattle… but I turned it down." He said softly, a smile spreading across his face as he glanced to Meredith. "I turned it down for several reasons… and one of the most important reasons was family. I couldn't see living thousands of miles away for a job that when I was done with it for the day, I'd go home… and it wouldn't feel like home. I wouldn't have the knowledge that my sisters and nieces and nephews and my mother was just a couple hour drive away."

"Holidays would be difficult… not to mention… that I didn't want to have to drag poor Meredith so far away from all of you… because you all know that I would." He laughed as everyone chuckled, watching Meredith blush a little. "I'm staying in Boston." He sighed, a smile on his face. "The decision wasn't that hard. I need my family. I need my friends… and I need the familiar things that give my life importance… and have made me the person that I am today. Not to mention that I've already been offered an attending position in Boston when my residency is over." Derek shrugged as everyone gasped in surprise, including Meredith. "Oh… did I forget to mention that?" He laughed as Meredith squeezed his hand.

"That was the first thing that I wanted to say…" Derek said as he smiled at everyone. "The other thing… is that Meredith and I would like… to announce that… she will not be drinking wine this evening... and I'm going to be conquering my fears…" He said with a sigh as he held his glass up for the toast as everyone except Bethany, Meredith, and Mrs. Shepherd looked on with confused eyes as Derek grinned. "What?" He shrugged.

Suddenly, Nancy gasped. Her hand went over her mouth as her eyes widened. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Meredith! Meredith!" She exclaimed as she watched Meredith nod her head as her cheeks turned red, looked up at Derek.

"What?" Kathleen asked as she glanced at Nancy.

"Meredith is going to have a baby!" Nancy exclaimed.

"OH!" Joann exclaimed as chaos began to ensue as everyone began to talk at once, excitedly talking to Meredith and chattering on and on, congratulating Derek and Meredith as Derek continued to stand at the end of the table holding his glass.

"Alright guys… alright…." He said, clanking his glass with his spoon. "Let's relax now…" Derek laughed as the whispering continued and eventually quieted as everyone at the table sat grinning happily and proudly. "I would like to toast… our ever growing family… our continued health… and to more happiness that could ever fill our souls." He exclaimed as the toast was complete and dinner had begun.

--------------------

Dinner was peppered with conversation here and there, but most of the attention remained on Derek and Meredith and their announcement. They could both feel the energy of the room raise several hundred notches as soon as the news had been revealed, and no one seemed more excited than Mrs. Shepherd. She talked and carried on about how exciting it was for Derek to be having a family, and that if they ever needed any help that she'd be there in a second. Derek watched her talk, the excitement in her voice was like nothing that he had ever heard before, though it was quite possible that him noticing was only multiplied by his own excitement. He was sure that she was just excited about each and every one of her other grandchildren, but to Derek it seemed as if it were doubly so.

When dinner was ready and the table was slowly being cleared, Derek's eyes caught Meredith's as he lifted a couple of plates from the table across from her. Their gaze connected and they both sent happy vibes across the table at one another as she silently thanked him for the announcement. She had been so frightened about what others would think. Having a child was a very big deal, and she knew that she wasn't ready for it, she couldn't think of one person that was actually 'ready' to have a child, at least not one person that she knew.

She wasn't sure if she would be looked down upon as far as being in her last semester of medical school, and going into her internship. She wasn't sure what people would think knowing that she wasn't married yet, and though she loved Derek with all of her heart, what if there was a chance of someone coming between them? What if something happened to pull them apart and his poor innocent child had to suffer for that? What if he decided one day that he didn't want to marry her? Then where would she be?

"Meri." His voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked up and her eyes met his sparkling blue orbs as he smiled softly. He watched as she tilted her head. "Nothing is going to go wrong." He whispered. "Stop worrying."

His words melted her heart, seeing her sit on the chair at the end of the table while everyone else bundled their children up to go to the ice rink, he saw her wondering, worrying and thinking. He knew that she had doubts and the propensity to avoid, and he knew that every now and then, she needed a hug, a kiss, and a ton of assurance. "How did…"

"I just know you." He said as he leaned down and kissed her cheek softly. "Why don't you go get your boots on… we'll get going to the rink with everyone." He said as he crouched beside her. He watched her turn slightly. "You and I can snuggle while everyone else skates…" He said softly.

"Wait…" She shook her head with a soft smile on her face. "Beep… beep… beep… back up the truck…" Meredith said. Her eyebrows raised in surprise. "We're skating." She said, shaking her head, her voice giggling.

"No…no, I don't think you should skate." He shrugged.

"You don't think I can skate…" She laughed, shaking her head.

"No… no… I'm not saying that… I think that… it wouldn't be safe to skate."

"You think I'm going to fall on my ass too much." Meredith whispered as she leaned down and pressed her forehead to his. "You're being protective…" She whispered as she giggled.

"Meri…"

"It's cute… protective is very cute…" She whispered. "But I'm going to skate… and you're going to skate… and we're going to have a good time."

"Meri…"

"No arguments, Derek."

"Fine… but I'm not tying your boots." He said, watching her watch him stand up.

"Then I'll tie my boots." She said as she pushed the chair up, standing up, she looked up into his eyes. "I'm going skating."

"I don't think it's a good idea…"

"Derek…" Meredith said as she grabbed his sweater lightly, and pulled him into her, pulling his face to her level. "I'm skating… I'm skating… because it's the one thing that I do on the holidays that makes me feel like a little girl… and if you want to be there… hold me up to make sure I don't fall… then you can do it… you can be protective of me out on the ice… but don't get all macho and tell me that I'm not going to do something… because if you go and do that, you know that I'm going to just be spiteful and do it because you told me not to. So are you going to help me… or are you going to stand aside and watch me fall on my ass?"

"You are spiteful, you know." Derek nodded.

"I know."

"And stubborn." He nodded.

"I know that too."

"And adorable…" He said as he shook his head as he grabbed her hand.

"Oh… you haven't seen adorable yet…" She grinned as she pulled his hand as they walked towards the front door.

"And there is nothing more that I'd rather do than be there to watch you fall on your ass… but Meri…"

"So you can either stand back and watch me fall on my ass… or you can be there to cushion the fall… which would you rather do?" She asked as she turned swiftly to face Derek.

"I would rather have your ass in my lap on the side of the rink while we drink hot cocoa… but since you are putting it this way…" He said with a laugh. "I'll be your cushion." He laughed as he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "Now get your boots on and lets go…everyone else is leaving."

--------------------

They arrived at the skating rink and Meredith climbed from the car quickly. "Hey, where are you going?" Derek called as she glanced to him before closing the door.

"Getting my skates before you grab me and tie me up somewhere to keep me from skating." She said as she closed the door, running towards the building quickly.

"You little…" Derek exclaimed as he jumped from the car and ran after her, slamming the door behind him as everyone watched him catch up to her and grab her from behind, sending her into a fit of squeals as he lifted her from the ground. "Don't you pretend that you wouldn't just love for me to tie you up somewhere…" He whispered, wiggling his eyebrows at her as she giggled in his arms.

They went into the building and rented their skates, and Derek watched Meredith as she walked over to the bench to slip her skates on. He got his rentals and walked over beside her, sitting on the bench, he watched as she laced her skates up tightly. "Do you want me to…"

"It's alright." She shrugged. "I've got it." She said as she tied them.

"Oh…" He said as he watched her for a moment. He nodded his head and slipped his skates on, tying them up tightly, he remained quiet as she watched him.

"Derek?" She said softly as she watched him knot his second skate.

"Hm…?" He said, finishing the knot, he looked up at her.

"Can you tie my skates?" She asked, tilting her head down to look at his face.

"You said you've got it." He said, nodding at her skates. "They look tight enough…"

"I know…" She shrugged. "But… I like it more when you do it for me…" She said sweetly.

"See… see that… now you're patronizing me…" He nodded looking her in the eyes as she smiled at him.

"So?" She shrugged. "If you'd feel better… that I would be safer if you tied them… then I want you to do it." She said, watching as he looked into her eyes.

"So what you're saying is… that if you tie them… and fall on your ass and break something… it'll be your fault… but if I tie them… and you fall on your ass and break something… then it's my fault." He asked, a smirk on his face as he watched her smirk back at him.

"You looked like you wanted to do it for me." Meredith sighed. "You always tie my skates." She said with a soft smile.

"I do." Derek said as he watched her smile sweetly at him. "Would you like me to tie your skates?"

"Yes, please." She whispered, watching him slide onto his knees in front of her.

"You just like to see me on my knees in front of you… it gives you some kind of thrill…" He whispered as he untied her first skate and laced it up again, pulling on the strings as she watched him.

"Maybe…" She whispered as she shrugged.

"You are quite the vixen, Meredith Grey… quite the vixen." He said as he tied her second skate tightly.

"But you love me, right?" She asked softly as he finished tying her skate and stood up, holding his hand out to her to help her stand up.

"And… and, I love you." He said with a smile as she put her hand in his and let him help her stand up as they walked together towards the skating rink.

--------------

They skated together for a while, laughing and talking with everyone as they went, and Meredith found that her skating had been getting better since her first try. Derek would let her skate a little by herself, only to rush to her every time she wobbled just a little bit, asking if she was alright.

"Derek… I'm fine… you need to relax…" She said as he grabbed hold of her as she wobbled a little, pulling them both to the side of the rink.

"You looked like you were going to fall…" He said softly as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm not going to fall… I'm okay… you're just looking for an excuse to grab me…" She giggled as he kissed her lips softly.

"Can you blame me?" He asked.

"No." She giggled. "But you need to relax… go get us a pretzel or something… I'll skate around one more time… and then you and I can sit and snuggle." She whispered as she nodded towards the building.

"Meri…"

"Go on, Derek… you're hovering…"

"But…"

"Go on…" She shook her head. "I'll be fine, I promise."

"You promise?" he asked.

"Go!" She exclaimed with a laugh as she pushed him a little, watching him skate backwards a little, a sad puppy look on his face as she shook her head and giggled.

"Be careful…" he said softly as he skated around to the steps on the side of the rink, climbing up the steps towards the building, he watched as a couple of his nieces had latched onto Meredith and skated with her. He could hear her laughter across the ice, ringing out so happily as he watched her glance over at him and shake her head as she held the little girl's hands and skated.

"Derek." Mrs. Shepherd's voice interrupted his thoughts as he looked across the tables and saw his mother calling out to him. He smiled as he walked across the rinkside to her table, he leaned across the table as he smiled. "Sit down with me for a minute…" She asked, watching as he glanced to the ice. "She'll be fine… sit down." She said, touching his hand.

He sat down in the chair across from her and smiled, his mother sitting comfortably with her cup of hot cocoa as she watched his eyes. "What's up?" He asked, tilting his head as he watched his mother's eyes begging him to talk to her.

"Are you alright?" She asked softly.

"I'm fine…" He said, giving her a concerned look as he smiled. "I'm great… I'm excited… I'm…"

"You're scared, Derek." She said as she reached for his hand.

"To death, mom." He replied. He glanced to the ice and watched as Meredith continued to skate slowly. "She…and… and…I…"

"Just relax for a minute…It's alright…" She shook her head. "You two are not in this alone, and you're not the first people in the world to have a child."

Derek chuckled a little as he watched his mother.

"What are you going to do?" She asked.

"What do you mean?"

"With her… you're going to marry her, right?"

"Of course! Mom! That has always been my…"

"Derek." She said sternly as she squeezed his hand. "Derek… you need to take care of her… and I know you will… but what I saw last night… it… what I…"

"Mom… what happened last night…" he sighed, his head shaking as he watched her eyes show all of the concern she was trying to convey in her words. "What happened last night was just… I was trying to… and I couldn't… make her understand how worried I was… and she was trying not to hurt me… and…"

"I don't ever want to hear that you spoke to her like that again, Derek. If you need someone to talk to you… if you need someone to talk to her… there are better ways to do it than to get so angry, sweetheart. She's such a good girl… and I know that her family life wasn't ideal… and I know that you're just trying to take care of her… but I don't ever want to hear you speak to her that way."

"I won't, Mom." He whispered.

"Because as much as I love you… I love her too… and I know how stubborn that you can be… and there are just some things that I know that I taught you… and I will kick your ass from here to Boston if I ever hear that you spoke to her like that again." She said, raising her eyebrows at him, daring him to argue.

"I'm sorry, Mom."

"I love you." She whispered, taking a sip from her hot cocoa as her eyes shifted to Meredith walking off the ice.

"I love you too…" he replied, turning to see her coming up behind him slowly. He looked up as she walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around him as she kissed his cheek. "Hey, you." He said with a smile.

"Hey, you." She replied, glancing to Mrs. Shepherd as she snuggled close to Derek. "What are you two over here talking about?"

"You, sweetheart." Mrs. Shepherd said, sipping from her cup again.

"Me?" She asked, laughing as she sat beside Derek as he slipped his arm around her.

"I was just telling Derek that if you need anything… and I mean anything… I want you to call me." She nodded her head as her eyes passed from Derek to Meredith. "Having a child is very difficult… and very stressful… and you may need someone to talk to, or someone to complain to… or someone to just wash your dishes for you because you're feeling exhausted… but if you need anything…either one of you, I will be at your front door as soon as I can."

"You're going to drive all the way to Boston to wash our dishes?" Derek chuckled.

"Sweetheart… I'd walk if I had to." Mrs. Shepherd said as she touched her son's hand, as he held Meredith's as she smiled at the couple as they thanked her for her hospitality and love as they visited with her for a while longer.

--------------------

Derek and Meredith drove back to Boston with a comfortable silence looming around them, his hand was comfortably nestled in hers for most of the trip, and they didn't need words to express what they were feeling. "Do you want me to bring you to my place, or your mom's?" Derek asked as they drove into the city.

"Yours." She whispered, looking up at him as she leaned on his shoulder. "I hate that she puts you on call on Christmas night… it's two years now…" She sighed sadly.

"She gives me Christmas eve off… I think it's only fair." Derek said softly as he kissed her head as he watched the road.

"You give her too much credit, Derek." Meredith whispered.

"I understand where she's coming from."

"Where? The pits of hell?"

"Meri… you really need to give her the benefit of the doubt here… she's a busy woman… you're an adult now, you don't need her guidance… but you are going to be working for her… you may as well at least learn how to live with her way of thinking." Derek replied.

"You're defending her." Meredith grumbled as she moved away from him, tucking her hands beneath her legs as she sighed. "Crap." Meredith mumbled as she shook her head.

"What?" Derek replied, watching as she shook her head as she looked out the window.

"How am I going to explain to her about another car?" Meredith sighed. "Maybe I should… you know.. I could say… Mom… I killed a deer…I killed my car… but at least I'm not pregnant, right? And then I can say… oh… by the way, I'm pregnant." She mumbled as she sighed.

"Meri…"

"I'm scared, Derek." She said as she turned her head to face him. Her eyes showed all of the fear that they possibly could, her eyes were a clear blue-green, sparkling with tears. "I mean… I was scared to tell you… but more because I didn't want you to make any rash decisions. I didn't want you to jump to conclusions or get angry or upset… tell me that it was my fault or something… Don't look at me like that, I knew you don't act like that… but this is me, Derek. This is Meredith Grey's irrational mind kicking into overdrive and there is nothing I can do to stop it. My mind is a fertile field of negative thoughts and all I can think of right now is how my mother is going to murder you and bury your body in our backyard!" She exclaimed.

Derek watched the serious look on her face as the tears rolled down her cheeks. "Your mother is a surgeon, sweetheart. She'd never dig a hole in the backyard."

"You know what I mean!" She exclaimed.

"I know what you mean." Derek sighed. "I'm ready for this, and I won't say anything to her until you're ready… and I'm going to be there when you do it… You're not in this alone, Meri… this is our child and I have every intention on taking the best care of both of you, forever." He whispered. 


	9. Confront, Realize, Graduate

Chapter 9-

Confrontation, Realization, Graduation-

"Doctor Grey, I love Meredith with all of my heart and I feel awful that we had to tell you this way, but we felt that it was important that you know that I have every intention on taking the best care of both Meredith and our child, forever." Derek said softly, his eyes on Ellis Grey as she continued to stare at him. Her steely gray eyes were burning into his skull as she placed her fork beside her plate. She continued chewing the bite that she had eaten and swallowed slowly as she continued to stare at Derek.

"Mom?" Meredith whispered, watching as Ellis' hands began to tremble, her forehead wrinkling in such a way that Meredith knew for a fact that if they didn't do something quickly, her mother was going to explode. She couldn't run from this, but she couldn't sit here while Derek took the brunt of what was coming. "Mom, it's not his fault…"

Ellis' head snapped in Meredith's direction. "It's not his fault?" Ellis growled. "It's. Not. His. Fault.?" She growled, her teeth clenching in anger as she now glared at Meredith. "Are you stupid, Meredith?"

"Doctor Grey…" Derek said, trying to stop her tirade before she went completely off on Meredith.

"Don't you Doctor Grey me, Derek. I trusted you! I trusted you with my child, and look what you did to her!" Ellis growled. "I trusted you to take care of her… to be her friend and companion, and what do you do? You ruined her!" She exclaimed. "You ruined my daughter, you goddamned fucking bastard!" She screamed as she slammed her chair from the table, standing quickly.

"Mom!"

"Don't you … don't you dare call me 'Mom'… you're on your own now, Meredith… I will not be a part of this… I will not be a part of this!" She exclaimed as she growled at both of them.

"Stop! Stop, Mom… just listen!" Meredith exclaimed, tears springing to her eyes as she tried to grab her mother's arm.

"No! No! This is unacceptable! This is unacceptable and I don't want you in my home any longer! You are no longer welcome in my home, either of you! I want you out… get out of my home!" She shouted as she pointed towards the door, the anger in her body was building.

"Mom! Please! Listen! Derek is going to take such good care of us… he is a good man… just listen to us, please! He loves me! He can take care of me, but I needed you to know that I'm having…"

"Don't say it, Meredith. I don't even want to hear it… I don't want to acknowledge it… I don't even want to look at you… or you!" She exclaimed as she pointed at Derek. "And if he can take care of you so goddamned well, then he can finish paying for the waste of medical school that I put you through! It's a waste! It's a waste, Meredith! You are a waste! I am going to the hospital… when I get home, I want every trace of you out of this house… every single trace! You're goddamned lucky that you got that internship, Meredith… because if I could, I would take it away from you… You don't deserve to be a surgeon… squandering your talents on raising children and God knows what else… and you…" She growled as she pointed at Derek. "You're going to pay for this, Derek Shepherd… I'm going to have so many hoops for you to jump through, you're going to think you're a part of the Ringling brother's circus!" She exclaimed as she stared both of them down. "I can't even stand to look at you!" She exclaimed as she turned and walked out of the room, ascending the stairs, she left Derek and Meredith sitting at the table in shock.

Meredith's eyes moved to his, and though he could see the fear in her eyes, he could see something more within the depths of her soul. There was a tiny tinge of hope as she swallowed hard, refusing to cry.

"Either… that went better than I expected… or… I can't feel the stab wounds over my adrenaline rush." Derek whispered, his head tilting to the side as he watched her resolve slowly grow. "You're bigger than this, Meredith." He whispered. "You're not her…"

"Derek." She whimpered, tilting her head as she gripped her fork in her hand tighter.

"You're bigger than this… you're better than this… you deserve better than this, Meredith." Derek whispered.

"Derek…" She whimpered, shaking her head.

"Meredith…" He whispered as he watched her wipe the tear from her eye, rubbing her palm in her eye as she watched him.

"Derek… take me home." She whimpered.

"Do you…"

"I don't want anything here, Derek… take me home… take me home… please… please just take me home." She whimpered as she shook her head, carefully standing as she tried not to cry.

Derek kicked the chair out and rushed to her side, grabbing her as he felt her wobble in his arms. She wrapped her arms around him as she squeezed him tightly. "I love you, sweetheart…" Derek whispered as he squeezed her back.

"I know… I know you love me…I know that you're going to take care of me." She whispered as she slowly released him, taking his hand as he looked at her with a sympathetic, yet confident look in his eyes.

"Let's go home." He whispered, leaning down to kiss her head, they walked arm in arm from the house as they made their way home.

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January 12

Derek walked down the hallway, his eyes were drooping as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. He stared at the chart in his hands as he tried to make the pages stop blurring. He stared at the page for a long while, forgetting for a moment what he was actually doing when he felt a heavy shoulder on his back.

"Derek, I've been saying your name for fifteen minutes now…" Mark said as Derek stared at him for a second and then shook his head.

"Oh… oh, sorry… I've just… I've got a million things on my mind right now." He said with a sigh, shaking his head.

"How can you concentrate on surgery like this?" Mark asked, shaking his head as he looked at his exhausted friend.

"Surgery? I haven't been in on a surgery in almost two weeks, Mark."

"Not since you told her, huh?"

"Yeah." Derek sighed, shaking his head. "I've been here for almost four days straight… sleeping in the on call room, eating lousy cafeteria food… I feel like shit, and I get paged every five minutes to do more scut. She's got me in the clinic suturing… treating colds… giving enemas… I'm a surgeon…" He grumbled.

"You're supposed to be a surgeon… right now you're just a guy with shit on your scrubs…"

"That's jello…"

"Same thing." Mark shrugged. "How's Meri?"

"Meri is… living under my blankets…" He shrugged. "She refuses to go out anywhere unless I'm with her… she eats, sleeps, and pukes…that's it…"

"Derek, that's not good for her…"

"You think I don't know that?" He growled. "You try to pry her from the sheets when you climb out of bed ten minutes after you lay down next to her because you're paged to take care of the emergency room while everyone else is taking care of the fucking surgeries…" He grunted. "She has to go back to school in four days, and I haven't been able to spend one afternoon with her…She refuses to come to the hospital, refuses to do anything…Where is Cristina?"

"She was in California visiting her parents for a few days… she'll be back this afternoon… Do you want her to go straight to your place?"

"Please…" Derek whispered as his pager went off. He looked at it as he groaned. "Jesus… fucking… Christ… goddamn…" He grumbled as he clipped it back on his waist. "I'll see you around… if I last through the fucking day…" he muttered as he shuffled down the hallway, leaving the chart he had been looking at on the counter as he disappeared around the corner.

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Derek walked into the apartment slowly. He had finally achieved the maximum hours that he could work, and was able to go home for at least eight hours to recuperate. The first thing he noticed when he walked inside were that all of the lights were off. He fumbled around in the dark and found the light switch. "Meredith?" He called, his eyes barely open, he had no idea how he had even gotten home on such little rest. "Meri…?" He called as he walked through the apartment. He stepped into the bedroom and noticed the lump on the bed. "Meredith…" He said softly as he touched her leg.

"Mmm…" She grumbled beneath the covers as she moved her foot.

"Meredith… get up…" He said as he tugged on the blanket.

"No…" She grumbled.

"You're starting to rot away… do you want to get bed sores?" He asked.

"I'm not going to get bed sores…I can move around if I want to. I just don't want to…" She muttered. "Where have you been?" She whispered.

"Where do you think I've been?" He asked, raising his eyebrows to the still covered women in his bed.

She pulled the covers down, her eyes adjusting to the light coming from the hallway. "With your other fiancé?" She asked, her voice gravely and tired.

"Yes, Meri… with my other fiancé…I work… and deal with two pregnant women who sleep all the time."

"You got her pregnant too?" Meredith exclaimed as she tried not to smirk.

"Have you noticed how you and I have switched schedules… you're sleeping all the time while I'm awake all the time… this isn't good for either of us… get out of bed." He said as he tugged on her arm a little.

"No…" She whined as she shook her head. "I don't wanna…"

"When was the last time you ate something?"

"I don't know…" She mumbled as she covered her head with the blanket.

"That's it… up… out of bed…" He said as he pulled the blankets from her body, sending her rolling into a ball.

"Der-EK!" She squeaked as she pouted. "No…" She mumbled as she started to cry a little, her body curled up as she whined.

"Fine…" he said as he lay down beside her, covering them both with the blanket. "But I'm warning you… I may not be able to keep my hands to myself… and you know what that means…"

"Sex?" She asked, looking up at him.

"No…" He mumbled into his pillow. "It means…"

She watched him for a few seconds as she waited him to finish his sentence. "Derek?" She whispered, noticing that he had already fallen straight to sleep, snoring away into his pillow. She rolled to her side and watched him sleep, his face looked tired and worn, his hair was flat and unkempt, and she had watched how he slouched as he entered the room, the way he had carried himself.

He was exhausted.

He was absolutely, positively exhausted, and there was no way around it. He was physically exhausted from his job, mentally exhausted from both his job and worrying about her, and emotionally exhausted thinking about the future. She reached her hand to his face, running her fingertips along the tiny wrinkles on his forehead as he slept, his face slowly relaxing with her touch. She carefully ran her fingers over his ear and nestled her fingertips through his hair, Her fingers moved delicately around his ear back to his cheek, resting her thumb on his chin as she watched him cuddle into the pillow delicately.

"See what I do to you…?" She whispered as she listened to his breathing. "See… this…" She shook her head. "If I wasn't in your life… my mother wouldn't be putting you through this… you would be in Seattle where you want to be… and you wouldn't be stuck with a pregnant medical student who has the wicked witch of the east as a mother. You'd be happy…" She whispered as she felt her tears start to fall.

She suddenly felt his hand clamp onto her arm, and his tired eyes staring up into hers. "If you weren't in my life, I'd be alone." He whispered. "I need you." He replied.

Suddenly the doorbell rang, and Derek groaned as he rolled onto his back.

"Are you expecting someone?" Meredith asked, her head popped up as she glanced towards the door.

"It's…" Derek started to say as the doorbell began to ring over and over again, and there was pounding on the door.

"You had Cristina come over!" She exclaimed, a smile on her face as she rolled from the bed.

"Just… keep it down… okay?" He whispered as he waved his arm towards her.

"I love you, I love you, I love you!" She exclaimed as she jumped onto the bed again and kissed his cheek, rolling off to answer the door.

--------------------

Meredith rushed to the door and opened it, a grin on her face as Cristina put her arm down from banging on it. "It's about time…" She said with a shrug as she walked into the apartment.

"Oh! Pizza!" Meredith exclaimed as she grabbed the box from Cristina's other hand and carried it across the apartment.

"Meredith… that's for both of…" She stopped as Meredith opened the cover and grabbed two slices, one for each hand. "Us…" She shook her head as she sat down on the couch, watching Meredith sit down beside her.

"We need to be quiet… Der is sleeping." She said softly as she leaned against the arm of the couch, shoving a slice of pizza in her mouth.

"Mark said that he hasn't been sleeping."

"No."

"And he said that's all you've been doing."

"I get up to eat… and drink… and go to the bathroom… you know, the survival things…"

"Vitamins?"

"Every morning."

"Eh… it's your vacation… your prerogative if you just want to get fat and lazy." Cristina shrugged. "As long as you're taking care of the… thing…"

"Hey, I'm going to get fat anyway, I may as well enjoy it… and it's a baby, Cristina… you can call it a baby…" Meredith said as she shoved another mouthful into her mouth.

"It's not a baby until it doesn't have a tail…right now, it's a thing."

"You're a thing." Meredith shook her head as Cristina laughed a little.

"So mommy didn't take it very well?"

"Mommy didn't take it at all… Mommy got rid of her slut daughter and refuses to pay for my last semester of medical school. Mommy threatened to fire Derek and not accept my internship…"

"Mommy is a spiteful bitch… and you're not a slut." Cristina muttered.

"She all but called me one." Meredith sighed.

"Mer… you're in your early twenties… you're engaged to a great guy… you're an adult…Mommy has no say."

"Mommy is my fiancé's boss… mommy… is going to be my boss… Hell, Cristina… mommy is going to be your boss." Meredith said, pointing the piece of pizza at her, she turned the slice towards her mouth and chomped down on it. "We're shcrewed…" She mumbled with her mouth full. Suddenly, they both jumped at the sound of slamming coming from the bedroom.

"GODDAMN IT!" Derek's voice came screaming through the apartment as something slammed against the wall.

"Hulk angry…" Cristina whispered, sending Meredith's eyes over towards the bedroom, where Derek emerged, an angry growl on his face as he grasped his pager in his hand.

"What's going…"

"I have to go back in…" he growled as he threw his shirt on, glancing over to the couch. "Hey, Cris."

"Hey…" She said as she watched him walk across the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. "There's pizza over here…"

"Aw… pizza…" Derek said as he shook his head. He walked over towards them quickly and leaned across the couch, giving Meredith a kiss on the lips as Cristina handed him a slice. "Thanks…"

"Why do you have to go in, I thought you were here for a few hours…" Meredith said softly as she gave him a concerned look, watching as he walked towards the door.

"There's an emergency…" he said, kicking his shoes on.

"The emergency is going to be you dropping dead from exhaustion!" Meredith exclaimed.

"Oh… I'm not going in for the page, Meri… I'm going in to talk to the chief… face to face… I'm sick of this shit…" he said as he grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.

Meredith and Cristina sat back and looked at one another with a surprised look as they both swallowed hard. The door swung open and they both turned and looked at the exhausted look on Derek's face as he stepped back inside. "I love you." He said softly as he gave her a soft smile, before turning and slipping out the door once again.

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Ellis sat at her desk, carefully writing out some work orders for a few new machines as she worked over the budget numbers. She sighed as she looked through her calendar for a moment, a commotion coming from the outer office. Her head flew up as she heard her secretary arguing with someone. She heard a man's voice and a loud slamming sound, like someone's fist on a desk. She stood up quickly to see what was going on in the outer office, and immediately recognized the voice.

"No! I will not wait for an appointment! I will see her now!" Derek's voice boomed through the door to the inner office, and spilled out into the hallway where people stopped to stare.

"Doctor Shepherd, Doctor Grey cannot see you at this time, she's in a meeting."

"She's in a meeting? Oh… that's a load of goddamned shit!" Derek exclaimed as Ellis heard Derek push his way past the secretary.

"Doctor Shepherd, I'm going to have to call security." The secretary exclaimed.

"Then do it, Goddamn it!" Derek exclaimed as he grabbed the doorknob of Ellis' office and swung it open. The secretary lifted the phone.

"I'm calling security, Doctor Shepherd!" The secretary exclaimed once again.

"No." Ellis said from beside her desk. "Put the phone down." She said, pointing to her secretary. "Put the phone down… Doctor Shepherd you seem upset."

"Damn straight I'm upset!" Derek exclaimed.

"Do you care to explain to me, perhaps in a calmer tone, Doctor Shepherd, what has gotten you so wound up?" She asked softly, coldly as she closed the door behind him, walking around the chair, she waved her hand towards it. Derek refused to sit down, he stood glaring at Ellis.

"I am sick of this." Derek exclaimed, ripping his pager from his waist. "I am sick of this goddamned pager going off for every goddamned bowel movement in this fucking hospital! I am sick of feeding and bathing patients! I am a fucking surgeon, Doctor Grey! I deserve respect! I do NOT deserve to be doing the nurses jobs!" He exclaimed, his face was red with anger, his teeth gritted as he growled at her as she stood before him.

"So you're saying that you're better than the nurses in this hospital? You're saying that you deserve better than them?" Ellis asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Damn straight I do!" Derek exclaimed. "I have paid my dues! I will not stand to be punished in my professional life for the decisions that I make in my private life!" He exclaimed.

"So you think this is about Meredith?"

"It is about Meredith!"

"So you think you're suffering here because of her…? You really think that I'm that spiteful?"

"Yes!" Derek exclaimed.

"You're right, Doctor Shepherd… I am." Ellis growled. "I thought that maybe you needed a little practice with wiping asses and waiting on people hand and foot so you can see what it's like to be a parent… what it's like to want to be a surgeon but always having something coming in the way of what you love." Ellis said sternly. "I wanted better for my daughter… and you've come between her and her dreams, Doctor Shepherd. We discussed this…you broke the deal."

"She wants this child!"

"She has no choice, Derek! She's not an evil person! She does not give in to the challenges that life gives her! She's a strong, strong woman… and I made sure of that! But you need to understand that this issue… is going to ruin her chances to be the surgeon that she always wanted to be."

"You're just afraid that she's not going to be as good as you." Derek growled. "You're afraid that your daughter is going to be a failure… and that the fact that she is going to have a child is going to slow her down… that it's going to make her weak, soft in some way… You're afraid that our child is going to come in the way of YOUR dream… because when you gave birth to your own child, it slowed you down… well I have news for you, Doctor Grey. Meredith is nothing like you. Meredith is stronger than you… Meredith is more giving than you… Meredith is more thoughtful than you… and you're goddamned straight that Meredith isn't going to be the surgeon that you are… Ellis Grey… Meredith Grey is going to be ONE HUNDRED TIMES as good as you ever were in all of your years as a surgeon… because she has a fucking beating heart in her chest, not a fucking lump of stone like you do! The only thing that I regret about bringing that child into this world… is knowing that his grandmother is nothing more than a cold hearted bitch!" Derek exclaimed as he stared Ellis in the eyes, his cold angry blue eyes burning straight into hers as she stared into his.

Her mouth was open just slightly as she tried to form a word, any word as she watched his chest heaving from his outburst, his eyes showing no signs of remorse, only a gain in self respect and personal strength. He continued to stare at her as he shook his head.

"I'm going home." He whispered as he turned towards the door. He put his hand on the doorknob to leave and Ellis finally found her voice.

"Doctor Shepherd." Her voice came out stern, almost taunting as he stood there, waiting patiently for the gauntlet to fall. He turned his head and his eyes met with hers. She held her hand out to him. "Your pager, Doctor Shepherd."

Derek's breath caught as he heard her words. He had no idea what this meant, but he stared at her hand as she continued to look at his face. "Doctor Shepherd… I'm waiting…" She said, moving her fingers as she continued to watch him. He slowly lifted the pager from his hand, placing it softly in her hand, he looked her in the eyes. She could see the tears in his eyes, the sadness, the exhaustion, the absolute torment in his eyes. "You can pick this up Monday morning when you come back in." She said sternly to him, watching as his eyes reflected confusion. "Go home and get some sleep, you look like shit." She said as she turned from him and walked to her desk. She sat down calmly, slipping the pager into her drawer, she looked back up at him with raised eyebrows. "Well?" She asked as he looked down at her and blinked his eyes hard.

Without saying a word, he turned and walked out of the office, past the secretary and down the hallway. His stride was long and confident, and for a moment all of his exhaustion had disappeared. He knew that as soon as he walked into his apartment that he'd be out like a light, but for right now… at this moment… nothing could beat him down.

--------------------

Meredith and Cristina were lying opposite one another on the couch with the television on. They were quiet and thoughtful as the door opened. Meredith jumped to her knees and looked over the couch at the opening door as Derek stepped through.

"You're still alive!" She exclaimed as she watched him look over at her. His eyes were a bit stunned and his hands appeared to be trembling slightly and he still hadn't looked in her direction. "Derek?" She said, tilting her head slightly as she watched him stop. He looked up at her, his face blank as he tilted his head. His eyes were glazed over, and he almost looked like he didn't recognize her. "What happened?" She asked.

"I…" He sighed as he shook his head and squeezed his eyes tightly. "I think I called your mother a cold hearted bitch." Derek cringed a little.

"You what?" Cristina asked, turning around on the couch, looking at Derek as well.

"I think I called Meredith's mother a cold hearted bitch…" Derek said as he wrinkled his forehead in confusion. "I think… I think I yelled at her, and… and then she took my pager away…"

"She took your pager away?" Meredith asked. "What did she do with it? Did she fire you? Derek, what happened…?" Meredith asked as she climbed over the back of the couch, padding her way to him, she reached up and touched his cheek, his face holding an exhausted expression. "What happened?"

It was as if something inside of him snapped. One second he was exhausted, staring into Meredith's sad, lonely eyes, so scared and worried about him. Her innocence was so pure and beautiful, her heart so clear and fresh of the hatred that her mother expelled. He looked into Meredith's eyes, and he knew that all he needed was her, and then the next second… she saw that look in his eyes.

"Derek?" She whispered one more time, and that was when it happened. She was in his arms, his mouth on hers, his hands roaming her body as he backed her quickly into the bedroom and slammed the door with his foot, completely aware that Cristina was there, but absolutely oblivious to everything else but the exquisite beauty before him. "Derek…" She moaned against him as he pulled at her shirt, tugging it up, he yanked on her pajama bottoms and panties eagerly as she pulled at his scrub pants, watching them fall around his ankles as he pulled his boxers off and pushed her hard onto the bed, climbing on top of her. "Derek…" She moaned as he entered her quickly, eagerly, full of love and angst and an ever growing need to prove his love to her.

"I love you." He whispered. "I love you…" He whispered as he kept his rhythmic time as they moved together in perfect synchronicity. "Oh, Meredith… I love you so fucking much!" He exclaimed as he felt her groaning beneath him, feeling her own body building up to that total bliss that he was leading her to.

"Derek…" She whispered. "Derek… I… Derek… I love you." She whispered as she felt herself climbing the edge of the cliff of oblivion, feeling as she pulled him with her, falling over the edge of eternal bliss, grasping, holding, squeezing, suckling. Their bodies melded together in an exhausted pile of limbs and sweat, smelling of sex, love, and the conquered battle as they lay there finally, their bodies twitching in love's embrace as their breathing slowed.

Derek slid to his side, pulling her into him as she held him for a while. She could hear the television playing loudly in the living room and for a moment was brought back into the reality of knowing that her friend was sitting out on the couch, probably scarred for life at what she had to hear.

"Oh…" Derek whispered, trying to catch his breath. "Don't worry about her…She's a big girl…" Derek whispered.

"I'm not worried about…"

"You were thinking about it… I could see it in your eyes…" He whispered as he smiled softly at her. "Meri... I love you."

"I love you." She whispered, looking up at the sound of the television, and glanced back at Derek, his eyes filled with the flame of one thousand fires, her own eyes burning with a continued desire. "She's a big girl." Meredith shrugged as she buried her body into Derek's and devoured his lips once again.

--------------------

Derek lay curled against her, his body still heaving from all of the activity, though his strength completely wiped out. He buried his nose in her neck and breathed deeply, a low growl was released from deep within his throat.

"You need your sleep…" She whispered, leaning back slightly so that she could see his face. She ran her fingers through his hair as he looked at her with a half asleep expression. She placed her hand on his cheek, feeling the stinging stubble on his cheek as it prickled her skin.

"I called your mother a bitch…" He mumbled as he buried his face in his pillow. "I don't know if I'm fired…" He slurred.

"She wouldn't dare fire you for defending yourself, Derek." Meredith whispered. "She needs the challenge… she needs the fear… she feeds off of it."

"She took my pager…" He mumbled.

"She was probably just giving you a break."

"Before she fired me…" He grunted as he felt his muscles aching.

"She's not going to fire you… what happened?" She whispered.

"I told her that I wouldn't stand to be punished for my personal life… I told her that I deserved better…"

"What did she say?" She whispered, listening to his words as she carefully ran her fingers through his hair.

"It's not important." Derek whispered as he rolled onto his back. "It doesn't matter what I said… I said it… and I meant every word of it…and now I have to wait until Monday to find out what she's going to do to me."

"She's going to respect you." Meredith whispered as she kissed his forehead. "She's going to respect you for standing up for yourself… and for standing up for me… because like you say… when you're defending her and you say you're not defending her… She loves me… in her own twisted… arms length way… she loves me and wants the best for me… even if it means she has to hurt me to show it."

"Then why are you depressed?" He asked, watching her sit up a little. "I thought you were depressed because your mother wants nothing to do with you."

"No." She whispered, shaking her head. "I'm just…I don't want to go back to school." She shrugged, watching Derek move quickly as he tried to sit up. "No… No, not because…" She smiled a little as she shook her head. "I just don't want to leave you." She said softly as she lay back on the pillow and turned towards him as he relaxed back on his pillow. "I don't like being so far away… and I just keep thinking about all of those cold nights without you." She whispered as she pressed her forehead against his.

"I don't like being without you." He whispered as he smiled softly. "It's only a couple of months… a couple of months of you being busy… and me being busy… and then we'll be busy together…" He said softly as he ran his fingertips through her hair.

"And we'll both have to deal with her." Meredith sighed.

"We'll have each other… and until then… you have Cristina…" Derek said as he watched Meredith's eyes widen.

"Cristina!" She exclaimed as she started to giggle, covering her mouth with her hand as she rolled off the bed.

"Yeah… you may want to go make sure she's alright… we made quite the ruckus in here." Derek chuckled to himself as he watched her throw her clothes back on quickly. She crawled across the bed and kissed his lips, listening to him groan under her touch.

"Get some sleep." She whispered as she kissed him again.

"I'm going to try… you girls behave yourselves." Derek whispered as he leaned up for another quick kiss before he watched her roll from the bed and flit away towards the door.

"I love you." She whispered as she disappeared out the door.

--------

Meredith stepped into the living area and glanced to the couch. Cristina was sitting close to the television on the floor, the volume up as she stared at the screen. Meredith climbed over the back of the couch and waited for Cristina to say something.

"So… The homecoming mating ritual is finished?" Cristina asked as she turned her face with a smirk.

"Sorry…" Meredith said with a shrug. "We had some things to talk about."

"And a little bit of praying, I'm guessing." Cristina laughed as she laughed at Meredith's reddened face. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about… you two have been under a lot of stress… who am I to judge a little game of 'tickle the baby's toes'."

"Cristina!" Meredith exclaimed.

"You leave me out here while you two hump like bunnies… and you don't expect me to come up with some kind of crude remark? Oh Meredith… I thought you knew me better than that." Cristina laughed as the two girls sat back and relaxed, letting the evening pass as slowly as they could, enjoying one another's company.

--------------------

It was Sunday evening and they were stuck.

They weren't stuck physically or anything, it wasn't as if someone had poured glue on the front step of his apartment, but they stood face to face and there was nothing that could move them.

The sound of a horn bellowing beside them could be heard. It was loud, long, and insistent, but their eyes were still settled on one another's. The horn stopped for a moment, only to be slammed down upon once again.

"I think Cristina wants to get going." Derek whispered, his hands on her arms as he continued his staring contest.

"Hm…" She mumbled, her eyes reflecting his as she held her hands on his waist, her eyes never wavering from his.

The horn rang out a third time and they heard the car window open. "WILL YOU TWO JUST SUCK FACE AND GET IT OVER WITH? WE HAVE TO GO!" Cristina shouted as she stuck her head out the window.

"I can take you back." He whispered.

"You have to work in the morning." She replied.

"What if I'm fired… and I find out that I could have taken you back?" Derek whispered as they listened to the horn honk long and loud once again.

"You're not going to get fired." Meredith said, shaking her head. "Just… take care of yourself, Derek… and don't take her shit. She wants you to be a strong doctor…"

"You keep saying she's testing me, Meredith. You keep telling me that by defending myself and you, that I'm doing the right thing… but I can't help but think that maybe… maybe I should just keep my mouth shut."

"Don't you dare, Derek." Meredith shook her head. "I'm serious… She's your boss… and she knows the rules… She can't bully you around like that… You're a surgeon… you're a damned good one at that… and she knows that. She's not about to give up on you… You're doing this for yourself… you're doing it for me… and you're doing it for…you're doing…"

Derek's smile spread slowly across his face as he watched her flounder for a moment. "Our baby." He whispered.

"Our baby…" She smiled.

"Make sure you take care of yourself… vitamins… lots of water…" Derek said as he watched her smile slyly at him. "And get rest… don't let me find out you've been staying up late studying… You know your shit…"

"GODDAMN IT!" Cristina's voice came from the car as the door slammed.

"You should go…" Derek whispered as he pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tightly as she squeezed him back. "I love you so much."

"I love you." She whispered as Cristina stomped up to them.

"Alright… we've been sitting out here for twenty minutes… it's time to go!" She exclaimed as she started to tug on Meredith. Derek held her tightly as Cristina tried to pry his arm off her. Meredith giggled. "Give her to me… Give her… to… me!" Cristina grunted as Derek laughed as he lifted Meredith up in the hug and started walking forward. "I swear… you two are the sappiest people in the whole freaking world!" She exclaimed.

"Why do you think we're stuck together?" Derek asked, laughing as Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Just get her into the car so that we can go. I have things to do…"

"She has to study…" Meredith rolled her eyes as Derek stood beside the car as Cristina climbed in.

"Study… geez… classes don't start until tomorrow."

"No rest for the wicked!" Cristina exclaimed.

"You can say that again…" Derek rolled his eyes as he gave Meredith a sly grin. "You be a good girl." He whispered, placing his finger on her chin as he brought her lips to his. "No worrying… no stressing out… and no missing me."

"Two out of three aren't bad…" Meredith whispered as she shrugged. "I'm going to miss you." She whispered as she kissed him again.

"I'm going to miss you…" He whispered as he opened her door for her. She climbed in and he closed the door behind her as she rolled the window down.

"Aw… come on!" Cristina exclaimed as she shook her head and put her head on the steering wheel.

"I love you…" Derek whispered. "I love you both."

"We love you too… now can we go?" Cristina grumbled.

"I wasn't talking to you… I was talking to Meri and…"

"I know who you were talking to…" Cristina shook her head.

"We love you too." Meredith laughed as she leaned forward and kissed his lips. "You be good too…"

"I will…" He whispered as she slowly rolled the window closed, watching as she waved from the window as Cristina slowly backed out. He waved goodbye as Cristina drove off with his Meredith, leaving him shivering on the curbside long after the tail lights disappeared around the corner.

--------------------

Derek took a deep breath as he walked down the hallway towards Doctor Grey's office. He shook his head, trying to rattle off the feeling of anxiety in his gut. Meredith had called him on his way in, giving him a good luck kiss as she mumbled incoherently into the phone. He laughed as she hung the phone up, knowing that she wasn't always a morning person, he was happy to hear her voice.

Thinking of Meredith kept his feet moving as he stepped into the outer office. The secretary's desk was empty and Derek made a mental note to apologize to her later on. He glanced to Ellis' office and noticed that the door was open, and he could see that she was sitting at her desk writing.

He thought for a moment of whether he should disturb her or not, when she spoke his name without looking up. "Doctor Shepherd, you're early." She said as she reached into her drawer and pulled the pager out. She put her pen down and stood up.

"Doctor Grey." Derek said softly as he nodded politely.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself before I hand your pager back to you?" She asked, her eyebrows rising as she gave him a steely glare.

"No, Ma'am. I have nothing more to say at this time." He said softly as he reached his hand out.

"No apology?" She asked.

"No, Ma'am. I said what I was feeling, and I said what was true. I make no apologies for anything that I said. I make no apologies for my feelings, and I will not allow myself to be abused for the simple purpose of your own personal gratification." Derek stated, his eyes directly on hers as he spoke, his voice was deep and confident as he watched her eye him carefully.

"Did my daughter make it to school alright?" She asked firmly, watching Derek's eyes remain steady.

"I think that you should call her yourself and find out, Dr. Grey. I think that it would make her feel better knowing that you inquired about her."

"Meredith doesn't need me in order to be strong, Doctor Shepherd. You said so yourself that she's stronger than I am."

"It's the gesture, Doctor Grey. I understand if you don't want to be needed, but Meredith is the kind of person that does need to be wanted." Derek said as he reached for his pager.

Ellis pulled her hand back for a moment as she stared Derek carefully in the eyes, her jaw clenching slightly as she watched the confident look in his eyes. "There is a craniotomy in OR 2 at 6 AM. I expect you to be there and scrubbed in and the patient to be prepped when I get there, Doctor Shepherd. Six… and absolutely no later." She stated as she reached her hand forward and dropped the pager in his hand. "I don't apologize either, Doctor Shepherd. I guess that it's something that we're both going to have to get used to." She said as she turned for her desk, expecting Derek to still be standing beside her desk for a moment, she was surprised to look up to see him walking out of the door without another word.

--------------------

March 23rd-

"Can you drive any faster?" Derek mumbled, shaking nervously in his seat as he glanced to Mark as Mark shook his head.

"Man… you are a mess!" Mark exclaimed.

"The appointment is at one… it's past twelve thirty… Go faster…"

"If you're thinking that maybe I'll crash, and you can get to the hospital faster that way… I'm not sure that Meredith would be very happy with that."

"If it gets me to the hospital faster!" He exclaimed as he leaned his head back. "Just go faster!" Derek exclaimed. "Do you want me to drive? I can drive if you want me to drive…I mean, I wouldn't mind driving…"

"Derek… seriously… I'm going to give you a sedative if you don't relax."

Derek's cell phone rang, and he lifted it quickly. "Meri?" He said into the phone, his voice suddenly calmer, his fingers trembling less.

"Hey sweetheart…" She said softly into the phone, hearing his voice made her calmer too as she glanced to Cristina who was flipping through a magazine beside her. "Where are you guys?" She asked.

"We're in the freaking middle of nowhere! Mark won't drive faster!" Derek exclaimed.

"We're almost there…" Mark said with an irritated growl.

"Don't rush, sweetheart… get here in one piece…" Meredith said softly, feeling the anxiousness in her belly as she put her hand on it.

"I don't want to miss it…" He said softly as he sighed.

"You're not going to miss it… don't worry… I won't go into the appointment if you're not here…" Meredith said softly. "I promise I'll wait for you…"

"We're pulling into the parking lot." Mark muttered as they turned into the hospital parking lot.

"We're pulling into the parking lot!" Derek exclaimed as he grinned so brightly, that Mark thought for a moment that he may need sunglasses to block his eye from the glare. He shook his head as Derek jumped from the car before it was in park, the phone was in his ear as he jogged towards the front doors. Mark parked the car and climbed out, jogging towards the front door after Derek.

They entered the doors and Derek asked Meredith directions through the phone. He moved quickly towards the elevator, talking excitedly in the phone as he entered it, nearly forgetting to keep the door open for Mark, who gave him a raised arm as if he was going to smack him. "I'm almost there, sweetheart…" Derek said as he noticed the weird looks from other people in the elevator.

"New father…" Mark whispered, nodding towards Derek and he chuckled as they smiled and nodded.

The doors opened and Derek grinned as he told Meredith he would be right there, walking quickly down the hallway, his eyes widened when she walked around the corner. "Meri!" He said happily as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she squeezed him. "Look at you…" He whispered as she showed off her bump proudly, grinning as Derek looked at in amazement. "It's the big day…" He whispered as he embraced her again.

"It is… I'm so glad you guys were able to get here…" Meredith said as she turned and hugged Mark, who lifted her off the ground a little in a hug.

"I was about ready to kill him." Mark said, pointing towards Derek who was standing with his arm around Meredith, grinning.

"I could tell…" Meredith giggled as she looked up at Derek as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind, just needing to touch her. "He acts like he didn't see me a couple of weeks ago…" Meredith shook her head.

"I missed you." He whispered, nuzzling her neck as he kissed her softly. "How are you, Cristina?" Derek asked as Cristina continued to flip through the magazine beside them.

"Fine, Derek… how are you?" She asked as she didn't look up.

"I'm…."

"Rhetorical question, Derek." Cristina said looking up at him as he shook his head at her. Mark sat beside Cristina and gave her a peck on the cheek as Derek continued to hold Meredith while they stood there together.

A nurse walked around the corner and smiled. "Meredith Grey?" She said as she held a chart.

"Yes…" Meredith said softly as she took Derek's hand, and they walked into their appointment together.

-----------

They went into the room together, and the doctor prepared Meredith for the exam. Derek watched everything closely as the doctor explained everything. Neither one of them spoke up to point out that they knew how everything worked, so caught up in one another that they weren't even listening very closely. The doctor explained the sonogram and Derek held Meredith's hand as they began the procedure.

He could feel her hand trembling, nervously awaiting the picture on the screen as the doctor prepared them for what they were going to see. Derek stood beside her, his hand on hers, softly squeezing it now and again as they watched. "So now we're ready to tell the…"

"It's a boy." Derek grinned as he looked to Meredith. "Meri… it's a boy!" He exclaimed.

"It is a boy…very… good…" The doctor said, glancing at Derek as he tried so hard to contain his enthusiasm, he was just bursting at the seams with joy and happiness.

"You're going to have to excuse him…" Meredith said with a giggle. "He's just…"

"I'm happy." Derek whispered as he leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I am… so…happy…there is just no other way to say it…" He sighed as he shook his head. "Look at him, Meri… he's just…"

"He's very active." The doctor pointed out.

"You're telling me…" Meredith sighed.

"He looks like he's doing just fine, Ms. Grey."

"He's perfect." Meredith whispered.

"He's ours…" Derek sighed, looking at the screen, enraptured by the movement. "He's our… son…" Derek smiled, as tears began to well up in his eyes.

"Why don't you go out and tell Mark and Cris… and then we'll all go out to dinner… and we can call your mom and sisters…" Meredith said as she squeezed his hand, watching as he continued to just stare at the screen. "Derek?"

"Oh…" He said as he looked to her again, tearing his eyes from the screen. "Yeah… yeah, I'm going to go tell Mark and Cristina…" He said with a a grin as he sat up and leaned down, kissing Meredith on the lips as he stared into her beautiful eyes. "I'm going to go tell them about our son…" He whispered as his eyes sent her such a signal of untarnished love, that she swore that her own heart skipped a beat.

--------------------

April 23-

Derek slipped into a schedule of calling Meredith at every chance that he could. He visited her at every opportunity, and the closer that the month of May came, the more excited they had become for her impending graduation. Derek was busy at the hospital, though when he was able to get time off, he had enough time to make it to her apartment and stay overnight before heading back. He and Mark would frequently schedule the same time off so that they could travel to Ithaca to be with the girls.

Derek was just settling down in front of the television after a long shift at the hospital, a bowl of muesli in one hand as he heard his phone ringing. He smiled softly as he reached for the phone, answering it with a smile. "Hey." He said into the phone, listening for her usually cheery voice on the other end of the line. "Meri?" He said softly into the phone. "Meri, are you there?" He asked, hearing a sniffle on the other end of the line. "Mer…are you crying, baby? What happened? Are you alright? Is it the baby?" He said, the more questions he asked, the more anxious he became.

"Derek…" She whimpered into the phone. Her voice was so small, so vulnerable and so sad, his heart ached.

"Meri…" He said softly, his voice was tender and soft as he listened to her sniffle. "What happened, sweetheart?"

"She happened…" Meredith whimpered over the line as she began to sob.

"Meri, what happened? Where is Cris? Are you alright?"

"No… No, Derek… I'm not alright…" She cried. "I called my mother… like you told me I should… to invite her to the graduation… she said she's not coming… she's not coming to my graduation…" Meredith sobbed loudly into the phone as she gripped it tightly. "Why did you tell me to do that, Derek? Why would you tell me to call her! You knew she'd do this to me! You know she hates me!" Meredith exclaimed.

"No… Meri… she doesn't hate you… what did she say?"

"She said that she wasn't interested… she said that she would be embarrassed to be seen with me… her unwed pregnant daughter… she hates me, she hates our baby… and I hate her too…" Meredith sobbed. "I hate her, and right now I hate you for making me call her…!" Meredith exclaimed.

"Meri…"

"Shut up!" She screamed as the line went dead.

Derek stared at the phone for a moment. He could feel the anger building up in his belly as his jaw clenched. Part of him wanted to cry for Meredith having to deal with such a horrible person in her life, and another part of him wanted to find Ellis Grey and rip her into a million pieces for making Meredith so upset. He stood up, leaving the bowl of muesli on the coffee table as he walked straight for the door, grabbing his keys and slipping on his shoes as he walked out of the apartment and headed for his car.

--------------------

Ellis entered the scrub room after finishing another surgery. It had been a quick procedure, and she was washing her hands when she heard the door open quickly. She turned to see Derek walking into the room. His feet were heavy and his face held a degree of anger that Ellis had never seen, though was fairly sure she'd see again. "Doctor Shepherd." Ellis said as she washed her hands.

"Doctor Grey." Derek growled as he stood in the doorway as the scrub nurses and a couple more doctors entered the room.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" She asked, looking up at Derek, her eyebrows raised as she reached for the towels, wiping her hands. 

"Oh… I don't know, Ellis." Derek said, using her first name leverage, taking her by surprise. As soon as he said it, her eyes were directly on him, giving him the reaction that he had been looking for. "Maybe it's because of the hysterical phone call that I received when Meredith informed me that you wouldn't be attending her graduation from medical school." Derek said, his voice loud and stern as he watched the interns and nurses watch her. 

"This is not the time or the place to be discussing this matter, Dr. Shepherd." Ellis said, glancing at the other people in the room as she tried to distance herself from the conversation.

"She's your daughter, Ellis. She's your daughter and she's carrying your grandchild. Your daughter is carrying your own grandchild… and you won't talk to her… you won't look at her… you won't call her… what is wrong with you? What is wrong with you that you can't give her one ounce of respect? She's your daughter… she's your flesh and blood… and you can't even stand her!" Derek exclaimed.

"Doctor Shepherd, that is enough!" Ellis said sternly as she scolded him, her voice agitated as she tried to remain unaffected by the eyes that were on her. "What are you all looking at… go on… the surgery is over…" She exclaimed, shooing the nurses and interns from the room. They scattered like flies, bumping into one another as they exited the room quickly. "Who do you think you are coming into this hospital… confronting me in front of my staff? Who do you think you are, Doctor Shepherd?"

"Who do you think you are, Doctor Grey… do you think you're immune to the vile, rude, putrid things that you say to your daughter? Do you think that she forgives you… understands you… do you honestly think… that she doesn't give a shit about what you think or feel about her? Can you stand there… and tell me, that you don't think she wants you to be a part of her life… our life… our child's life…? Ellis… she's not asking for the fucking moon… she's not asking for a fucking pony… she's asking for some fucking recognition for something that she feels that you should be proud of her for! She's looking for acceptance from you!"

"She doesn't need my acceptance! She doesn't need me, Derek! She has you to coddle her and do whatever it is she wants done. Look at you now… you're like her little errand boy… coming in here… speaking on her behalf… it's pathetic, Derek!" Ellis said as she trembled, her eyes staring angrily at him as he stared angrily at her. "Now… get the hell out of my scrub room!" She exclaimed.

"No." Derek shook his head. "This isn't over… this is far from over…" he said angrily. "You… will apologize to her… and you will tell her that you will be attending her graduation… and you will go… and you will tell her that you are proud of her." He shook his head. "You stand here all high and mighty in your operating rooms, and your office… and you think that you are better than everyone else… when in reality, you're nothing but a frightened little person with the need to put others down in order for you to feel good about yourself. You know that you love her… you know that you are proud of her… You see yourself in her, and you're afraid that she's going to turn into this…" Derek said as he waved his hand at Ellis.

"You're afraid that if you get too close that she's going to turn into you… into this cold, calculating, robot of a woman who hides her emotions from everyone… She doesn't hate you, Ellis… and she doesn't want to be you… she wants to be herself… and you can't avoid her… I won't let you… I mean… Jesus Christ Ellis… you signed the form for her to be an intern here… if you didn't want her to be here, then you wouldn't have… if you didn't want her to be here after she found out about the baby, I'm sure that you would have fucked that up too… the fucking truth is… you don't want to show her that you love her… You don't want it to be as blatant as a hug or a kind word… but I'm telling you right now… the subtly is wearing out, Ellis… and so am I… and so is Meredith. I suggest that you suck up your fucking pride and go to that graduation, and tell her the fucking truth for once!" Derek exclaimed, his face was red and angry as he stood across from her. He had never been so angry with anyone in his entire life, and the longer they stood there, the stiffer and colder Ellis seemed to become.

They stood across from one another, each holding that angry scowl as they battled for control. Ellis opened her mouth to say something, and closed it once again, continuing her angry stare. "I'll… attend her graduation, Doctor Shepherd." She growled. "I'll attend her graduation… but you're going to have to stay here in Boston… You're going to have to cover my shift at the hospital while I attend my daughter's graduation." She growled, her voice deep and taunting, her request was something that she thought that Derek would absolutely not agree to.

"Fine then." Derek nodded. "May thirteenth…ten o'clock… I'll tell Meredith to expect you there." Derek said angrily, daring her to speak any further. "Thank you." He said sternly as he turned and walked quickly from the room, stomping down the hallway towards the elevator.

--------------------

Derek stomped into the elevator and pushed the button to go downstairs. He stepped backwards and leaned against the back of the elevator, looking to the ceiling. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, slowly releasing the breath as his heart beat wildly in his chest. The doors opened onto the lobby floor and he opened his eyes and walked forward, quickly making his way towards the exit.

"Derek!" A voice came from behind him as he tried to get out as quickly as he could. He turned and saw Mark rushing towards him.

"I'm going home, Mark." Derek growled as he turned towards the door.

"Meredith's been crying for like two hours…" Mark said, grabbing Derek's shoulder, turning him around quickly.

"She's pregnant, Mark… pregnant women cry…"

"She won't talk to Cristina." Mark said, his voice was truly panicked.

"Mark… I know why Meredith is crying… and I took care of it… I just… need to get the hell out of this hospital."

"What happened?" He asked, his eyes showing concern as he followed Derek towards his car.

"Her mother made her upset… I… made her upset… she probably saw someone at the grocery store that gave her a funny look, and that made her upset… I can't get out there, I have to work in the morning… I've tried calling her, she won't answer my phone call… She just needs to cry it out, and she'll call me when she's doing better." Derek sighed as he put his head in his hand. He looked up at Mark. "I need a fucking drink." He said as he turned from his car and walked across the parking lot towards the bar across the street.

"Derek… Derek, man…" Mark said as he grabbed Mark's shoulder, watching Derek glare at him. "What's going on with you?" He asked as Derek suddenly felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

"Hello?" He said quickly, sternly into the phone.

"Derek?" Her voice was soft and high, and he heard a sniffle.

"Meredith." He sighed, feeling his body relax slightly with the sound of her voice.

"Derek… what did you do?" She whispered, sniffling again as he tried to find his words.

--------------------

"What did I do?" Derek whispered, his mind suddenly blank as he listened to her breathing on the line. "Meri, are you alright?" He said softly, something he had to ask before the conversation went any further.

"I'm… confused." She whispered.

"Meredith… I… I didn't mean for it to happen… and… and before I knew it, she had her hooks in me…and I tried not to do it… I really tried not to do it, but I couldn't help it… She just… she fills me with such a feeling of unbelievable…"

"Derek…?" Meredith said, her voice humored at the exchange.

"Meredith?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

Derek glanced to Mark, who was glaring angrily at Derek. "What are you talking about?" He asked, turning his back to Mark.

"All I said was that I was confused, and then you started to talking about some woman…Derek, is there something that you need to tell me?" Meredith asked, her voice becoming anxious.

"No! No… no…Meri… cut that out…"

"You're the one that said that…"

"I know what I said…I was talking about your mother… that's why you called, right?"

"Yes." Meredith said softly. "What did you…do to her?" Meredith whispered.

"Why?" Derek asked softly.

"She… called me." Meredith swallowed hard. "She called and left a message… and she sounded upset."

"Upset…"

"Yes." 

"Like… angry…"

"No… like she was crying… Derek… Derek, my mother doesn't cry."

"Meri… I…"

"What did you say to her, Derek? What… what did you do?" She whimpered, on the verge of tears.

"I just… I told her how it was going to be… Meri… I told her that… she needed to start treating you like the smart, caring, loving… sweetest creature that was put on this earth…" Derek turned his head and watched as Mark pretended not to be listening as he waited for the phone call to be through. "What did she say?" Derek asked.

"She said that… she had talked with you… and she came back to her office and thought about it… and realized that I had earned her recognition… that she was proud of me, and that she would be there… she apologized for what she had said earlier and asked for my… for my forgiveness… Derek… there had to have been more to that conversation… something you're not telling me… did you threaten her?" Meredith asked.

"Meredith…" Derek said into the phone, his voice a warning as he shook his head.

"She even said that you had offered to drive her here… to bring her to the ceremony… Derek… I mean…I didn't realize that…"

"She said what?" Derek asked, his voice was high and he almost laughed when he heard what she had said. "Are you sure that she said that?"

"She said that she'd be here… with you… to watch the graduation…I'm…actually kind of creeped out…" She whispered.

"Huh… yeah…" Derek sighed loudly as he looked to Mark, his smile was wide.

"She also said in the message to tell you that you were right… and that this was the only way that you'd ever hear her say that." Meredith said with a sigh as she listened to Derek. She knew that he had a smile on his face as he stood wherever he was, listening to her words, words that were still unbelievable to her. "Where are you?" She whispered.

"Outside the hospital…" He said with a sigh. "Mark and I were going to go get a drink." He said softly as he imagined her eyes, her lips, her nose, her face looking at him.

"Oh…" She said softly, her voice was soft and sweet as she thought for a moment. "I'll… let you guys get back to your thing…" She said softly. "Derek." She whispered.

"Hm?" He whispered.

"I love you." She replied in a whisper. "I love you …"

"I love you." He replied to her.

"Thank you… Derek…" She said, her heart yearning to see his face, to touch him, to taste him. "I miss you." She whimpered.

"I miss you, sweet thing…" Derek whispered as he stomped on Mark's foot as Mark rolled his eyes. "I'll see you soon."

"Call me before you go to bed." She whispered.

"I will." He said with a kiss sound over the phone. "I promise I'll call you before I go to bed." He whispered. "Tell the little one that daddy loves him."

"He knows." Meredith smiled as she heard him sigh slightly. "I'll talk to you soon, sweetheart."

"I'll talk to you soon." Derek replied, as they both hung up at the same time. Derek paused for a moment, his eyes moving to Mark, standing a couple feet away from him. "Alright… let's get that goddamned drink…"Derek said as he turned towards the bar once again.

"I thought it was a 'fucking' drink…" Mark said as he followed Derek.

"Nah… it's just a goddamned drink now…" Derek said with a smile as the two of them entered the bar.

--------------------

"Meri… just do it…" Derek whispered as he played with the little toy in his hand as he talked on the phone.

"Derek, it's silly… don't make me…"

"Come on… just for a minute… please?" He asked as he listened to her sigh and giggle a little.

"Fine…" Meredith said.

Derek heard shuffling over the line, the sound of Meredith lifting the shirt from her belly, and he heard her confirm that the phone was in place. Derek smiled as he began to speak. "Hey buddy… it's daddy…" Derek chuckled to himself, thinking how ridiculous Meredith must feel, though at the same time, he could hear her giggling. "Daddy just wanted to say goodnight… and tell you that he misses you and your mommy very much. I'll see you soon… you can put mommy back on the phone now…" He laughed as he waited for Meredith to lift the phone back to her ear.

"Alright… did you tell him what you wanted to tell him?" Meredith laughed.

"Yes… yes I did…" Derek laughed as he smiled sadly. "I miss you, sweet thing." Derek whispered as he tried to hold back the tears in his eyes.

"I miss you… oh… Derek…don't do this to me…" Meredith whimpered as she tried to control the lump growing in her throat.

"I'm sorry…" He smiled softly as he tried not to cry. "I love you, Meri…"

"I love you…" She whispered.

"Sweet dreams…"

"Sweet dreams, Derek." She whispered, as she listened to the sound of the phone clicking closed.

Derek lay in the bed, the phone sitting firmly in his hand as he stared at the ceiling. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, and the lump in his throat as he thought of her being so far away from him. He imagined her laying on the bed, her belly swollen with their little one nestled comfortably inside, and he could feel the tear rolling down his cheek. The one thing that got him through the night, was the one thing that got him through every night without her, and that was the knowledge that soon they would be together, forever.

---------------

Derek lay there for hours, staring at the ceiling. His argument with Ellis was running through his mind over and over again. He could see the indignant look on her face, the angry expression in her eyes, the gut wrenching words that Meredith had said she had spoken. He turned to his side and stared at the wall now, his conversation with Meredith ringing through his mind. It didn't seem normal, it didn't seem right. He remembered leaving that room, and Ellis was showing no signs of backing down. She had been stern and angry when she had told him that he was covering for her.

"She wouldn't dare…" Derek whispered as he shook his head, his eyes still refusing to close, his mind refusing to shut off. He sighed, shaking his head trying to brush the thought of his mind, though it kept coming back, and he couldn't ignore it.

After about four hours of no sleep, he climbed from his bed and got dressed. He threw his shoes on and grabbed his jacket as he headed out the door for the car, making his way towards the hospital.

-------------

Derek sat outside Ellis' office for a few more hours, morning was breaking and he knew that she was always in her office promptly at 5AM. He waited and as if on cue, the elevator door opened and out stepped Ellis, walking briskly towards her office.

--------------------

Derek watched as Ellis approached her office, her eyes were straight ahead as she pulled her keys from her pocket. Derek stood up and watched her closely, noting how she just unlocked the office and walked inside without a word. He sighed as he stepped into the outer office after her.

"So now you're stalking me, Doctor Shepherd?" Ellis said as she unlocked the door to her office and stepped into it, switching on the light.

"No, Ma'am." He said softly as he stood outside her door.

Ellis walked up to her desk and turned around, noting that Derek would not step into her office. "Do I frighten you, Doctor Shepherd?"

"In some ways, yes, Doctor Grey. You do frighten me."

"Good." She said as she watched him continue to hover. "Is there something that I can help you with, or did you want to berate me further? I can invite the second floor staff up here if you'd like to do it in front of them… perhaps the maternity wing… I could just put it over the loudspeaker if you prefer."

"Doctor Grey, I do apologize if I embarrassed you yesterday, that was not my intention."

"You didn't embarrass me, Doctor Shepherd. Though since you're apologizing right now, I'm assuming that you were feeling rather embarrassed." She said as she shuffled through the papers on her desk and switched on her computer.

"No, Ma'am." Derek said as he stepped into the office.

"I'm assuming that you spoke with Meredith." She said as she looked up into his eyes. "I figure that the two of you had ample time to discuss the ins and outs of the incident last night."

"I wouldn't necessarily call it an 'incident', Doctor Grey, as much as it was a plea."

"Derek. When you come into my personal space… you scream and shout in front of my colleagues… spouting off angry words that I'm not so sure that you can take back… it should probably be referred to as an 'incident'." Ellis replied.

"I don't want to take it back, Doctor Grey. As I said before, I meant every word I said." Derek said, his eyes not wavering.

"Then why are you in my office?" She asked sternly.

"I want to know why you told Meredith what you told her." He stated.

"What I told her?" She asked, her eyes on his as her brow furrowed.

"When you spoke to me last, you said that I was going to be covering your shift here… You told Meredith that I would be attending the graduation with…"

"You will be attending the graduation ceremony, Doctor Shepherd. There are many reasons for this… and the main one, is that I don't want you coming in here three days before the ceremony throwing your ego around the room, knocking things off the walls in order to prove to me that you love my daughter. You love her. We can leave it at that."

"That's it…? You don't want me to complain?"

"I think that's a valid reason, Dr. Shepherd. I'm a very busy woman… I can't be dealing with you screaming in one ear, my daughter crying in the other…"

"So this isn't a trick?"

"Doctor Shepherd?" She said, looking up at him, tilting her head. Derek watched her eyes carefully, watching as her lips curled just slightly, just the same as Meredith's when she was trying to pull one over on him, or had him right where she wanted him.

"You're not going to make this look like I was going to go… and schedule me… making it look like it was my decision to work on that day… you're not going to rip this from beneath me, are you?"

"Derek… I think that being in the car with me for the six hour drive here and back will be sufficient punishment for us both, don't you think?"

"Would you like for me to answer that question?" He asked, the smirk slowly rising on his face.

"Derek…listen…" Ellis said as she stood up behind her desk, her eyes softening just enough for him to notice the change. "You've been the only person in Meredith's life with balls big enough to stand up to me… You're egotistical, spiteful, and a little too pretty for my taste… but she loves you… and you love her… if you didn't, you would have put up a fight yesterday when I told you that you had to stay here instead of going to her graduation. You showed me that you were willing to sacrifice yourself for my daughter's happiness, and that says a lot." Ellis said, her voice was soft as she watched him listen intently.

"Thank you, Doctor Grey."

"Derek… this is only one small step in the series of leaps that it takes to get to my 'stone cold' heart, as you so eloquently put it. I suggest that you get to work and concentrate on that… I'm sure that you have something to do around this hospital that doesn't involve you standing in my office bothering me."

"Yes, Ma'am. Thank you, Ma'am…"

"And Derek."

"Yes?"

"Call me 'Ma'am' one more time and I'm putting you on scut for the rest of the month…" Ellis said as she looked down at her papers.

"Yes… Mom…" Derek said with a laugh as he turned to walk out of the office.

"That's not funny, Doctor Shepherd!" Ellis exclaimed as she shook her head as she watched him laugh his way out of her office.

--------------------

Derek pulled his car up to Ellis Grey's home, nervously tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited for a moment. He wasn't about to honk the horn, he knew that would be a mistake, so he climbed from his seat and began to walk towards the front door. In a moment, the front door opened, and Ellis stepped out. She was holding a briefcase in her hand as she quickly locked the front door. Derek took a step back, moving to the passenger side door, he opened it and stood beside it as Ellis turned and walked towards the car. She had her head down as she walked swiftly, her head swinging up as she slowed, her eyes moving up to Derek's face. "Well look at what we have here…" She said sternly, though a tinge of teasing could be heard. "Derek Shepherd is a genuine gentleman."

"Yes…" He paused as a small smile began to appear on his face. "Yes, he is." He replied, watching as a slow smirk appeared on her face as she gave him a knowing look as she climbed into the car, allowing Derek to close it behind her. He shook his head and grinned as he walked around behind the car, opening the driver's side door, he glanced to Ellis as she made herself comfortable. "We have to make one stop before we head out…" He said as he glanced to her. "If you don't mind, of course."

"Do whatever it is you have to do to get me there." Ellis said, waving her hand at Derek as she opened her briefcase and pulled a few papers out.

----------

Derek pulled up to Mark's apartment complex. He glanced to Ellis and excused himself from the car as soon as he saw Mark coming down the steps from his apartment. He caught up with him as he stepped out onto the sidewalk. "Did you get everything?" Derek asked as he caught his breath, stopping Mark for a moment.

"Camera, gifts… anything else?"

"One thing…" Derek said as he glanced to the car. "I forgot to tell you that I…"

"Is that the chief in your car?" Mark asked, his eyes widened as he took a step back.

"I promised Meredith's mother that I'd bring her to the ceremony."

"Derek! Don't you think that you could have told me this ahead of time?"

"What? There's nothing wrong with her… Meri wanted her there… she agreed, we're not looking a gift horse in the mouth."

"I thought Meri hated her mother." Mark whispered furiously.

"No…Meri thinks that her mother hates her…"

"Whatever… Derek… I don't think I can do this…" Mark huffed as he looked back to the door to the apartment.

"Oh, stop being a goddamned baby and get in the fucking car." Derek growled as he pushed Mark towards the car.

"You are so going to owe me for this!" Mark called as Derek scowled at him as he followed him to the car.

"Shut up and get in…" Derek said as he walked around the car to the driver's side. Mark glared at him over the car as he climbed in.

Derek sat down in the driver's seat and glanced to Ellis, who was reading through a medical journal, writing notes. "Doctor Grey, you're familiar with Mark Sloan." He said as he put his seatbelt on, glancing to Mark in the back seat through the rearview mirror.

Ellis didn't look up from what she was doing. "No, I can't say that I am." She replied.

Derek started pulling the car from the parking lot and smiled. "He's one of your surgery fellows… works in plastics…" Derek shrugged.

"Ah…" Ellis replied as she continued writing her notes. "I have a lot of doctors on my staff, Doctor Shepherd… I can't keep track of all of them." She replied, her eyes shifting to Derek as Mark sighed from the back seat.

"Totally understandable, Doctor Grey." Derek replied as he noticed out of the corner of his eye, the slight smirk on Ellis' face, and the look of horror on Mark's face in the back seat. "Let's get to that graduation." He smiled as he drove them on their way.

--------------------

The drive started off fine, the three of them remained quiet for a while and Mark was sending Derek dirty looks into the rearview mirror. Derek shook his head and smirked as he drove, watching as Mark became more animated in the back seat.

"You know, Doctor Sloan, it's fairly childish of you to sit back there signing to Doctor Shepherd… if there's something you'd like to say, feel free to just come out and say it." Ellis said without looking up from her journal.

Mark put his hands down on his lap and Derek chuckled as his face turned red in embarrassment. "Um... I was…"

"I know what you're doing, Doctor Sloan… you're upset that I'm here… well… it's not going to change, so why don't you just act like I'm not here and use your voice to talk to Doctor Shepherd… that way we can just get all of this tension out in the open… and I won't have to feel like I'm in mime camp." She said, hearing Derek continue to laugh. She glared at him and he stopped laughing, though the smirk was still on his face.

"Yes, Ma'am." Mark said softly.

Ellis lifted her head from the journal and turned her head, looking back at Mark with a glare. "Doctor Sloan…" 

"Yes?" Mark asked, his eyebrows raised, his voice high with concern.

"Dude… don't call her 'ma'am'…" Derek laughed.

"Dude?" Ellis said, turning her head as she looked at Derek with disdain. "Please tell me that you did not just say 'dude'…"

"I did not say 'dude'…" Derek said, laughing. "Crap, I said it again!" Derek exclaimed as Mark began to laugh.

Ellis turned her head and shook her head, burying her head back into the journal as Mark and Derek laughed to themselves.

"I can't believe that I agreed to ride to this thing with Felix and Oscar…" She sighed.

Derek chuckled, glancing to Ellis as he watched her try to concentrate on the journal in front of her. She tapped her pen on the paper as she stared at the journal and Derek could tell that there was something was bugging her. He then noticed that Mark was leaning forward.

"Doctor Grey?" Mark asked from the back seat, leaning forward a little, peeking over her shoulder.

"Yes… Doctor Sloan…?" She growled under her breath as she turned her head.

"You really don't know who I am?" He asked.

"Mark… seriously, give it a rest…" Derek laughed as he tried to stay out of it.

Ellis turned her head to face Mark. Her glare was icy and frustrated as Derek watched Mark sit back quickly. "No, Doctor Sloan… I really don't know who you are… and unless you're the person that wrote this article that I'm reading… I really have no interest in talking with you right now." She said as she raised her eyebrows at him. "Doctor Shepherd… why is he even riding with us?"

"He's dating Meredith's roommate."

"Ah…" Ellis nodded her head. "You two have a little bit of a business going on here, I see…"

Derek chuckled as Mark's face turned red in the back seat. Ellis turned to face Mark, a slight smirk on her face as she tilted her head. "Is yours impregnated as well? Perhaps you boys could start a colony…" She said with a humored look as Mark's face became redder and Derek laughed harder.

"I think… I'm just going to… read now…" Mark muttered as he lifted a magazine that he had brought, dropping his eyes as Ellis turned back around.

Ellis turned to Derek as he glanced over at her, noticing the smile in her eyes as he realized that she was actually enjoying herself. "For the record, Doctor Shepherd… I do know Doctor Sloan… in fact, if you hadn't started dating my daughter, I would have thought you two were together." She smirked to herself as Derek laughed and she returned to her journal.

--------------------

The rest of the drive was fairly quiet, and Derek and Ellis had exchanged a couple of smirks as Mark remained flustered in the back seat. As soon as the car was parked in the crowded parking lot, Mark opened the door and jumped out. "Thanks, man… I'll catch up with you guys later…" He said quickly as he took off towards the building.

Derek walked around the other side of the car as Ellis placed her journals in her briefcase. Just as she was about to open the door, the door opened and Derek stood with his arm extended. "Derek, you don't have to…"

"Yes… yes I do." He said, daring her not to take his arm as he nodded his head softly. "Come on… when was the last time you had someone walk you somewhere?" He asked, nodding towards the building.

"Never, Derek." She said, giving him a half glare as she shook her head.

"Come on…" he said, nodding his head towards his arm. "Be a little adventurous." He whispered. "I won't tell anyone." 

"Derek Shepherd… I do believe that you're too charming for your own good… and I can't believe my daughter fell for it." Ellis whispered as she stepped from the car, carefully allowing Derek to take her arm in his.

"Well… she's an exceptional woman… and I am very lucky to have her." Derek winked as he walked with Ellis on his arm.

"Kiss ass…" Ellis muttered as she laughed slightly, and though as strange as it seemed to Derek to hear this woman laugh, it seemed right to him, and only made him smile brighter.

They walked towards the doors to the arena where the ceremony was being held, throngs of people were entering through the doors. Derek dodged the crowd, keeping Ellis close to him as not to bump into anyone and as soon as they entered the first hallway to head toward the stairs, Derek was suddenly slammed into by another person.

"Derek!" A woman exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around him, making him jump as he turned his head quickly.

"Bethany… what are you doing here?" Derek exclaimed, watching as his sister stood in front of him, grinning brightly as she glanced to Ellis and back to Derek.

"We're here for Meredith…" She laughed. "Hi… I'm Derek's sister Beth…" She said with a smile as she held her hand out to Ellis. "You must be Meredith's mother."

"Yes… Ellis Grey…" She said with a polite smile as she glanced to Derek and back to the woman as she shook her hand politely.

"We? You said 'We're' here…" 

"All of us…" She said with a giggle. "Girls… all of us girls… we left the boys with the kids… except for Donnie and Taylor… they came along too… they're with Mom and the girls… you two should come sit with us… We've got some good seats… they sent me to come looking for you."

Derek turned to Ellis and smiled politely. "Don't mind her, she babbles." Derek said as he watched Ellis chuckle. "Would you mind if we…"

"No… no, absolutely not." Ellis said as she shook her head. "Lead the way, Bethany." She said, glancing to Derek, who held her arm once again and followed Bethany through the throng of people.

"I have four sisters…" Derek whispered to Ellis as they walked. "My mother's probably here too…" He watched as she nodded, giving him a grateful smile for explaining before they reached the rest of the family. "My mother's name is Marion…sisters are… Bethany, Kathleen, Joann and Nancy… they all look alike, there's no reason to have to tell them apart…" Derek shrugged.

They walked down the steps to a row of seats as they watched the preparations below. Derek could see the heads of his three sisters, his niece and nephew, and his mother sitting beside them. He took a deep breath as he walked towards them, watching as Bethany announced that she had found him. Each of them turned around one at a time, smiling as they saw him approaching, smiling as they waited to greet him, and formally meet Ellis Grey for the first time.

--------------------

Meredith sat in a chair in the corner as everyone hustled and bustled around them. "Cris, I can't do this." She whimpered as she shook her head, her hand trembling as it moved over her swollen belly over and over again. "Cris…" She whimpered as she grabbed hold of Cristina's arm.

"Oh, shut up… you already technically graduated… this is just for show… the cattle call, the final showdown… just quit your whining, straighten the freaking mortarboard, and get your big fat ass out there when the line starts up." Cristina muttered as she ripped her arm from Meredith's hand.

"You're so mean…" Meredith whimpered. "He's making my tummy hurt…" She whimpered.

"Stop that right now, you know that it's not mini that's making you feel this way… you know it's the fact that Derek is somewhere in those stands with your mother… probably half drunk just so that he can deal with her… Mark is probably flipping out because no one told him that she was coming along, and I'm sure that your mother is just so absolutely thrilled to be here, that there's no stopping the proud grin on her face and… blah blah blah…."

"My mother doesn't smile." Meredith grumbled as she looked up at Cristina. "Rescue me, Cris… just… kidnap me and bring me somewhere… anywhere else but here… I can't do this…"

"If you think that I'm going to swing your sorry fat ass over my shoulder and sneak out of this arena, you've got something more wrong with you than a child with extra shiny hair growing in your abdomen… You're going to do this… you're going to walk out there, get your stupid goddamned diploma, and you're going to grin like a stupid freaking idiot while you do it… because if you don't… well… well I'll cry… I'll cry, Meredith… do you want that to happen? Do you want to be responsible for that? Do you? Do you, Meredith?"

"Fine…" Meredith mumbled as she pushed herself off the chair, wobbling a little as she stood up as everyone stood in line to walk out for the ceremony. "It's just fine… I'll do this… but I'll remember that you were mean… and I'll remember that when my child is born prematurely on the floor of this arena because you were selfish and mean and cruel enough to force me to do this… it was your fault."

"You're in a roomful of doctors... one of them is bound to know what to do... Don't forget to name it after me… you know, to honor me in my endeavor to torture you totally and completely."

"I love you, Cris…" Meredith mumbled as she waddled her way towards her place in line.

"Yeah, yeah… but don't you dare going around telling people that it's my kid!" Cristina exclaimed as she disappeared through the crowd towards her place in line.

Meredith walked slowly towards her place in line, standing against the wall, she became very aware of the whispers of the people around her, glancing to her and looking quickly away. The noise in the room was distracting, and her ears were burning as she waited patiently for the ceremony to start. She was tired and in a bad mood, her ankles were swollen and she just felt awful. She placed her hand on her belly and slowly, rhythmically began to rub it as she closed her eyes. She sighed as a picture of her Derek appeared in her mind sending a smile upon her face as she imagined him standing before her. She imagined seeing his smile, his eyes, touching his skin with her fingertips. She took a deep breath and suddenly could smell his cologne fill her senses. She knew that it was just a figment of her imagination, and she even heard his voice.

"What do you think you're smiling about?" He whispered, his voice was tender and soft, and she didn't want to open her eyes, she didn't want to pull herself from her daydream. A hand rested delicately on her belly, and she jumped.

Her eyes flew open. Her mouth widened in surprise, and she gasped. "Derek!" She exclaimed.

He stood before her, his smile wide with pride as his eyes watered slightly as he looked her over. "You look so… beautiful…" He whispered, shaking his head as he kept his hand on her belly.

"What are you doing here?" She exclaimed, her arms instantly encircling him as much as they could, her belly pushing into him as he held her for a few moments.

"Why do you think I'm here?" He asked, pulling from the hug as he smiled at her. "I told everyone that I 'had to go to the bathroom'." He said in air quotes as he laughed.

"Everyone?" She asked, looking behind him for a moment. "Where is…"

"Oh… she's out there…" Derek grinned. "I just… I couldn't know that you were just a few feet away from me, and not be able to touch you." He said softly as he hugged her again.

"You left her out there by herself?" Meredith whispered.

"No… she's in good company…" Derek nodded as he smiled at Meredith's confusion as she tilted her head at him.

"Derek… you didn't leave her with Mark… please tell me that you didn't leave her with Mark…" Meredith shook her head as concern washed over her features.

Derek chuckled at her concern. "I promise, I did not leave her with Mark." He said, holding his hand up in promise.

"Then where is…"

"Meredith… she's here… don't worry about it." He whispered as he kissed her softly, hugging her close. "You look upset." He whispered in her ear.

"I am upset…" She whispered. "I missed you." She said as she felt the tears welling in her eyes.

"I missed you…" He whispered. He looked into her eyes and placed his hand on her chin, smiling into her eyes as she let a tear fall. "Just think about it…." He said with a smile. "This is your last official day away from me." He smiled.

"What about tomorrow? I don't go home until tomorrow…" She whimpered.

"Exactly… you'll be with me tomorrow… Did everything get packed already?" He asked.

"Yes." She mumbled as she nodded her head. "The truck left this morning." She whimpered.

"Good… then we'll get this silly ceremony over… and we'll all spend the day together… and in the morning, you and Cris can catch up with us…" He smiled as he ran his finger across her cheek, catching the tears on his thumb. "No more crying… this is a big day…" He smiled as he watched her eyes lighten up slowly. "I'm very proud of you, do you know that?"

"Mmm hmm…" She nodded sadly.

"Your mom is very proud of you… my mom is very proud of you… all of my sisters are proud of you…"

Meredith tilted her head, a slow smirk emerging onto her face. "Your mother and sisters?"

"Shh…" He said with a smile. "I wasn't supposed to say anything." He winked as he watched her brighten up tremendously. "We're in the fifth row… we'll be on your left close to the podium… we'll be watching for you… you look for us." He said as he leaned forward and kissed her lips.

"I'll look for you." She said with a smile.

"I'm proud of you." He smiled. "I'm proud of both of you." He laughed, indicating her belly as she laughed, her hand still rubbing it softly. "I'll see you both later." He said as he leaned forward and kissed her belly, listening to her giggle, she shook her head as he kissed her again.

"Thank you… for cheering me up… for finding me." She whispered.

"Thank you for finding me." He whispered as he kissed her lips softly, watching her eyes as he slowly disappeared into the crowd.

Meredith sighed contentedly as she ran her fingers over her belly, she looked down at it and sighed again. "Your daddy is the best…" She smiled, still feeling the tingling feeling of his lips on hers as the ceremony officially began.

--------------------

Meredith took a deep breath, following after the person in front of her as they made their way out to their chairs for the speeches and announcements. She stepped out into the arena, following the long line of graduates as she made her way to her chair. Her first intention was to get to the chair and sit down, and then she would look for Derek. She got to her chair, her feet aching as she sat down on the uncomfortable seat. She could feel the baby moving around, and whispered softly as she ran her hand over her belly. She could feel a tinge of burning in her stomach, and noticed that the girl beside her was glancing at her.

"Are you alright?" She whispered, seeing the look of pain in Meredith's eyes.

"I'm… I'm alright… just a little uncomfortable…" Meredith whispered, smiling politely. "Thank you."

She tried to make herself as comfortable as possible, shifting in her chair as she glanced up to the podium. She followed her eyes up five rows and spotted a familiar face. She saw Bethany sitting with Taylor on her lap, bouncing her slightly while she talked to Donnie as he sat beside her. Beside Bethany sat Kathleen, talking animatedly with Nancy and Joann. Next was Marion Shepherd, her face was turned and she was talking and laughing with… with her mother.

Meredith's jaw dropped slightly as she watched Ellis smile, laugh, and talk with Derek's mother. She smiled slightly after a moment, knowing that if anyone could at least take a peek into her mother's shell, it would be Marion Shepherd. She had a way of just pushing her way into a person's life without making you feel violated or pressured. She always seemed helpful, and she never pried too far. She always wondered if Marion held a grudge against anyone in her life, and if there were ever anyone to have a grudge with, it would be her mother. Ellis took her son's time away from his mother, kept him away at important times, holidays, birthdays. She kept him busy and tired, but from the looks of the conversation they were having, there was anything but animosity up in those stands. Her eyes drifted to the person sitting next to Ellis as he sat staring dreamily into the crowd of students, his eyes only on her as she brightened up.

She watched as his hand lifted slowly, delicately and his fingers wiggled as he waved at her. She did the same, raising her hand slightly as she wiggled her fingers, finding that she was smiling at him, her eyes sparkling with pride and happiness as she watched him nod towards their mothers, shrugging. She laughed a little as he made a face, and laughed a little harder, when her mother's hand smacked him lightly in the arm without her even looking at him. Ellis looked up from talking to Mrs. Shepherd, her eyes landing on Meredith as Derek pointed out where she was to everyone. She didn't wave, but Meredith could tell that she was proud, and happy to be there, or else she wouldn't be there. After a moment, everyone seemed to settle in for the ceremony as the speakers prepared to give their speeches, and Meredith set her attention on only Derek sitting in the stands watching her. The speeches seemed to fly by, and her eyes were just captured by the man sitting in the stands, sending thoughts of support and love in her direction. They were about to name the graduates, who were to stand when their name was called, when Meredith felt a sharp pain in her side. She shifted forward, looking to the floor, squeezing her eyes closed. "Don't do this to me, Mini…" She whispered as she rubbed her side, taking a deep breath as she sat back in her chair. Derek's eyes were suddenly filled with concern, and Meredith could see her mother whispering to him, and him nodding. Mrs. Shepherd glanced to Derek, who seemed to be trying to calm her down as well.

They were announcing names one at a time, and were blazing through the alphabet as they neared 'G'. Meredith felt another sharp pain, grimacing slightly as she felt sweat rolling down her brow.

"Are you going to be alright?" The girl beside her asked, genuinely concerned.

"I'm alright." Meredith whispered. "He's just… doing somersaults…" Meredith grunted slightly as she took a deep breath and looked up. She was starting to feel a little dizzy as she sat up, looking up into the stands, she had noticed that Derek had disappeared. "Shit." She whispered, her voice whimpering slightly as she looked down at her belly. "Do you see what you did… now you have daddy all nervous and he's not going to be able to see mommy graduate… you're so grounded the second you're born…" She muttered as she straightened her back as she started to feel a little better. She listened to the names being called, and as soon as her name was called, she stood up slowly, steadying herself as the girl beside her reached out for her arm. She turned and thanked her softly as the next name was called, and the next.

Meredith stood staring up into the stands, the empty seat beside her mother made her heart ache as she watched the proud look on everyone's face. She could feel the baby moving, shifting and kicking. She closed her eyes as she tried to hold the pain back, and waited patiently as they reached the last name on the list. The baby moved, putting pressure on her bladder, and she winced as she waited for the announcement of their graduation and a few more words of encouragement. She shifted from one leg to another as she waited, and another sharp pain made her wince. "Behave...please…" She whispered as she rubbed her belly. "Please… just be a good boy…" She whispered. Suddenly, the crowd erupted into applause as they announced the graduating class, and Meredith looked to the stands to see Derek's family and her mother standing and applauding as they all looked on with concerned glances. Meredith winced again, grabbing her belly as she growled. "That is enough…" She grumbled as she took a deep breath. "If you don't stop this right now, you're going to go live with Cristina…" She mumbled as she felt the baby start to calm down, and the kicking stopped being so hard. She found humor in it, though just wondering for a moment if it was psychosomatic, though not caring as she followed the person in front of her as they walked from the arena floor to the back room.

She walked quickly, the dizziness starting to make her legs feel wobbly as she followed the person in front of her. As soon as she stepped off the floor, she felt her arm being grabbed. "Meredith…" Derek said as he grabbed her into his arms, trying to see if she was alright.

"Derek…" She whispered, her eyes glassed over as she winced. She had sweat running down her face, her throat was dry, and she was starting to see spots. "I don't feel so good." She whispered, shaking her head. Derek could feel her getting heavier in his arms as her eyes rolled back, and her knees gave out as he called for someone to call an ambulance.

--------------------

Darkness turned to light, there were flashes, movement, shouting, screaming, demanding. She could feel her entire body aching as people moved around her, about her, above her. Colors swirled in her mind as she felt the pressure of something on her face, the warm hand of someone on hers, the frantic questions. Nothing made sense, nothing was right.

A face flashed in her mind, and she tried to open her eyes, her vision blurred and her body weak. "Derek…" She whimpered, moving her hand, she felt the hand around hers squeeze it tightly, her voice was muffled by whatever was on her mouth, and she wasn't even sure that she had said it. She knew that he was there, he had held her as she fell, he was there now. Though he wasn't in her line of vision, she knew that it was his hand on hers, she knew that it was his voice that was filled with pure fear.

She then heard another voice above all of them as she felt her body being lifted, moved, carted from the crowd of strangers that were staring. She recognized the voice, but not the fear that was injected into it, not the anxiety. It was this voice that made her the most frightened, because she had never heard this voice have anything but confidence in it, and all she heard before she drifted back into unconsciousness, was the fear in her mother's voice.

-----------

The room was bright, the sounds and feelings that she was experiencing were not comfortable at all. There was a weird taste in her mouth, the noises from the room were beginning to irritate her. There was the whirring and beeping of the machines, there was the tapping of something in the room, but the most irritating was the chattering going on between two people directly over her.

She could feel Derek's hand on hers, and she listened carefully to his voice as he spoke in a stern whisper. His hands were warm and soft, and she could feel them trembling around hers. The other voice was her mother. Her voice was shrill and frustrated, nervous and anxious. It wasn't stern, it wasn't angry, just concerned. Meredith listened to the argument, something trivial, she figured, because her brain wasn't exactly processing anything but the tones of their voices at that point. She didn't even care what they were arguing about, the point of the matter was that she was trying to sleep, and they were interrupting it.

She opened her eyes just slightly, enough to make out the forms of Derek standing over her, and her mother on the other side. She smiled to herself hearing the defensiveness in his voice against her mother. She had never actually heard him speak to her mother in such a tone, and often wondered how he sounded like when he defended her. It was her mother's turn to talk, her bony little finger pointing at Derek across her body.

"Why don't you two take it around back… kick one another's asses…and let me get some sleep…" She grumbled from the bed as she squeezed Derek's hand. Her eyes opened a little wider as Derek smiled, crouching down to her face, he pushed her hair back and kissed her lips.

"Meri…" He whispered, his voice was tender now, not that frustrated stern voice that she had heard moments before.

"Meredith…" Ellis said, taking her other hand. Meredith's brow furrowed as she looked to her mother, not remembering the last time her mother held her hand for anything other than to keep her from doing something.

"I know… my name… can you please tell me what happened?" She whispered.

"Pre-eclampsia." Ellis stated, her doctor voice suddenly making an appearance as she released Meredith's hand. Meredith didn't need an explanation, she knew what it meant, but she also knew that her mother would have some sort of lecture pent up inside of her just waiting to spew out. Meredith nodded, and waited for it.

"It was pretty damn close…to…um…" Derek whispered, running his fingers through her hair. "They got you here… were able to stabilize your blood pressure…they wanted to deliver at first, but your mom had them re-evaluate you...and they decided to see if they could bring it down… You've been out for a few hours…"

"Deliver?" Meredith whispered, her voice small and frightened as she said the word, her eyes were so frightened as she turned her head to her mother.

"They put you on a magnesium drip…to try to keep the blood pressure down… if it flares up again… it could be worse." Derek whispered. "I don't want it to get worse." He whispered.

"No…" She whimpered. Her eyes remained on Derek as she told him her worries and fears through her eyes, her tears were sitting on the edge of her eyelids as she watched him swallow hard. "Your mother wants you to go back to Boston… tonight… she arranged an ambulance to transport you." Derek said as he looked up at Ellis.

"Is that what you were arguing about?" She whimpered, looking up at her mother. 

"Derek didn't want you to be transported until you woke up." Ellis replied, looking down at her daughter. "He thought that if you woke up in the ambulance, that you'd be frightened… I just… I just need you under the care of me… of my staff… you need the best, Meredith… I won't settle for anything else." She said stubbornly.

"Mom…" Meredith whispered. She reached for her mother's hand, and after just a moment, Ellis placed her cool hand on Meredith's belly. "I'm sorry…" She whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks as she cried softly. "I'm sorry…"

"Meredith…" Ellis said softly as she squeezed her daughter's hand. "There are better ways of getting my attention than getting yourself sent to a hospital." She winked at her daughter as she glanced up at Derek. "Derek takes very good care of you… and his family and your friends are very concerned." She said softly. "You need to take care of yourself too though, Meredith…" She said, as Meredith nodded her head slowly. "I…" She paused for a second as she looked to Derek and back to Meredith. "I love you, Meredith… and I don't ever want anything to happen to you." 

"Mom…" Meredith whispered, carefully pulling her mother's hand with her own. She lifted her mother's hand and placed it carefully on her belly. "Mom, I'd like for you to meet your grandson." She gave her mother a shy smile as she watched Ellis smile sadly.

"I don't think he's ready to meet us just yet, Meredith…And we're going to do our best to make sure that you both stay as comfortably as possible until we can officially be introduced." Ellis said softly as she squeezed her daughter's hand. She leaned down and kissed Meredith's forehead. "You get some rest, sweetheart… I'm going to check on that ambulance." She whispered. She stood up and glanced to Derek as she nodded. "Doctor Shepherd…" She said with a smirk as she watched him.

"Doctor Grey." He nodded, smirking back at her as she turned towards the door.

"Meredith." Ellis said from the doorway before she walked through it. "I'm very proud of you." Ellis said softly as she then turned, and walked down the hallway. 

--------------------

As soon as Ellis disappeared out the door, Derek turned his eyes to face Meredith. Her eyes were closed, a small smile on her face as she took a deep breath. Derek watched her closely, every twitch of her eyelid, every movement of her lips, every tiny wrinkle on her delicate forehead, he watched closely. He held her hand in his, her slender fingertips intertwined with his. He moved his thumb rhythmically over her skin as he watched her.

"You're thinking about it." She whispered. "Stop thinking about it."

"I can't stop thinking about it, Meredith." He replied.

"But I don't want you to cry."

"I won't cry."

"You will." She whispered. "You'll cry, and not tell me." She whispered, slowly opening her eyes to meet his. "Don't cry alone, Derek. If you want to cry… cry with me."

"Meri…" Derek whispered as he watched her eyes flicker from one of his to the other, her eyelashes fluttering delicately as she watched him search for what he wanted to say.

"Did I screw up, Derek?" She asked, suddenly, her question taking him by surprise.

"Did you screw up?" Derek whispered.

"Yes." She whispered. "Did I screw up… this… us… our baby… was it something that I did to get me put here? Was it something that I could have prevented… should I really be here in this bed right now, or should I be at home right now getting ready to go to back to Boston, back to you?" Meredith whispered, tears beginning to well up in her eyes, sparkling softly as her lip stuck out in a pout.

"Oh, Meri…" Derek whispered as he leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. He delicately moved his fingers through her honey blonde hair as he watched her search his eyes for an answer. "You didn't do anything wrong… This isn't your fault… sometimes these things just happen… sometimes it happens…"

"But I don't want it to happen…" She whimpered.

"I don't either…" Derek shook his head, tilting it slightly as he watched her swallow hard. "Do you have any pain right now, sweetheart? Can I get you anything?"

"No." She whispered. "Derek…?" She whispered, her eyes glancing to the door for a moment and back to him once again.

"Hmm…" he said softly as he watched her eyes drift to the door again.

"Did I… embarrass her?" Meredith whispered.

"Your mother?"

"Yes." She said, her brow furrowing more as she shook her head slightly, her eyes filled with fear. "Did I embarrass her?"

"Meri…" Derek whispered. "Meri… your mother is nothing but proud of you."

"But…"

"Meri… she doesn't just 'say' things… she doesn't say things just to make people feel better. You know better than that. You know your mother better than that. She's not that kind of person. She says what she wants to say… whether it hurts the other person or not… if she was not proud of you, she wouldn't say it… she wouldn't be here ready to bash my head against the wall until I let her kidnap you and whisk you away in an ambulance. She loves you very much."

"She loves you." Meredith whispered. "She loves you, too."

"I'm not going to be the one to ask." Derek whispered. "I'll take that she can stand me…" Derek shook his head.

"I saw her smiling… talking with your mother… Oh… Derek…" Meredith gasped. "Your mother and sisters… where are they? Are they alright?" She whispered.

"They're alright… they went to their hotel room… they're going to be back a little later before we leave…"

"And Cristina… where is she… she's probably freaking out…" Meredith whispered.

"Mark is helping her pack all of the things you were going to pack tomorrow… She's going to drive home tonight…look at all of the people that are worried about you two…" He said, tilting his head. "You've caused quite a ruckus…"

"They're all worried about… me…" She whispered.

"They are…" Derek smiled softly. "We all are… we love you very much, Meredith…and we don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"I'm scared." She whispered, squeezing his fingertips as he gave her a sad smile.

"I know…" He whispered. "You're a brave girl… and now… you're a doctor…" He smiled, watching as she gave him a funny look.

"I'm a doctor." She whispered.

"You are…" He replied.

"Doctor Meredith Grey… Shepherd." She grinned, seeing the surprise in his face for a second before he chuckled. "I like the ring of it…"

"Ah…" Derek chuckled. "I like the ring of anything you say." He whispered as he kissed her softly.

"Derek…" She said as she pulled from his kiss slightly. "Will you lay with me?" She asked, her eyes shifting to the other side of the bed, though small, it would be accommodating. "Will you… lay with us… rest with us?"

"There are no two people in the world that I would love to snuggle with, than you and our little guy." Derek whispered as he stood up. "They're going to come in and check on him soon…check on you both." Derek whispered as he climbed onto the bed beside her.

"They can work around you." She whispered as she gently curled into him as best as she could, feeling his strong arms encircling her. "I need you right now." She whispered as they both cuddled, until one of them was able to fall asleep.

--------------------

Derek watched as Meredith finally fell back to sleep, her eyes fluttering in a soft sweet dream as her nose wiggled slightly. Derek longed to press his ear against her chest, listen to her beating heart, feel the gentle thumping of her beautiful heart pounding against her chest. He longed to run his fingers along her neckline, gently brush his lips against every inch of her body. He followed the contours of her face, her beautiful cheekbones to the delicate folds of her ear. He longed to nibble softly at the tender flesh of her earlobe, hear her make that throaty growl that made him go crazy.

He listened to her gentle breath, the way her mouth was open just slightly, a smile hiding within her dreams as he watched her sleep, listening to the heart monitors, the fetal monitors, everything that was filling the room.

"You scared the hell out of me today." Derek whispered, his voice was so tender and sweet and it was filled with nothing but honesty. "I was sitting in that seat, watching you… and you made this… awful… painful face… and I knew that I couldn't get down there fast enough. I nearly fell over myself to get to the door of the arena…" He whispered. "I heard them call your name when they reached it on the list… I was so proud, I am so proud… I was standing by the door, they wouldn't let me through, but I watched you stand up… and I saw the way the girl beside you steadied you… and you looked like you were alright… right then… but I knew that I needed to get to you." Derek whispered. "I was almost ready to make a scene… pushing my way through everyone just to get to you… to catch you… if you needed it… and when the ceremony ended, and you were still standing there… waiting… I could see that you weren't doing well… you were walking unsteadily, you're eyes burning into the head of the person in front of you just willing him to move faster… so that you could sit down… lie down… something other than stand there… the closer you came to me, the more pale you looked… and I didn't think that I could make it to you in time… and you fell into my arms, and my heart crashed into a million pieces… Meredith… feeling you collapsing in my arms was by far the most painful feeling that I've ever had in my entire life." He swallowed hard as he continued to watch her sleep.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Meri Grey… you keep me young… you keep me happy… and you keep me honest. You give me courage… and you're just perfect… in every damn way, you're perfect… and it hurts me… so much when you let your mother get to you… let her pull your self confidence… and make you feel inadequate…or small… you're big, Meri… and no… that's not a fat joke… you're a big person, Meri… you've got such a big heart… you've got such a colorful soul… and you're so wise… so damn wise for someone your age… and it fills my heart with warmth… and it makes me feel just… so damn helpless around you. I will do anything for you, Meredith Grey… and I'm so damn proud of you that I don't think that using that word even partly covers how I feel… and I'm so glad that I was there to catch you when you fell…" He whispered.

He watched as she shifted a little, pulling her body closer into his, he swore she must have heard his words, and he honestly didn't care. He knew that he'd tell her all of the same things whether she were awake or sleeping. He had no fears of what she thought of him. He knew that she loved him with all of her heart. He smiled softly as he pushed his nose into her hair slightly. He took a long, deep breath, letting the sweet scent of lavender waft into his nostrils. Not even the gross sterile smell of the hospital could wipe clean the beauty of her scent to him.

"You know… there were a bunch of things that I wanted to talk to you about when you got home tomorrow… things that I know that we'll talk about… and things that we should have talked about months ago but never found the time…We'll get to it… as soon as I get you home… We'll catch up on all of those things that we missed when we get home…" Derek whispered. "Remember… you told me to think of names for the baby?" He said with a gentle whisper in her ear. "I think that I have one that you're going to love." He whispered as he buried his nose further into her and closed his eyes, resting in the peacefulness that was his Meredith.

--------------------

Derek had his nose still buried in Meredith's hair when he heard the nurses come in and check on Meredith. They worked around him, moving her a little here and there, waking her up to ask her a couple of questions. Her voice was groggy and tired, and when the nurses were finished, they slipped out as they wrote a few notes in her chart. Meredith turned her head away from Derek's for a second, sending him searching for her in a sleepy haze. His eyes opened, and her eyes were looking directly into them.

"You have beautiful eyelashes." She whispered.

"Thank you." He smiled sleepily as he watched her smile slightly. Suddenly, the door opened, and Derek looked up to see his mother walk in slowly, poking her head around the corner. "We have a visitor…" Derek whispered, nodding towards the door. Meredith turned her head and smiled at Mrs. Shepherd softly, her eyes still droopy with sleep.

"Meri…" She said softly as she approached the bed, scooping up the young woman's hand. "I was so worried about you."

"She's doing alright…" Derek whispered.

"The doctors told me what happened… it seems pretty serious… I mean… they wanted to deliver the baby? It's way too early… I hope you're doing alright… are you feeling alright? I was so worried…"

"Mom…" Derek said as he rolled from the bed, dropping a kiss on Meredith's lips. He stood up. "She's going to be fine… she just needs to rest… strict bed rest…"

"Your mother said that they're taking you to Boston… they're taking you to Boston?" She whispered as she looked up at Derek. "Is it safe… is she stable enough? Will it be alright to travel? Is the baby alright? Was there any stress on him? Is he moving around?"

"Mom…" Derek said as he walked to the other side of the bed. He encircled her with his arms as she squeezed him tightly.

"You're just trying to shut me up… aren't you?" She whimpered into Derek's shoulder.

"I'm trying to get you to calm down… just… relax…" Derek said softly as he let her continue to cling to him.

"I'll be alright…" Meredith said softly, watching Derek hold his mother tightly. "I just need to rest… I have no pain right now… they have me on some medications, keeping my blood pressure down… and hopefully there won't be any complications… they'll be able to deliver the baby as close to the due date as possible…"

"That's so scary…" She whispered as she released herself from Derek's hug. She crouched near the bed, pulling the chair closer. "Sweetheart…" She said, shaking her head. "If you need anything… anything, you need to let me know. The girls and I will be right by your side… Nancy is an OBGYN… if you have any questions or anything… if you want us to stay with you or to…"

"Mom… I think we have it all under control…" Derek said softly placing his hand on her shoulder. She turned her head and scowled at him.

"Derek, if you had this all under control, this wouldn't have happened." She said, shaking her head, she looked down at Meredith and ran her fingers through her hair. "If you had this all under control, she wouldn't be lying here right now… poor little girl…"

Derek watched as Meredith took it all in, her eyes sparkling as she glanced up at Derek, and he stuck his tongue out at her as his mother's attention remained on her. She had to fight so hard not to smile at him as he stopped, just as his mother turned her head again. "How long will she be in the hospital?"

"Um…" Derek stammered for a moment as he raised his eyebrows. "Um… she could be in for a week… or up to a month… depending on how her blood pressure is…" Derek shrugged. "They're going to keep her under observation." He nodded.

Suddenly, the door opened, and Cristina barged in with Mark right behind her. "Good… you're awake… lazy ass…" She said as she stepped without noticing Derek's mother sitting there. She stepped right up to the bed and looked down at Meredith. "It's good to see that Mini is behaving himself… seriously though… I'm going to kill you… causing a scene like that… you'd think that the highlight of the day would have been when the speaker said 'orgasm' instead of 'organism'… but nooooo… it was the pregnant graduate sprawled out on the ground in a choke hold by her fiancé…" She babbled on as she glanced to Derek. "And speaking of you, Derek… preeclampsia? Preeclampsia? Seriously… don't you read the studies on that? They say that lots of sex during pregnancy can help to prevent that… maybe if you gave it to your woman once in a while instead of holing up in the hospital all the time, she wouldn't be laying here… what do you think about that?" She said, crossing her arms as she looked to Derek standing there with his face bright red and his eyes widened.

"Cris…" Derek whispered as he glanced to the bedside. "Cris… this is my mother… Marion Shepherd…"

Cristina's eyes widened and her jaw dropped for a minute. She closed it quickly as she spun around with her hand extended. "Cristina Yang… Meredith's roommate… best friend… you know… and the like… It's nice to meet you…" She said as she shook Mrs. Shepherd's hand, thankful for the amused smirk on her face.

Mrs. Shepherd looked up at the embarrassed looks on both Derek and Mark's face as she shook the young woman's hand. "It's a pleasure, Cristina…" She laughed as Meredith giggled from her bed.

The door opened once again, and Ellis walked inside holding Meredith's chart in her hand. "This room became crowded all of a sudden… isn't visiting hours over?" She asked, her voice was stern, but her eyes were still soft and concerned.

"You don't work here, you can't boss us around." Derek replied, watching Ellis' eyes move to Mrs. Shepherd.

"Do you see what I have to deal with on a daily basis?" She shook her head. "Alright… we're going to begin the transport in an hour… the ambulance will be downstairs… "Cristina, I'm assuming that you'll be taking your own car." Ellis asked, watching Cristina nod. "And Derek… you can ride in the ambulance with Meredith. Pretty boy… you're riding with me behind the ambulance in Derek's car." She said, pointing to Mark. "We'll be in constant contact with the ambulance the entire way just in case there are any issues. How are you feeling?" She asked Meredith as she stepped forward towards the bed.

"I'm alright." Meredith whispered.

"Are you ready to go home?" Ellis asked.

"I'm ready to go home." Meredith whispered, grasping Derek's hand as she gave her mother a teary eyed expression as she sighed with the thought of being there already.

--------------------

The ambulance ride was smooth and quiet and Meredith remained stable the entire time. Derek held her hand securely as she slept the entire way. They arrived in Boston in the early morning hours, pulling into the emergency bay behind the hospital. Derek jumped from the ambulance, aiding the EMTs with the gurney as Meredith moved a little atop it, her eyes opening briefly.

"Just close your eyes, baby… we're home now…" He whispered as he squeezed her hand as they lifted her out, pulling her into the hospital door and down the long hallway to the maternity floor. All of Derek's attention was on Meredith, and nowhere else. He didn't want to chat with any of the doctors he saw in the hallway, he didn't want to answer questions or notice any curious looks. He wanted to get Meredith and that baby somewhere safe and sound, somewhere where he could just rest with her peacefully for a couple more hours, days, weeks, months. He just needed to be alone with her, and it was starting to ache.

They pulled her into a small hospital room, the monitors and medications were ready to go, and they lifted her from the gurney onto the bed, with Derek's hand on one part of her or another each step of the way. They attached the equipment to her and asked her a couple of questions as they prepared her chart. Each movement of everyone in that room was like a machine, everyone doing their part to make her comfortable, each one doing their part of the job to ensure that she was stable. The nurses and doctors left the room, leaving Derek alone for a mere moment with her. He rubbed her hand gently as he crouched down beside her, watching her head turn to the side so that she could face him, her eyes slowly opened.

"We're home, sweetheart…" He whispered as he delicately let his fingers dance over her skin as she watched him sleepily.

"No…" She mumbled. "This is the hospital…" She whispered. "I want to be in our bed together." She whimpered.

"Oh… I know, darling… my sweet, sweet girl…" Derek whispered softly as he continued to run his fingers through her hair, his eyes melting into hers as his voice soothed her. "I know, baby…" He whispered.

Suddenly, the door opened quickly. "You were on my ass the entire way here… you drive like a goddamned maniac…" Mark huffed as Cristina followed him inside.

"If you would drive just a little bit faster, I wouldn't have had to freaking tailgate you the whole way…"

"Cristina… I had my boss in the car, I wasn't about to get a speeding ticket with her sitting in the passenger seat. It's bad enough that we looked like a bunch of ambulance chasers the whole way here, but then you have Doctor Grey sitting beside me making snarky comments about my hair, the cologne I'm wearing… it was nerve wracking… at one point, she got so into my face about something or other, that I thought that she was going to make out with me."

"Mark…" Derek said, shaking his head in frustration.

"What? It's true? I mean seriously, if that woman got any closer to my face, I swear she would have bitten my nose off."

"Mark… thanks for your help today… but I think that…" Derek said as he nodded towards Meredith.

"Oh… oh, yeah…" Mark nodded.

"What? You're kicking us out of here? We just got here…" Cristina said as she looked between Derek and Meredith. "We don't have to…"

Suddenly, Ellis walked in and Mark straightened himself immediately. Derek and Meredith exchanged a glance as they watched Ellis look over the EMTs numbers from the drive. "Things are looking good…" She said as she continued to look over the chart. "Things are looking very good…" She looked up and noticed Mark and Cristina were standing there. "What are you two doing in here… out, out… she needs her rest…" She said as she shooed them.

"But…" Cristina mumbled.

"No 'buts', you can come back for visiting hours… it was nice to meet you both… now out…" Ellis said as she pulled both of them towards the door. "Now say goodbye… good… out…" She said, without letting them say another word, she pushed them out into the hallway.

She spun around and faced Meredith and Derek. "Well… everything looks good here… you're home, I'm home… everything is right with the world. I'm sending the OBGYN over at nine to do a full physical, and they'll be checking on you every hour… I'll be back in a little while… I think I need a little bit of sleep before my day officially starts, and before you ask Derek… yes, I keep a coffin in one of the on call rooms to sleep in…"

"I didn't…"

"I know you think that I'm an evil person, Doctor Shepherd. I know that you think that I don't care about my family, or anything other than the hospital, and I hope that from what happened here, you can see that I am not the horrible person that I am made out to be around here. I have to be tough, Doctor Shepherd, if I want to make it in a man's world… and if that means that I have to teach my daughter to be tough too, then I'm going to do it." She said, her voice stern as Derek and Meredith watched her defend herself.

Derek stood up suddenly, and walked over to Ellis. Without saying another word, he put his arms around her and gave her a hug. She stood there stiffly for a moment, just standing in Derek's arms, and finally after a moment, she put her hand on his back and hugged him in return. "You don't have to prove anything to me, Dr. Grey." He whispered. "I'm not the one that needs your approval." He said as he pulled from the hug and looked her in the eyes. Meredith sat watching the exchange curiously, her mind still confused about what exactly had happened, but she swore she saw tears in her mother's eyes.

"I'm… going to…I think that I'm going to… go now…" Ellis said as she glanced to Meredith quickly. "Take care of her, Derek. If there are any changes… let me know…"

"Yes…" He smirked.

"Thank you." She said as she cleared her throat. "Meredith, I'll see you later." She said as she took a step backwards towards the door.

"I…" Meredith whispered as she looked up at Derek, and back to her mother. "I love you…Mom." Meredith whispered as she watched her mother's lip curl up just slightly.

"I love you too, dear." She whispered as she turned and walked out of the room.

Derek turned to face Meredith, as a grin spread over his face. "What do you think you're smiling at?" She whispered as she watched him approach her slowly.

"We're alone…" He whispered, as he pulled himself onto her bed and wrapped his arm around her.

"We are alone." She whispered as she leaned forward for a kiss. "We're alone… and you like my mommy…"

"Cut that out…" Derek whispered with a chuckle into her.

"You like my mommy… I think it's cute."

"Just go to sleep…" He laughed.

"Mommy lover…" She giggled as she cuddled into him and listened to the vibration of his laugh as she drifted off.


	10. The day, Secrets, Fears

Chapter 10-

The day, secrets, fears-

June 5-

The days turned into weeks, and Meredith was content resting in the hospital. She had nurses and doctors at her beckon and call, and Derek would always stop in whenever he had a break or lunch, and would curl up with her on the bed when he needed a nap, or rest. Mark would come in and play card games with her to keep her amused, and Cristina would make sure to stop in when she was around to make fat jokes or give her the latest gossip. She was lying comfortably in her bed, staring blankly at the television, when she heard the door open. She knew that it was around lunch time, and she looked up to see a familiar face pop its way around the corner.

"Kathleen?" She said, her eyes lighting up at the sight of Derek's sister smiling in at her. "What are you doing here?"

"Are you up for some visitors?" She asked with a smile, her head still the only think that Meredith could see.

"Sure…" She said with a tilt of her head as she sat up a little and switched the television off. "Come on in…" The door opened wider, and Kathleen walked in, carrying two large bags full of packages. "What is…?" Meredith's eyes widened as Joann walked in next, carrying a couple of large packages, followed by Bethany and Nancy, each holding their own bags and boxes of gifts. The door opened again and Mrs. Shepherd came walking in, carrying another large bag of gifts. "What are you guys doing?" Meredith giggled as she looked at all of the gifts that the room was filled with, and the grins on all of the women's faces.

"Surprise!" Nancy said with a laugh. "Baby shower!"

"Baby shower?" Meredith laughed.

"Of course!" Mrs. Shepherd said as she pulled chairs in the room to accommodate all of them. "We figured that you and Derek haven't had a chance to get some things for the baby… and you're probably bored to tears in this hospital room…"

"… So… we… thought that you could use a little bit of fun…" Kathleen smiled.

"And some gifts to go along with it…" Bethany chimed in, watching Meredith grin brightly. "How have you been feeling? She asked as she slid onto the bed next to her. "How is our newest little Shepherd?" She asked as she smiled.

"He's doing well…" Meredith replied. "He really likes to move around… and he always kicks when Derek's around." She giggled.

"I'm sure you're trying to keep him away…" Joann teased.

"How has he been? Working too hard, I'm assuming…" Kathleen rolled her eyes.

"He is working hard… but he visits a lot… and if he's not visiting, there's usually someone else in here." She said softly.

"Did you get a bigger place yet?" Bethany asked.

"No…" Meredith whispered. "Derek's been looking at apartments, but he said he hasn't found anything that he's liked… he wants to get a house."

"I'm sure he'll find something, sweetheart…" Mrs. Shepherd whispered as she smiled, watching Meredith's eyes move across the room at the bags and boxes that they had brought in. "What do you say… we start opening some presents?" She asked with a smile.

"I would love that." Meredith laughed as she grinned.

"And when they're all opened, we can make Derek bring them home for you… and get everything put together and put away." Bethany confirmed as all of the girls giggled.

---------------

The girls laughed and giggled as they opened the gifts and Meredith enjoyed herself so much as each gift was opened. There were outfits upon outfits, bottles, diapers, onesies, washcloths, blankets, a car seat, bassinet, stroller, sheets, socks and shoes, everything that they could ever possibly need for the baby, it was there for Meredith to open and exclaim her happiness at receiving. They were surrounded by all of the gifts as they visited and laughed, talking happily as they noticed the door open.

"Holy crap…" Derek said as he stepped into the room. "What did you…"

"It's my baby shower!" Meredith exclaimed with a laugh, watching Derek look around in surprise. His eyes moved over all of the gifts and a smile crept over his face as he watched his sisters laugh.

"You guys did this for her?" Derek whispered, his eyes falling onto his mother's smiling face.

"Of course we did, you silly boy…" Mrs. Shepherd laughed. "These are all things that she needs… you can't have a baby without the proper equipment." She laughed as she winked at Meredith.

"This is a lot of stuff…" he said as he looked around, lifting up a stuffed elephant that was sitting on the bed beside Meredith. He leaned down and kissed Meredith softly as he continued to look around in surprise. "I just can't believe that you guys did all of this… this is a lot… a real lot… you didn't have to do this…" he shook his head.

"Yes we did." Kathleen replied. "She's our sister… she needs our support."

"You guys are the best." Derek said with a smile, looking at Meredith's grin as he gave each of his sisters a kiss on the cheek while he checked out the items filling the room. "Wow…" he said as he shook his head. His mother stood as he approached her, and reached her arms out to encircle him in a hug. "Thank you so much… thank you for doing this for her…" He whispered as he hugged her tightly.

"She's my daughter, Derek… I need to take care of all of my children. I need to make sure each and every one of them are happy." She smiled.

"Your mother offered to stay at our place for a few days after the baby is born… if we need her… and… and when I start my internship in September… since we'll both be working, she offered to watch him for a few weeks until we feel safe with leaving him in daycare…" Meredith said, glancing at Mrs. Shepherd.

"You offered your grandmotherly services already…" Derek chuckled.

"Oh hush… you know that she's been waiting forever for you to settle down and give her another Shepherd." Nancy laughed.

"Well…" Derek said as he sat on the bed beside Meredith, leaning down to kiss her again. "Would you like to know his name?" Derek asked as he reached his hand down, touching Meredith's belly softly. Meredith glanced to him and he grinned when he felt the baby kick beneath his hand.

The girls all brightened up at the thought of finding out the baby's name and they all watched Derek proudly hold his hand over Meredith's belly. "Richard." Derek whispered, glancing to his mother. "Richard… Michael Shepherd." He said as he watched his mother's eyes fill with tears.

"Derek…" Mrs. Shepherd whispered, her head shaking as she watched the sincerity in her son's eyes, the pure and unspoken love that he was sending her as he slowly ran his hand over his fiancé's belly. The way that he tilted his head, she could see her husband in his face, in his smile, in his eyes. "Derek you…"

"After Dad…" Derek whispered the unsaid words as his sisters watched on in a captured moment of surprise. "And… Michael… after the person who brought us together." Derek said with a smile as he watched Joann cover her open mouth in surprise, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I can't believe that you…"

"It's alright… right?" Meredith whispered. "You don't… mind, do you?" She asked, glancing between Mrs. Shepherd and Joann, watching the surprise in all of their faces.

"No! No! I love it! I love it…" Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed as she leapt from her chair and swung her arms around her son as she began to cry, her happiness and pride just filling the room with such love and an electricity that just couldn't be explained. "I love it…" She whispered as Derek held his mother in his arms tightly, a soft smile on his lips as he reached one hand down and squeezed Meredith's, giving her a smile of happiness as he comforted his mother.

--------------------

June 8th-

Derek stood at the surgical table, his mind totally and completely at the task at hand. He was instructing an intern or two on the procedure as he performed it, his voice was strong and confident as he glanced up at the scrub room. He noticed that Ellis was standing at the sink washing her hands. He shook his head as he continued the procedure, chuckling to himself as he thought of her coming in to check on him. He continued and listened as he heard the door from the scrub room open.

He stood continuing the procedure, when he heard Ellis walk up beside him. "Dr. Shepherd. I'll take it from here." She said calmly as she watched his eyes. He was about to challenge this decision, but there was something in her voice that he couldn't quite get that made him hand the instruments to her. He took a step back and filled her in on the surgery, the patient's history and the procedure that he was performing. His voice was calm and reserved as he stood there, his eyes watching Ellis as she continued the surgery.

"Doctor Shepherd." Ellis said softly as she looked up. "You can go now." She said, her voice stern as he watched on, his eyes showing confusion. "Doctor Shepherd… you're going to want to go now…" She said softly.

Suddenly, the pager on the table went off and Derek's head snapped in its direction. "That's…"

"Doctor Shepherd…" Ellis said softly, her eyebrows raised as he watched the scrub nurse pick up the pager.

"Meredith Grey is in labor." She whispered as she looked up at Derek, her eyes passing to Ellis. "Doctor Grey…"

"Shit!" Derek exclaimed as he turned, running out of the operating room as quickly as he could.

Ellis watched as he scrubbed out as quickly as he could, shaking her head as she looked up at the scrub nurse. "I told him that he was going to want to go…" She said with a sigh as she continued the surgery, watching Derek take off out of the scrub room.

--------------------

Derek rushed as quickly as he could to the stairs, climbing them two at a time as he swung around the corner and smashed himself into the door to swing it open. He ran as quickly as he could down the hallway, swinging around the corner of Meredith's room. "Where… where… is she…?" He panted to the nurse who was changing the sheets on the bed.

"Delivery, Dr.Shepherd." She said as Derek took off down the hallway. He rushed down the hallway and listened as the nurse shouted which delivery room. He swung around into the delivery room, and could immediately hear Meredith's voice.

"Where is he?" She whimpered as she lay on the bed. "Where is he… didn't someone page him?" She was sobbing as he swung the door open.

"Meri…" He panted as he ran to her side, grabbing her hand, he placed his other hand on her face as she looked into his eyes with a look of pure fear. Her eyes were so frightened, her lips trembled as she focused on his face. "Meri… are you alright…?" He whispered as he glanced to the doctors as they examined her.

"I…" She said, suddenly screaming as she squeezed his hand as hard as she could.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Derek exclaimed.

"Do NOT say 'ow'!" Meredith exclaimed, her eyes narrowing as they filled with tears, her hand continuing to squeeze his tightly. "YOU do NOT get to say 'ow'!" She screamed as she panted. "Derek… Derek… help me!" She screamed as she turned her face from his, hearing the doctors as they examined her.

The screaming, shouting, pain, and pushing began at that moment. The frantic rush of the moment, the pride hiding behind the fear as Derek began to experience one of the most frightening, yet most wonderful things in his life. Meredith was in pain, and it was killing him. He had never, ever seen that look of pain on her face before. He had never, ever heard the loud angry voice that she was using, and he had never, ever heard the words that were being screamed from her lips, the anger and frustration in her voice as she pushed and shouted and screamed and cried. Tears rolled down her cheeks as Derek tried his best to soothe her. He gave her his hands, he touched her face, kissed her lips and could feel his own tears rolling down his cheeks.

Then he heard it.

"Shit." The doctor whispered.

Derek's attention went to the doctor at the base of the table. "Shit? Shit? You're bringing my child into the fucking world and you say shit?" Derek exclaimed.

"Derek… calm down…" Meredith said as she panted, the pain was becoming unbearable, but seeing Derek so unraveled was making her nervous.

"She's bleeding! We need to get her into surgery, NOW! The baby isn't coming…we need to do an emergency c-section! Get an OR!" The doctor exclaimed as he pushed past Derek and started pulling the gurney out of the delivery room.

Derek stood shocked for a moment, staring at the door as it closed behind them, his heart smashed into a million pieces as it rose into his throat. And all that he could think of was that there was absolutely no way in the world that he was going to let her go through this without him right by her side.

He took off running after the gurney, Meredith calling his name as they carted her down the hallway. He caught up with them and grabbed hold of her arm as they pushed her into the elevator. "Derek!" She exclaimed as she sobbed, grabbing hold of his arm, digging her nails into him as he wrapped his arm around her, kissing her hair, her face, her lips her ears, any part of her that he could until the elevators door opened. They pulled her down the hallway and Derek followed right behind, though as they pulled her through the operating room doors, one of the doctors grabbed Derek. The gurney kept going, and Derek was being pulled back.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" He exclaimed. "I need to be with her! I need to be with her!" He screamed.

"Doctor Shepherd, she's being prepped for surgery… you know that you…"

"Shut the fuck up!" Derek exclaimed as he pushed the doctor out of the way and ran down the hallway after the gurney, swinging into the scrub room of the operating room as quickly as he could, he scrubbed in as if he were the one that was going to be performing the surgery. He needed to be there. He needed to see her face, feel her skin, he needed her more than she needed him. Everything was starting to blur together, so when the surgeon stepped into the room, Derek wasn't even paying attention. Derek turned to push his way into the operating room, when he heard her voice.

"Derek?"

Derek's head snapped to the side and her red hair caught his attention. "Addison." He swallowed hard.

--------------------

His eyes widened and he stared at her for a moment.

"Derek, what are you doing here?" She asked, her eyes confused at his presence in her scrub room.

"My… my… my…" He muttered as he pointed into the room.

"Your what? Your surgery? This is an ob/gyn case… what are you even doing in here…?"

"My son!" He exclaimed, pointing into the operating room where they were prepping. "That's my son in there…" He exclaimed as he broke off eye contact and turned into the operating room. He walked right up to Meredith as she lay on the table talking, the nurses were trying to calm her, and all she kept saying was Derek's name. "Meri…" He whispered, immediately grabbing her hand, her head turned as she looked at him standing there.

"Derek…" She whispered as she felt her hot tears rolling down her cheeks. "Derek… help me…" She whimpered as they both looked up as Addison walked in the room.

"Alright…" She said as she stepped up to the end of the table, she looked up at the terror in Derek and Meredith's face as they just stared at one another. His hand was gripping hers so tightly and their eyes never left one another's. The nurse was rattling off the vitals and any information that was needed from what had happened in the delivery room. "Patient's name?"

"Meredith Grey… twenty three years old…" The nurse said loudly.

"Grey… as in…?"

"Yes!" Meredith shouted. "Now please just help our baby… please!" She screamed at Addison, tears rolling down her eyes as she stared at Addison as she immediately started the surgery.

"Shh…" Derek whispered as he held Meredith's head, kissing her forehead. "There's no need to yell… they'll get him out…they'll get him out, baby… he'll be okay…" Derek whispered as he held Meredith the best he could.

Addison stared for just a moment at Derek, at the man that she had thought she had known, a man that she had dated for years and who had avoided her like the plague since their breakup years prior, only seeing her quickly in the hallway or if one of their surgeries overlapped. He rarely spoke to her and never, ever mentioned that he was seeing anyone, let alone having a child with anyone. He was so frightened as he held the tiny woman in his arms, his voice shaking and so scared, and when his eyes met hers, she could feel him pleading to help her, to help their child. Addison took a deep breath and made the incision.

Derek positioned himself so that Meredith could see him. "I don't feel him…" She whispered as she whimpered.

"They numbed you, baby… you're going to be alright… they're going to get him out… just focus on me… just focus on me and we'll get to see out little boy in no time." He whispered as he watched her try to smile through the stress and pain.

"I love you, Derek… I love you so much…"

"I love you, Meri… more than anything in the world, I love you."

"I hate you too… you know that I hate you too, right… for doing this to me…"

"I know you hate me too…" Derek chuckled as he brought her fingers to his mask, where his lips were. 

"I love you and I hate you… you don't mind do you?" She asked as she tried to concentrate on him and only him.

"I love you and hate you too…" Derek laughed as he watched her give him a look of surprise.

"You can't hate me… only love…only love, Derek…" She whispered as she felt a sudden pressure and she tried not to break eye contact with Derek when she felt the movement of the doctors as she just looked at him.

"Only love, Meri. I only love you… and I love only you… You, me… and Richie…" he said with a smile as he watched her try to smile.

As if on cue, the sound of a screaming baby sounded through the room, soft and melodic as he screamed with all of his might.

"Derek…" Addison said, nodding towards the scissors as they held the baby in the air. Derek paused for a moment as he tried to knock himself into reality. "Derek… the cord… now…" She said sternly.

"Derek…" Meredith whispered, and suddenly, Derek snapped out of it, reaching for the scissors, he reached forward and grabbed them, snipping the cord on the screaming, wriggling baby as the nurse stepped forward and scooped him up with a blanket, They lifted him to show Meredith, letting her hold him for a moment before they glanced to Derek and watched him smiling down at the tiny, tiny baby. He was screaming so angrily and he was so full of life that Derek couldn't believe that the moment was finally here. They lifted the baby from Meredith just then, and brought him to check his vitals and weigh and bathe him. 

"Everything looks good…" Addison said quickly as she glanced at them walking away with the baby. "We have some bleeding, a little tearing… we'll take care of all of that, and you'll be good to go… how are you doing, Meredith… are you doing alright?"

"I want him back…" She whimpered as she watched the nurses weighing the baby in the corner.

"We'll bring him to you as soon as you're in recovery, Meredith." Addison nodded, glancing at Derek, whose eyes were just staring down at Meredith in complete and utter amazement. Meredith was still upset at having the baby pulled from her, but Derek was trying his best to get her attention, to help her relax.

"Meri… Meri… look at me, baby… Meri…" Derek whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair, finally getting her to turn her head and face him.

"Did you see him? He's beautiful, Derek… he's beautiful… did you see him?" She whispered as her eyes remained on him.

"He is beautiful… he's beautiful, you're beautiful… two of the most beautiful human beings I have ever seen in my life." Derek whispered. "I'm so proud of you, Meri… I'm so proud of you… you're just… you're so amazing… you're so absolutely amazing… I love you, Meri… I love you so much." He continued to whisper as he leaned down and kissed her over and over, letting Addison finish closing her up so that she could be brought into recovery.

--------------------

Derek stood in the window of the nursery, his eyes were passing over the incubators with the babies lying comfortably inside. Meredith was being brought into recovery and had asked him to bring the baby to her. She didn't want anyone else to bring him to her, only Derek. He waited patiently as they cleaned him and checked him over, being sure that he wasn't in need of a ventilator. He stood there, his eyes moving over the fresh faces of all the newborns and he smiled as they yawned, cried, slept… he watched each and every one of them, though he still couldn't get the picture of his own son out of his mind.

He had been so red and so angry, his screams echoed in Derek's mind as he pictured that tiny naked form in front of him, the symbol of his and Meredith's true love for one another and his heart just ached to see him again. He felt someone step up to the window alongside him and could see her reflection in the glass.

"Staring at babies… Doctor Shepherd, is this what I'm paying you for?" She asked as she turned her head to look up at the man, so obviously in love as his eyes refused to leave the room as the door opened.

"There he is." Derek whispered, watching as the nurse held a baby to her as she tugged on an incubator to move him. "There he is…" He whispered again as she carefully lay the tiny baby within the incubator, his little blue cap so big, the blanket nearly covering his face as they swaddled him tightly. "That's him…" Derek whispered.

"Are you disappointed?" Ellis asked as she looked back into the room, and back up to Derek.

"Disappointed?" Derek whispered, glancing to Ellis as he gave her a confused look.

"Yes… disappointed, Doctor Shepherd." She said, nodding towards the baby.

"Why would I…"

"Because he's bald, Doctor Shepherd." She said as a smirk erupted onto her face. "I mean… he's your son… I'm very surprised that he didn't come out with his own line of hair products…" She shrugged.

Derek stared at her for a moment as very slowly, a smirk spread across his face as he shook his head at her. "Oh… you… just…" He chuckled as she smiled at him. "Why don't we go get him for Meri… and you can hold him before he's old enough to hate you…" Derek laughed as he shook his head, holding his arm out to Ellis, he listened to what he swore was a giggle as she latched onto his arm and followed him into the nursery. 

"For that little remark, Doctor Shepherd… I don't want to see your face in this hospital for two weeks after they're released…" She shook her head as Derek only grinned as they entered the nursery to retrieve the baby.

--------------------

They stepped into the nursery, and immediately the nurse smiled at him. "Doctor Shepherd…" She said with a happy smile as she glanced to the door. "They called down and said you'd be bringing him down to his mommy…he'll be ready to go in just a minute." She said cheerfully as Derek nodded. He glanced to Ellis, who seemed to be fidgeting and thoughtful. He glanced to her and tried to get her to look at him.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly, catching her eyes with his as she looked up at him.

"Me? No… yes, I'm fine… I… I'm fine… I heard about the delivery…" Ellis said, always more comfortable talking shop.

"Yes… Doctor Montgomery was there to save the day…" Derek nodded, his eyes shifting from hers as he glanced to the doors where the babies were.

"Doctor Montgomery…" Ellis nodded, watching him avoid eye contact. "Didn't you and Doctor Montgomery have a…"

"Yes." Derek said as he looked to Ellis. "It didn't end well… and that was a very long time ago." He said, his voice was almost stern as he replied. "But everything went well…and Meri is in recovery… and all we want now is to hold him." Derek replied, glancing to Ellis, and back to the door.

"Did you name him?" Ellis asked, watching Derek's smile appear slowly.

"We named him Richard." Derek said, watching as Ellis' eyes snapped to his. "After my father…" He said, watching as her stare relaxed and she dropped her eyes.

"It's a very noble name." Ellis replied as she glanced up at the opening door as they began to push the incubator into the hallway. "I should probably get back to…"

"No way…" Derek shook his head as he signed a sheet of paperwork to take the baby with him. "There is no way that you're getting out of here without holding him first."

"Derek, I can't…"

"Oh, hush…" Derek said as he pulled the incubator close to him. "Just take a look at him…" Derek said as he looked down at the tiny sleeping baby in the incubator. "Look at how little…" He spoke with a high voice as he took in the sight of his son, the tiny little bundle. "Look at how tiny…" he whispered as he reached his hands down to pull him from the incubator. He very softly, very carefully lifted the baby into his arms, cradling him carefully. "How can you resist such a beautiful creature… come on Ellis… he's your grandson…"

"Derek… making me feel old is not going to… oh my goodness… look at his tiny little nose…" She whispered as she stepped forward to softly run her fingertip over his cheek, his mouth suckling at the touch on his delicate skin.

"Richie… this is your Gramma Grey…" Derek whispered as he looked up at the awe and happiness in Ellis' face as she tried not to soften at the sight of her grandson. "She wants to hold you so badly… but she's too chicken to ask…" Derek whispered so sweetly that he chuckled at the expression that Ellis sent his way. "Oh yes… its true… you're going to be her worst enemy… all of the snuggles and hugs you're going to give her… you're going to turn her into a big ole marshmallow…" He whispered so delicately as Ellis reached her hands out for him.

"Let me hold my grandson." Ellis said sternly, hiding her look of amusement as Derek chuckled and very carefully lifted the baby into her arms.

"Don't forget to support his head…" Derek said with a joking tone as Ellis glared up at him.

"Do you think this is the first time that I've ever held a baby?"

"Meredith said that you…"

"Shut up…" She said, raising her eyebrows at Derek as she looked down at the baby. "Your daddy is such a smarty pants… isn't he?" She whispered sweetly to the baby as she held him close to her, looking down at his little smacking lips as he wiggled slightly in her arms. "Oh he is… he is… you're so sweet… so sweet…you are nothing like your dadd…" Ellis whispered as she looked up at Derek. "We won't speak of this?" She asked.

"Oh… I think you're stuck… there's no going back." Derek chuckled as he watched her cradle the baby so softly, her voice softly cooing at him. She held him for a couple of minutes, glancing up at the proud smile on Derek's face and sighed deeply as she smiled. "You should probably get him to Meredith." She whispered.

"You can come too…" Derek said softly.

"No." She said softly as she carefully placed the baby in the incubator. "It's time for you two to be alone with him… and I'll visit a little later… but you two have earned your time with him… I don't want to barge in on your family moment."

"You are our family." He nodded.

"Take your son to his mother…" Ellis replied, nodding towards the door. "I'll be in there later."

"Thank you, Ellis." Derek said as he looked down at his son.

"I haven't done anything for you, Derek." Ellis replied, shaking her head as she looked into his eyes. "There is no need to thank me."

"You gave me Meredith, Ellis… that's a million reasons to thank you." He said softly as he leaned forward to embrace her in a hug. "Thank you." He whispered.

"Alright…" Ellis said as she hugged him back. "Fatherhood has made you all mushy… you better get this out of your system before you come back to work…" She laughed as she broke from the hug. "Go on… before she thinks you kidnapped him and ran off…" She said as she nodded towards the door.

"We're on our way…" Derek said with a grin as he pressed the automatic button on the door, sliding the incubator out into the hallway. He started walking down the hallway with the incubator, a bright, proud grin on his face as he announced the Shepherd boy's trip to see mommy.

--------------------

Derek walked down the hallway with the incubator, there was a bright grin on his face as he passed everyone as he walked to the room. He stopped in front of Meredith's room and looked down at the tiny sleeping baby before him. "Are you ready to go meet that mommy of yours?" he asked softly as he carefully touched the baby's cheek, watching him move his head to the side. "I'm warning you… she's the most beautiful woman that you will ever meet… so you had better treat her right…" He whispered as he watched the baby wiggle a little. He opened the door slowly and watched Meredith lying in the bed looking off into space. "Meri." He said, her head turning and her eyebrows lifting as a grin spread across her face.

"Derek." She smiled, her eyes were tired as she waited, watching the door open further as he carefully pulled the incubator across the floor towards her. "I thought you were never coming back…" She said, watching him smile softly as he stopped moving the crib and walked up to her.

"Did you think I kidnapped him and ran off without you or something?" He chuckled as he felt her nod against him as he kissed her softly. "How are you?" He whispered as he looked into her eyes, searching for the sparkle that he always saw there. He found it, his eyes lost in hers for a moment that he almost didn't hear her answer.

"Sore." She whispered. "I'm sore… and sad…"

"Sad?" he whispered.

"I don't know…" She whimpered.

"Well…" He whispered as he kissed her lips softly, moving his fingers through her hair as he smoothed it back carefully. "I know what will make you happy again." He whispered as he glanced to the crib. He watched as her eyes lit up tremendously, following him to the crib, he never took her eyes off of her as he lifted the tiny bundle from within it.

"He's so little." She whispered, her eyes filling with tears as she watched Derek walk closer to her with him. "Derek, he's so tiny…" She whispered as she reached her hands out for the little one. Derek carefully put his hands out, hardly needing more than one to hold the tiny baby, she lifted him into her arms. "Oh…" She whimpered as she pulled him to her body. "Oh… oh my goodness…" She whimpered as she looked at the baby's face. "He's so little…" She whispered.

Derek carefully slid onto the bed, his head resting on her arm as he looked around it at the little tiny bundle. He watched as his face scrunched up and his eyes flickered for a moment as he moved his lips. "He wiggles his nose just like his mommy." Derek whispered, reaching forward, he pulled the blanket down below his chin.

"Oh, Derek…" She whimpered as tears began to roll down her cheeks as she held the baby so securely in her arms, so lovingly. "He's so tiny… how can I take care of someone so tiny?" She asked. "I mean… he's a little people… he's a me, a you… he's just…he…"

"He's our little boy…" Derek whispered as he watched the pride in her face through the tears. "He's our little boy, and we're going to do all that we can to make sure that he's the happiest little boy in the world."

"Derek, you have to call you mother… and… and you have to call my mother… where is she? She should have known that he was here by now, why isn't she here? Where is Mark and Cris… you have to call your sisters and…"

"Just relax…" Derek whispered as he shook his head. "Just relax… this is mommy, daddy, Richie time for right now… and then we'll get everyone here… but you need some rest… and Richie here is probably hungry… and I just want to stare at both of you for the rest of my life." He smiled as he watched her shake her head with a soft smile. "Your mother saw him." Derek said as he carefully ran his finger over the baby's cheek as he made a suckling motion with his mouth.

"My mother already…?"

"She held him…" Derek whispered as he looked up at Meredith. "I have a feeling that she's going to want to do that more in the future." Derek nodded as he tilted his head.

"She held him?"

"Yes… and she said she'll be in to visit you a little later." He nodded.

"Derek…" Meredith whimpered as she watched his eyes carefully. "Derek, you're just so… you're so amazing!" She exclaimed as she leaned sideways into him, allowing him to encircle her with his arms, as she held their sleeping son securely in her arms as they each held one another contentedly.

--------------------

Derek and Meredith rested with the baby for a while, a nurse came in at some point to help them feed and change the little one, smiling and laughing as they enjoyed their first moments with their son together, holding him, touching his tiny fingertips and arms, laughing at the sound he made when he cried, pouting when he would cry. Meredith began to tire, and Derek was starting to get hungry. He kissed her softly as they said an almost tearful 'see you later' to Richie as the nurse took him back to the nursery.

"You rest." Derek said softly as he kissed her forehead again. "You rest, and I'll go get something to eat… and call my mother and sisters… and tomorrow… tomorrow, maybe… we'll have some people come and meet Richie… and the doctor said you should both be ready in a few days to go home… and… I can't wait to take you home." Derek said softly, a sweet smile on his face as he watched Meredith tilt her head and smile at his soft words.

"I love you, Daddy…" She whispered as she smiled sleepily at him, her hand squeezing his as he smiled back at her.

"I love you, Mommy…" he said with a small chuckle as he leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. "Now you rest, my sweet thing… and I'll be back soon to love and cuddle." He said as he squeezed her hand softly and turned for the door. He turned to see her closing her eyes, already drifting to sleep as he turned the overhead light off and slipped out the door.

Just as he stepped out of the door, he nearly ran into someone coming into it. "Oh… sorry…" He said softly as he came face to face with Addison.

"Derek." She said, her voice was soft and saccharine sweet as she excused herself. "Derek…" She said again.

"Hi…" he said awkwardly as he wished he could just turn around and walk back into the room. "Were you just going in there? She… she's resting now."

"Oh." Addison said with a nod. "I was just going to go in and ask her how she is… you know… chief's daughter… we have to check on those things a few extra times than normal."

"She's fine." Derek replied, his hand still on the doorknob. "She's resting right now." He repeated.

"Are you… alright, Derek?" She asked softly, her head tilting as she watched his eyes give her a wary stare.

"I'm fine… and she's resting." Derek replied, glancing to the door.

"So I get it… she's resting… I should still…"

"You should let her rest." Derek replied. "I… am also a doctor… and there have been a dozen other doctors in there today… and I'm telling you… she is fine… and she is resting." Derek nodded.

"You don't want me to talk to her, do you?" Addison said, her voice was humored as she smirked at Derek, his jaw clenching as she stood there, settling on her heels as she crossed her arms in front of her. 

"No." Derek said as he stared her in the eyes. "I don't want you to talk to her. I don't want you to look at her… Hell, Addison… I don't even want her breathing in the same air as you… and if I come off sounding like a complete asshole… well then… good, because that's how I'm intending for it to sound. Thank you for being there to help deliver our child… but that's as far as my conversation or her conversation will ever go with you… she is resting… do not interrupt her." He said angrily.

"Derek… you're not on the clock right now, so as far as I'm concerned, you're nothing but a visitor. She's my patient, I'm going to go in and…"

"Doctor Montgomery." Ellis' stern voice came from behind her, making Addison's eyes widen with surprise as she twirled around and grinned a fake grin.

"Doctor Grey." She said with a smile as she tilted her head. "How are you doing today?" She said happily.

"I'm fine." Ellis replied, noting the aggravated look on Derek's face. "Derek… how is Meri feeling?"

"She's doing well. She's sleeping right now." Derek said softly.

"Well that's good… and Doctor Montgomery? Were you planning on checking in on her?"

"Yes ma'am… I make it a point to have a positive personal relationship with all of my patients, whether emergency or not. They're all special people and deserve special care."

"This is not a social club, Doctor Montgomery. If Derek says that she's resting, she's resting. Unless you were sleeping through that C-section, you'll note that she gave birth this morning… I'm pretty sure that she's not in the mood to listen to your teeth rottingly happy voice and look at that stupid grin on your face… why don't you go on and find something more productive to do than disturb the patients that are doing fine and trying to heal." Ellis snapped as she watched Addison frown.

"I… I…"

"Have a good afternoon, Doctor Montgomery." Ellis growled as she watched Addison take off down the hallway. Ellis walked forward and turned around next to Derek, watching Addison disappear around the corner. She looked up at his still angered face and shook her head. "How you could ever fathom sleeping with that woman… I will never know…" She said as she shook her head. She turned and walked off down the hallway, leaving Derek with a smirk and a head shake as he headed to the elevator to go find something to eat.

--------------------

The next few days flew by quickly, and Meredith and Richie had more guests than they could have imagined. Derek worked the days that Meredith was in the hospital, so that he could take the time off that he needed when they were brought home. When the day finally came to go home, the room was nearly filled with well wishers, nurses, friends and family. Meredith was climbing from her bed when Derek walked into the room holding the baby carrier that Neil had helped him install in his car.

"Who is ready to go home?" Derek smiled as he looked around the room with a grin, watching Cristina roll her eyes as she leaned back against Mark.

"So you guys are just going to hole up at your place and vegetate for a few days?" Cristina asked as the nurses that were visiting Meredith left, leaving Derek's family and Mark and Cristina.

"We're going to settle him in tonight… you guys are welcome to visit this evening. Since you guys are in town for a few days." Derek said to his sisters and mother.

"We may take you up on that offer." Bethany said with a smile as she looked over at her newest nephew.

"He looks just like Timmy when he was that small…" Joann said with a sigh, looking up at Michael as he smiled down at her.

"I don't know how you're going to fit everyone into our apartment, Derek… all the kids and everything… you're crazy." Meredith sighed as she held the baby close to her, wrapped in his fuzzy blue blanket that Ellis had brought for him, and a little knit cap from Grandma Shepherd.

"We'll fit them in." Derek laughed as he reached his arms out for the baby, lifting him carefully into the carrier as everyone watched him shift a little. "Here you go, buddy… safe and sound…" Derek whispered as he latched the baby into the seat and looked up at everyone. "You ready to go, sweet thing?" Derek asked as he glanced to Meredith, nodding towards Mark, who had the wheelchair beside him.

"Do I have to ride in that stupid thing?" She mumbled as she glanced over at Derek.

"Hospital policy… get your little butt into that wheelchair." Derek laughed as he held his hand out for her, helping her from the bed. She gingerly got into the wheelchair and Mark pushed her along while Derek lifted the baby in his seat from the bed, and they were on their way.

-------------

They got into the car carefully, Derek latching the baby into the car seat base and Mark helping Meredith into the passenger side. Derek turned the car on, and in a couple of moments they were waving and smiling and saying their goodbyes to everyone outside the hospital as they made their way home.

"That was really nice of everyone to see us off." Meredith whispered as she turned her head to see the little mirror that Derek had set up on the back seat so that they could see the baby's face in his back facing car seat.

"It was." Derek replied.

"He's so sweet… isn't he? Our little guy… so snuggled in his seat…" Meredith said as she watched the baby. "I can't wait to get him home… snuggle him…"

"I'm sure he's thinking the same thing about you." Derek quipped as he smiled over at Meredith.

"We did it, Derek." She whispered.

"We did it…" Derek replied, holding her hand tightly as they drove on their way. "We did it…" He smiled happily as he watched her eyes as they locked with his.

She smiled at him as she watched his eyes twinkle with pride as they drove along. It took Meredith a moment, but she suddenly realized that they were no longer heading in the direction of the apartment. "Derek, where are we going?" She asked curiously as they rode along.

"Home, sweetheart." Derek said softly as he watched her eyes follow the scenery. He was passing through a very affluent neighborhood with trees lining the streets, large houses with big front yards. 

"Derek… this isn't…" She said as she furrowed her brow as she spotted a mailbox ahead with three blue balloons hanging from it, in front of a large brick home. "Derek… no… Derek, tell me that you didn't…" She whispered, her mouth wide in shock.

"I did." Derek replied as he pulled up the long driveway, parking his car in front of the large entryway of a very large brick home. "We're home." He smiled as he watched her jaw drop in shock, her lip trembling, her hands trembling, her body trembling.

"Derek… Der… Derek…" She mumbled as she looked at the looming home above them.

"Four bedrooms… three and a half bathrooms… mud room, family room, living room… very nice backyard with a swingset and a slide… the best feature… is the family room… bay window…the perfect place to put our Christmas tree." He said as he watched her continue to stammer.

"We… Derek… I… we… we can't afford this…" She shook her head as she looked at him, her brow furrowed as he gave her a confused look.

"What do you mean we can't afford this?"

"It's… it's… It's huge… it's gorgeous… it's… it's perfect…" She mumbled. "When did you…?"

"A week ago…" he said with a smile. "All of the gifts from your shower are in there… along with a few extra things… the nursery is all set up, and everything is stocked up and ready to go. That's what I get for giving my mother and sisters free reign of it while I'm working…" he shrugged.

"They all… know about this?"

"Of course they all know about it… it's your graduation gift, Meredith. This house is yours." He said with a grin.

"Graduation… gift?"

"Yep… this is the residence of Dr. Meredith Grey and family." Derek said proudly as Meredith blushed. "Don't be so modest… you're perfect, and you know it." Derek said with a laugh.  
Suddenly, Richard began to fuss in the back seat. The sitting in the driveway was becoming far too stationary for him. "Do you hear that? He wants to go see his new room…" Derek said excitedly as he climbed from the car and swung open the back door. He watched as Meredith remained in her seat staring at the house. "Are you coming too? Richie doesn't want you to miss a second of it…" Derek said with a grin as he watched her glance to him.

"I'm coming." She said with a laugh as she swung her door opened and climbed from the seat, staring in awe as Derek came behind her and grasped her hand in his.

"Home." Derek said with a smile. "Home at last…"

--------------------

Derek held Meredith's hand and Richie with the other as he walked her up the large porch wrapping around the one half of the house. Her mouth was agape with amazement as she saw the hanging bench on the porch. "That's for summer evenings on the porch…" Derek said with a smile as he watched her glance to him, her eyes still wide with surprise as turned to face the door. The door was a dark wood with stained glass side panels that she couldn't help but reach out and run her fingers along. He unlocked the door and swung it open, sending out a whiff of freshly sanded wood and pine sol. "Welcome home!" He exclaimed as he grinned at her, stepping into the house. He turned around and she was still on the outside of the doorway, staring inside.

"Derek." She mumbled as she stared in at the hardwood floor with the oriental welcome mat and the runner down the hall. The entryway was painted in a deep red with white trim, bringing out the brass fixtures.

"This is the entryway…" He grinned. "Just wait until you see the rest of the house." He said as he grabbed her hand and carefully set Richie's seat onto the floor. Meredith finally stepped inside and just stared around at the room. Derek crouched down and unclipped the seatbelt around his son, watching as he yawned a big yawn and closed his eyes again, his tiny forehead wrinkling as he was lifted from his seat. "Let's go see the rest." He said with a smile. "To your left… is the formal living room…" He said with a grin. "We don't have to keep it formal if you don't want to… it can be a play room if you prefer… anything you like… for now, we set it up as a living room. He said as he cuddled the baby against his chest, holding his bottom with one hand as he nestled against his father.

Meredith stepped into the living room, looking around at the furniture that was placed around it. Everything was new and untouched and her eyes traveled around the room. "Where did you get this?" She asked as she walked quickly across the room, her face turning to look at Derek as she touched the frame of a picture on the wall.

"Your mother." Derek replied.

The picture was one of Meredith as a little girl, a bright smile on her face, her nose wrinkled in the grin as her eyes sparkled. She was wearing a winter coat with fur around the hood and her hands were up as if she were showing off her brand new red mittens. "My mother gave this picture to you?" She whispered.

"Yes…" He said as he shook his head. "There are a few things that your mother contributed…" Derek said as he tilted his head, walking up alongside her. "You were such a cute little girl." He said as he looked up at the picture, leaning over for a kiss. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly, her lips moving down to her son, who was sleeping against his daddy's chest. "You'll recognize a few things…" He said with a smile. 

"Next stop… family room…" He said as he reached out and took her hand, leading her back towards the entryway. As he lead her in, he discussed other details of the house that just made her beam. "There is a built in surround sound system… you can play music and hear it just about anywhere… you can control where you want the music playing… how loud in each room… it's a pretty remarkable system."

"You're pretty remarkable." She giggled as she walked into the family room. As soon as she stepped into the room, she gasped. Not only was the room filled with comfortable furniture, painted in a deep, soothing blue, but the fireplace on the one wall caught her eye, the mantle was large and ornate made of dark mahogany. The carpet was soft on her feet, her toes melting into the threads, and in the large bay window at the front was a large artificial Christmas tree, decorated and looming above them. "Derek…" She laughed as she stepped up to it. "Derek, it's June…" She laughed.

"So?" He shrugged as he stepped over to the wall. He flipped the light switch and suddenly the tree was lit up brightly, sending colors throughout the room and across their faces, their features, accentuating the beauty that he had fallen in love with such a long time ago. "I wanted you to see our new home in the same light that I see you in." He smiled. "I wanted to show you the full potential of where we live… under the lights of the Christmas tree, under the lights that I first found you." He said as he pulled her closer, cradling the baby against him, she enveloped both of them in a hug as he kissed her head. "My little grinch…" He whispered with a smile. "You stole my Christmas…" He mumbled into her hair as they stood beneath the tree, the three of them. Together, and never alone again.

--------------------

August 22

Derek pulled into the driveway of the house. It was fairly early and he had been looking forward to coming home all day long. His goodbye to Meredith that morning was quick, and she wasn't home when he called her in the afternoon, but was happy to see her car in the driveway. He walked up the sidewalk and towards the front door, and could instantly hear the music coming from inside. He shook his head as he walked into the house, hearing immediately the sound of the music, but over that, the baby crying.

He put his briefcase on the floor next to the door and kicked his shoes off, wandering into the living room, he found Richie sitting in his swing crying loudly. The swing was no longer swinging and his face was red with anger, his tears rolling down his cheeks. "Meri?" He called, lifting the baby from the swing, he bounced him a little as he tried to calm his sobs, unsure of where Meredith could have gone. He switched off the stereo and ventured through the house. "Meri, where are you?" He called as he walked in through the kitchen and dining room, finding no sign of Meredith "Meri?" He called.

"I'm down here!" Meredith called, her voice echoed up the stairs from the basement and Derek walked over to the door that she left open. 

"Meri?" He called down the stairs.

"I'll be right up…" She called from down the stairs. "I'm just putting another load of laundry in…" She said as she peeked around the corner to see Derek standing at the top holding a much calmer Richie in his arms. "Oh… look who has you…" She said with a smile as she watched the baby grasp Derek's shirt. "I'll be right up, boys…" She smiled as she turned back around.

Derek carried Richie into the living room and sat on the couch, lifting the baby into the air, he watched his smile light up his face as he talked softly to him, laying down across the couch, he lay the baby on his chest, and watched as he lifted his head to look into his daddy's eyes. "What a big boy…" Derek smiled as he watched the little one grasp his shirt and play with the buttons on the front, his little tongue sticking out as he concentrated on it, his fuzzy dark hair sticking up in all directions as he looked up at Derek.

After a couple of minutes, Meredith walked up the stairs and slipped into the family room. She smiled when she saw the two boys lying on the couch, and both of them looked over at her. "Hey…You're home." She said with a smile as she walked over to the couch and knelt beside it.

"Hey." Derek said softly, watching her swoop down for a kiss. He turned his head and smiled into her kiss as it landed on his lips. "His swing stopped…" Derek said as he tilted his head. "How long were you downstairs?" 

"Just a couple of minutes…" She shrugged. "He was alright though…"

"He was pretty upset." Derek said, his eyes going to the head of hair now pushed into his nose as Derek took a deep breath, the little boy looking at his mother as she let him grasp her finger with his hand.

"Aw… my poor little prince…" Meredith said with a pout as she kissed his fingers, rubbing her thumb softly across them as she leaned forward and kissed his tiny nose.

"Maybe you should take him downstairs with you when you do laundry…" Derek said as he watched Meredith's eyes going from the baby to him.

"He was fine, Derek… babies cry…"

"Yes… but what happens when he starts to crawl… walk… he could very easily fall down those basement stairs…"

"Derek… stop fussing over silly things… he's fine… he was just mad because his swing stopped…start the swing back up, and he's fine… he'll be as happy as a clam…" She said as she started to stand up.

"Meri…" Derek said as he grabbed her hand. "What do you do with him during the day? Does he just sit in that swing all afternoon while you're flitting around the house?"

"Excuse me?" She asked as she pulled her hand from his. "Flitting around the house? Your mother is going to be here in two days… I'm doing laundry… and the dishes… and cleaning the house… and doing the grocery shopping, not to mention taking care of the baby… If you think that you can…"

"Meri." Derek said sternly, sitting up a little, he pulled Richie into his arm, cradling him as he sat up. "I'm not suggesting anything… I'm just asking… does he sit in the swing all day."

"No." She pouted as she crossed her arms. "I'm going to go take a nap." She mumbled as he turned around and walked towards the stairs.

"Meri…" Derek said as he stood up. "Meri, please…" Derek said as he watched her ascend the first two steps and look back at him.

"What?" She mumbled. "Do you want to know if I hang him from the ceiling and use him as a piñata while you're at work?"

"Meri, stop being ridiculous…" Derek said as he watched her continue to pout. "Come over here and sit with us…" He said as he patted the spot on the couch beside him. Her eyes started to water as she watched him. "Come on… come over here…" He said as he smirked a little. "I've been waiting all day to snuggle with you…" He whispered. "All day long…" He said, burying his head in his son's hair as he gave her the saddest set of puppy eyes that she had ever seen.

Meredith closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath as she slowly let it out. "You were mean." She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yes… I shouldn't have said what I said… and I'm sorry…" He said as he held his hand out. "Come on… snuggle with your boys…" He said as he wiggled his fingers at her. "We'll be good…"

"You'll be good?" She asked as she shuffled down the steps.

"A promise is a promise…" He said softly as he watched her shuffle across the floor towards him.

"I'm sorry your swing stopped, little one…" She whispered as she slipped onto the couch beside them, cuddling into Derek as he wrapped one arm around Meredith and cradled Richie with his other. "I'm sorry mommy's no fun…" She said as she gave his little nose a poke, moving her hand to run through his soft hair.

"Mommy is plenty of fun…" Derek said as he leaned forward and kissed her head.

"Mommy is going to have to leave her baby…" Meredith sighed, her voice was soft and a whimper as she sighed loudly.

"Ah…" Derek said as he leaned forward again, kissing her head. "That's what this is about…"

"What?" She whimpered.

"You're upset because you're going to have to go to work soon…and you're sad because you're not going to be around Richie all the time."

"Is there something wrong with that?" Meredith asked. "He's my little guy… mommy's little biscuit… mommy's little snuggle monster…"

"And he's daddy's little… what?" He asked curiously.

"Diaper change needer…" She grinned, looking up at Derek as he rolled his eyes.

"Daddy's little alarm clock…" Derek said with a chuckle as he kissed his son's head, shaking his head at Meredith. "My mom is going to look after him while we're at work… she doesn't mind at all… and she will go do her own thing when we're around… she just wants to help… and she'll take good care of him… look at how I turned out…" He grinned. "She couldn't have done such a bad job…" Derek laughed at her scowl and smirk that followed it.

"I just don't want to feel like someone else is raising him." Meredith sighed. "I don't want to turn into my… I want to make sure I have enough time to spend with him. I don't want to miss anything." She sighed.

"Speaking… of your mother…" Derek sighed as he glanced to Meredith. "Mark and I had the strangest conversation with her…" Derek said as he smirked a little as he kissed Meredith's head, running his fingers through her hair.

--------------------

_Derek was sitting at the nurse's station writing in a chart as Mark walked down the hallway towards him. Mark leaned over the counter for a moment and sighed. "It has been a long… long day…" He said._

"You're telling me…" Derek shook his head. "Richie is finally starting to sleep through the night, but now Meri's having problems sleeping."

"How is she doing? Is she handling the baby alright?"

"She seems to be… she enjoys being home with him." Derek said as he finished the chart and closed it. He tossed it up onto the rack and pulled another one down. "Poor thing is going to be crushed when she has to come to work."

"That's probably why she can't sleep…" Mark replied.

"Probably…"

"You should try some relaxation exercises…" Mark said in a snarky tone, getting a look from Derek.

"You realize that the relaxation exercises are the reason that we have a son now… don't you?" He chuckled as Mark laughed. Derek heard his pager ringing out and looked down. "Shit… chief wants to see me…" Derek sighed.

Mark chuckled and suddenly his pager went off. He looked down at it and looked at it with a confused sigh. "Chief wants to see me…" Mark said as he glanced up to Derek.

"This can't be good." Derek said as he stood up.

"No… not good at all…" Mark said as he stood up straight and waited for Derek as they made their way down the hallway together.

They took the stairs up to the hallway where the offices were located and walked down the hallway, glancing at one another suspiciously the entire way. "What did you do?" Derek asked.

"What do you mean what did 'I' do? What did 'you' do…?" Mark asked as they rounded the corner and walked into the outer office. They smiled at the receptionist as she glanced at the two of them. "Doctor Shepherd, Doctor Sloan?"

"Yes." They said, nodding.

"Doctor Grey will see you now." She said as she nodded towards the almost open door.

Derek walked in first, smiling politely as he stepped inside the office. Mark followed him in, looking back towards the door as if he wanted to take off running.

Ellis sat at her desk, her eyes cast downward as she listened to them enter. "Close the door, please." She said, nodding towards the door. Mark glanced to Derek and walked over to close the door. He turned back around and Derek was standing in front of the desk, and walked up beside him. "Have a seat, please…" She said, finally looking up from her journal to look at the two men before her as they sat down. She closed the journal and pushed it aside, her stern glare on both of them as they looked at her expectantly.

"Alright." She sighed as she looked between the two of them. "There are a few things I'd like to discuss with you… meaning… I speak, and you two can discuss it together outside of my office… hopefully not within earshot of me." She said sternly, her cold glare shooting through them. "First of all… this is a serious conversation… I do not want to hear any jokes or conversations between the two of you while I'm talking… in fact… don't even look at one another… I think it's just better that way." She sighed. "I'm sure you two are wondering why I dragged you from your busy paperwork and nerf basketball that you boys participate in corners of the hospital that you don't think that I know about."

Mark turned to glance to Derek. "Doctor Sloan… me… I am talking… not Doctor Shepherd… well… this conversation is one about tact… alright… next week the interns will begin their orientation and there is a mixer next weekend in the lobby… I'm sure you both heard about it… you were most likely invited…" She sighed, watching as the two of them watched her intently, nodding their heads slowly. "I've become very distressed over the thought of my daughter interning here… Doctor Shepherd…" She said softly. "Very… very distressed… and it is distress for her safety, do you understand?"

"Yes." Derek nodded.

"She will most likely be ridiculed… and called a kiss ass… I am concerned that the other interns are going to bully her for being my daughter… either bully her or suck up to her… and I understand that you will… both probably feel the need to defend her in some way. Now I'm not saying that I want her to be ridiculed, and I'm not saying that she may not need assistance in some way, but I am asking both of you to please… please exercise tact in communicating with her. I understand both of your positions… and I understand that both of you are concerned for her wellbeing… but if the other interns were to find out about your relationship with her… at least before she had established herself on her own… it could spell disaster." Ellis said softly. "Do you understand that, Doctor Shepherd?"

"Yes." He nodded.

"Doctor Sloan." Ellis' attention went back to Mark as she glared at him. "You and Cristina are currently living with one another, is that correct?"

"Yes." Mark replied, nodding his head softly.

"I'd appreciate it if you keep your libido outside the front doors of this hospital. There will be no 'nookie' in the on call rooms, there will be now 'screwing' in the linen closets, and there will be no 'fucking' in the exam rooms… is that understood?" She said with a growl.

"Um… yes." Mark said, his cheeks turning bright red.

"Derek… same goes for you and Meredith. If you feel the need to sow your wild oats… I recommend that the two of you take it out to pasture. This is a place of business… this is a hospital… it is not a brothel… and if I catch either of you participating in hedonistic behavior under the roof of this hospital, then you will be punished accordingly… is that understood?"

"Yes." Mark and Derek both nodded.

"There will be no favoritism… no kissy face… no showing off… and absolutely… no hand holding…and if I catch either of you participating in 'eye sex'… so help me… neither one of you will see a surgery for a month." She said sternly as she looked down at her desk for a moment. She took a deep breath and released it slowly.

"Is there anything else, Doctor Grey?" Derek asked, watching as she tried to relax.

"How is Richard?" She asked, tilting her head slightly as she looked at Derek.

"He's doing fine, Doctor Grey… growing every day." Derek replied. "I'll have Meredith bring him in before her internship starts. I'm sure he'll love to see you… maybe you and Meredith can have lunch together." Derek suggested.

"That would be very nice." Ellis replied. 

"I'll tell Meredith when I see her this evening." Derek said with a soft smile. "Are we all done here?" He asked, glancing to Mark, who was still refusing to look at Derek.

"I think we're all done here." Ellis replied as she nodded her head, watching as Derek and Mark nodded their head. "Have a good evening, gentlemen." She said as they said their goodbyes and slipped out of the office. They said goodbye to the receptionist and walked out into the hallway. They were silent for a moment as they walked towards the elevator.

"That wasn't awkward at all…" Derek whispered as he sighed, The door to the elevator opened and they stepped inside.

"It's all good…" Mark nodded with a smirk.

"What are you smirking about?" Derek asked as they pushed the button to the elevator.

"She said we couldn't have sex under the roof of the hospital…" Mark replied.

"Yeah?" Derek said, a confused look on his face.

"She never said anything about sex 'on' the roof of the hospital…" he said with a grin as the two of them laughed as the elevator doors closed.

"My mother threatened you?" Meredith asked as she sat up, looking down on her sleeping son as his father ran his hand across his tiny back.

"Your mother threatened us." Derek nodded.

"She threatened you…"

"She threatened us… yes…" Derek laughed.

"She said no nookie in the hospital… seriously?"

"Seriously." Derek said with a chuckle. "Basically… she's saying that she's the one that signs the paychecks… so we have to do whatever she wants…"

"Ha… you're my mom's bitches…" She laughed as Derek shook his head.

"And you will be soon enough, my dear…" Derek laughed as he kissed his son's head as he watched the smile on Meredith's face.

"I think she's right though." Meredith said as she looked across the family room, thinking to herself. "I think she's right…"

"She's right?"

"Yeah…" Meredith sighed. "I mean… as much as I'm going to absolutely love being with you every day… I don't think it'd be a good idea if the other interns knew about us."

"Meri… we have a son together…"

"He won't be at the hospital at first…" Meredith replied. "Your mom is going to have him… at least for the first couple weeks…"

"We are going to drive to work together."

"Derek, we'll have different shifts… we're going to be taking separate cars…"

"We live in the same house…"

"But no one is going to see it… Derek, don't you understand how difficult it's going to be for me as it is… My last name is Grey…"

"Not for long."

"Oh great… yeah… so I trade in being the chief's daughter to being the Neuro attending's wife…" She sighed.

"We don't have to get married if you don't want to." Derek said jokingly, getting an angry glare. "I was kidding…" he shook his head. "The point is… who cares? I'm not going to be playing favorites… and your mother will probably end up just showing an example out of you…"

"Oh, so you condone her torture?"

"No." Derek shrugged. "But she's Ellis Grey… she is who she is… and if she has to 'prove' to the other interns that she doesn't play favorites with you… she just might… don't put it past her… I've felt the wrath of old lady Grey…"

"Don't call her that…" Meredith giggled.

"I thought it was funny…"

"It was…" Meredith giggled. "But I think she's right, Derek… at least for the first few weeks…"

"You think you can go a day without touching me?" He whispered deeply as he felt her snuggle against him.

"No." She whispered. "That's what this is for…" She said as she placed her hand on his, softly rubbing Richie's back as well as they relaxed comfortably on the couch together.

--------------------

Meredith took a deep breath as she stepped into the hospital. She had decided at Derek's urging to visit her mother with Richie, something that she had yet to do by herself. She called the secretary and asked when her mother would be available, making an appointment seemed to be the only way to get her mother's time, so she did that and was heading in through the front doors with the car seat in her hands.

She thought for a moment that maybe she should turn around and go home. Her mother was too busy to be dealing with nonsense, especially nonsense involving her. Why would she want to see her now? She would be seeing enough of her when she started working in a few days. She turned around and faced the doors to walk back out, when she heard a familiar voice.

"Damn." She whispered.

"Meri…?" 

Meredith turned around quickly and grinned. "Mark…" She said with a fake grin that he could see right through.

"You're trying to escape, aren't you?"

"How did you know?" She asked, tilting her head.

"Oh, you just have that look about you."

"Derek told you that I was coming to see my mother, didn't he?"

"Yes." Mark chuckled as he looked down at the baby looking up at him. "Hey there, little guy… hey buddy…" Mark said softly as he crouched down and tickled the baby, listening to him coo and babble. "How's my favorite Mini?" Mark asked. "Are you going to see your grandma? Huh? Are you? Mommy dressed you up so handsome…" Mark said in a sweet little voice.

"Should I see her, or should I just tell Derek that she was busy?" Meredith whimpered.

"You can't lie to Derek…"

"I know…" She said, glancing to the elevator. "Mark… I have not talked to my mother without Derek in the room in… well… years…" She sighed. "How do I know that she's not putting on an act? She's a pretty good actress… she could be putting on an act… there's no guaranteeing that when she's talking to me that it's not real… how will I know it's real… Mark? How do I know she's not just pretending to like her grandson… wanting to see him… what if I get up there, and she's not there? What if…"

"Meredith… stop freaking out…" Mark said as he stood up, watching Richie's eyes follow him. He touched her shoulder and she stared at his eyes for a moment.

"Where is Derek?"

"In surgery." Mark replied.

"He is not." She challenged, knowing that he'd tell her that either way.

"He most certainly is… just went in at one…"

"I hate you."

"I am aware of that." Mark nodded. "So are you going to leave and lie… breaking Derek's little heart, or are you going to be a brave little girl and face the beast nose to nose?" Mark asked with a smirk.

"How about I kill the guard at the door and take my goblin and run?" She raised her eyebrows.

"How about you get your ass on that elevator and not say another word…" Mark said with a laugh.

"I so hate you." She grumbled as she walked off to the elevator as Mark watched her glance back as she stepped inside with Richie.

--------------------

Meredith turned her head as the elevator doors open, looking to the front door and the fact that Mark was no longer in eyesight, she knew that if she ran for it, she could make it out of the hospital. She looked down at Richie, cooing away in his car seat and sighed. "Why am I such a chicken?" She whispered. "You're not afraid… you're not afraid of your mean old grandma… why am I so afraid of her?" Meredith whispered as she stepped into the elevator. She turned around and put the car seat on the ground for a moment as she pressed the button for the correct floor. "Your mommy is a big baby…" She mumbled as the doors closed. "No offense…" She muttered to Richie as she sighed loudly.

The elevator reached the correct floor and she grabbed the car seat and started walking down the hallway. The closer she came to her mother's office, the harder her heart was pounding. "Why do I let her do this to me?" She whispered. "Why do I let her affect me like this?" She mumbled. "I wonder if I could make it to the ground safely if I used a bed sheet as a parachute…" She muttered as she turned the corner to the outside office.

"Can I help… ohh… he's so precious!" The secretary exclaimed as she looked down at the baby as he fiddled with his blanket, his bright blue eyes sparkling as all attention was brought on him.

"I have an appointment…" Meredith said softly as she watched the secretary coo over the baby for a couple more seconds.

The secretary waved at Richie as she picked up the phone. "Doctor Grey, your one thirty is here…" She said softly into the line. She set the phone down and looked up at Meredith. "She'll see you now…" She smiled, waving at Richie as Meredith sighed as she stepped forward to her mother's office. She could feel her stomach knot as she turned the doorknob and stepped inside.

"You can close the door." Ellis said as she finished typing the memo that she had been working on.

Meredith closed the door and stepped inside, carrying the baby into the room, she set his car seat down and sat in the chair across from her mother.

Ellis put the finishing touches on what she was working on and looked up at Meredith for a moment, seeing her slouched in the chair as she stared at the front of her desk. "How many times did you think of turning around to leave before you made it up here?" Ellis asked as she watched Meredith's eyes raise to hers.

"Huh?" Meredith asked.

"Meredith."

"Two." She said as she glanced to the door. "Three…" Her eyes moved back to her mother.

"You didn't have to make an appointment, Meredith. You could have just come in."

"I don't want to disturb you." She said softly as she reached her hand down involuntarily to the baby, feeling his cool hands on her fingertips, she began to relax. Ellis gave Meredith an incredulous look as she stared at her. 

"Don't act like I'm the bad guy here, Meredith. I asked Derek to have you come in to see me, that translates into the fact that I wanted you to come into see me."

"No." Meredith replied. "You asked Derek to have me bring Richie… you didn't ask about me."

"Oh, stop this 'poor me' business right this second. Why can't we be in a room for ten seconds without starting an argument?" Ellis replied.

"You're the one starting the argument." Meredith mumbled grumpily.

"Meredith… If you can't come in here with a decent attitude, then you're wasting my time."

"I'm sorry that I'm wasting your time!" Meredith exclaimed as she stood up and grabbed the car seat.

"Sit down now!" Ellis exclaimed, watching as Meredith stopped and stared at the door. "Sit… down… now…" Ellis said softly. "Please…" She said softly. Ellis watched as Meredith stood there, the car seat in one hand, the doorknob in the other. "Now you can leave and go home and expel all of the childhood angst and anxiety that I cause you on your fiancé and your son… or you can sit down right now… and have a civilized conversation with me. It's your choice Meredith… we can be friends, or we can be enemies… but we can't be both."

Meredith turned the doorknob as she contemplated leaving, her heart was pounding in her chest as she stared at the wood grain door. Her eyes passed down the door to her hand, and then down further to her son. He was looking up at her curiously, and all she could see was his father's eyes. "Goddamn you, Derek…" She whispered as she watched his eyes smile, the tiny baby's fingertips moved over the blanket that was covering him and watched his Mama struggle with her decision. She turned around and faced her mother. "Would you like to hold him?" She asked, looking over at Ellis as she turned her back on the door, pressing her body against it. "Would you like to hold Richie?"

"Of course…" Ellis replied, slowly standing up, she approached her daughter. She watched as Meredith nearly physically recoiled at her mother's approach, and placed the car seat on the floor. She slid along the door to the wall, watching as Ellis reached down to carefully unlatch the baby from the seat. Meredith watched as she very carefully lifted the baby from his seat. "Oh… my goodness, you're getting to be so big…" She said softly as she smiled softly at the little baby. Meredith watched as Richie cooed at his grandmother, his hands gripping her arm as she lifted him into a cradling position. "Oh my goodness, what a good boy you are…" She whispered as Meredith looked on. Ellis looked up at the anxiety in Meredith's face as she held him in her arms. "For heaven's sake, Meredith… get that terrified look off your face. He's far too young for me to corrupt with my evilness just yet." She said, watching Meredith's eyes meet hers. "I was kidding." Ellis replied. "Sit down…come and sit down…" she said as she motioned towards the small sofa in the room.

Meredith walked to the sofa and sat down slowly, watching as Ellis approached her with the baby. Ellis rocked Richie as she talked to him in a high, soft voice, smiling as she looked over at Meredith as she sat down. "How is his weight gain?" She asked Meredith, watching as Meredith looked surprised at the question.

"He's doing well… he's still a little small for his age… but he eats very well…"

"You were small for your age…" Ellis said softly.

"I was?" Meredith whispered as she looked on at her mother holding her son, watching as the baby grasped hold of her finger and pulled it to him.

"Yes." Ellis said softly. "Your father called you his little peanut for the first year of your life…" She smiled softly at the baby.

"My…"

"Yes… your father…" Ellis said as she looked up at Meredith. "You did have one of those, you know…" Ellis said softly. "But he stayed in Seattle… and I brought you here to Boston…"

"I know." Meredith whispered.

"But you were such a little thing… so sweet and tiny… a very well behaved baby…" Ellis said, glancing up at Meredith. "When you wanted to be." She said as Meredith smiled a little. "I can see a lot of Derek in him…" She whispered.

"His eyes are almost as blue." Meredith whispered as she looked down at her son, watching as he smiled at her. "His hair is going to be just as dark as Derek's…"

"And he has a lot of it now… which I'm sure Derek is happy about…" Ellis said with a small laugh as Meredith giggled beside her.

"He's a very good baby." Meredith said as she fiddled with his shirt, her anxiety rising again in her stomach.

"Meredith." Ellis said as she turned her head towards her daughter, watching as she avoided eye contact. "You're not me, Meredith." She said with a sigh. "You're not…me… you're going to be a wonderful mother… and you don't have to prove it to anyone but Richie…" She sighed. "I'm sorry… that I wasn't around more." Ellis said softly as she looked into her daughter's eyes. "I'm sorry."

Meredith continued fiddling with Richie's outfit as she listened to her mother's words. She could feel her stomach wrenching as she swallowed hard. She could feel tears rising up into her eyes. "Mom, would you like to go to lunch… or something?" She whispered. "Maybe… maybe outside the hospital… maybe we could go to that deli down the street or something?" She whimpered.

Ellis glanced to her desk, looked at the pleading look in her daughter's eyes, and looked down at her grandson. "You're not going to go find Derek and invite him along too, are you?" She asked softly.

"I don't need Derek for this." Meredith said softly. "This is something that I need to do for… for myself." She said as she cleared her throat. "Will you go to lunch with Richie and I?"

Ellis paused for a moment as she watched Meredith squirm just a little. She looked so anxious asking such an easy question. "Just let me get my purse…" She said softly as she reached her hand out to touch her daughter's as she stood up holding Richie in her arms. "And before we go… I want to show my grandson off to a few people…" She said with a sly grin as she walked over to her desk to find her purse.

Meredith could feel her heart lifting at her mother's words, the pride in her voice as she smiled just a little made her heart swell with happiness, and maybe a little bit of jealousy. But it was alright, Richie was worth it.

--------------------

Meredith curled her legs onto the couch, nestling Richie into her lap as she read through a children's book. His hands were playfully hitting the pages as she made the inflection of her voice go up and down. He smiled with her as she read, slipping into the book with her son, she felt so young and free, that she never wanted to get up from the couch.

She heard the front door open and close and waited for a moment to hear it. "It's too quiet in here!" He exclaimed as he waited by the door.

Richie's head turned towards the sound of Derek's voice and he squealed loudly. "Oh my goodness…" Meredith exclaimed as she felt him wiggling in her arms.

Derek's head popped around the corner and he noticed the eyes on him. He grinned. "Well look what we have here…a couple of bookworms" He said as he walked across the family room.

"Derek… shoes…" Meredith pointed to his feet, to which he kicked his shoes off in the middle of the room as he neared her. She gave him a bit of a scowl. "That's not what I meant…" She said as he reached his hands out for his son.

"How is my little man?" Derek asked as he lifted the baby from Meredith's lap, holding him up above him as he wiggled him in his arms. "How is my little man…?" Derek laughed as Richie giggled.

"You're going to make him sick…" Meredith giggled as she watched Derek swing him around into his arm. "Well if it isn't… 'I'm too busy to be around today'…" Meredith teased as Derek smirked at her.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means… that… I visited my mother… and you were busy all afternoon, so you missed seeing your son… who seems to be one of the most popular people in the hospital."

"You did it?" He asked, his eyes lighting up as he smiled at her.

"Yes." Meredith said, shaking her head. "Oh… and I'm not sure what I think about having you make Mark be the look out to make sure I didn't run out of here…" 

"I don't know what you're talking about…" Derek shrugged as he started to walk away with Richie.

"Hey… you get back here right now!" Meredith laughed as she chased after him as he entered the kitchen.

"So it went well?" He asked as he lifted the baby into his bouncer, blowing raspberries on his tiny belly as he watched him giggle.

"It went well…"

"Tell me more…" Derek said as he walked over to the refrigerator and started taking food out.

"What more is there to say… I didn't die, she didn't bite my head off… literally or figuratively…. And… she said that she likes you." Meredith shrugged.

"What?" He asked, turning his head.

"My mother… she likes you… she's never liked anyone that I've dated… but she said she likes you…she also told me not to tell you that… but I thought you should know." Meredith nodded. "She thinks you're a great surgeon… that I could learn a lot from you…"

"That was really nice of her…" Derek said as he smiled softly at her.

"Take what you can get, huh?" Meredith mumbled.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that…" Derek replied. "She's a talented woman… and despite all of her faults… she did bring you into this world… and that I love…" He said with a smile. "Did Richie have a good time with his Grandma? Huh? Did you? Did you?" Derek said, making faces at his son as he laughed loudly, squealing at his daddy's silly faces.

"He had a good time." Meredith nodded. "Now all we have to do is survive my first week of my internship." Meredith sighed with a nervous smile, sitting down, she could feel her stomach tighten.

"You worry too much." Derek whispered, leaning down to kiss her head.

"I don't want to leave him… look at him… he's so happy to have us around… he thinks that we're always going to be here… and now we have to desert him… now we have to just leave him all alone with someone who isn't his mommy or daddy…" Meredith pouted as she lay her head on her arms, staring into the counter. "Being a grownup sucks…" Meredith mumbled.

"Tell me about it…" Derek mumbled as he continued to make dinner as Meredith sulked.

--------------------

"I thought you were leaving." Meredith mumbled from beside the bed as she contemplated climbing under it.

"You're leaving too… now get dressed."

"I've decided that I'm not going." She said with a sigh as she glanced over the edge of the bed at him as he sat on the other side. All that he could see were her blue green eyes looking at him.

"You're going… all of the new interns are going to be there. Cris is going to be there… I'm going to be there."

"I'm not going to be there." She muttered as she turned around, her hand going to the little bouncer where the baby was sitting on the floor beside her, giggling at his mother as she tickled his toes. "I'm staying here… right here…" She mumbled. "With my bugaboo…"

"Come on… Mom is waiting downstairs…she's probably doing more laundry… she's here to take care of him when we're not around…" Derek said as he pulled his shirt onto his shoulders.

"But we're around…" She whined as she turned her head back around. "I'm here…"

"Alright… that's enough…" Derek said as he walked around the bed and watched her sit in her bra and panties, her legs crossed as she avoided eye contact. "Meredith… you have to get dressed… we have to go…"

"Derek, we can't even talk to one another… we can't go together… what's the point of even going? I want to stay here… let me stay here."

"I'm not letting you stay here… it'll turn from staying home tonight… into staying home every night… you'll quit your job, he'll quit school… live in this house, just you and Richie… he'll grow up to be a serial killer, bring home hookers and kill them, eat them and bury their bones in the backyard…" Derek shook his head. "It's messy, Meri, it's just messy…"

"I'll make sure he uses a bleach and water solution to get the blood out…" She mumbled as she continued tickling the baby's toes.

"Okay, buddy… it's time to go see Grandma Shepherd… so mommy moves her cute little behind." Derek said as he reached down to lift the baby from his bouncer.

"Nooo!' She screeched as she reached her hands out for the baby, whining loudly as tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"Meri, you have to stop this…" Derek said as he held the baby in his arms, looking down at her rolling into a ball. "I'm bringing him downstairs to mom… you better get down there soon, or I'll come up here and dress you… and trust me… you don't want that." He said watching her pout from the floor.

"It's not fair… Derek…" She whined.

"Hurry up, Meri." Derek said as he grabbed the bouncer with his other hand and swung the baby around, walking out the door, closing it behind him.

Derek walked down the hallway and bounded down the stairs with the baby in his arms, listening to him giggle as Derek kissed his cheek. "Mom?" Derek called as he walked down the hallway to the kitchen. He opened the door, finding his mother with her hands in the sink.

She turned her face and smiled. "Hi sweetheart." She said with a smile. "Oh… look who is awake…" She said with a grin as she dried her hands off with a towel and watched Derek as he held his son securely. She reached her hands out, glancing at Derek, who nodded as he handed the baby off to her. "Where is Meri?" She asked as she bounced the little one a little, running her fingertips through his dark hair.

"She's getting ready."

"Is she alright?"

"She'll be fine…" Derek sighed as he sat down at the barstool, watching his mother with his son as he grabbed hold of the button on her shirt, fascinated by it.

"She's feeling that separation anxiety…"

"Yes…" Derek nodded. "That, coupled with the fact that we're not supposed to be together at this thing… it's bugging her."

"But it's more the leaving her baby with someone thing that's really bothering her…"

"Well… yeah…" Derek shrugged. "I'd like to think she'll be missing me too…" he said with a small smile.

"Oh… you're missed too… but look at this face? How can you just not miss that tiny little nose, and those itsy bitsy ears… and that rumbly little tummy…" She laughed as she tickled the baby's tummy as he giggled. "She'll be alright, Derek. She just… has to get used to it… used to the idea of being apart from him. They've been together for three months… not to mention her being pregnant with him… you just have to put it into perspective." She said with a tilt of her head.

Derek nodded his head and looked up when the doorbell rang. "That must be Mark and Cris. Cris is taking Meri, and I'm taking Mark… since we're not allowed to go together…" He rolled his eyes.

"Just be sensitive to her, Derek… She's fragile…"

Derek nodded his head and sighed as he smiled slightly and stepped to the stairs. "Meri! Cristina is here… don't make me send her up…" He called.

"I'm… coming…" She mumbled from upstairs her voice still sounding agitated, but at least she wasn't crying.

Derek turned towards the door and opened it and Cristina walked inside. "Where is she?" She asked quickly, glancing to the family room, she saw Mrs. Shepherd emerge with Richie. "Hey Mrs. Shepherd, Hey little Dicky…" She said as Derek pointed to the stairs, watching Derek nod, she climbed up them quickly.

Mark walked into the house behind her. "I keep telling her not to call him that… that he'll get a complex or something… she never listens…" He sighed as he glanced to Derek's mother. "Hi Marion…" he said with a smile as he stepped towards the family room.

"Hello, Mark… how are you doing this evening?"

"Just fine, thank you." He said as he watched Richie get excited and giggle at Mark. "Well look at you… all happy to see your uncle Mark…" he said as he kissed the little boy's forehead.

"Meri, are you coming down?" Derek called.

"I'm coming down!" Meredith called.

"Don't worry… she's coming down…" Cristina called from above as well.

"Mark and I are going to get going, Meri… you and Cris had better leave the house!" He called.

"Bye, Derek!" Meredith called.

"We're going to circle the block, Meri… If you're not at the mixer by eight, I'm coming back here to get you…" he threatened.

"Bye Derek!" Cristina called.

"Goodbye girls…I love you, Meri…" Derek sighed as he walked towards his mother and kissed the baby's forehead. "You be a good boy for your grandma… she loves you so much…" Derek whispered. "Don't forget to give your mommy a kiss when she leaves…" He said with a silly face.

"If she leaves…" Mark mumbled.

"Bye mom…" Derek smiled as he kissed her cheek.

"Go and have fun… we'll be just fine here… " Mrs. Shepherd said as she waved to Derek as he slipped out the door.

--------------------

The lobby was decked out with decorations and mood lighting, there was a bar set up in the corner, and some background music as everyone milled around and talked. It was an opportunity for new interns to meet the attendings and other doctors, and one another. Derek sat at one of the tables, watching the crowd slowly mill about and Mark walked over with a drink. He set the drink in front of Derek and shrugged as Derek gave him a disgusted look. "Getting drunk on hospital liquor… not one of my favorite pastimes…" Derek muttered.

"Come on, man… you haven't had a drink since the baby was born…"

"Meri's breastfeeding." Derek said with a sigh, giving Mark a disgusted look as he plugged his nose and drank down the drink, nearly laughing at Derek's reply.

"She really does have you wrapped, doesn't she?" Mark chuckled.

"She doesn't have me wrapped…" He said, watching Mark's look of disapproval. "Alright… she has me wrapped… but only because that's the way I like it." Derek replied, looking away from Mark as Mark laughed at him. "I haven't had anything to drink because I… help with the… Where the hell is she, anyway?" he asked, looking at his watch.

"Why does it matter to you? You can't sit with her…"

"I need to be able to see her." Derek said, scowling at Mark's smirk. "She's hurting." He sighed. "This separation thing is killing her… and it's killing me…"

"I'm sure they're here…"

------------

"Just let me call one more time…" Meredith said as he grabbed for her phone.

"No! No more times! You're driving Marion nuts with your stupid phone calls… she's a mother… she's raised a child… or five… I am sure she can handle yours unless he comes with some supersonic death ray that you don't want him shooting at anyone."

"Oh! I forgot to tell her about the…"

"Supersonic death ray?" Cristina asked with an incredulous look.

"Television remote…" She mumbled. "If she uses the wrong one, it could mess up the satellite signal… it takes forever for that to get…"

"Shut up and get out of the car, we're here."

"Can I have my phone?"

"Later… after you get a few drinks in you."

"I can't drink, I'm breastfeeding…"

"Not right this second you're not…" Cristina said as she grabbed Meredith's wrist and dragged her towards the doors.

--------------------

"Hi." A perky blonde woman said as she walked up to Derek, reading his name tag. "Doctor Shepherd." She said happily. "I'm Izzie Stevens…" She said with a happy grin. "I'm one of the new surgical interns… you're the… Neuro attending, right?"

"That's right." Derek said, smiling softly as he tried to be polite, his mind drifting as he watched Mark smirk at him across the table.

"It's so very nice to meet you, Dr. Shepherd. I'm very excited about the internship… I've been studying so hard… I've never been to Boston before, this is like… my second day and I've been feeling so overwhelmed… I'm actually from a small town near Seattle, and this is like, my first time in the big city, you know? I've never been to the big city before."

"Uh huh…" Derek nodded, pretending to be interested as he noticed Meredith and Cristina walking into the building. Meredith was chattering on and as soon as Cristina caught Derek's eye, her eyes widened and she mouthed the word 'help'. "Um…" Derek said as he started to stand up. "Please excuse me, Izzie… I have to go check… on something… This is Doctor Sloan… he's one of the plastics attendings…" Derek said with a grin as Mark shot him a wide eyed glare across the table. "I'm sure he has some interesting stories to tell…" Derek said as he walked away, glancing over his shoulder at a frustrated Mark as he shrugged and walked directly towards Meredith.

"Doctor Shepherd." The voice physically and emotionally pulled him from his target, making him recoil slightly as he turned around quickly.

"Doctor Grey." He smiled as he noticed her standing beside him. "How are… you doing this evening?" He asked with a smile as he tilted his head and smiled.

"I'm doing fine, Doctor Shepherd. I hope you're finding this mixer to be helpful to meet your new interns."

"Oh yes… I already met Doctor Stevens over there…" He said, nodding towards the young woman talking Mark's ear off with an animated giggle as Derek watched Ellis turn back to Derek and sigh.

"Just… have a good evening, Doctor Shepherd… and don't forget the rules…" She said as she shook her head, walking away from him.

"You have a good evening too, Doctor Grey." Derek said as he grinned sheepishly. His gaze moved and he immediately noticed when Meredith's eyes met with his. Instantly he could feel the temperature of his body rise several degrees, his mouth go dry as he tried to muster a smile. "How does she do this to me…?" He whispered to himself.

---------

"How does he do this to me?" She whispered to Cristina as she stood beside her as Cristina ordered a drink.

"Who?" Cristina asked as she looked up, watching Derek as he not so subtly watched her from across the room. "Oh…" She rolled her eyes. "I say the hell with it… you want to be with him, go be with him." Cristina shrugged.

"That would not bode well for us, Cristina… for our careers…"

"Oh come on, it's not going to get any worse than being the chief's daughter." Cristina muttered.

"You're the chief's daughter?" A nervous male voice came from beside them and they turned to see a nervous looking curly haired man standing wide eyed at the two of them. He became even more nervous with their attention on him. "George… George O'Malley…. First year intern." He said with a smile.

"Meredith Grey." Meredith said, shaking his hand with a smile. "This is Cristina Yang…" Meredith said politely, pushing the glass of liquor from in front of her with a glare to Cristina as Cristina pushed it closer to her.

"Grey?" George replied. "You are the chief's daughter…" He said with a smile. "You're… you're… very… very beautiful." George stammered.

"Yes, yes… and you're a suck up…" Cristina muttered as George took a step back.

"Don't mind her… she growls a lot, but she doesn't bite…" Meredith said, poking Cristina as she pretended to snarl at George.

"So… you pretty much know all of the doctors here, huh?"

"Some of them, yes." Meredith said politely.

"Some better than others…" Cristina muttered, promptly getting an elbow in her side.

"Maybe we could… um… maybe we'll be on a case sometime together, that would be cool." George stumbled as he spoke, his eyes on Meredith's as she nodded with a smile.

"Yeah… maybe…" She nodded, hearing Cristina snicker from beside her, she sent another elbow her way.

"Well… I'm… going to go and kind of meet some people… it was nice to meet you… Meredith."

"It was nice to meet you, George." She said with a smile as she watched him turn around and make his way across the floor. She turned around to a giggling Cristina and pushed her shoulder into her. "Stop laughing…" She said with an amused smirk as Cristina continued to giggle.

"Someone has a crush on you…" Cristina teased as Meredith growled.

"I'm going to go call Marion…" Meredith said as she turned around, nearly running directly into someone. "Oh!" She said, her eyes shooting up directly into his eyes, the smell of his cologne taking over her senses as she tried to control herself. "Excuse me." She whispered, her eyes sparkling as he smiled softly down at her.

"I'm Doctor Shepherd." He said with an amused smirk, taking a step back, he reached his hand out to her.

She looked at his hand with a bemused expression, her head tilting as she smiled at him. "Doctor Shepherd…" She said, shaking her head, hearing gagging noises from Cristina behind her. "I'm… Meredith." She said with a smile. "Meredith Grey." She said as she tenderly placed her hand in his, feeling the warmth of his body on hers made her instantly relax. He shook her hand tenderly as he very softly ran his thumb over her hand, his eyes never leaving hers. "It's nice to meet you, Doctor Shepherd." She whispered, a smile suddenly taking over her face as she forgot what she was doing.

"The pleasure is all mine…" Derek whispered as he watched her hand slip slowly from his as she began to blush.

"I…have to go… call about my son." She whispered as her eyes reflected a slight sign of panic as she pushed past him lightly and made her way through the room.

Derek sighed as he watched her disappear and he walked over to the bar, sitting beside Cristina. "Hey." Derek said as he gave her a sad smile.

"Hey…" Cristina said as she sipped her drink. "I thought we were supposed that we don't know you…"

"It doesn't work when you just say it out loud…" Derek rolled his eyes.

"Whatever… how's Markie doing?" She asked as she turned her head, watching him laugh with Izzie at the table, she rolled her eyes and turned back around, ordering another drink.

"He's keeping himself amused… this just sucks… she doesn't want to be here… I don't want to be here… You don't want to be here... Mark… well, Mark doesn't care where he is as long as there is liquor present… why the hell are we even here?"

"Networking, my friend." Cristina said as she slammed the drink down beside him. "Network this down your gullet and get nice and fuzzy… and it all won't matter."

"I can't." Derek sighed.

"Why not?"

"Because I have to be here for Meri…"

"Derek… she'll be fine… one little drink isn't going to kill you…"

Derek looked at the glass in front of him, swirling it in the glass, he looked at the consistency and color as he held it up to the light. "Are you sure about that?" He said, giving her a grossed out look as he set the glass down on the bar, watching as Cristina shrugged and drank it down.

--------------------

Derek sat at the table with Mark again, several interns had come and gone, introducing themselves to them both and Derek watched as Meredith would talk for a few minutes, and run out of the room again to use the phone. He secretly thanked his mother for her patience, and knew that Meredith was probably driving her crazy with her questions and reminders. He wanted to just hold her, let her know that everything was alright.

"Your mother should be elected for sainthood by the time tonight is over…" Mark said as he watched Meredith make her way across the room again, her cell phone in her hand.

"Tell me about it." Derek sighed. "I know she misses him… but she can't keep doing this…" Derek shook his head. "She's turning into an insane person."

"She needs to rest and relax." Mark said as he gave Derek a sly grin.

"She does…she needs to rest…" He replied, standing up.

"Where are you going?" Mark asked, watching Derek glance to Ellis across the room talking with a few people, and back to the doorway where Meredith had slipped out.

"I need to use the restroom…" Derek said as he casually walked around the room, slipping out one of the doors as Mark shook his head and chuckled to himself.

Derek walked down the quiet hallway, listening for her voice. He smiled softly as he heard her talking, her voice was full of anxiety as she talked on the phone, her instructions were clear and concise and he could hear the tears in her voice. He followed the melodic sound of her voice down through the hallways to an empty lounge and watched her for a moment as she sat in the chair, her head down as she talked into the phone.

He took a silent step into the room, standing before her, he was sure that she could see his feet in front of her, and slowly, her eyes lifted, climbing up his legs, body, chest, and finally to his face, where she lay her tear soaked eyes on him. She mumbled something into the phone, and watched as he slowly reached his hand out for it. His eyes were tender and full of love, and she knew that he didn't want to hurt her, she knew that it was all for the best. She slowly lifted the phone and placed it in his hand.

He lifted the phone to his ear, and sighed softly. "Mom?" He whispered into the line.

"Derek, honey?" His mother said, her voice concerned.

"How is the little one?" He asked softly, glancing down to Meredith as her ashamed look began to shift.

"He's doing very well… I just put him down for the night." She said softly into the line.

"Please give him a kiss from mommy and daddy… tell him that we'll be home as soon as we can… and that our hearts hurt terribly that we have to be away from him…" Derek whispered, his eyes still on Meredith's.

"I'll tell him." She whispered.

"We will talk to you when we get home." Derek said, raising his eyebrows at Meredith. "Thank you, Mom."

"I love you both…" She said softly as she hung the phone up.

Derek closed the phone slowly, his eyes staring directly into Meredith's as he crouched down to her level. "I love you." He whispered.

"I know." She whispered.

"I want you to be happy." He whispered.

"I know." She whispered.

"Here…" He said softly as he reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. "I'll trade you… this phone… for this picture." He said as he carefully pulled out a laminated paper from his wallet.

She turned the paper around, and on the other side was a picture of Richie, sleeping in his crib. "Derek." She whispered as she looked up into his eyes. "I…"

"You take that picture… and every time you want to call my mom… take a look at it." He whispered. "Because that's exactly how he looks right now… sleeping like a little prince, dreaming of his mommy…" Derek whispered.

"I miss him." She whispered.

"Of course you do." Derek shook his head. "Are you going to trade me?" he asked, nodding towards the picture.

"I'll…trade you." She whispered cautiously, her voice tiny and nervous.

"Good…" He whispered as he slipped his wallet back into his pocket. "I love you, Meredith."

"I love you." She whispered, looking down at the picture, and back up into his eyes.

"I'm going to want that back…when you're done with it…" He said, nodding to the picture. She smiled softly as she nodded, looking into his eyes. "Now… why don't we… nonchalantly, not so obviously, subtly, sashay our way back to the party." He said with a smile as he tilted his head.

"You don't sashay…" She giggled, wiping the tear from her cheek as she continued to look into his eyes.

"I could sashay… if I wanted to…" He replied as he reached his hand up to cup her cheek while she giggled. "Your laugh warms my soul." He whispered as he leaned forward.

She leaned forward as well, softly dropping a kiss on his lips as she felt him smile against it. "Your kiss warms mine." She whispered as she wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

--------------------

The evening went by slowly, and Derek watched Meredith across the room as she talked with a few other interns. He was sure that he even saw her smile or laugh a little as she periodically reached her hand into her purse. He knew that she was touching the picture, and it made him happy to know that he could do a little something to make things easier for her.

Mark had taken to walking around the room, talking with all of the female interns as Cristina shot daggers in his direction at every chance she could. He chuckled to himself each time she'd walk past him and 'accidentally' step on his toe. First he'd look offended and then throw her one of those 'jealousy is hot' looks that she'd just smirk at and turn around, shaking her head.

The evening wound down and before they knew it, it was finally time to go home. Meredith had one more full day before work started, so she had planned on getting up early and taking Richie to the park with Derek. She signaled to Cristina that she was ready to go, and Mark was grabbed by Derek to make their exit. They walked towards the cars in the attendings lot and the four of them exchanged a look as Meredith headed for Derek's car and Mark went to Cristina's. They said a quick goodbye and Derek opened the passenger side door for Meredith. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the lips as he smiled and closed the door when she was securely inside.

He walked over to the driver's side and slipped inside and was instantly grabbed by her hand and pulled roughly towards her. She smashed her lips against his, dipping her tongue into his mouth as he reached his hand up and touched her cheek, moving his fingertips along her jaw line as he moved his hand beneath her hair, listening to her soft moans against his lips. She pulled her lips from his and her lusty stare was piercing into him as she smiled sweetly. "I have wanted to do that all night." She whispered.

Derek attempted to catch his breath as he smiled at her. "You and me both…" He whispered as he leaned in to kiss her nose. "Let's get home." He said with a smile as he started the car and they were on their way.

Derek drove home, their hands intertwined the entire way as he gently rubbed his thumb along her hand. "I'm very proud of you, Meri." He whispered in a low voice, his eyes on her for a moment before they returned to the road. 

"There's nothing to be proud of…" She said softly. "I was a nervous wreck… you had to bribe me to give up my phone…" She sighed.

"I'm proud of you for coming out tonight… even if you weren't next to me for it, at least I was able to go somewhere with you." He smiled softly as he watched her smile appear slowly. He squeezed her hand and felt her head lean softly on his arm. He glanced over and noticed that her eyes were closed as she turned her face and buried it into his arm, taking a deep breath. He pulled into the driveway, and sat for a moment before moving his hand to park the car, and he wrapped his arm around her while he kissed her hair. "You ready, sweet thing?" He asked her softly as he kissed her once again.

"Yes." She whispered as she sat up carefully, reaching for the door handle.

Derek leapt from the car and ran around it, watching as she giggled at him pretending to almost fall as he reached the door handle. He swung the door open and laughed, reaching his hand out to her. "You should never have to open a door…" He said with a grin as she rolled her eyes and grasped his hand, giggling as she carefully climbed from the car. 

"This will get old some day…" She laughed. "And when that happens… it will be a sad, sad day…" She said as he laughed and grabbed her hand, leading her up the porch to the house.

------

They unlocked the door and stepped inside, hearing the television in the family room, they hung their coats up and ventured in that direction. They walked into the family room to find Mrs. Shepherd sitting comfortably on the couch with Richie sleeping soundly in her arms. Meredith glanced to Derek quickly, as if asking for permission. He nodded lightly as he watched her face light up. "Mom… thank you so much for watching him…" Derek said with a smile as he watched Meredith carefully lift the baby from her arms.

"That's what grandmothers are for… to look after and to spoil…" She said softly as she watched Meredith cradle the sleeping baby in her arms, kissing his hair as she took a deep breath. "He was a little fussy about a half hour ago, so I brought him downstairs… I figured you'd be home soon anyway and would like to put him to bed." She said softly.

"Thank you for watching him…" Meredith whispered.

"And you see that, Meri… he's all in one piece… just like you left him." Derek said, getting a glare from both Meredith and his mother. "Geez… tough crowd…" He mumbled with a laugh as he watched Meredith with the little one. She kissed his hair over and over, his little mouth suckling as he smiled in his sleep. "Well… I think we're going to get to bed…" Derek said softly as he reached his hand out to Meredith.

Meredith looked up at Mrs. Shepherd again and smiled softly. "Thank you again for taking such good care of him…" She whispered.

"He's a very well behaved baby…" Mrs. Shepherd said softly. "A very sweet little soul." She smiled.

"Thank you." Meredith whispered as she carefully stood up holding the baby. "Goodnight, Mom." Meredith whispered as she smiled softly, holding the baby to her as she turned and walked towards the stairs.

Derek watched her leave the room slowly, her motions on the stairs were quick as she ascended them quickly. "I hope that you're being patient with her, Derek." Mrs. Shepherd said softly.

"Yes." Derek said turning his head to face his mother. "I'm sorry that she…"

"She was fine, Derek…she's young… and she doesn't know what he's thinking… so she's going to think the worst until she figures out what's best for her. She'll get used to it…"

"Goodnight, Mom. Thank you again…" He said softly as he smiled.

"It's never a problem, sweetheart. I'm going to sit down here and watch a little television before going to bed. You have pleasant dreams." She said softly as she smiled at him.

"Sweet dreams, Mom." He said softly as he turned for the stairs and climbed up them quickly.

------

Derek walked down the hallway to the nursery. He stepped inside to find Meredith sitting on the rocking chair in the corner, cuddling Richie close to her as she kissed him softly. "Are you coming to bed?" Derek whispered.

"I'll be there in a little while…" She said softly. "I just… want to sit with him for a little bit."

"That's fine." Derek said softly as he walked towards her. He leaned down and kissed her softly on the cheek, running his hand across his son's head as he leaned down and kissed him softly. "I love you." He whispered. 

"I love you." She whispered back, giving him a sad smile as she continued to rock in the chair. Derek backed out of the room and gave her a sad smile as he sighed, leaving her alone with the baby as he made his way to their bedroom alone.

--------------------

Meredith sat in the rocking chair, her son cuddled against her. His hand reached out at some point and latched onto her shirt as she shifted him in the blanket she had wrapped around him. She listened to his gentle breathing as he cooed in his sleep, his lips smacking as he snored a tiny bit.

"Oh… you make as much noise when you sleep as your mommy…" She whispered as she gently rocked, slipping her thumb across his cheek as she felt his tender skin beneath her fingertips. "You're so precious to me…" She whispered. "So, so precious…" She said as she closed her eyes, allowing her fingers to gently run through his soft, sweet smelling hair as she breathed in his scent.

The tighter she closed her eyes, the faster the tears began to roll down her cheeks. She tried to control the sadness, to keep it inside, to deny it entry to the open, but it was no use. She was crying, and there was no stopping it. She had wished that she asked Derek to stay. She had wished that he was there beside her to hold her through this, but she knew that this wasn't his battle. This wasn't his internal struggle, this wasn't for him to see, to experience. It was her pain, her worry, her sadness. She held onto that little bundle tightly as some of the most horrifying thoughts flashed before her mind.

Forgotten birthdays, lonely Christmases, summer vacations spent in the library. She thought of all the times she'd come home from school with a pretty picture or a project that she had made, only to be greeted by the nanny or some other person who was 'babysitting' her. She thought of all of the times she spent in the daycare center of the hospital, coloring, coloring, coloring… avoiding and not speaking to the other children, just coloring and minding her own business. She thought of all of those times alone, all of those times that she had asked her mother to sit with her, to talk to her, to explain something to her and all of the times that she had been dismissed, yelled at, all but spit on for asking a simple 'why?'. She thought of the way that her mother looked at her when she would fall down and scrape her knee, the look in her eyes when she would cry. She thought of the way that she spoke of her father, calling him weak and stupid, calling him a sad excuse for a human being. She thought of all of the times her mother had called her weak, all of the times that she said she would never amount to anything to anyone, all of the times she left her to be someone else's burden.

She cried so softly, her tears splashing against her sleeve as she gently rocked her son. Her eyes were closed tightly, and after a moment, she realized that someone was there with her in the room, someone was touching her hand.

Meredith opened her eyes and found herself looking into the tender blue eyes of Mrs. Shepherd. She was kneeling beside the chair, letting her cry as she gently held her son, rocking him back and forth as he slept. Meredith gasped slightly in surprise, not expecting anyone to be there. She said not a word, only held her hand on Meredith's as she waited.

"I don't want to be her." She whimpered, her face showing so much pain. "Please… please don't let me turn into her… I never, ever want to be her… I don't want to be her… please…" Meredith sobbed as she shook her head. "I never… I'm so sorry…" She whispered to the baby as she rocked in the chair, cuddling him even closer. "I'm so sorry I left you today, Richie… I'm so sorry… I am so sorry…" She whimpered as she closed her eyes tightly. She felt as Mrs. Shepherd squeezed her hand softly. "I'm so sorry…" She whispered as she opened her eyes and looked into Mrs. Shepherd's eyes. "I'm messed up…" She whispered, sniffling as she swallowed hard.

"You're not messed up, sweetheart." She whispered, shaking her head.

"Yes I am…" she said softly. "I can't leave him without having an anxiety attack…" She whispered. "I had to have driven you crazy today… calling you seven million times… I had to have made you hate me… or want to leave, or just go home where you can ignore us…"

"I'd never ignore you." She whispered. "And I don't think you were a bother at all." She shook her head. "You're his mother… you're the one that has been with him since the day he was conceived… you have every right to be attached to him…"

"But like this? I mean… to honestly consider giving up a career in medicine because I can't stand to be away from my son?"

"You're not going to give up on your career." She shook her head. "You're just afraid right now…" She whispered. "It may seem like the most logical option… your mother was in medicine… and she didn't have a lot of time on her hands to really be there for you the way that you wanted her to be… but you're not her, sweetheart… you're not anyone but yourself…I'm not saying that your mother didn't love you… and I'm not saying that she didn't want to take care of you… but she was alone… she was by herself raising a little girl who she wanted to be just as strong as she felt that she was. She always had good intentions, and she always wanted you to be happy… but I don't think she understood the way that a child's mind works… do you understand what I mean? Maybe it was her own upbringing… maybe it was the stress of being one of the first legendary female neurosurgeons…maybe…"

Meredith chuckled in her tears as she shook her head. "Legendary?"

"She wanted to be legendary, Meredith… she wanted to be better than everyone else and in her time, in her experiences, you had to be fearless… you had to be strong, and you could never, ever show any vulnerability…or someone would be there to pick up the slack, take it all away from you and say that you were no good." She whispered. "You love your son… and you want to be with him… that's a start… and you understand how important he is to you… and you understand how important your career is… and you have Derek… and he loves you… he loves you so much… that he would take any slack from you… any vulnerability… he's there to lift you right back up… not tear you down and take your place. But… deep down inside… you're not acting any different than any other first mother…" She said as she touched Meredith's cheek with her hand.

"I'm crazy…" Meredith whispered.

"Meredith… Nancy was my first…" She whispered as she shook her head and laughed. "The first day that I left her with a sitter… I circled around the block, parked a block away… snuck up to the window and watched them through the living room window… I was so scared." She said with a wistful sigh.

Meredith tried not to laugh, her smile was small as she felt her tears slowly disappearing.

"That's not the worst part…" She said with a giggle, shaking her head. "The babysitter saw someone peeking in the window and ended up calling the police…" She said as she laughed.

"You're kidding!" Meredith exclaimed in a whisper, her mouth open in surprise.

"No… no… and the next thing I know, they're trying to arrest me for peeking into my own house… I just wanted to watch my baby girl… I was so scared… " She said with a giggle as Meredith giggled. "So you see… as long as the police don't show up at your house… you're not doing anything wrong… just being a mother… that's all…" She said as she watched Meredith's grip loosen on the baby. "And besides… you should at least try the whole career thing… right? You love medicine… and as long as you and Derek try to balance your time out… you'll be able to provide Richie with an environment filled with love and affection… and give him all of the things he's ever wanted."

"I love you, Marion…" Meredith whispered. "I love you so much… I don't even know how to express it any other way…" Meredith said as she reached her free arm out, pulling Mrs. Shepherd into her embrace.

"You just keep being a good mom… and I'll be here to be a good grandmom…" She said as she hugged the young woman tightly, holding her securely in her arms.

"Derek was so lucky to have a mother like you." Meredith whispered as she pulled from the hug, looking her in the eyes as she whimpered a little.

"Derek… is lucky for a lot of things." Mrs. Shepherd said as she looked Meredith in the eyes. "But most importantly, he's lucky that he has someone who loves him as much as you do… and someone who takes care of his son and his heart… as well as you do. He loves you so much, Meredith… and you take care of him better than anyone that I've ever known." She smiled softly. "I love you too." She hugged her tightly as she looked down at Richie in her arms.

"I should get back to him." Meredith whispered, looking up at Mrs. Shepherd with a worried glance. "He's been taking such good care of me… I need to thank him…" She whispered as she looked down at the baby in her arms.

"Here…" Mrs. Shepherd whispered as she lifted the baby from Meredith's arms so that she could stand up. Meredith stood up and carefully lifted the baby from her hands and Mrs. Shepherd watched as she carefully placed him in his crib, covering him with the blanket. "Sweet dreams, little prince." She whispered as she looked up at Mrs. Shepherd smiling over at her.

"You have absolutely nothing to worry about, Meredith. He's always going to know that he's loved." She said, giving her a squeeze as she smiled at her. They walked together out into the hallway and Mrs. Shepherd smiled softly at Meredith. "Sweet dreams, Meredith."

"Goodnight, Mom." She said with a smile, a little bit of a happier smile as she took a step down the hallway. "Thank you…" She whispered. "Thank you for everything…"

Mrs. Shepherd smiled as she watched the young woman move quickly down the hallway towards her bedroom, smiling softly, she turned towards her bedroom to settle in for the night.

Meredith stepped into the bedroom quietly. He had left the bedside table light on so that she could find her way to her side of the bed. She smiled softly as she slipped out of her clothes and into a pair of sweats, and a sweatshirt, and stood above him for a moment. He was laying on his side, his mouth slightly open as he snored a bit in his sleep. She smiled at his sleeping form as she rolled onto the bed, switching off the bedside light. She hadn't even gotten close to him yet and she felt him move, his arm instantly around her as he pulled her into him.

"How did you know I was here?" She whispered.

"I could feel you." He whispered softly into her shoulder as she curled into his arms.

"I like that." She whispered softly.

"I do too." He replied, nuzzling her neck as he kissed her softly as they settled into a peaceful, love filled slumber.


	11. Found out, Thanksgiving

Chapter 11-

Found out-Thanksgiving

Meredith stood in the kitchen staring down at her son in his bouncer as he grabbed his feet and stretched, making cooing noises as he watched her every movement. "Listen…" Meredith said as she slipped her shoes on while talking to him. "If you're a good boy… and mommy doesn't freak out… then this will all work out very well… so you have to be good for your grandma Shepherd, and I have to at least try this whole thing…" She shrugged. "I mean… you're not silly enough to think that I'm not coming home, right? You'll still smile and be a happy baby when I get home… right?" Meredith whispered, gently running her fingers through the baby's hair as she sighed.

"I swear…" Meredith said as she paced around the kitchen. "If I didn't have to do this, I wouldn't… you know? I mean… I need to figure out if this is what I want… not that I don't want you… of course I want you. I'm your biggest fan, if you haven't figured it out already." Meredith babbled. "I just… this is just something I have to do for me… this is something that Mommy needs to find out before she totally gives up on it… I mean, not that I wouldn't give up anything for you… which I would… but…I don't know… Listen… if you want me to stay home… just say the word." Meredith said as she crossed her arms and looked at the baby. Richie looked up at her curiously as he pulled his sock off and laughed. "So… we're going to do this thing?" Meredith said as she sighed. "You're not helpful at all…" She said as she took the baby's sock and made a face at him.

"Oh… look at those tiny little toes…" She said as she kissed the tips of his toes as he giggled at his mother. "Such tiny, tiny little toes…" She said as he laughed. She slipped his little sock on and smiled at him. "So you're not going to get me out of this, huh?" She asked, taking a step back.

She looked up as the door to the kitchen opened. Derek walked in with a sleepy, disheveled appearance. "Meri… I thought you were gone already…" he whispered as he stepped over to the coffee maker.

"I wanted to see you before I left. Your mom is in the living room… she said I needed some alone time with Richie…"

"How is the alone time going?" He asked as he walked up to her, wrapping his arms around her from behind as they both looked down at the baby.

"He won't let me stay home." Meredith sighed. "I told him to stop me if he wanted me to stay… and he just took his sock off and laughed at me."

"Yep… that's a sure sign of independence right there…" Derek chuckled as he reached forward over Meredith's shoulder to poke the little boy's nose lightly. "Good boy… don't you give in to that mommy of yours…"

"You're just saying that because you like to see me tortured by my mother… that's what you're looking forward to." Meredith grumbled.

"That's not true…" He laughed softly as he turned her around in his arms, looking into her eyes. "The truth is… I've been looking forward to torturing you myself…" He said, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"You dirty, dirty, boy…" She whispered as she wrapped her arms around Derek, leaning her head against him.

"Remember… we have to be good…" Derek whispered.

"I know… I hate being good…"

"It won't be that bad… I'm sure we'll find a quiet corner here and there to talk to one another." Derek said as he touched her cheek, leaning down to kiss her lips softly. "Now… it's time for you to get going… I'll be in about an hour after you…" He said as he tilted his head. "Good luck, sweetheart." He whispered.

"Good luck? You think I need luck? This is going to be a very bad day, isn't it?" She whispered, glancing to Richie. "One more chance boy… if you want mommy to stay… just say the word." She said as she watched him once again pull his sock off. She took the sock from his hand and bent down to kiss the baby over and over again, turning around, she handed the sock to Derek. "Your son is mocking me." She said softly as she pretended to stick her nose in the air and walked away.

--------------------

Meredith stepped into the hospital and took a deep breath. She had been in this hospital for what felt like a million times in her life, and just about everyone knew who she was. They all smiled and were polite to her, and she had never had a problem with anyone that worked there, besides of course, her mother. That, however was when she was an outsider, a student, a daughter, a child. Now she was an adult. She had an adult relationship, a child, a house. She had many things entering the hospital now that she didn't have before and even though she had just visited the hospital less than a week prior, things felt very differently as she walked to the elevator and made her way to the surgical floor.

This was her first day of being an intern, her first day of really feeling like a grown up, even though she knew that by the time her shift was over, she was going to feel so beat down, that she wouldn't know how to function. Though, being a new mother with a baby waking up at various times in the night looking for feedings, she felt prepared for the long haul and lack of sleep. She smiled sadly thinking of her little one at home, and a little envious of Derek for being able to be with him a little longer that morning. She thought of his bright blue eyes and his happy baby smile, and that little giggle that she could listen to for hours.

She sighed as she stepped into the locker room. "Well, it's about goddamned time!" Cristina exclaimed, grabbing Meredith's arm as she pulled her down the line of lockers past a bunch of other interns.

"Hey, I was getting ready… I had to…"

"Yes, yes… we all know what you had to do this morning…" Cristina rolled her eyes as she dragged Meredith to the locker with her last name on it. There were several interns glancing over at the two of them as they talked, but Meredith tried her best to ignore them. "You're like fifteen minutes late! We have to meet our resident, and go through the tour and stuff…"

"I don't need to do the tour…" Meredith whispered. "I already know where everything is…"

"Well isn't that just peachy for you… but if you want to be like everyone else here… you're going to have to go on it."

"Just what I need, to follow around my mother all day while she drolly explains the different areas of the hospital. I'd rather take a cyanide pill…" Meredith grumbled as she swung open her locker. "Oh my freaking…" She gasped, her hand going to her mouth as she looked in her locker.

"What?" Cristina asked as she walked around Meredith and looked into the locker. "Holy Jesus… that man is psychotic…" She whispered as she looked into the locker, glancing to her right as she noticed a couple of people looking at her curiously.

Inside the locker, taped delicately across the entire door, was a collage of pictures of Richie. From the day he was born, to what looked like the previous morning. Pictures of his smile, his toes, his fingers… Meredith was in awe as she smiled so happily. "He is just…" She whispered.

"Psychotic… he's psychotic…and if you're not careful, your son is going to turn out to be just like him…"

"Oh shush… he did it because he knew it would make me feel better. I can't wait until I see him… I just… this is just…"

"Oh my goodness!" Came a voice from behind the two girls and they turned slowly to face a tall blonde intern who was admiring the inside of the locker as well. "Is that your son?" She asked, glancing to Meredith.

Meredith paused for a moment, and smiled softly. "That's my son… yes." She nodded, glancing to Cristina, who was smirking.

"He's so adorable… how old is he, what is his name?"

"Richard… his name is Richard…" Meredith said softly. "He's three months old…"

"Oh… oh, that must have been so hard for you to leave him to come to work… he's adorable…"

"Yes… it has been a very trying time for me to be away from him…" Meredith said politely as she turned towards the locker to get her scrubs out of it.

"I'm Izzie, by the way… Izzie Stevens…" The perky blonde said as she reached her hand out to Meredith and Cristina.

"It's nice to meet you, Izzie." Meredith said as she continued to change, not noticing Izzie's extended hand.

Izzie turned to Cristina, who shook her head. "I'm sorry, Izzie… I don't do hand shakes." She said as she shrugged, watching the blonde girl slowly retract her hand. 

"Well, it was nice to meet you." She said with a smile as she flitted away down the line of lockers.

"You know…" Cristina said as she leaned against the lockers beside Meredith as Meredith dressed. "If he keeps doing stuff like this… your little secret will be out in no time."

"It's not really a secret." Meredith whispered. "Just… just on the down low… I guess…"

"Well… ten bucks says that you two can't go the entire shift without locking lips." Cristina said as she crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back.

"You're on…" Meredith said with raised eyebrows as she slammed her locker closed and turned to leave the locker room.

--------------------

The tour was long and boring as they walked the halls of the hospital. Ellis led the pack of interns as she explained the ins and outs of the hospital and some of the rules. She was stern and rigid as she explained everything, and now and again, her gaze would fall on Meredith, who most of the time was watching intently, though now and again would turn to whisper to Cristina.

When the tour was through, the interns were split up into groups for their respective residents and Cristina and Meredith were very happy to find that they were with the same resident. Izzie Stevens and George O'Malley were also a part of their group along with Alex Karev.

Cristina and Meredith were walking down the hallway to look for their resident as Izzie tagged along, talking to them the entire way. They were ignoring her completely as she babbled on.

"You know, I met a lot of the attendings at the mixer the other night and they all seemed very nice. There are quite a lot of good looking attendings here, I wonder if there is a policy of interns dating them, I wonder if they're all married or something…" She babbled. Meredith and Cristina exchanged a look and stopped at the end of the hallway as they waited for their resident.

"You know… there were a couple unattached attendings… at least ones that weren't wearing wedding rings. That Neuro attending, Doctor Shepherd… he's hot." Izzie said.

Suddenly, Meredith started to cough, her hand going to her mouth and Cristina stood beside her laughing. "Get… me… water, or something…" She grunted through her coughing fit as her face started to turn red.

"Oh cut it out." Cristina said, giving her a whack on the back. "You're going to be fine." She laughed as Meredith straightened out, her face bright red from her coughing fit as she glared at Cristina. "Feel better?" Cristina laughed.

"Shut up." Meredith grumbled as she glared at Cristina.

"Are you alright?" Izzie asked politely, glancing to Meredith.

"I'll be fine…thanks…" Meredith said as she took a deep breath. "I'll be just fine."

Just as she spoke those words, she saw him. He had his lab coat on, and was talking to one of the nurses, showing her something in the chart he was holding. He had to have been at the hospital for a little while, probably doing rounds and she watched his every movement as he talked to the nurse.

"Meredith?" Cristina said as she tried to get her attention. "Meredith!" Cristina whispered loudly, watching as Meredith continued to stare at Derek down the hallway. 

Meredith turned her head quickly to see that the resident had arrived, along with the other interns. She smiled politely as the resident introduced herself, giving them their pagers as she explained her style of answering emergencies and such. They all listened intently as she explained it all, and looked up to see Derek walking down the hallway towards them.

"Oh crap." Meredith whispered as she nudged Cristina, who only grinned at her friend's nervousness.

"This is so fun." Cristina laughed as she smiled at Derek coming down the hallway as Meredith looked down and avoided eye contact.

"Hey… here comes that dreamy Doctor Shepherd…" Izzie whispered to Cristina.

"Did you hear that, Meri? Here comes that dreamy Doctor… Ow!" She exclaimed as Meredith stomped on her foot. "You're so going to get it later." She grumbled as Meredith smirked happily, though it faded as Derek approached them.

"Doctor Patil." Derek said as he approached the resident. "How are you doing this morning?" He asked politely as he smiled at all of the interns, noticing that Meredith's eyes were downcast. He chuckled to himself as he watched her nudge Cristina.

"We're doing just fine, Doctor Shepherd." The resident replied. "Just going over procedures and protocols." She said with a smile at the smiling doctor. "Everyone, this is Doctor Shepherd. He's the Neuro attending. One of you lucky ducklings will be able to work with him this afternoon.

"I hope it's me…" Izzie whispered. 

Cristina started to giggle as Meredith looked up quickly, catching Derek's eyes she dropped her face again, her cheeks turning bright red. "This… is not going to work…" Meredith whispered.

"Well, it's very nice to meet you all." Derek said as he began to shake the interns hands, one by one. "I'm looking forward to working with… each…" he said as he shook Izzie's beaming face, "And every…" Derek said as he reached Cristina, who smiled and shook her head as she shook Derek's hand. "One of you…" He said, lowering his voice as he held his hand out to Meredith last. Cristina nudged her as she looked up.

"It will be a pleasure to work on you… with you… on your cases…" Meredith stammered as she felt her face and ears burning with embarrassment as Derek grinned at her. She reached her hand to him and shook his hand, feeling his warm grip on her small hand as he rubbed his thumb on her hand and smiled at her.

"It will be a pleasure to work with all of you as well." Derek chuckled as he released Meredith's hand. "Well… I should get going, I have a couple of patients that I have to get to… you guys work hard and learn a lot…" Derek said as he smiled, taking a step back as he waved and grinned, walking back down the hallway.

Meredith put her head down in her hand and took a deep breath, trying desperately to calm down. "Oh man…" Cristina giggled. "This is going to be the easiest ten dollars that I have ever made…" She laughed as Meredith looked up at her with a glare, making her laugh even louder.

--------------------

The afternoon was busy, and Meredith spent it running through the hospital answering a page here and there. She and her fellow interns were on their way to an emergency case and passed Mark in the hallway as they ran down the hallway.

"You guys are in a hurry…" He said as he leaned against the counter he was standing next to.

"Yeah… we have things to do, unlike you…" Cristina said quickly as Meredith grabbed her arm and pulled her along.

"You can't flirt either… and the ten dollar deal goes for you too…"

"What? You've got to be kidding me… I can go days without kissing Sloan." Cristina said quickly.

"Yes… but can he go days without doing the nasty nasty?" Meredith asked.

"We don't kiss when we do the nasty nasty." Cristina said with a smirk.

"You know what… I don't need to hear this." Meredith shook her head and laughed as they ran around the corner for the emergency case.

As soon as they turned the corner, the intensity of the situation raised and they were immediately thrown into the excitement of a car accident. The doctors present and the interns went to work immediately. The resident began to toss out orders as the patients came running into the room.

"Yang… take this one down for x-rays, Grey… bring this one down to get an MRI… get a consult from Doctor Shepherd, there's a significant head injury…" She called as she continued to give orders out to the other interns.

"Doctor Shepherd… Doctor Shepherd…" Meredith mumbled as she pulled the gurney down the hallway towards the elevator. Just as they got close to the elevator, the door opened and Derek stepped off.

"Alright, what happened?" Derek asked as he glanced to the patient, and to Meredith. Meredith began rattling off the man's vital signs and the orders she was given by the EMTs as they pull the gurney into the elevator.

Derek listened intently as he took a look at the man's injuries as best as he could around the neck brace and gave Meredith a soft smile as he explained what they were going to do. She nodded and he could feel the pride swelling up in his belly as he looked at the serious look on her face. She was really concentrating, she was really into it, and Derek was very proud.

The elevator door opened and they began pulling the patient down the hallway to the MRI machine where Meredith explained to the man what they were going to do and prepared him for the exam as Derek readied himself in the separate room. They got him into the machine, and Meredith exited the room and came around to the exam room. Derek was sitting at the computer, his eyes on the screen as he pushed the button to send the man into the machine. He looked up and saw Meredith standing in the doorway. 

"You're not going to learn anything by standing all the way over there." He said as he waved her closer. Meredith didn't say a word, but moved closer to him quickly. She sat down in the chair beside him and kept quiet as he pointed at the screen and began describing things in detail to her. Each time he'd say something about what was on the screen, Meredith would acknowledge by nodding her head. "Questions?" He asked softly. "Do you have any questions about it?" She shook her head as she stared at the screen, her eyes wide with wonder as she didn't look at him. "You can look at me, you know." He said softly as he touched her hand.

She moved her hand quickly and he cringed. Her mouth opened slightly in surprise of her reaction. "Derek." She whispered.

"Doctor Shepherd." He whispered.

"No, I want to talk to Derek. Just for a second…" She whispered, glancing towards the door and back to him.

He glanced towards the door and back to her, his eyes instantly softening. "Alright…" He whispered.

"Thank you… for the pictures." She whispered.

"It's because I love you." He whispered.

"I love you." She whispered as she suddenly straightened up in the chair and took a deep breath. "Alright…" She said with a soft smile as she looked at the screen. "What do we have here, Doctor Shepherd?" She said as she instantly relaxed beside him, ready once again to face just a little more of the long couple of days ahead of her.

Derek smiled at her and glanced to the screen, taking a deep breath, he could feel her relax beside him. He reached out and carefully brushed her hand as he smiled at her, bringing his finger to the screen, he looked into her eyes for a moment before moving his eyes to the screen. "Well, you see Doctor Grey…" He said, his voice deeper as he relaxed beside her, doing whatever it was he could to ensure that she became the best surgeon that he had ever laid eyes on.

--------------------

Derek's day was coming to a close, and Meredith knew that she would still have a long night ahead of her. She walked down the hallway with Cristina as they made it to the elevator to go to the cafeteria for dinner. Meredith sighed as they stepped down the hallway and Meredith could feel someone watching her from behind them. She smiled as she turned around, walking backwards, she smiled at the doctor walking down the hallway, several paces behind. He smiled back as he watched her playfully skip backwards.

"Here we go…" Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Hey, Doctor Shepherd." Meredith said with a grin. "You heading home for the night?" She asked as she and Cristina slowed as they neared the elevator.

"That I am…Doctor Grey. I hope that you're having a good first shift." He said with a smile as he caught up with them, just wanting to pull her into him so badly and give her a kiss. Her playful side was showing through, and when she smiled like that it made him just want to kiss her silly.

"Well, I was apprehensive at first… but I think I'm getting the hang of it…" She smiled with a giggle as she pressed the button for the elevator.

"You know what… I'm just going to take the stairs, you two make me sick…" Cristina mumbled as she turned to walk away.

"Cris, wait…" Meredith said as she grabbed Cristina's arm. She turned to Derek and smiled. "Dr. Shepherd… do you have ten dollars that I could borrow?"

Derek gave her a strange look, tilting his head as Cristina laughed out loud. "Ten dollars?"

"Yeah… ten dollars… don't worry… I'm sure I'll be paying you back tomorrow…" Meredith giggled as she glanced to Cristina. Derek pulled his wallet out and pulled out a ten dollar bill. "Thanks." She said with a giggle as she immediately handed the ten dollars to Cristina. "I'll meet you in the cafeteria…" She laughed at Cristina.

"You two are sick…" Cristina laughed as she pocketed the ten dollars and turned towards the stairwell just as the elevator door opened.

Meredith stepped into the empty elevator, followed by Derek, who moved behind her as the doors closed. As soon as the doors closed, he took a step forward and pressed his nose against her hair. "You are so fucking adorable…" He whispered.

Meredith giggled a little as she pressed the button for the fourth floor. "Why, thank you…" She whispered as she turned around suddenly and pushed him hard against the wall of the elevator, smashing her lips onto his. His hands instinctively roaming her body, through her hair, their tongues assaulting one another as he reveled every second of the kiss, breathing in her scent, tasting her salty skin on his lips, he was just becoming lost in the kiss when the elevator bell rang to indicate the next floor. "I'll call you later." She whispered as the doors opened and she stepped off immediately, jogging down the hallway with a skip in her step.

Derek stood in the elevator, wiping his lips as he tried to catch his breath. He leaned against the side of the elevator as Ellis Grey stepped onto it. He stood up straight and tried to collect himself. "Doctor Shepherd." She said as she watched him try to gain his composure.

"Doctor Grey." Derek said, his voice a bit shaky as he took a deep breath, letting it go very slowly.

"Are you doing alright, you look a little out of sorts…" She said as she smirked as she pushed the button for the lobby. She had seen her daughter run from the elevator, and Derek looked a little frustrated as he stood there, his hair a bit messed up, and he was licking his lips as he breathed heavily.

"I…" He said as he swallowed hard. "I think I was just violated…" He said, glancing to Ellis as he watched her smirk.

"Well, Doctor Shepherd…" Ellis said as she waited a moment, her eyes glancing over at him as he ran his fingers through his hair. "She is a Grey, Doctor Shepherd… and Greys are very good at the elevator quickie." She said as the elevator door opened and she walked off towards the front door of the hospital.

Derek stood in the elevator for a moment, staring out at Ellis disappearing out the doors of the hospital. He smirked a little as he swallowed hard. "Yep…" He whispered to himself. "Yep, I was definitely just violated there…" He said as he shook his head and stepped off the elevator.

--------------------

When dinner was over, Meredith sat in her chair poking at what was left on her plate. Cristina sat beside her with her foot on the table, leaning her chair back as she watched her friend sigh again. "You were all freaking perky and happy when you got up here… you ate and now you're back down in the dumps… did they put something in the food?" She asked as she watched Meredith glance up at her.

"No." She mumbled, poking at her food a little more.

"Did I earn my ten dollars?" She asked, glancing down to see her face as she stared at the food.

"Yes." She said, smiling softly at the memory. She looked up at Cristina and sighed. "Now he's gone… and I'm all alone."

"Oh… well, thanks… it's nice to know that I'm loved…"

"Oh, come on… you know what I mean." She shook her head. "I am just…"

"Attached at the hip, totally obsessed, stalkerishly connected? At least you got to work with him today."

"Yes." She smirked a little as she sighed. "I just miss my baby…" She said as she glanced to Cristina. "You wouldn't understand…" She said as she stood up to clear her tray.

"You're right… I wouldn't understand… but that's alright, I mean come on… I don't know what it's like to have another human being come out of my body? How am I even supposed to understand?" Cristina asked.

"I'm not blaming you for not understanding… I'm just… things have slowed down, and I'm thoughtful."

"Nothing is stopping you from calling him, Meredith." Cristina shrugged. Just as she said the words, their pagers both went off.

"Nothing is stopping me…right…" Meredith grumbled as she and Cristina both took off running to answer the pages.

------------

Derek arrived home and walked slowly up the steps of the house. He felt strangely alone as he entered the house, knowing that Meredith wasn't going to be there when he walked inside. He closed his eyes as he put his hand on the doorknob, swallowing hard, he took a deep breath as he opened the door. He wondered if Meredith was doing alright, without him there to run into , see, talk to, or ask a question to. He sighed again as he opened the door.

He listened to the sounds of the house, the quiet was not as friendly as it usually was when he came home from work and he could feel the lump growing in his throat as he thought of leaving Meredith at the hospital. "It's too quiet in here!" He exclaimed as he always did when he walked into the house and a smile rose to his face when he heard the excited squeals of his son coming from somewhere in the house. "Where's my little man?" He called as he stepped into the family room. He listened and could hear the baby's babbling from within the kitchen.

"We're in here, sweetheart." Mrs. Shepherd's voice rang out as Derek walked into the room. He immediately spotted the bouncer and grinned.

"There's my buddy!" Derek said, plastering a happy smile on his face as he tried to push away the sadness of knowing Meredith wasn't there. "Hi, Mom." He smiled at his mother and lifted the baby from his seat.

"Hi, sweetheart." She said as she watched Derek lift the baby into the air.

"How was my little boy today… was he a good boy?" Derek asked.

"He was a perfect angel." She said with a smile as she listened to the baby giggle at his daddy, a sound that she hadn't heard since Derek had left that morning.

"Of course he was!" Derek exclaimed as he gave the little boy kiss after kiss on his cheeks and nose, listening to him giggle.

"How is Meredith doing?" She asked immediately, watching instantly as Derek's smile lessened.

"She's doing great…" Derek said softly as he held his son to his chest and rocked him back and forth a little, kissing his dark hair as he looked up at his mother, reveling in the cuddliness of the baby. "She's… really catching on, and I think she's having a really good time… Did she call you today?"

"She called once or twice… she didn't seem too panicked, much better than the other day." Mrs. Shepherd said softly as she watched Derek cuddle the baby against his chest. "I think she's doing alright…" She whispered.

"I worked with her today…on a case… she was so nervous this morning, I felt bad…" He smiled softly. "By the afternoon though, she was jumping right into it… I'm very proud of her." He smiled.

"I'm proud of both of you…" She said with a smile. "I can leave you boys together… he ate about twenty minutes ago… so he'll be okay for a bit…" She said softly as she watched Derek look down at the baby lovingly. "She'll be home tomorrow, sweetheart." Mrs. Shepherd whispered, watching as Derek looked up at her.

"I don't know how she did it this morning…" He whispered. "I don't know how I can do it… leaving him… look at him… he's just…he's…"

"He's addictive…" Mrs. Shepherd whispered.

"He is…" Derek said, smiling sadly as he watched his mother slowly leave the room. "What do you say, little guy… why don't we go on upstairs to mommy's rocking chair and read a book." Derek whispered, ignoring his grumbling stomach so that he wouldn't miss a second with his son.

--------------------

Meredith finished tending to the patient that they had been paged about, only to be paged again for another patient. By the time she was finished with that, it was nearly midnight that evening, and she was exhausted. She leaned against the wall outside an exam room and closed her eyes as she slid down the wall to the ground. She looked up as Cristina walked out of another room, glancing down at her, she gave her a roll of the eyes.

"What's wrong now?" Cristina grumbled as she kicked her friend's foot lightly as she stepped around her.

"I just want to go to sleep…"

"Well, they said sleep when you can… you should just find an on call room and go to sleep." Cristina shrugged.

"Maybe I will…" She whispered as she started to stand up. She leaned against the wall as she heard her pager go off. "Goddamn it…" She groaned as she looked at the message.

Cristina looked down at hers as well as her pager went off. "Me too…" She said as she glanced to the pager. "What does yours say?" Cristina asked, leaning over to look at the pager.

"Room 532… room 532?" She asked as she gave Cristina a sideways look. "That's the maternity ward…"

"Well, let's go…" Cristina said as she grabbed Meredith's arm and pulled her to the stairwell. The two girls trudged up the stairs and ran down the hallway towards the designated room. They stopped in front of the room and stared at the door.

"What is this, a joke?"

"What do you mean?" Cristina asked as she caught up.

"It's an on call room." She said, glancing to Cristina.

"What?"

"An on call room… why would we be paged to an on call room?" She asked as she turned angrily towards Cristina. "So not only are we being freaking run ragged, now we're being paged to places that we don't even need to be? What the hell is this? I need some freaking sleep, I can't be answering pages to nowhere!" She exclaimed.

"Meredith… keep your voice down…" Cristina whispered, glancing down the darkened hallway.

"What? Why should I be quiet? We're being paged to a freaking…" Meredith exclaimed, stopping as Cristina covered her mouth.

"Maybe you should shut up and check it out… instead of screaming like an idiot…" Cristina said, pointing to the doorknob.

Meredith pulled Cristina's hand from her mouth and glared angrily at her. "Oh, I should check it out? Why don't you check it out? This is stupid… stupid wild goose chase and then I have to…"

Suddenly the door opened and Mark poked his head out. "Would you two keep it down out here, we're trying to sleep."

"Yeah…" Derek said as he opened the door a little farther, holding the tiny sleeping baby against his chest as he looked out at the two wide eyed, open mouthed women standing in front of them. "We're trying to sleep in here…"

"Separately…" Mark corrected.

"Separately… yes… we're trying to sleep separately…" he said, giving Mark a sideways look.

"That… that… you… you and… that… and…" Meredith stammered.

"You son of a bitch!" Cristina exclaimed as she grinned, stepping into the room, she grabbed Mark by the shirt, pulling him down into a full kiss, she smiled against his mouth. "You boys are so dead…" She growled as she stared into his eyes.

"But… and… and…" Meredith stammered as Derek stepped forward, carefully lifting the baby into Meredith's waiting arms as he cuddled against her body.

"He was looking for a midnight snack…" Derek wiggled his eyebrows at Meredith who had all of her attention on the baby as she rocked him back and forth against her body, tears rolling down her cheeks as she cuddled him and rocked him, hugging him and kissing him.

"My boys… my boys…" She whispered as she kissed the baby's head, breathing in his scent, she looked up at Derek who was smiling brightly as she held him.

"We're going to go look for another room…" Mark said as he walked towards the door, pulling Cristina along. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill, handing it over to Derek. "You won that bet…there's no way I was going to last…" Mark chuckled as he shook his head, pulling Cristina out of the room with him as they closed the door behind them.

Derek stepped forward and locked the door, taking her hand, he slowly led her to one of the beds. She sat down as she cuddled her son, her eyes looking to Derek as she cooed and said his name over and over, tears rolling down her cheeks as she touched his fingers with her fingertips, holding his little hand with her fingertips as Derek sat down on the bed beside her. Carefully, he reached for the baby, whispering for her to lay down on the bed.

She whimpered a little as she gave up the warmth of her son for a moment, laying her head on the pillow, she accepted the baby into her arms once again, lying him against her body on the bed. "Oh, Derek…" She whispered. "Derek, Derek…" She whispered.

"Shh…" He whispered as he lay down beside them, kissing her head. "You rest… you sleep with him…"

"But what if…"

"Don't worry…" he whispered. "I'm not going to fall asleep… I want to watch you sleep…" He whispered. "I want to watch both of you sleep… that's all I want…" he whispered.

"Oh…" She whispered as she looked up into his eyes. "Oh, Derek… I love you so much…" She whimpered.

"I love you, baby…" he whispered as he reached out and touched her cheek, running his finger across her skin as he watched her eyes. "Just close your eyes and hold your little one…" he whispered. "Just hold your little one so that you can sleep." He whispered as he leaned forward and kissed her head, looking down on her and their son, as they both slipped into a blissful slumber.

--------------------

Derek held them closely for several hours, watching as she snuggled the baby so softly against her body as she slept. He watched the rise and fall of her chest, the wiggling of her nose as she pressed her face into the baby's hair as he wiggled his nose as well. They both snored softly as he smiled at their beautiful faces, their eyes moving in a dream as both of their lips were curled softly in a sleepy smile.

The evening was wearing through and Derek was beginning to feel tired as he lay there. He kissed Meredith softly as he watched her eyes open slowly. "Baby…" He whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Sweetheart…" He whispered.

"Hm…" She whispered.

"I need to take him home now…"

"No…" She whispered.

"Sweetie… you'll get to see him tonight… after work, I promise…" He whispered. "I need to get him home and get ready for work.

"I'm going to miss him." She whispered.

"We're both going to miss you…" He whispered back, reaching his hand to kiss her forehead as he carefully slipped the baby from her arms. "Give him a kiss…" Derek whispered, smiling as Meredith kissed the baby's hair and watched as his eyes opened for a moment, glancing up at his mother, he made a cooing noise that sent Meredith's heart aflutter. 

"I love you, baby…" She whispered as she kissed the baby once again, watching desperately as Derek lifted him from the bed. She whimpered a little as Derek reached down to touch her head. 

"You two were so sweet together." He whispered with a soft smile. Suddenly, the sound of Meredith's pager rang through the room. She moved quickly to the edge of the bed. "See that…do we have good timing or what?" He said softly as Meredith stood up and yawned.

"Yeah, yeah…" She shook her head as she leaned up and kissed him on the lips. "You know…" She said quickly. "There are a few interns that have the hots for you…" She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Oh yeah?" He chuckled as he cradled his son, looking down on him as he cuddled against him. 

"Yes…" She said as she poked his chest.

"Well… I only have eyes for one intern…" He smiled.

"When you have a second, let me know who she is, so that I can kick her ass." Meredith giggled as she kissed the baby quickly and took off out the door as her pager sounded again.

Derek laughed out loud as he shook his head. "Your mommy is so silly…" Derek laughed as he carefully lifted the baby into the baby seat beside the bed. He carefully snuggled him into his seat, buckling him in. He covered the carrier with the blanket and walked out of the door and down the hallway.

He walked towards the elevator and sighed as he waited for it to open. The door opened and he stepped inside, his eyes on the baby carrier as he stood inside the elevator. He pushed the button and waited patiently for it to take him to the lobby. When they reached the surgical floor, the door opened and for a brief second, he held his breath as Izzie Stevens stepped into the elevator. He kept his head down and hoped that she wouldn't notice him.

"Oh my goodness!" She exclaimed, seeing the baby carrier in Derek's hand, Derek swallowed hard. "Doctor Shepherd, you have a baby?" She asked excitedly.

"He's sleeping." Derek whispered, putting his finger to his lips as he held fast to the carrier, praying that the elevator would just hurry.

"Can I see him?"

"I prefer not, I'm sorry, Doctor Stevens…He's sleeping… he's… a very light sleeper…"

"Oh." She said as she glanced to Derek and back to the carrier. "Just a peek?"

"Sorry…" He said as the elevator doors opened. "Gotta go…" He said as he walked briskly out of the elevator towards the front door, leaving Izzie standing in the elevator staring awkwardly out at the disappearing figure.

--------------------

Meredith was just walking into the locker room to change into a fresh pair of scrubs when she heard Izzie talking to someone. "He was in the elevator… he doesn't wear a wedding ring… and he has a kid?" Izzie shrugged.

"I don't know, Izzie…" Cristina grumbled as she glanced to Meredith for help.

"Meredith, you know Doctor Shepherd, right?" Izzie asked as she saw Meredith come around the corner.

"Yeah." Meredith said nonchalantly as she pulled her scrub shirt off and pulled another out of her locker. 

"Your mom works here, so you like know most of the doctors…" Izzie nodded.

"Yeah…" Meredith mumbled as she pulled her scrub shirt over her head.

"Like… how long have you known him?" She asked, glancing to Cristina who was not helpful in her search for answers.

"Oh, I don't know… probably since he was a resident here… why?"

"Did you know he had a kid?" She asked.

Meredith raised her eyebrows at Izzie and looked down at Cristina. "Oh yeah… I know about his kid…" Meredith said, turning towards her locker as she tried not to chuckle.

"Is he married or something? Seeing someone? Is he a single father?" Izzie asked.

"Why does it even freaking matter?" Cristina asked.

"I'm just wondering…" Izzie shrugged.

"You want to get into Doctor Shepherd's scrub pants!" Cristina laughed as Meredith leaned against the locker and tried to compose herself.

"I do not!"

"You so do!" Cristina exclaimed.

"Shut up, Cristina! I do not!" Izzie exclaimed.

"To answer your question, Izzie… Yes… Doctor Shepherd has a son…" Meredith giggled. "His fiancé left him for…"

"Another woman…" Cristina said, watching Meredith's jaw slack open.

"Yeah… another woman…" She said as she shook her head and tried not to laugh.

"She did not!" Izzie exclaimed.

"Oh yes… it was tragic… he was depressed for weeks…" Cristina shook her head. "The only thing that gets him by from day to day is little…"

"Trevor…" Meredith finished as she gave a sad sigh. "Poor Trevor has two mommies…"

"Oh, that's awful…" Izzie whispered, shaking her head.

"It is…" Meredith nodded. "He doesn't even like to talk about it…" She said as she glanced to Cristina.

"If you do mention it, he goes into a fit of denial…its very sad…" Cristina exclaimed.

"He's very messed up…" Meredith shook her head. "I think he needs some time to work things out… you know… work things through personally before he sees anyone…" Meredith nodded. "I think its all for the best."

"Yeah…" Izzie sighed. "I had no idea…" She shook her head.

"Well… he seems like a healthy guy on the outside… but on the inside he's just a putrid pile of rotted heart… the poor man..." Cristina shook her head. "Well… I have to go and see if anyone's willing to let an intern scrub in on a surgery… I'll see you two at rounds…" She grinned suddenly as she took off out of the locker room.

"Cris! Wait for me!" Meredith exclaimed as she chased after her friend, leaving Izzie alone in the locker room to ponder her latest discovery.

--------------------

Derek's morning was going by quickly, peeking into his patient's rooms, he did his rounds and spoke with a few interns and residents as their groups came around. He was standing at the nurse's station writing some notes when he realized someone was standing beside him. He turned his head and Izzie turned her head quickly to pretend that she hadn't been looking at him.

"Doctor Stevens?" He asked, raising his eyebrow. He knew that he had a close call that morning with Richie, and now she was hovering around him strangely and it was beginning to make him feel slightly uncomfortable.

"Doctor… Doctor Shepherd?" She said, raising her eyebrows as she looked at Derek expectantly.

"Can I help you with something, Doctor Stevens?"

"Um…"

"Is there something that I can do for you? Is there a case you need to discuss or something?" He asked, his voice kind of gruff as he tried to get her to either talk or leave.

"Um… I… I just…" She stammered as she watched him for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I just you know… wanted to let you know if there was anything you ever needed to talk about or whatever, I'm around… and you know… I'm like… I'm not into women or anything, so if you're ever worried about that, that'd never happen and… since I saw that you had a son and stuff, I just thought that its important that he have a normal family life and…"

"Doctor Stevens?" Derek asked, his face confused and disturbed by her rant. "What are you talking about."

"Oh… yeah… yeah, its alright… I understand that it's difficult to accept…I'll just… I'm sorry I bothered you…" She said quickly as she turned on her heel and walked quickly down the hallway.

"These interns are getting weirder and weirder…" He said as he turned to write something else in the chart in his hands.

Mark walked up beside him and started writing in his chart. "So… someone has a little crush on you…" He teased.

"No she doesn't… cut that out…" Derek said as he shook his head, a little smirk on his face as he blushed a little.

"Oh come on, Derek… don't be so bashful… she wants a little bit of you…" He laughed.

"Mark, seriously… cut it out… she was… really… weird…" He said as he shook his head.

"Come on, Derek… if you can't flirt with Meredith… you should…"

"Stop… right there." Derek said, pointing his pen at Mark. "You should stop right there…" He said as he closed the chart. "I'm happily engaged, thank you… and just because I am not allowed to be openly involved… with her…" He said, tossing the chart into the rack. "Doesn't mean I'm going to be openly uninvolved to make up for it."

"You're no fun." Mark shrugged.

"That's right… I am no fun… just call me 'Killjoy Shepherd.'" Derek said as he turned and leaned against the counter as a group of interns walked by. Derek continued glancing at Mark as Mark followed them down the hallway with his eyes. "You are so not ready for a real relationship." He shook his head with a laugh as he turned to walk down the hallway away from Mark.

"What do you mean by that…" Mark asked as he jogged to catch up with Derek, slowing as he started walking up alongside him.

"You know what I mean… you can't go ten seconds without some type of come on or disgusting leer." Derek said as he approached the elevator.

"Cristina loves to be jealous… she loves it… she thinks its hot… and I think that she's pretty damn hot when she's jealous." Mark nodded with a smirk.

"Mark, give me a break."

"Just try it…" Mark whispered. "Just… do one thing that could be construed as a mild come on to Meredith in her presence… and watch how jealous she becomes… I bet it's so hot…" Mark laughed.

"Watch it there, buddy… that's the mother of my child you're talking about there…"

"I'm just saying…" Mark shrugged. "Jealousy… hot…"

"Shut up…" Derek chuckled as he stepped into the elevator with a laugh as he shook his head at Mark as the doors closed.

--------------------

The day wore on rather quickly, and Derek found himself heading down the hallway where a group of interns were conversing in the hallway. He watched Meredith's ponytail sway back and forth as she laughed and talked to the other interns. He was just passing them and his eyes flashed to hers, and for a second, he saw a tiny smirk on her face as he settled behind the group of them at the counter. He placed a chart on the counter and glanced over to her, her eyes again flashing to his as she laughed about something one of the interns said.

"We're going to go over to the bar across the street after the shift… to celebrate the end of our first shift. Do you guys want to come?" Alex asked as he leaned against the counter. Derek watched Meredith's eyes flash to his again as she opened her mouth to answer. He nodded his head and looked back down at his chart.

"I don't know if…" Meredith started to say, hearing Derek clear his throat. "I… need to…" She was interrupted again as Derek coughed.

"Doctor Shepherd, do you need a glass of water?" Meredith asked, giving him an irritated glare over Alex's shoulder as Derek looked up.

"Nope… nope, I'm fine… thanks." Derek said as he cleared his throat.

"I'll be there…" Izzie said with a smile as she glanced to George.

"I'll definitely be there…" George nodded, glancing to Meredith. "Come on, Meredith… you have to go…"

"I would but…"

"Doctor Shepherd…" Izzie said as she turned around. "Do you have plans tonight? I mean… you know, if you want, you can join us."

"I don't think that would be possible, Doctor Stevens…" Derek said as he set the chart in the rack behind the counter.

"Oh… oh yeah…. Trevor…" She nodded her head as she looked at Cristina and Meredith.

"What?" Derek asked.

"So I'll go too… we'll all meet there after our shift, right?" Meredith asked as she shook her head at Derek, who gave her a confused look as she shrugged. He walked down the hallway and turned into an exam room, and the interns all went their separate ways.

Meredith walked down the hallway towards where Derek had disappeared to, and slipped into the empty exam room. "What was all that about?" She asked Derek as he smiled at her entrance into the room.

"I wanted you to go out tonight." He said with a smile.

"Derek… I can't go out… I have to get home to the baby…" She said softly.

"He'll be home waiting for you… you need to celebrate… you need to spend time with people your own age… you need to hang out with your coworkers… because you have an opportunity. My mom is in town for a couple of weeks… and after that, it's daycare… and with daycare, you have to pick him up afterwards, there's no leaving him there for a couple extra hours… you need to celebrate, Meri… it's your first shift…" He said with a smile.

"Celebrating is no fun without you." She whispered.

"I know…" He shook his head. "But Cris will be there, and you'll have a good time… and I'll be home waiting for you with our little prince…" He smiled.

"Der…" She whimpered.

"Come on, Meri… do this for me… for you…" He said softly as he glanced to the door. He leaned in and kissed her lips softly.

"Okay." She whispered.

"Okay you're going to do this?" he asked.

"Okay… okay, I'll do it…" She sighed as she shook her head. "I'll see you a little later… before I go…" She smiled as she kissed his cheek softly, watching him jump in surprise a little.

"You little sneaky…"

"You behave…" She chuckled as he watched her flit from the room quickly as he was left there alone. With a smile.

--------------------

Meredith entered the bar with Cristina and Izzie. She hadn't been out to the bar for a while, since before the baby was born, and she wasn't sure how comfortable she was going to be this evening knowing that Derek was home with Richie while she was hanging out with a bunch of colleagues. She wanted so badly to go home with Derek when her shift ended, snuggle on the couch with he and Richie and watch a movie, or maybe when Richie was put to bed, a little mommy and daddy snuggle time. She had been so tired lately, that sex had been quick, more of a habit than anything else, not that sex with Derek wasn't a uniquely sensual experience each and every time, but there is a certain amount of spark that's lost when you smell of baby spit up and you're struggling to keep your eyes open.

She was awake now, she was very awake, and she wished that she were this awake with Derek right now, not with a table full of strangers who she was slowly beginning to become acquainted with. She thought about what Derek had said, and he was right. She did need to spend time with people her own age, with the people she worked with, people who would become her friends if they got to know her. She knew that the more friends she obtained by herself, on her own merit, the better chance of them not leaving her high and dry when they found out that her relationship with the criminally handsome Neuro attending was more than just a passing glance and a lot deeper, and a lot more involved.

"Oh! Meredith!" Izzie exclaimed as she grabbed Meredith's hand. "I didn't realize you were engaged!"

Meredith realized that she had slipped her engagement ring back on her finger after the shift had ended, having had it around her neck on a chain all day long, she decided that she felt more comfortable with it around her finger, again not thinking about the overtly perky Barbie doll that seemed so adept to asking questions that pertained to everyone but herself.

"Yes." Meredith said as she glanced to Cristina, who shrugged. "Thanks…" Meredith mouthed to Cristina, who smirked as she looked up the waitress who had come up to the table.

"Meri… it's been a while…" She said with a smirk as Meredith nodded politely. "Where's the handsome doctor?"

Izzie's eyes were burning into Meredith as she smiled. "Oh, he's home with the little one…" Meredith swallowed.

"That's right… you haven't been in here since you found out about him… how is he doing?" The waitress said politely as she wiggled in her seat a little.

"He's doing very well… I'll bring a picture in sometime…" She said with a half smile.

"Good…" She said with a smile. "Alright, what can I get you ladies to drink?" She said as she noticed George and Alex coming up to the table. "Alright… girls and guys…" She said with a laugh as she took their orders.

They sat at the table for a while, talking candidly for a while as suddenly, the attention was brought back to where Meredith had thought it had disappeared from. "So who is the lucky man?" Izzie said, nodding towards the ring. "He's home with the little one?" She asked.

"Yes… yes, he is…" Meredith nodded.

"He's a doctor…"

"He's a paleontologist…" Cristina mumbled as she sat back in her chair, listening to Meredith's laugh.

"A paleontologist? Like a dinosaur guy?"

"Oh yeah… he loves playing with his bones…" Meredith nodded seriously, watching as the boys snickered.

"Wow… how long have you known him?"

"They grew up together… used to hang out on the docks…"

"What are you talking about?" Meredith laughed as Cristina just smirked.

"I'm confused." Izzie said as she looked back and forth between Cristina and Meredith.

"It's alright… at least you know what it's called…" Cristina said as everyone laughed but Izzie, who still looked extremely confused.

They talked for a while longer, their drinks came to the table and they all toasted their survival of their first shift, laughing and talking, they enjoyed one another's company. "Meri." Cristina suddenly whispered. Meredith leaned in to her friend for a moment. "Bone guy at ten o'clock…" She whispered.

Meredith gave her a strange look, and turned her head her eyes widening slightly as she noticed a familiar dark haired man with those blue eyes that could melt her soul sitting at the bar talking to the waitress. "What is he doing here?" She whispered under her breath, noticing no one else had noticed him yet.

"Oh! Look! It's Doctor Shepherd!" Izzie exclaimed as she pointed to the bar. "Doctor Shepherd! Come on over here!" She squealed as Derek smiled at the bar, accepted his drink and began to walk over towards the table.

"Shit." Meredith whispered as she watched the playful look in his eyes and that sweet little smirk as he approached the table.

--------------------

Meredith could feel her palms begin to sweat, the closer he came to her, the more erratic her breathing became, the drier her mouth became. She was tempted to just swig down her drink. Derek had always had an effect on her, he had always made her swoon, but she had expected him to go home. She had not expected him to show up at the bar, and she definitely did not expect him to approach their table with a purposeful swagger, as if it were his intention the entire time.

His eyes flashed around the table at the interns and his eyes sparkled just a little more when they fell on Meredith. "Hey guys." Derek said nonchalantly as he stepped up to the table.

"Sit down, Doctor Shepherd… have a seat…" Izzie said, turning around, she pointed to a chair at the next table.

"Doctor Shepherd likes to drink alone." Meredith blurted out, her eyes flashing to Derek's as she watched his smirk become a little wider, Cristina elbowed her and she gave her a nervous look as she took a slow deep breath.

"Why, Doctor Grey… that's very presumptuous of you…" Derek said as he reached over to grab a chair, he slid it over to the table and sat down beside Izzie, across from Meredith, his soft smile sending shivers through her body as she smelled a waft of his cologne in the air. "I see that you all survived your first shift…" He said, his eyes moving across the table as they nodded. "Everyone is still in one piece… going to come back for the next shift, I presume?" He smirked.

"Yes." Meredith swallowed hard, her stomach doing flip flops as he sat across from her, her hands sweating profusely as she swallowed hard again. "And we're taking this opportunity to actually not talk about work for once." She nodded, getting a nod from everyone else at the table.

"We were just talking about Meredith's fiancé." Izzie said with a giggle.

"Oh… oh really?" Derek said as he glanced to Meredith, whose eyes were wide and surprised. He could tell that she was nervous, and he gave her a sly grin as he leaned back in the chair. "By all means… don't let me interrupt…" He said as he grinned.

"Yeah, Meredith… you were just telling us how you met him…" Cristina said, nudging Meredith, nodding towards everyone.

Meredith's face started to turn red as she watched everyone's eyes on her. She slowly released the breath that she had been holding and jumped suddenly when she felt someone's foot against hers. Her eyes flashed to Derek, and he raised his eyebrows with a permissive expression. He watched her smirk as she shook her head. "So you want to know how I met him, huh?" She asked, feeling the foot lightly tap against hers, she slipped her shoe off, lightly tapping his in return.

The table became very interested in what Meredith was going to say, and she swallowed hard as she slowly lifted her foot. She ran her foot across his shin, dipping it behind his calf for a moment as she lifted it to his thigh as she leaned forward slightly. She felt his hand suddenly touch her foot, lifting it carefully onto his leg. She eyed him as he began to run his fingers over her skin, his other hand holding his drink as he eyed her.

"Well… we… we were friends in high school and… and… very close friends, and… and we used to do a lot of things together when we were kids… he'd tease me all the time, and I thought he was a real ass…" She said very quickly, her breath catching as he began to gently knead his fingers between her toes, sending shots of pleasure through her body as he casually sipped his drink. His fingers were moving, caressing her as she tried desperately to control her breathing. "In college we started dating… and now we're engaged…" She said quickly, trying to end the story.

"What is his name?" Derek asked, his fingers moving across her ankle, up her smooth leg slight, and back down again. He reached her toes again and began to gently run his fingertips down the sole of her foot. His eyes were filled with a passionate fire, his lips curled in a devilish smile as his teeth bit down slightly on his lower lip. Her eyes widened as she felt a sudden jolt run through her as he gently pushed a pressure point on her foot.

"Hank!" She exclaimed as she pulled her foot from Derek's lap quickly, her face turning bright red as he smirked across the table at her. "His name is Hank…" She whispered.

Cristina watched Meredith as her face turned various shades of pink and red, her eyes darting to Derek as she noticed his hand move back to the table. She watched Meredith give Derek a warning glance, and nearly laughed out loud. "Hank the paleontologist…" Cristina smirked, watching Derek's eyes flash to hers with one of curiosity.

"Oh… he's a paleontologist… an interesting profession…" Derek said as he smirked. Her face twisted into a sarcastic smile as she nodded.

"Yes." She said as she crossed her arms, lifting her foot back to his leg, she started to rub his leg softly with her foot, watching his eyes become a darker shade of blue as she ran her foot along the inside of his thigh.

"Meredith says he likes to play with his bones…" Alex laughed as he took a drink from his beer and chuckled.

"Doctor Hank…Doctor Hank and his bones…" Cristina sighed, pretending she was fawning as Meredith's eyes moved to her friend, her foot still working back and forth on Derek's leg as she watched his cheeks begin to turn red.

"So, Doctor Shepherd…" George said as he tried to bring the conversation off the awkward conversation, he watched Derek's eyebrows rise as he turned his head to look at the inquiring intern. He was feeling very warm suddenly, and the soft smooth foot that was kneading its way into his lap was not helping the situation. His eyes flashed to Meredith as she sat with a wicked grin on her face. "How was your first day as an intern? I mean… were you as scared as we were?" George asked.

"I wasn't scared." Cristina said as she glanced to Meredith, who was obviously busy doing something under the table with her foot, and then to Derek, who was trying to be unaffected by whatever Meredith was doing under the table.

"I wasn't scared." Alex said as he glanced to George, giving him a punch on the shoulder as he shook his head. "Wuss."

"I was nervous…" Izzie said with a giggle as she glanced to Meredith. "Meredith, were you nervous?"

"Huh?" Meredith asked, sitting up a little more, watching a flash of disappointment on Derek's face as she moved her foot slightly to the top of his leg. "No… no, I wasn't nervous… I just missed my son…" She said with a slight smile. "And Hank… I missed Hank…" She said cheerfully as she moved her foot back to his thigh, gently wiggling her toes farther and farther into his leg. Derek moved forward into her foot, and watched as her eyebrows raised at the destination that her foot had found.

"Oh! Doctor Shepherd! Meredith has a son too! He's so adorable… what was his name, Meredith? Richard?"

"His name is Richard… yes…" Meredith said as she smiled, pushing her foot harder against Derek as he grunted slightly under his breath, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as she moved her foot back and forth across him.

"How old is Trevor?" Izzie asked, glancing to Derek, whose ears were burning as he could feel himself beginning to sweat, the longer he was sitting there. His breathing was becoming slightly erratic and suddenly, he realized that Izzie was talking to him.

"Trevor?" Derek asked.

"Are you alright, Doctor Shepherd? You don't look like you feel very well…" Izzie said as she touched Derek's hand.

Suddenly, Cristina's hand came flying across the table, slapping Izzie's hand.

"Ow!" She exclaimed as she moved her hand back quickly.

"Sorry… mosquito…" Cristina shrugged, looking at her hand. "Crap, Missed it…"

Meredith then pushed her foot a little harder into his crotch, sending Derek jumping out of his chair. "I… I… I… I'm not feeling well… I'll be right back." He said as he leapt up and ran towards the bathroom.

"Looks like Doctor Shepherd can't hold his liquor…" Alex laughed.

"I wonder if he needs help…" Izzie whispered.

"I'll go check on him…." Meredith said as she slipped her shoe onto her foot and looked across the table at the watchful eyes of her friends. "What? I know him better than you guys do… I don't want him to feel awkward…" She shrugged as she stood up and made her way quickly through the bar to the bathroom.

--------------------

Meredith made her way quickly towards the bathroom, noting the 'out of order' sign on the men's room. She furrowed her brow and glanced to the women's bathroom. She was just about to open the door when she felt an arm grab her from behind. "You're such a tease…" He growled into her neck as he held her around her waist, she nearly squealed as she felt herself being pulled into the other bathroom. The bathroom was dark, but for a small emergency light and the door was locked behind them as she giggled wildly at his kisses on her neck and shoulder. "Such a bad… bad… girl…" He whispered as he turned her around quickly and pushed her hard into the wall, the air rushing from her lungs as she felt it being sucked in by his lips.

"Derek…" She squeaked as she turned her head, feeling his body pressed so hard against the wall, that she was lifted off the floor, his arms holding her up as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"Come home with me." He whispered.

"Derek…" She whispered.

"Come home with me… now… please?" He growled, burying his head in her neck as he kissed her skin, his tongue gently running along her skin. "Don't make me do this in this nasty bathroom… let me take you home…" he whispered. "Let me take you home… please…" he whispered.

"Derek… why are you here?" She whimpered as she moaned softly against his kisses. "I thought you were going home… I thought that you…" She groaned as he moved his hands beneath her shirt and pulled her bra aside in one swift movement, his hands on her bare skin in seconds. "Derek!" She squeaked.

"Are my hands cold?" He whispered.

"No… no…" She groaned against him as he held her tightly, his hands roaming over her skin as she breathed heavily into him, her lips moving to his ear where she pressed her teeth gently into his earlobe.

"Ow…" He said as he pulled his lips from her. "You bit me…" He whispered.

"Are you complaining?" She whispered.

"Hardly…" He growled as he pushed her a little harder, sliding her down the walls, he pulled her arms up over her head and held them securely with one hand as he reached his other hand up her shirt, feathering his fingertips over her skin. "Meri… let me take you home… please…" He whispered as he released her arms, his body moving slowly down as he lifted her shirt and left tiny kisses on her belly, his hands on her hips as she moved her fingers through his hair. "Let me take you home…" He growled as he nibbled at her skin, feeling her hands on his ears, he felt her tug just slightly as he lifted his head to hers.

"What are we going to tell the peanut gallery?"

"Tell them that you and Hank have an open relationship… tell them… that… you want me…and only me… forever… and right now…" Derek said with a wicked grin, his body pressing hard against hers.

"Derek… I thought that…"

"Fuck the rules… fuck the rules… let me take you home… and …"

She placed her fingertips over his lips and shook her head. "Now, now… be a good boy…" She whispered.

"I'm done being a good boy." He whispered. "They're all going to find out eventually… why the hell should we have to go through this parade of secrets and lies for a bunch of people that aren't worth it. You have me… you have Mark… you have Cristina… you have our little boy… we're all the friends that you need… and if the rest don't want to be your friends… well then they can all go to hell, because you're a remarkable human being and any one of them would be damn lucky to be your friend." He said as he kissed her lips, feeling her push her lips against him, he groaned slightly.

"Derek…" She whispered, tilting her head as he lifted her from the ground. She wrapped her legs around his waist and giggled as he held her in his arms. "Take me home with you…" She whispered. He placed his hands firmly on her butt and gave it a little squeeze as he kissed her, feeling her lean forward and place her head on his shoulder, he turned and unlocked the door. He put his hand on the door handle.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked as she looked into his eyes.

"Yes." She smiled. "I want everyone to know that you're mine." She smiled as she hugged him again.

Derek chuckled slightly as he opened the door to the bathroom. He carried her light body against him, squeezing her butt now and then to make her giggle as they made their way to the table. As they approached, Izzie's jaw slacked open and Cristina laughed out loud.

"You two just couldn't resist, could you?" Cristina laughed.

"No way…" Derek said as he laughed. "All bets are off…Hank's got nothing on me…" He said as George and Alex smirked and shook their head as Izzie seemed to be stunned and speechless.

"We're going home…" Meredith said with a giggle. "Trevor's going to have three mommies…" Meredith giggled as Cristina laughed.

"Who is Trevor?" Derek asked as he looked Meredith in the eyes.

"Oh, hush… take me home, Hank…" Meredith said as she squeezed him and grabbed her purse that Cristina held out to her. "I'll see you guys tomorrow…" She said as Derek repositioned her with a bump and said goodbye, carrying Meredith through the bar and out the front door.

Cristina watched her friends leave with a laugh as Alex and George turned to her.

"So they…?"

"Yeah…" Cristina laughed. "They've been engaged for over a year and a half…they were going to try to keep things under wraps… but they can't go ten minutes without sticking their tongues in one another's mouths…"

"And Trevor is…?" Izzie asked.

"Trevor? There is no Trevor…Their son's name is Richie… keep up with things…"

"Oh…" Izzie whispered, glancing to the guys.

"So… who wants more drinks?" Alex said with a grin as he looked over towards the bar and waved the waitress over.

--------------------

The drive home was filled with electricity and excitement as Meredith gently rubbed Derek's leg with her hand, pushing her fingers into his thigh, squeezing the flesh between the khakis that he was wearing. "You were driving me crazy." He whispered as he grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers, his eyes glancing to her as she squeezed his hand.

"Well… you were driving me crazy…" She purred as she leaned to kiss his cheek, breathing in the scent of his cologne as she sighed deeply. "I thought you were going home…" She whispered.

"I was going to… I called my mother to see if she needed anything at the store and I told her that you were going out… and she told me that Richie was happy and being a good boy… and that I should go out and have some fun too… so that's what I did… I went out… and I had some fun…and I am coming home with a beautiful woman…" Derek said as he kissed her, leaning his head on hers as he continued to drive.

"Oh… I see… so you have a thing for going to bars and picking up beautiful women…?" She asked as she pulled away from him, listening to his chuckle as he shook his head.

"Only one beautiful woman at a time… please…" He laughed as she smacked him lightly. "Thank you for coming home with me." He whispered.

"Thank you for taking me home." She said with a smile. "And… also thank you for comforting me later when I finally come to terms with what we did back there…" She said with a giggle.

"Did you see the look on Izzie's face?" Derek laughed. "I kind of felt bad…" He chuckled.

"Don't feel bad… she's been ogling you for the past two days…Her next target is going to be Mark, I bet… and Cristina doesn't take that crap…"

"Ah… but Mark and I had an interesting conversation. He thinks that Cristina enjoys being jealous." He laughed. "He says that jealousy is hot…" He whispered into her ear as she giggled.

"Yes… Jealousy is hot… to an extent… but I don't think that I want that… I just want you… pure and simple…" She mumbled into his arm as she yawned.

"Look at this… now you're getting tired… you were all pumped up back there, all ready to play… and now you're sleepy…"

"You make me sleepy…"

"That's great… I'm like a big ole sleeping pill…" Derek rolled his eyes. "I must really be boring."

"It's alright…" She whispered as she patted his chest as she leaned on him, yawning a big yawn as she cuddled him, feeling his body move as he chuckled. "It's been a long day…" She whispered.

They pulled into the driveway and Derek nudged her a little as she sat up and smiled at him. "Home." She said with a grin.

"That we are…" He said as he watched her playful grin widen as she climbed from the car and glanced to him as she ran to the door.

He followed her up the steps and watched as she walked into the house. "Well, you're certainly awake now…" He chuckled as he watched her flit into the living room.

"Hi, Mom." She said happily as she walked to Mrs. Shepherd and flopped on the couch across from her.

"Well, someone is certainly in a good mood." She said with a smile as she watched Meredith's grin. "How was work… you survived…" She said with a laugh.

"It wasn't bad…" She said as she smiled. "Is he up in bed?" She asked softly as she sat up and watched her nod. "Thank you for watching him…" She said as she stood up and kissed her cheek softly. "I should get to bed… um… busy day tomorrow…" She said with a smile.

"You have pleasant dreams, sweetheart…" She said with a smile as she watched Meredith flit from the room.

"Did you have a good time, dear?" Mrs. Shepherd asked her son as he stood beaming, watching her skip past him towards the stairs.

"We had a great time." Derek said with a chuckle as he listened to her soft voice upstairs as she started to talk to her sleeping son. "I… think I'm going to head up to bed too…" He said as he stretched, yawning with a smile.

"Alright… don't you two stay up too late…" She said as she eyed her son with a smirk.

"Goodnight, Mom…" Derek said with a laugh as he shook his head and headed up the stairs after Meredith.

--------------------

Meredith woke up early, hearing Richie fussing in his bedroom, she nearly leapt from her bed as she grabbed her bathrobe. She kicked at her slipper, sending it flying across the room and onto the bed, smacking Derek on the arm.

"Oops…" She said, covering her hand with her mouth as she watched him roll over.

"Hey… naked guy trying to sleep here…" He grumbled in a husky, sleepy voice.

"It's almost time for you to get up, naked guy…" Meredith giggled as she crawled across the bed and dropped a kiss on his cheek as she grabbed her slipper from beside his arm. He reached around and grabbed her around the waist, laughing at her squeal as he held her against him.

"Naked guy wants to snuggle…"

"Well, there's a diapered guy in the other room that wants my attention too…" She said, hearing the baby over the monitor.

"Oh, I see how its… you'd rather take the one with poop in his pants over the potty trained one…I get it… I get it… we are not getting a dog, so don't even ask…" He laughed as she kissed his nose.

"Funny…" She giggled as he let her go, watching her roll off the bed and put her slipper on, she grinned brightly at him as she shuffled around the bed and out the door. Derek sat up and searched the floor for his boxer shorts. He found them and slipped them on, and then slid back into bed, covering up with the blanket.

After a few seconds, Derek could hear her talking softly to the baby over the monitor, listening to Richie's cries soften as she changed him and lifted him from his crib. He heard her ask Richie if he'd like to go in and see daddy, and in a couple of moments, the door was opening.

"See… see, there's daddy…" She said, pointing at the lump on the bed, covered in blankets. "Uh oh… I think he's hiding…" She said as she walked around the bed, the baby's cheeks were pink from crying, and he had fresh pajamas on, smelling of fresh baby powder and his little baby smell. She pressed her nose against his hair as she giggled. "Where's daddy?" She asked.

Suddenly, Derek pulled the blankets from his face. "Here I am!" He exclaimed, watching Richie start in surprise, and then laugh. Derek covered his head with the blanket again. "Here I am!" He said again, pulling the blanket down, making the little boy laugh. He pulled the blanket back up.

Meredith sat on the edge of the bed and laughed as she set Richie beside her. He reached forward and grabbed the blanket, pulling it from Derek's face, Derek made a funny face, sending him into gales of laughter. "Your daddy is just too silly, isn't he?" Meredith laughed as Richie tugged the blanket, wanting Derek to do it again.

Derek grabbed his son and lifted him into the air, lifting him gently to his chest as Meredith sighed. "Do I have to go?" She whimpered.

"Yeah, you have to go…" Derek sighed.

"I know…" She said with a half smile. "Get dressed… you have to take me to work… we left my car at the bar, remember?"

"Ah…" Derek said with a chuckle. "I thought I was going to get a little extra sleep."

"Get up…" She laughed as she pulled the pillow out from under his head and plopped it on his head, making Richie laugh once again.

"I think he likes it when you beat me up." Derek grumbled.

"That's because he's my boy…" She said with a laugh as she lifted him from Derek's chest. "Get up… get dressed… I'm going to bring him down for some breakfast before I take my shower." She said as she pulled the pillow off his head and kissed him softly on the cheek, plopping it back down on his head once again.

"You guys are mean…" Derek shook his head under the pillow chuckling as he heard Meredith and Richie leave the room giggling.

--------------------

Derek and Meredith walked into the hospital holding hands. They walked towards the elevator and Derek pressed the button before she could reach her hand for it. She looked up at him and smiled, to which he simply responded with a kiss on her lips and a long deep look into her eyes. "Your lips are magical." He whispered as the door opened and they stepped inside together. Derek squeezed in first, pulling Meredith into him, he wrapped his arms around her from behind, holding her securely as the doors closed.

When they opened on the surgical floor, his grip loosened and she was able to step off with a few other people and Derek held her hand the entire way. "I don't know how we're going to do this, Derek." She whispered as she walked a little faster.

"Act normal… we can act normal… we just act normal." He shrugged.

"Normal…" She whispered. "Derek…" She said frantically as she pushed him hard against the wall. "Derek… I…" Her eyes were desperately searching for something as she stammered.

"This isn't normal, Meredith." He whispered, giving her a smirk.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you…" He said with a laugh. "Now stop being weird and let me walk you to the locker room." He said as he draped his arm around her shoulder.

"I'm not being weird… it's peculiar… I'm being peculiar…" She sighed as they walked around the corner towards the locker room. Several interns had turned their heads to watch them walk down the hallway together. "They're all staring at us…" She whispered.

"That's because you have a cute butt…" He said, watching her worried face turn into a smile. "Remember… we don't care what they think…" He said as he turned and held her hands, leaning to kiss her, a voice stopped him in his tracks.

"I'm sure you'll care what I think." Ellis' voice was stern and angry, and their heads snapped in her direction. "Doctor Shepherd, Doctor Grey… my office, now." She growled as she turned on her heel and walked briskly down the hallway as Meredith and Derek stared at one another for a moment and swallowed hard as they held one another's hand and walked slowly down the hallway towards the elevators.

--------------------

Ellis stalked down to her office angrily, and stood by her desk as she waited for Derek and Meredith to slink in through the doors. "Close the door." She said angrily as she pointed at the door as they stepped into the office. Derek closed the door and both of them stood in her office. "Sit down." She growled as she pointed to the chairs in front of her desk.

Meredith stepped to sit down and Derek grasped her arm firmly. She gave him a confused glance as he glared at Ellis. "We will not sit down." Derek growled in return.

"Derek…she…"

"Sit down, Doctor Shepherd!" Ellis exclaimed.

Again, Meredith moved for the chair, but Derek kept a firm grip on her as he stepped forward. "We will not sit down… we have done nothing wrong, and you have no right to be angry at us about this."

"I warned you, Doctor Shepherd. I warned you…" Ellis said, pointing her finger at Derek as he stood strong and confident, his eyes full of fight and defiance. "I warned you to stay away from her in this…"

"She's my fiancé, Doctor Grey… she's my fiancé, and will be my wife… I will not pretend that I do not know her… I will not pretend that she is a stranger…" Derek exclaimed.

"There are rules, Doctor Shepherd… Meredith… there are rules in this hospital… rules that…"

"Rules that you make up because you're too cold to understand a real relationship between two people!" Derek exclaimed.

"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed.

"Doctor Shepherd…" Ellis growled. "I made it very clear to both you and Doctor Sloan of what I expected… I made it very clear and you both agreed that you understood the reasons for these rules… if you had a problem with those rules, you should have spoken up at that time, not been so complacent. How am I supposed to know that you have issues if you don't tell me, Doctor Shepherd?" She asked angrily.

"Because it wouldn't have fucking mattered if I had issues with your rules… Ellis… it wouldn't have fucking mattered… because you are the one holding all the cards, you're the one that's in charge here…"

"Oh… so you do understand who the boss is around here? I thought for a second there that you had usurped me… I thought, from the way that you're talking to me right now, and the way that you so blatantly disregard my rules and regulations, that you want to be the chief of surgery… that you wanted to be in charge… Well, Doctor Shepherd… that's not the way things work around here… I am the boss… I am the one that makes the rules… and you're the one that will listen to them…"

"Can I…" Meredith said softly.

"But the rules don't make any sense… they don't make any sense, because doctors date doctors all the time… Doctors marry other doctors… they work together every day… why does this matter?"

"Because she's my daughter, Doctor Shepherd!" Ellis exclaimed.

"Mom… I… I can…" Meredith said a little louder, her arm released from Derek's grasp as he took a step closer to Ellis.

"That is the lamest fucking excuse I have ever heard…" Derek shouted. "She's not a moron… she can concentrate… we're not overt, we're not over the top all over one another… we're adults… we're adults with a real relationship… have you ever had a real relationship? I mean… I can't imagine that you have since you don't seem to know how it works!"

"Derek… I never said that she couldn't concentrate, I said it was best for her social well being in this hospital. While you've compromised it, there seems to be no other choice for me than to ensure that she's not placed on your service. It's a horrible disservice that I have to give my daughter to not allow her to work with you anymore, but it seems to be the only thing I can do to keep you two apart." She said sternly.

"Mom, that's…" Meredith mumbled as she sighed heavily as Derek pointed his finger angrily towards her.

"That's bullshit! That is total bullsh…"

"SHUT UP!" Meredith screamed finally, stomping her foot on the ground. "Shut up both of you! Do you have any idea how absolutely childish you sound? You are being a royal bitch because you didn't get your way… and you… look at you all whiney and pitiful… why don't you just tell her the fucking way its going to be!" Meredith exclaimed.

Derek stood there with his jaw open in surprise as Meredith continued. "I… I am an adult…Mom… I am a real live… adult… and I am a mother… I am a mother… and I own my own home… and I have a fiancé who loves me… even though he's incredibly loud and irritating right now… but I love him despite that… and I will love him forever… and I will be … with him… forever… and there is nothing, abso-fucking-lutely nothing… that is going to stand in the way of my job… in the way of my family, and in the way that I express my love for Derek… I will continue my internship… and I will hold his hand… and I will kiss him in the hallways… and I will goddamned scream it over the goddamned loudspeakers if I want to… because I will NOT keep my love a secret… I will NOT keep my feelings bottled up inside! I love Derek Shepherd and I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about it! Stop trying to shield me from the real world! Stop trying to shield me from the competitive assholes that I am sharing a locker room with… You didn't coddle me when I was a child… You didn't coddle me as a teenager… so god FUCKING Damn it Mom… Stop coddling me now!" Meredith screamed, her face was red and angry as she looked between her mother and Derek.

"I am responsible for my own actions… I can face the consequences of the things that I do… but I won't keep the one thing that keeps my heart beating a secret for one more second…" Meredith whispered as she tried to catch her breath. "I don't deserve it… Derek doesn't deserve it… and I just won't stand for it!" She said with a loud growl. She looked up at the clock and shook her head. "So now I'm late for rounds… THANK you very much for the lecture… but I can handle my life on my own… You two can duke it out if you'd like… but leave me out of it." She said as she turned on her heel and stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind her as she left.

Derek and Ellis were left standing face to face, staring at one another as they both flinched at the slamming door. Ellis stared Derek in the eyes for a moment as he looked so surprised, that Ellis couldn't believe it. "I…" Derek whispered. "I should… I have… I have patients to see." He said as he nodded his head towards the door.

"Get out of here." Ellis growled as she watched Derek take off out the door, closing it carefully as he stepped into the outer office and took off out the door.

Ellis sighed as she closed her eyes tightly, her daughter's words resonating through her mind as she reached for the phone. She took a deep breath and dialed a number, waiting patiently for the person on the other line to pick up.

"Marion?" Ellis said into the phone as she smiled at the voice on the other line.

"Ellis…" Mrs. Shepherd smiled into the phone.

"You were right…" Ellis said with a sigh. "I guess I owe you that lunch, after all…"

"They couldn't even last a week…" Marion sighed with a laugh.

"They couldn't last a day…" Ellis chuckled as she sat back in her chair and looked at the tiny picture on her desk. "How does twelve thirty sound?" Ellis asked. "Just you, me, and Richie… I'll meet you outside…" She said with a sly grin.

"We'll be there."

--------------------

September 20th

"Derek, this is not a good idea… it's not a good idea at all… I should stay home with him…" Meredith whimpered as she started to pull Richie's coat from his arms.

"No, Meredith… it's a great idea… he'll get to meet other kids… you'll be within walking distance of him… He'll be right downstairs…" Derek said as he reached over and started to pull the baby's coat back up onto his arms.

"No… Derek… it's daycare… it's daycare and it's in a hospital… you work in a hospital, do you know how many diseases are in a hospital? You should know… you should know… I mean, you work in a hospital! He'll get sick, I don't want him to get sick…" She said as she started to pull the baby's coat off, watching his blue eyes as they flashed to his mother's concerned face.

"Meredith, he's going to have to get sick sometime… and it's better if he gets sick now… then he'll build up a resistance… and he'll be a strong, healthy boy…" Derek replied as he started to pull the baby's coat back on, his wide eyes going to his father's determined face as his mother's hands trembled on his hands.

"I can't believe you want him to get sick…" She whispered as she started to pull the jacket off. "He can't go… he… he's smaller than all of the rest of the kids… he'll get picked on…" She whimpered as she smacked Derek's hand away from the jacket.

"Meredith… he's four months old… I don't think the other babies are going to be going around saying… 'hey… my soft spot is bigger than yours…'" Derek shook his head as he reached for the baby.

"It's not a joking matter, Derek!" She exclaimed as she pulled the baby away from him, tossing the jacket onto her bed. "I'm calling in sick…"

"Meredith, you are not calling in sick…" Derek said as he followed her down the hallway. "Stop being neurotic about this." He said, stopping in his tracks. He knew that it was the wrong thing to say, yet somehow, it had slipped past the 'don't say it' checkpoint in his brain.

She stopped and slowly turned around. "What did you just say to me?" She growled.

"I… I…"

"Don't even talk to me." She growled as she turned towards the baby's bedroom.

"Meredith…" Derek said as he followed her into the bedroom. "You have to admit… you are being a little bit neurotic about this." He replied, internally kicking himself again.

"Derek…go to work." She grumbled as she cuddled her son as she looked out the window.

"Meredith…" Derek said softly as he reached for her, hearing her grumble as he wrapped his arms around the two of them. "Meri…" He whispered as he kissed her cheek, her neck.

"Leave us alone…" She mumbled against her son's head, kissing it softly as Derek continued his light, feathery kisses on her skin.

"Think of it…" He said with a low growl. "You're in surgery… and… its been a long, long surgery… and all you want to do is snuggle with your little guy… and what do you do? You scrub out… and take the elevator… and there he is… right there in the daycare… to cuddle and hold and talk to…You can't do that if he's here with a babysitter… can't do that if he's all the way at home…"

"Derek…" She mumbled. "I can cuddle and hold and talk to him here…"

"Oh, come on, Meri… you love surgery… you love being in that operating room… you love saving lives…the feel of those instruments in your hand… the power of having the drill… the excitement as the first cut is made… the hot lights… you're like a movie star in there… all attention is on you…" He growled softly into her ear as he kissed her neck.

"Derek…"

"And just think… you know… lunch time… we can go down to daycare and have lunch with him… or we can take him up to the cafeteria… even your mom is going to go and visit him in daycare… Cristina will visit him… and Mark… Uncle Mark loves his little boob muncher…"

"He has to stop calling him that…" Meredith mumbled with a chuckle.

"He's just jealous…" Derek snickered. "What do you say… daycare… or are you going to stay here all day wishing you were in surgery?" He whispered. "Come on, Meri…"

Meredith sighed. "I can… visit him anytime I want to?"

"You can visit him any time you want to…"

"And the people down in the daycare are nice?"

"You've had background checks done on all of them, Meredith…" Derek laughed.

Meredith sighed again, turning her head to face him. "I'll…let him go to daycare…" She whispered as she sighed.

"Good… now go get his coat on him… and we'll get going…" Derek said as he kissed her lips softly as he turned and walked out of the room. She could hear his satisfied 'Yes' come from the hallway.

"No gloating, Derek!" She exclaimed, hearing him giggle as he descended the stairs. "I don't know about this, Richie… what do you think?" She whispered. He looked up at her with big blue eyes, searching his mother's face for something, when after just a second, he watched as they became a little less scared, and a smile lit up her face. A smile came to his face as he giggled softly, burying his head into his mother's chest as he cuddled against her. "That's right… mama will be right around the corner…" She whispered as she sighed and went on the search for Richie's jacket.

--------------------

November 26

"Say… Mama… say it… come on, buddy… mama… mama…" Meredith said as she stood in front of her son as he sat in his walker.

"Baba!" Richie exclaimed as he reached his hands up and squeezed his hand over and over.

"No… no, say 'mama'… please… please… for mama… say it… please?" She whimpered as she crouched beside him.

"Baba!" He exclaimed a second time, his smile disappearing as he saw his mother's face look sad, he tilted his head. "Baba! Baba!" He exclaimed.

"Maybe his nose is stuffed up… maybe he you know… is saying 'mama' but it's like when your nose is plugged…" Cristina asked, holding her nose. "Baba… baba…see… it sounds like mama…" Cristina shrugged as she watched Meredith beg with her son.

"Mama…" Meredith said again. Richie reached out and grabbed his mother's nose. "Baba…" She said as she laughed a little.

"Try Dada…" Cristina said as she looked to Meredith as she pulled the baby's hand from her nose. 

"Cris… no…" She cringed as suddenly, Richie let out a screech.

"DADA! DADA! DADA! DADA!" He screamed on top of his lungs, his little fists slamming down on the tray. "DADA! DADADADADADADA!" he shouted, staring his mother in the eyes as he smacked his fist one more time. "DA!"

"Thanks, Cris…" Meredith rolled her eyes as she walked over to the stove.

"Setback?"

"Shut up…" Meredith grumbled.

"Ha! That's what this is about! You're jealous that he'll say 'Dada' but not 'Mama'… That's hilarious!" Cristina started to laugh.

Meredith stirred the gravy in the pot on the stove as she checked on the turkey in the oven. "Where are they anyway?" She sighed as she ignored Cristina.

"Mark said something about running an errand or something." Cristina shrugged. "They're probably at the hospital… surgery whores…"

"No… no… no… they're not the surgery whores… you're the surgery whore, all jealous that they may be in surgery… just enjoy Thanksgiving… look at the pictures of Richie from Halloween, make him scream and yell about Derek some more… just relax and have a good time…and maybe we should restrain from using the word 'whore' in front of Richie… we don't need him calling me that before he calls me 'mama'…"

"While we wait for the dead bird to be done…"

"While we wait for the dead bird to be done…" Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I can't believe Derek is letting you cook Thanksgiving dinner…"

"He left detailed notes… what to do with each pot… he cut the potatoes, he got the turkey ready… I can follow directions…"

"Meanwhile, the potatoes are boiling over…" She said, pointing to the stove. Meredith turned around and looked quickly, and Cristina started to laugh. "Made you look!" She exclaimed with a laugh as Meredith waved the spoon around in the air in a threatening manner.

"Why is it so quiet around here?" Derek's voice boomed from the doorway as Meredith and Cris both looked up and then to Richie.

"DADA! DADADADADADADADADADADA!" Richie began to shout loudly as Cristina and Meredith covered their ears. After a second, Derek came walking into the kitchen with a big grin on his face.

"There you are…" He said happily as he lifted his son from his walker and kissed his cheek, and walked to Meredith. 

"Of course we're here… we're manning your pots while you and Mark go play with… by yourselves…" Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Well…we had things to do…" Derek said as he kissed Meredith on the cheek and glanced to the stove. "Everything does look good, by the way…" He smiled. "Let's take these off the stove for a minute…" He said as he handed Richie to Meredith and turned and started to lift the pots from the burners.

"What are you doing?" She asked as he started to turn the burners off.

"We need to show you something…" He said as he took her hand.

"What?" Meredith asked as he pulled her along.

"Something…" Derek said excitedly as he pulled her along as she held Richie, Cristina followed behind. He walked with her to the front door and opened it wide, where Mark stood with a big grin on his face. In his arms, he held the bottom end of a huge evergreen tree.

"It's a… tree…" Meredith said as she glanced to Derek.

"It's our Christmas tree." He said with a laugh.

"But we… already… have a…"

"This is a real Christmas tree… a real spruce… measured and cut to fit perfectly in our family room. We'll let it warm up and settle during dinner, and we can trim it and decorate it…" He said proudly as he walked around the tree and lifted it. Meredith and Cristina backed up as the two of them carried the tree into the house.

"But Derek… What about the tree that we had up when we moved in…?"

"That's for when we're too lazy to get a real tree…" He laughed. "This is a real tree… smell it? Doesn't it just smell so much like Christmas?"

"It smells like the woods, Derek." Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Exactly…" Derek grinned as he pulled the tree into a standing position. Mark was holding the tree stand in his hand and set it onto the floor as he and Derek lifted the tree into it. He took a step back and took a nice long look at the bare tree standing in the middle of their family room. "What do you think?" He asked, watching Meredith holding Richie close as they both stared at the tree. She glanced to Mark and back to Derek.

"I… I think it's perfect." She said with a smile as she glanced to her son. "What do you think, Richie?" She asked as she stepped forward watching as the little boy reached his hand out to touch a branch. He felt the prickly needles tickle his skin and pulled his hand back quickly.

"Ah…" He said as he reached out to touch it again, petting the tree softly, he glanced to his father. 

"I think he likes it…" Derek said with a laugh as he glanced to Mark. "He likes it…" Derek stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Meredith and kissed her cheek. "And I like you." He whispered.

"I like dinner." Cristina said with a laugh as Mark stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her cheek softly as he squeezed her. "And the tree… the tree is nice too…" She laughed as she felt him squeeze her again.

--------------------

When dinner was completed, Derek and Mark had washed the dishes and put the leftovers away while Meredith and Cristina sat on the floor of the family room with Richie. "I think it's beautiful…" Meredith said with a smile as she looked up at the evergreen as Richie continued to stare at it as well.

"It's a tree, Meredith." Cristina shrugged.

"It's a beautiful tree." She said with a smile.

"You don't get out much, do you?" She said with a smirk.

"Oh hush…" Meredith said with a shake of her head. "You have no idea how hard I've worked to get to this point." Meredith said as she lifted her son into her lap, handing him a little ball to hold in his hands. He pushed it hard, watching it roll across the floor.

"To get a tree into your living room?" Cristina asked with a laugh.

"No… well… yes." She shrugged. "This is my first real Christmas tree." She whispered.

"What? You can't tell me that you never had a Christmas tree."

"Have you ever met my mother?" Meredith said sarcastically. "This is my first… real live…"

"Soon to be formerly live…"

"Whatever… my first real tree… and it's Richie's first tree… so it's beautiful." She said with a smirk as she lay the baby on the blanket as she watched him try to crawl across the floor to get it. She stood up and walked towards the ball, and Richie pulled himself up onto his hands and knees. He looked up at his mother with a wobbly stance. "Derek!" Meredith called as Richie started to move forward. "Derek, watch!" She exclaimed as she knelt onto the floor. "Come on, Richie… come see mommy…"

"What, what is it?" Derek said with a nervous tone as he stepped into the living room. His son was standing on his hands and knees, rocking back and forth when he heard his father's voice. He then lost his balance as he tried to look and went flying forward hard onto his tummy, rubbing his nose into the rug. "Aww…" Derek said as he approached him.

"Wait…" Meredith said as Richie looked up at her to see what her reaction was, he noticed that she didn't seem distressed, she was smiling. He looked to his father, who seemed a little more nervous and he turned his head and saw his ball across the floor. He then lifted himself up onto his hands and knees again as Meredith reached for his ball and Derek knelt beside Meredith. 

"Come on, buddy… you can do it…" Derek said with a grin as Richie pulled his knee forward.

"Why do I feel like I'm at the baby Olympics?" Cristina said with a smirk as Mark shoved her a little with his foot.

Richie slapped his hand hard against the carpet as he moved his other knee, trying to get the motion down as he felt himself move forward.

"Good boy!" Meredith said excitedly as he moved his hand, and other knee, moving himself forward as he watched his parent's proud smiling faces. "Come on buddy…" Meredith said as she held the ball out to him.

"I don't know why you want him mobile… it's only enabling him…" Cristina laughed as Mark shoved her with his foot again as Richie giggled at his mother and father.

"Come on, Richie… good boy…" Derek said with an encouraging tone as the baby moved himself forward just a little more, pushing himself across the floor until he reached his prize. He put his hand on the ball and promptly did a belly flop as Derek and Meredith both cheered a chorus of 'Yay!' as he giggled madly and rolled onto his back with the ball.

They celebrated Richie's latest feat with a hug and a kiss, and Derek held him up high as he watched his son hold the little ball and giggle. "Now… it's time for decorations!" He exclaimed as he looked to Meredith, who was still kneeling on the floor, the pride that she had for her son was radiating from her smile.

--------------------

Mark seemed just as excited as Derek as the two of them brought in bin after bin of Christmas lights and decorations from the garage. Each time they passed Meredith and Cristina, they'd give their respective girlfriend a kiss on the cheek as they stood by the door and watched the two of them grin silly grins as they carried in the decorations. 

"How many boxes are there?" Cristina asked as Derek came in with another container.

"This is it…" He said with a smile. "My mom made sure that we had plenty of decorations." He said with a smile. "But of course, the tree ornaments we have to get ourselves… and let the number of them grow every year." He said with a chuckle as he kissed Meredith softly and walked past her. He set the container down and watched Richie sitting in his playpen watching everything curiously.

"Well, if that's not ornaments, what is it?" Cristina asked as Meredith just smiled and shook her head as she closed the door and followed after everyone into the family room.

"Lights, garland, tinsel, candy canes… all of the essentials." Derek shrugged.

"You're psychotic." Cristina shook her head.

"Maybe." Derek shrugged as he smirked at Meredith as she smiled.

The four adults began the decorating of the tree, Derek and Mark started at the top with the string of lights and garland as they laughed and made themselves dizzy as they went in circles around the tree. The girls put tiny hooks on the ornaments that they did have and placed them aside to be placed on the tree at the end. Meredith and Cristina then went into the kitchen to make hot cocoa while Derek and Mark argued for almost twenty minutes over whether or not the tree was crooked.

When the hot cocoa was finished, they brought it into the boys and they all settled on the couches for a few minutes before working on the tree a little more. "Who knew decorating a tree could be so tiring…" Cristina shrugged.

"I know…" Meredith agreed as she cuddled into Derek as he kissed her head. Their eyes went to the playpen where Richie was fast asleep inside his playpen, curled up in the corner against his favorite teddy bear.

"Looks like the turkey got to him…" Mark laughed.

"He didn't have any turkey, dummy…" Cristina laughed.

"Well, whatever it is… he looks really comfortable…" Mark laughed as the four of them sat and talked a little more.

When the hot cocoa was finished, Derek brought the dishes into the kitchen and Meredith stood up to take a look at the decorations. She had the star from Derek's mother, and the small heart ornament with the picture of their first Christmas together. She smiled down at the decorations and sighed as she suddenly felt Derek's arms come from behind her. In his hands was a small wrapped box.

"What is this?" She asked, looking up into his shining blue eyes.

"Open it." He chuckled as he watched her hands carefully take the box from his. Her eyes held a suspicious humor within them as she tugged lightly at the red bow that was atop the box, delicately pulling it from its nestled position. The ribbon fell about her hand, hanging haphazardly as she glanced up into his eyes once more before letting her fingertips carefully trace the edge of the cover. Slowly, she lifted the box cover, revealing a tiny bit of tissue paper and she smiled as her fingertips brushed against it, hearing that magical rustle of paper and that excited feeling in her stomach that she always seemed to get right before revealing a gift.

Nestled within the tissue paper sat a small silver plated star, similar to the one that his mother had given to them, though different in a very special way. Engraved across the star, the words. "Baby's first Christmas", and the year. "Oh, Derek…" She whispered as she felt his hand reach out and carefully turn the star over. "Oh… oh, Derek…" She gasped as she noted that the star was also a picture frame, and on the other side nestled within the tiny hole allotted, sat a picture of their son, his face lit up with a beautiful smile. "Derek… Derek, it's perfect…" She whispered as she gently pulled the star from the box. "Look…" She said as she showed Cristina and Mark. "It's his first Christmas ornament!" She exclaimed happily as she grinned brightly.

Derek smiled as he walked over to the playpen and gently lifted his sleeping son from within the snuggly confines. He walked to Meredith and carefully handed their son to her, who perked up immediately as they neared the tree. They turned together as Meredith held the ornament in the air, letting the light from the room sparkle from the star as Richie gently and sleepily reached out for it. "That's yours…" Meredith whispered. "Richie, that's your star…" She said with a happy smile as she glanced to Mark, who was all ready with his camera, capturing the look of wonder and fascination in the little boy's eyes and not missing for a second the look on the faces of the proud parents.

Together, they placed the ornaments on the tree, Meredith and Derek telling Cristina and Mark the story of how they first met and their first Christmas together. They laughed at the coincidence of it all, and the chance meeting beneath the Christmas tree. Meredith blushed in embarrassment when she told of how she tried to escape the next morning, and how Derek had literally lifted her up and carried her back to the house.

When the ornaments were on the tree, and they were just about to turn the lights off, Meredith grabbed Derek in almost a panic. "No… no, wait…" She said, looking around the room frantically.

"What is it?" He asked.

"You… you forgot… the…" She said as she watched the slow smile appear on his face. "You didn't forget…" She said as she tilted her head.

"How could I forget?" He asked, kissing her softly as he turned towards a small cupboard in the family room. He slowly opened the door and reached in, pulling the wooden box from within it. He slowly opened the box and glanced to his friends and Meredith with Richie. "This… was the star that I helped my father put on the tree, every year." Derek said with a smile. "It's the very same star that my father would lift me up high above his head so that I could reach up and place the star at the very top." He grinned. "This… is what I have been dreaming of for my Christmases… to have my friends… and my family together as my child is lifted up to put the star on the tree…" He grinned. He walked to Meredith and placed the box on the table beside the couch. He held the star in one hand as he held his other arm out for his son. Meredith slowly handed their son to Derek, where he kissed her softly and watched as Richie reached his hands for the star.

Derek stepped to the stepladder, Mark standing behind him as Meredith took the star carefully from Derek's hand so that he could climb. He climbed up the stepladder and held his hand out and Meredith smiled as she handed the star up to him. He sighed a soft sigh as slowly, the star was lifted to the top of the tree and gently placed upon the highest branch. "How does it look?" Derek asked, glancing down at everyone as Richie giggled happily.

"Perfect." Mark replied.

"Perfect." Cristina smiled as she stepped up to hold Mark's hand as Derek slowly descended the stepladder.

Mark grabbed the ladder and moved it aside as Derek stepped back and placed his free arm on Meredith. She held her arm out for the light switch, glancing to Derek, she smiled. "How does it look?" He asked softly.

She smiled a gentle smile as she flipped the switch for the tree and turned the lights in the room off at the same time, lighting the room with multicolored brilliance. The lights glittered off her features, sparkling and lighting her smile, her eyes, her face as she looked to him as he held their son in his hands, who was absolutely enraptured by the colorful lights. "Better than perfect." She whispered, leaning her head into him, as they stood and admired the beauty of their friendship and love.


	12. Christmas Eve, THE END

Chapter 12- Christmas Eve- The End.

December 24- 6am

Derek sat on the edge of the bed slipping his shoe on his foot as Meredith grabbed hold of his shirt. "Meri… you have to let go…"

"Derek… It's Christmas eve…" She groaned.

"Accidents happen on Christmas eve… I have to go in when I'm paged…"

"My mother is evil…"

"Your mother has nothing to do with this." Derek replied. "This is my job… I have to go…"

"Derek, we are supposed to go at ten! We were supposed to leave for your mother's house early…" She complained as she let go of his shirt and rolled over, covering her head with the blanket.

"We'll get to my mother's house, but right now I have to get to work." He said softly as he slipped his hand beneath the blanket. He moved it delicately to her hair, and found her forehead. He then slid it down to touch her cheek as she turned her head slowly and left tiny kisses on his fingertips. "I'll be home as soon as I can." He whispered.

"I know you will…" She sighed softly as she slowly pulled the blanket down. "I just wanted Christmas to be about you, me, and Richie… not about me and Richie, and you and the hospital." She said as she sighed.

"I know what you want… I always know what you want…" he said with a wicked smile. "Now get up and get ready to go… I'll try to be home by ten so that we can go…"

"Alright…" She said as Derek leaned down and kissed her softly as he stood up to make his way to the hospital.

--------------------

10:40 AM-

Meredith sat in the family room staring at the phone. She had everything packed and ready to go and Richie was fussing in his playpen. "Da… Da…" He whimpered from his playpen as he sniffled.

"I know… I am waiting for Dada too…" Meredith said as she rolled her eyes and flopped back on the couch. "Stupid, stupid hospital… messing up our Christmas… stupid, stupid, stupid!" She exclaimed as the doorbell rang.

She jumped up and glanced to Richie. "Why the heck is he ringing the doorbell?" She muttered as she moved towards the front door. "Where the hell have…" She started to rant as she looked into Mark's eyes. "You're not Derek." She said, her eyes angry as she gave him the death glare.

"No… not today I'm not…" Mark said as he smirked. "Derek is stuck in surgery."

"Of course he is! Of course he is!" Meredith exclaimed as she swung around and stomped into the house. "Richie, daddy isn't going to be home for Christmas because he loves the hospital more than he loves us…" She said as she swung her coat around and slammed onto the couch.

"Meri…" Mark said as he closed the front door and walked through the house and stood over her. "Get your dramatic ass in the car." 

"What?" She asked as she sat up.

"Get in the car… Cris and I are heading to the mountains for Christmas, we're going to drop you and Richie off at Derek's mother's house. Derek said he'd catch up with you guys later tonight when he's through at the hospital. The baby's car seat is already in the car." 

"What?" She asked again, standing. "So he's not even going to take us there? Mark… when is he going to be able to leave, is he even going to be able to make it there? This is crazy!" She exclaimed. "I just want to stay here… maybe we shouldn't go at all…"

"Meredith… come on… he'll make it, you know he will… and if he can't, he'll make it up to you…let's go…" He said as he turned and lifted Richie from the playpen.

"Mark… no… I can't go… because if he can't make it, he's going to end up staying alone for Christmas eve… and hell… what's stopping him working tomorrow? I'm not spending Christmas without him…"

"Meredith… stop being difficult… He'll be there…" Mark replied.

"Besides… why can't I just take Richie to his mother's house? I can do it… I'm perfectly capable of driving me and my son to…"

"Meredith… you know that he's not going to let you drive you and Richie three hours to his mother's house on Christmas eve… he said you have a track record…" He said as he lifted Richie's coat from the side of the couch and started to pull it onto his arms.

"This is so stupid!" She exclaimed as she flopped down on the couch.

"What's going to be stupid is you sitting here on the couch when I take Richie to Derek's mother's house and you're stuck here all alone…" Mark said.

"I don't want to go." She mumbled.

"Don't make me get Cristina in here, Meri."

Meredith looked up at Mark with an angry glare as he carefully zipped the baby's coat up. "You wouldn't…"

"She's right in the car, Meri… get your bags… let's go… Derek said he'll call when he's on his way…"

"I have a really bad feeling about this, Mark…" She whimpered as she shook her head, feeling the knot in her stomach tighten.

"Let's go…your bad feelings are just you being stubborn… get in the car…" He said as he grabbed one of her bags and Richie and started walking towards the door as Meredith grabbed her coat and pulled it on, glaring at him as she grabbed her bags and followed him out of the house.

--------------------

They drove along in virtual silence, Meredith periodically sighing loudly as they neared the town where Derek's mother's house was. Her eyes were on the scenery as she shook her head. "You guys really shouldn't have to do this… you really shouldn't have to drive me all the way here… you should be at your own Christmas doing your own thing, not covering for Derek because he's too obsessed with work to be with his own family… to be with his son on his first Christmas… he's so selfish… so selfish…" Meredith mumbled as she sighed, continuing to stare out at the passing scenery.

Richie watched his mother's face as they drove along, his eyes watching the concern in her eyes as she sighed loudly. "It's just not fair…" She whispered. "It's not fair to you guys… I mean… it's just not fair… we were supposed to have Christmas Eve… he promised…" She whimpered as she pressed her forehead against the window.

"Da…Dada…" Richie said, his arm raising to his mother as he tried to get her attention. "Da…" He said, his voice resonating through the car. "Mama..." He insisted.

"Meredith, seriously, it's no problem… you have really got to just relax… Derek will be there and you'll be there and…"

Cristina's voice was suddenly interrupted by the ringing of Meredith's cell phone. Meredith lifted the phone up and pressed the button quickly as she took a slow deep breath. "Hello?" She said into the line, her eyes on the seat in front of her.

"Hey… you sound upset, what's going on? Did Cris and Mark pick you up?" Derek's voice sounded concerned as he heard the frustration in her voice.

"It's about time you called me!" She exclaimed as she leaned forward and stared at the floor of the car as she growled into the phone.

"Hey… calm down there…" Derek said softly as his voice relaxed. "Are you guys still on your way?" He asked.

"Derek… we were supposed to do this together…Christmas was supposed to be us, together… and… and…."

"Are you almost there?" Derek asked again, interrupting her whiney tirade as he listened to her loud sigh on the other line.

She looked up and stared at the scenery for a minute, noticing that they were just coming up on the town that Derek's mother lived. "We're just coming into town." She said as she sighed. "Are you on your way?" She asked, her voice nearly cracking as she leaned down again to stare at the floor of the car.

"Meri…" He said, his voice was small, nearly disconnected. She had heard him say her name a million times, but nothing broke her heart in nearly as many pieces as the way he said it at that moment. "Meri…" He said again, soft and tenderly as a million thoughts traveled through her head, sending a wave of tears to her eyes.  
"Derek…" She whimpered, a lump in her throat as she tried not to let Cristina and Mark hear her upset voice.

"Meri…" he said again, whispering her name from the tip of his tongue to the bottom of his heart. "Meri… in the diaper bag… Richie's diaper bag… there should be a gift in there for you." He whispered tenderly.

"A gift?" She whispered.

"Yes." Derek replied. "I… I put it in the bottom of his diaper bag…" He said, his voice rattling as she swallowed hard.

"Derek, why would you put…I mean… did you… did you already know that we couldn't…?" She whimpered.

"Meri… reach to the bottom of the diaper bag and pull the gift out… I want you to open it while I'm on the phone with you." He whispered.

"Derek…"

"Come on, Meri… you can do it… reach into the diaper bag." He said, his voice was soft, nearly coddling as he waited for her response, waited for her action.

"Derek, I don't want to open a gift… I want you… all I want is you…" She whimpered.

"Diaper bag, Meri… please?" Derek's voice was pleading with her as he listened to her soft sniffle on the line. "Please?" He whispered again.

Meredith sighed, glancing up at Mark and Cristina as they seemed to be paying attention to the road, and she glanced to Richie quickly as he watched his mother from his car seat. Her eyes then went directly down to the diaper bag on the floor. She bent down, her hand with the phone still to her ear as she reached for the bag. Carefully, she began to move her hand around. "Where… in the bag is it?" She whispered.

"It's in the bottom." Derek said with a sigh of relief.

"In the bottom… like… how big is it? Is it a bigger gift? I don't feel anything big in…"

"It's small…" Derek replied. "Meri… I love you." He said, his voice tiny and soft, tender and full of love.

"I love you." She whimpered a little as she continued moving her hand around the bag. "Derek… Derek, I don't feel it in here…" She whispered, are you sure that you put it in the…"

"DADA! DADA! DADA! DADA! DADA!" Richie began to scream loudly.

Meredith sighed. "Richie, mommy is talking to dada on the…" She said as she looked up at her son, suddenly realizing that the car had stopped. Her heart jumped into her throat as she stared out the window in disbelief. "…phone…" She whimpered as her eyes settled on the sight before her, just outside the window of the car.

They were at the ice skating rink in town, the large Christmas tree looming over a very large crowd of people standing beside the nearly empty ice skating rink. Atop the ice was one lone figure, the familiar dark haired man that could stop her heart with a smile skated confidently in figure eights in the center of the rink, his hand to his ear as he spoke on the phone, dressed in a tuxedo and black ice skates as he turned sharply and faced their waiting car. His hand reached up and he waved towards the car.

"Meri… did you find it?" He whispered, the smile in his voice evident as she heard him chuckle a little.

"I…I…I… what… you… and… uh… um…"

"Meredith." Derek whispered.

Meredith stared out at him, his arm now down as he stared at her sitting in the car staring out at him. The side of the rink was filled with familiar faces as they all waited for Meredith to make her move. "I…I… Derek…" She whimpered.

"Oh…" He said suddenly. "Look at that…" He said into the phone. She watched his figure out on the ice as he raised his hand holding a tiny box within it. "It looks like I forgot to put it in the diaper bag after all…" He said as he waited for her to respond from her speechless stupor. "I love you, Meredith… come out here and marry me…" He whispered, his voice so soft and tender that she swore that she had imagined his words.

Without another word, she grabbed hold of the latch on the door and flung herself from the car. She tossed her phone into the car and watched as he flipped his phone closed. He watched as her hair flow freely and her eyes shine like a million Christmas lights as she leapt the low wall of the ice skating rink.

"Meri!" he exclaimed, laughing as she nearly fell right away, tears rolling down her cheeks as she ran across the ice, slipping and sliding the entire way as she tried desperately to make it to him. "Meri, be careful!" he exclaimed as suddenly, she leapt from the slippery ice into his arms, sending him in circles across the ice, her lips meeting his like two magnets. He held her tightly and pulled her into him as he held her above the ice and skated backwards in circles as the crowd of friends and family erupted into a wave of applause that was only the backdrop to the display of pure and true love that was being displayed before them. He held her tightly, his arms wrapped securely around her as he felt her trembling as she cried. "Meri… don't cry, baby… don't cry…" He whispered. "You're not supposed to cry on your wedding day…" He said softly as he continued to skate in lazy circles. "No crying…" He whispered as he kissed her softly as he made his way to the edge of the rink to calm her down. "I'm right here…" He whispered as he kissed her hair as he held her to him.

--------------------

He lifted her to the wall on the edge of the rink, placing her atop it, she held her legs around his waist as she buried her head in his neck and sobbed. "Meri… shhh…" he whispered as he watched his mother start walking towards them, he shook his head and held Meredith, watching as his mother stopped for a moment as he held her. "It's alright, baby… it's alright…" He whispered. His eyes went to the car, where Mark was lifting Richie from his car seat. He started walking towards the crowd and Derek caught his eye and motioned for him to come over. "Meri… Meri, look at me, sweetheart…" He whispered as he pulled her face from his shoulder, looking at the tears in her eyes as she sniffled and looked into his eyes. "What are all of these tears about?" He whispered.

"You…and I said… and I said…"

Mark walked up to them and stood beside Meredith. "She's upset because she called you selfish and awful… and the whole time you're sitting here waiting for us…" Mark smirked as Derek smiled at his son as Mark held him. His eyes were on his mother who was obviously crying. He looked very concerned as he reached his arm out for his mother.

"You called me selfish?" He asked, a humored look on his face as she pressed her head against his body again, he felt her nod into him. "You called me awful?" He asked, feeling her nod again as she tried not to cry. "Aw…" he said as he ran his fingers through her hair. "I didn't mean to make you feel so sad… I didn't mean to disappoint you…" He whispered.

"Mama…Mama…" Richie whimpered as he reached out to her, Mark stepped to the side and let the baby pull on Meredith's jacket. "Mama…" He whimpered.

"Mama… someone is talking to you…" Derek whispered as he watched Meredith pull her face from his jacket and glance at her son, who was tugging on her jacket. His blue eyes were filled with so much concern.

"Mama is okay…" She sniffled, finally able to form a sentence. "Mama is okay…" She whispered as she lifted Richie from Mark. "Mama is just madly in love with your daddy… that's all, baby…" She whispered as Richie set his head on his mother's shoulder.

"Thank you for bringing her, Mark." Derek smiled as he watched Meredith and Richie.

"It wasn't easy…" Mark laughed as he shook Derek's hand. "So are we going to get this wedding started or what?" Mark asked as he grinned.

"Meri?" Derek asked, watching her cradle her son to her as she stared at him.

"Yes." She whispered as she leaned forward and kissed him softly, pressing her forehead against his. "You are perfect… you get that, right?" She whispered.

"Just wait until you see who I brought with me…" he winked as he looked up at his sisters. "Alright girls… take her inside… let's get this thing started!" he said with a laugh as Meredith turned her head to the crowd.

Amidst the crowd stood Derek's sisters, their families, his mother, and laughing along with one of Derek's brother in laws, was none other than Ellis Grey. "Derek." She said as she turned her head to him, her eyes turning to Mark. "That's..."

"Your mother wouldn't miss this for the world…" Derek said with a laugh as he leaned forward and kissed her softly. "Now go get all prettied up… and meet me out here for the moment that we've been waiting for." He said with a smile as Meredith shook her head softly, lifting her legs over the wall, he helped her to the ground. Bethany rushed up to her and grabbed her arm as she pulled Meredith and Richie along with her, turning back to glance at Derek once or twice.

"So you're ready for this, huh?" Mark asked, his smile was proud and happy.

"There's not a better day than today." Derek laughed as he pushed himself back and did a triumphant spin on the ice as he waited for the wedding to begin.

--------------------

Bethany pulled Meredith into the building as all of the other Shepherd girls followed after, giggling and laughing as Meredith was suddenly overwhelmed by the attention. Everyone was talking at once as they excitedly prepared her for what Derek had been undoubtedly been planning for months. They whisked her into the bathroom where Nancy and Joann helped with her makeup, but not before Mrs. Shepherd whisked Richie away to get him ready with Ellis.

Kathleen was taking pictures of everything while Bethany helped her put on the new coat that Derek had purchased for her on. It was a warm white parka with a hood adorned with faux fur. She handed her the earrings that Derek had purchased for her as well, and held the mirror so that Meredith could see as she put them on. "This is way too much." Meredith whispered as they finished her hair and make up, and stood by to admire their handiwork.

A knock came from the door and Joann turned to peek out. "What do you want?" She asked as she tried to block the view into the room.

"I need to see her." Derek replied as he held a large box in his hands.

"You can't see her yet, it's bad luck…"

"Is it bad luck for me to pop you one in the nose?" He asked with his eyebrows raised.

"Yes." She glared at her younger brother. "What do you want?"

"I need to help her with these." He said, holding the box.

"We can do that." She said as she reached for the box.

"No." he shook his head. "No, I need to do it." He said as he tilted his head.

"Derek…"

Meredith's voice could be heard from within, laughing with his sisters as he sighed heavily. "Joann… I'm serious… I need to do this myself… please… I…. won't look her in the eyes… is that alright?"

Joann gave her brother a long, hard look as she tried to figure out if it would be the best decision. She glanced back at Meredith, who shrugged as she nodded. She then looked back at Derek. "Fine." She said as she sighed loudly. "You can come in… but don't… look at her…" She shrugged.

"Thank you." He said as she opened the door, allowing Derek to walk into the room. Derek stepped in with his head down, his eyes staring at the floor as he walked across the floor silently. "Meri." He whispered as he held the box before her. He spotted her socked feet as she sit on the chair and he smiled as he knelt before her, setting the box beside him.

"What is this?" She asked with a shy smile as Derek smirked at her feet, his happiness just overwhelming as his body language just oozed with the love that he was feeling for her.

"Your brand new ice skates." He said with a soft smile as he opened the box, revealing two brand new white skates. "Your wedding gift…" He said with a smile as he glanced up, catching her eyes with his while his sisters weren't looking. His eyes moved quickly down again to her foot.

"Derek…" She whispered as she looked down at the perfectly white skates in the box as he lifted one of them out of the box, gently taking her foot in his hand. He let his hand run down her toes, across her sole to her heel as he smiled at her delicate, tiny foot.

"You're perfect." He whispered as he carefully slipped the boot onto her foot, gently lacing it and tying it tightly. "No one is allowed to ever place ice skates on these feet…" He said with a smile. "Only me… forever…" He said as he lifted the other boot from the box. He lifted her other foot and very carefully lifted her toes to his lips, where he left a gentle kiss at the tip of her big toe. "No one is allowed to ever… touch these feet… ever… only me… forever." He said as he slipped the other boot onto her foot, lacing it, he tied it tightly. "I love you, Meredith." He said with a happy sigh as he stood up. He closed his eyes as he leaned down, dropping a tender kiss on her lips, he smiled against her mouth. "There will be more of those when you get your beautiful self out there and marry me…" He said as he kept his eyes closed as he squeezed her hand, kissing her lips softly again.

He turned for the door, his sisters standing by as he walked towards it. "That's if your bodyguards let you out of this bathroom…" He laughed as Bethany opened the door and pushed him out with a laugh.

--------------------

Meredith stood up with the help of Derek's sisters and they all started walking towards the door. "Wait…" She said as she giggled. "How is this going to work?" She laughed, looking down at her skates. "Please don't tell me that you put a priest on ice skates…" 

Nancy started to laugh as she saw the humored look on the younger woman's face as she stood there tilting her head. "The priest isn't on ice skates… I promise…"

"Who is going to give me away?" She asked with a laugh. "This is crazy!" She giggled.

"Hey, it was all Derek's idea…" Kathleen laughed. "You're the one that agreed to marry him…"

"He's all yours now…" Bethany giggled. "This is your last chance to get out of it!"

"You know that he would so get you for that…" Meredith giggled as they walked slowly from the building. 

Derek stood on the rink, his eyes on the door as he watched Bethany and Kathleen exit first. He then watched as she emerged from the building, in a full fit of giggles as she held onto Nancy and Joann as they helped her walk along. He spun around in a circle slowly as he listened to her melodic laugh fill the air around him, imagining her warm embrace as he watched her look up at him with a grin. Her laughter was uproarious as she nearly fell backwards, he found himself jumping forward a bit as if he were going to be the one to catch her, only to see Nancy grab her and steady her, both of them still laughing.

He glanced sheepishly at the priest, who had seen his reaction and smiled down at him from his spot on the other side of the short wall. He smiled up at him and shook his head. "She's a little wobbly…" He laughed, watching as the priest's eyes went back to the young woman slowly making her way to the ice.

Their family and friends stood along the edge of the rink on the outside. Children sat on the short wall as their fathers held them securely, their skated feet hanging over the edge as they watched Meredith slowly make her way to the steps of the rink. Meredith was watching her feet, when she suddenly noticed two black skates before her. Her eyes moved up the man's tuxedo clad legs until they met up with his face, where she found a friendly grin. "Mark." She smiled, a tiny giggle in her throat as she had never seen her friend on anything but solid ground, he smiled back at her as he reached his arm for her.

"What…?" She whispered as she looked into his eyes, her eyes flashing to Derek as he watched on with nervous trepidation.

"Take my arm, silly… I swear, Meredith… you'd think you had never been married before…" Mark chuckled as she shook her head.

"Where is Richie?" She asked, her eyes moving to the crowd of people all around the rink.

"He's right there…" Mark said, pointing out into the crowd, where right beside the priest stood Ellis, holding her grandson firmly in her arms as he poked at her nose. She had a smile on her face as she poked his nose back softly as they laughed.

"Mark… I…I don't…I…"

"You'll do just fine…" He whispered as he held her hands. "Now… if we don't get over there… Derek's going to start thinking that I'm trying to convince you not to do this…"

"Mark…I don't know what to say… I don't have anything written down or … vows or anything like that…" She whispered.

"Meredith Grey… you've never been short on words a day in your life… especially when it comes to Derek… even if you just say that you love him… that would be enough for him to hear." Mark whispered as he gently touched her cheek with his fingertips, bringing his eyes to look directly into hers. "You can do this, Meri… its Derek… it's the moment that you've been waiting for… and there was never a better day to do this…" He smiled.

Derek watched across the ice as Mark stood beside Meredith at the steps. She looked anxious, but happy, her eyes moved to the crowd as she followed Mark's hand as he pointed. He smiled that the first thought she had when she stepped out there was to spot her son in the crowd. He watched her calm a bit when she located him in Ellis' arms. He watched as her eyes went back to Mark as she grasped hold of his arm tightly, her eyes filled with worry as she said something to him that seemed to be bothering her. He then watched as his hand went to her face, his eyes meeting with hers as he seemed to be giving her a little pep talk. She looked into Mark's eyes as he shook his head a little, his words seemed to be soft and filled with love and supportiveness as she smiled, leaning her forehead into Mark's, she gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek before grasping his arm and standing straight, preparing to skate across to Derek.

As they stood there, facing one another across the ice, the large Christmas tree loomed above the crowd and priest at the end of the rink. Derek stood, his eyes directly on hers as a soft Christmas song began to play over the loudspeaker. Mark took his first step to the ice, feeling Meredith's wobbly legs beside him as she moved down the last step onto the slick surface and pushed off her skate just slightly.

"You alright?" He whispered, glancing over to her, though it was useless. She was caught by Derek's eyes and there was no coming back. Her feet moved slowly as Mark helped her across the ice towards Derek. Derek stood stoic and strong at the curve of the rink, his eye burning into hers as he smiled softly as she neared him. Not once, did Meredith's eyes waver from his, not once did she look to her feet as she felt herself gliding along toward him. Mark felt her pulling him softly and he smiled at her eagerness to be beside Derek, to be close to him.

His eyes went to the crowd as the sound of Richie could be heard calling for his Dada and Mama as Ellis bounced him slightly trying to calm him. The excitement was too much for him and he continued to call out to them, wondering why they weren't responding to his calls.

As they neared Derek, Mark tugged her slightly as they came to stop just feet from him. Meredith glanced to Mark, who smirked at her softly. "Not just yet…" He whispered as he watched her smile send her eyes into a light show of sparkles.

"Who here… gives this woman to be married?" The priest began as Meredith's eyes jumped to Derek and back to Mark.

"I do, sir." Mark spoke, his voice strong and secure as he looked into the eyes of the priest. "Her mother says that she'll always be hers… but she too gives her daughter to be married." He smiled as Meredith's eyes went to Ellis, who was softly bouncing her son as she smiled across the ice at her daughter.

Meredith giggled a little as Mark leaned down and kissed Meredith on the cheek, as he helped her slowly skate to Derek's side. He turned and skated backwards behind Meredith, turning to face the priest as he supported his two friends on their day of magic.

--------------------

The priest spoke to Meredith and Derek, their eyes completely lost in one another's as he spoke of love, affection, patience and virtue. He spoke of health, happiness, sadness and strife. He spoke of all of the things that Derek and Meredith had already promised to one another in silence and in their actions towards one another since the day they had met. When it was time for them to speak, when Derek listened to the words of the priest, his eyes repeated each syllable to Meredith. His eyes never wavered, his stance never faltered, and his soft smile never left his lips as he watched the reflection of love and respect in her eyes. The priest had completed his question of loyalty to his bride, and Derek's response was as soft as the winter wind that was gently prickling their skin. "I do." He whispered, his lip curling to a smile as he watched her eyes reflect his happiness.

The priest addressed Meredith with the same promises of love, honor, respect, patience and virtue. His words melted into the winter air as Meredith's eyes tripled those promises, her breath caught in her throat for a moment as she swallowed hard, not out of nervousness, but eagerness. The moment was going by far too quickly, and she wished that she could pause it for just that second and capture the look in his eyes forever. She became so enamored with the sparkle in his eye that she had failed to notice that the priest had completed his question, and was waiting for her response. Derek's eyes smiled as she watched his eyebrows rise, and realized that everyone was waiting. "I…I do…" She whispered as she brought her hand to her face, her eyes filling with tears as her cheeks turned crimson as Derek shook his head a little, assuring her that it was fine, he smiled as his own eyes filled with tears of happiness as she took a deep breath and moved her hand from her face, closing her eyes for a moment to catch the tears as she released the breath slowly.

The priest continued the ceremony with a couple of short readings as Meredith and Derek tried their best to remain calm as they stared into one another's eyes. Meredith could feel her knees becoming weak the longer she watched him, and wondered for a moment if ice skates were the best choice to be married in. The priest then announced that they would be reading their own vows and her eyes widened as Derek smiled and shook his head. He mouthed 'I love you' as he turned slightly to face her.

"Meredith." He said, clearing his throat as he swallowed hard. Meredith couldn't believe it for a moment, but he actually seemed nervous. "Meri." He said softly, his voice clearer as he opened his eyes. The way her nickname rolled from his lips was magical as he smiled slightly at her. "Meri…this is our fourth Christmas together." He whispered. "It has been four Christmases that I have heard your voice, touched your hand, kissed your lips, and listened to your kind words. Four years ago… we barely even knew one another's names, and you sat with me beneath my parent's Christmas tree and told me something that will stay in my heart forever. Four Christmases ago was the first Christmas without my father." Derek said as he closed his eyes. "My father… loved many things in his life… he loved first and foremost… my mother… she was his angel." Derek said softly. "My father loved his children… each and every one of us… And he loved Christmas." Derek swallowed hard as he watched Meredith's eyes filling with tears. I sat beneath the Christmas tree… and I told a complete stranger… that… that I felt horrible that I had missed my father's last Christmas. That I… wasn't there to see the last time that he had turned on the Christmas lights… I wasn't there to see the last time he put the star on the top of the tree… and he wouldn't be there to see my own children do the same with me. I told this all to a complete stranger that had wandered into my life…" He swallowed hard again and took a deep breath. "And… she told me… well… after she told me that she doesn't do crying…" He laughed as he watched Meredith laugh through her tears.

"She told me... that I could… either sit there and cry that my father isn't there… and I can be sad and bitter that I missed my last chance to have Christmas with him… or I can take those memories that I have of him… and relive them into the future when I have children of my own to share them with." Derek smiled. "She told me that… four years ago… You told me that…" He said with a smile. "And now… now I have my angel… you… I have my son… Richard… and I have all of the memories of the past… and all of the hope for the future to talk about, as we hold one another's hand beneath the Christmas tree… for every Christmas for the rest of our lives. I love you Meredith. I love you more than anything in the world… and I promise that I will give you anything that you have ever wanted for the rest of your life." He smiled as he watched her tears, wanting desperately to hold her as she tried to gather herself.

The priest gave Meredith a moment to relax, take a few deep breaths as she recovered from his words. He then regarded her, and asked politely for her vows to Derek. Meredith stood there for a moment as she stared across at Derek, her eyes lost in his as she searched for words. She swallowed hard as she realized that there was nothing she could say that could even remotely compare to the sentiment that he had expressed. How could she even think of anything to even compare to what he had said. "I… love you…" She whispered, the only words she could muster at the moment as her mind raced with images of them beneath the tree, talking to one another, that image of sadness in his eyes, a sweet sadness that seemed to draw her closer to him. Derek was smiling tenderly at her, waiting for her words, and the longer she stood there, the more lost she became as she couldn't find the right words to verbalize the emotions she was feeling. She then felt a gentle push from behind her, and a warm hand in hers as Mark took her hand in his, sliding her closer to Derek, he reached his hand for Derek's and joined his friend's hands tenderly. Derek's eyes flashed to Mark in thanks as Mark merely nodded, and skated backwards a little. It was at that touch, that gentle squeeze of Derek's hand that Meredith finally found her words.

"The first…" She said loudly, catching herself as she squeezed his hand. "Derek…" She whispered as she lowered her voice, his eyes smiling into hers as he waited patiently for her to speak, his hand squeezed hers supportively as she swallowed hard, closing her eyes for a moment as she took a deep breath. "The first… words… that I ever spoke to you… the first thing that I ever told you… was that… that my Christmas wish was for me… to have a family like yours." She smiled as she squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, opening them again as she watched his half smile, as he remembered that moment. "I had come upon your family due to circumstances of my own stupidity… and it turned out to be the best decision that I have ever made in my life." She smiled as the words began to come freely as he continued to hold her hand firmly in his. "Your family was warm… they were inviting… kind and thoughtful. Your family took me into their home and created a place for me there… Your family was something like I had never experienced before… and the first thing that I told you, was that I wanted a family just like yours." She shook her head as she smiled.

"What I didn't know… was that you… you had the same wish for me as well." Meredith smiled. "That Christmas eve night, I slipped downstairs to the Christmas tree. I was in the home of a family that I didn't know… and I couldn't sleep… I just couldn't relax…I slipped downstairs when everyone had gone to sleep… because I needed to see the Christmas tree one more time before I went to sleep. I had never seen such a beautiful sight in all of my life. The lights were so bright in the darkened room, the ornaments glistening in the light of the tree. I was entranced by the beauty of a Christmas that I had never before experienced." She said as she swallowed. "Then you spoke… you had been in the room the entire time, and I had no idea that someone was witnessing the moment that I was having… the happiness in my eyes, the way that the Christmas spirit was just taking over my heart… I had been found out… the secret of all of the sadness in my heart… was out in the open… it was in my eyes from the moment my face turned from the tree, the shadow of the room on my face, the light of the tree was to my back." Meredith sighed.

"I was embarrassed that I was caught… and you told me that you were never one to judge the admiration of Christmas… you were there just like I was, and you had a sadness in your eyes that I could see so clearly. I tried to do what I do best… and that… that is to avoid… but you would have none of that…" She smiled. "You sat beneath the Christmas tree with me… you held my hand… and you talked to me… you let me tell you about the sadness in my eyes… and you shared your own sadness. It was a moment that I hold so dear in my heart… a moment that everything that we have built our relationship on has grown from. I love you, Derek Shepherd. I love you for the people that made you who you are today… I love you for the fight in your eyes and in your heart. I love you for the pain that you allow to drive you to be a better person. I love you for the people that you have brought into my life. I love you for making me realize who the people in my life really are. I love you for loving me… for loving who I was… and knowing that I could be better at loving those around myself. I promise you, Derek. I promise that I will always be myself, the person that you love, and never be afraid of sharing with you my hopes, my fears, my dreams, and my love. I promise, Derek. Forever." She whispered as she swallowed hard, watching the tears roll down his cheeks as he squeezed her hand tightly in his. She could feel him tugging her slightly, resisting the urge to pull her into him as tears rolled down her cheeks as she tilted her head, her hair blowing slightly in the wind as she smiled softly through her tears.

The priest took a moment for the words that both of them had spoken sink into the winter air as he began the ring ceremony. Derek and Meredith's eyes were locked as they followed the directions of the priest and the rings were slipped on each of their fingers. They then bow their head in prayer as the priest said his final words, blessing the two of them in eternal bliss as they squeezed one another's hands securely. As the priest completed the prayer, the two of them looked into one another's eyes as he spoke the words that they had been waiting for.

"You may now, kiss the bride." The priest exclaimed as Derek pulled her into him forcefully and placed his lips on hers, feeling her cold nose against his face as her warm breath heated him from the inside out. They heard the cheers of their friends and family as immediately, music began to play over the loudspeaker as Derek reached out in one movement and lifted her from the ice with a squeal.

"Derek!" She screeched a happy laugh as he kicked the toe of his boot into the ice, and spun around with her in his arms as they both laughed, slowing the spin to a stop as he held her in his arms and stared into her eyes as a gentle snow began to fall and their lips met again, softly and perfectly as they smiled happily against one another.

--------------------

The family skated and laughed and talked and had a great time as they celebrated the marriage. As the afternoon wore on, however, Meredith and Derek were becoming anxious to have a little time alone before the evening festivities. Derek held Meredith's hand as they walked off the ice towards the building, spotting their mothers inside with Richie, out of the cold. "How should I…?" Derek asked as they walked towards the door.

"Just tell them that we need time to… um… talk or something…" Meredith shrugged.

"Oh… yeah, that doesn't have 'I want to have sex with my wife' written all over it." Derek laughed with a sarcastic chuckle.

"Then just tell them that you want to have sex with me." Meredith shrugged.

"Talk… got it…" He said as he opened the door and walked into the building, Meredith followed behind as he held her hand, trailing behind him as he waved to their mother's as he walked towards their table.

"Well look who is trying to get out of the fun…" Mrs. Shepherd said as she leaned up as her son kissed her cheek.

"Dada! Dada!" Richie exclaimed as he moved his hand at Derek.

"Hey there, daddy's boy…" Derek said softly as he lifted his son from his mother's lap.

"So you guys are going to leave us now, I suppose." Ellis said as she raised her eyebrows at the two of them.

"Leave?" Derek said as he held his son in his arms and bounced him a little. "We don't want to…" Derek jumped as Meredith elbowed him in the side. "Ow…" he grunted as he gave her a half glare.

"Mama…" Richie said as he reached his hand for Meredith.

"My little boy…" Meredith said as she held her arms out to her son, who slipped from Derek's arms into Meredith's, resting his head on her shoulder.

"He's saying Mama…" Ellis said with a smile.

"He said it last week…" Meredith giggled. "Now he loves to say it… I guess I just had to wait it out…" She said as she rubbed the little boy's back.

"Oh yeah… you weren't interrogating him for hours on end at all…" Cristina said as she came up from behind them.

"I was not!" Meredith exclaimed as she laughed, hugging her friend tightly. "Thank you." She whispered as Cristina hugged her back.

"It's no problem…" Cristina said quickly as she pulled from the hug. She walked up to Derek and put her arm on his shoulder. "So I guess you two are going to go off and have some hot married sex now, huh?" She snickered as both of the mothers giggled at his reddened face.

"Talk… we're going to go… talk…"

"Naked talk, I'm assuming…" Cristina rolled her eyes as she gave Derek an elbow in the rib as he laughed sheepishly.

"The guest house is ready for you guys… we figured that you'd like some time away from the family tonight… we can keep Richie at the main house… and you can…"

"No…" Derek shook his head. "No, it's alright… I want to… we want to be with everyone else." He said with a smile. "We'll have plenty of time with one another at home… but we don't want to ruin the Christmas tradition." He smiled.

"You two go on and have a little fun…" Mrs. Shepherd said with a smile as she reached her arms out for her grandson. "We'll keep an eye on the little one… and you both can have some time alone before the festivities tonight."

Meredith carefully handed Richie off to her with a smile, as she kissed her son softly. "We'll see you tonight." She said as she kissed Marion on the cheek, and walked to her mother and kissed her cheek. "Are you leaving tonight?" She whispered as she crouched beside her mother.

"I…" She said as she glanced to Derek. "I think I'm going to stay the night." She nodded softly. "I haven't had a real Christmas… in a very long time…" She said as she touched her daughter's hand. "And I can't remember the last time we had one together."

"I love you, Mom." Meredith said as she wrapped her arms around her mother. "Thank you for being here today…"

"Thank you for finding someone who loves you like a man should…" Ellis whispered as she held her daughter tightly for a moment. "Besides… Derek…" She said with a smirk. "Your mother said that there's a bit of a surprise tonight…that I may be interested in."

Derek smirked a little as he felt his cheeks redden again. "I… think we should get going now." Derek said with a chuckle as he leaned down and kissed his son's cheek. "Be good for the grammas…" he said as he ran his fingers through his hair for a moment. 

Meredith smiled and giggled as she reached out for Derek's hand, letting her tug on him as they both said their goodbyes and disappeared out the door together.

--------------------

Derek and Meredith sat together on the couch of the guest house, their bodies snuggled together as he kissed her hair and squeezed her tightly. "So you called me selfish, huh?" He whispered into her hair as he chuckled, the light vibrations of his chest making her giggle as she leaned her head against it.

"Yes." She whispered.

"And you found out that….?"

"You're not selfish." She whispered. "Can we not talk about all of the mean things that I said about you this morning?" She asked.

He gave her a look of feigned shock. "All of the things? All of the things? There was more than just that?"

"Sure." She said as she nodded, sitting up. "There was… you're in love with the hospital… I said a few nasty things about my mother… I told Richie that you didn't love us anymore…"

"Meredith?" He exclaimed, a slight smile on his face as he shook his head.

"What? I was only expressing my frustration. I don't think he believed me anyway." Meredith shrugged.

"I should hope not…" He laughed as he squeezed her. "I'm… a little nervous about this…" He said, nodding towards the Santa suit, hanging on the wall.

"You're nervous about being Santa?" She giggled.

"I am…" He nodded. "My boss is going to be there…" He whispered.

"It's alright…" She said as she shrugged. "I married my boss…" She giggled as he tickled her. "Don't worry… they're going to love you out there… after all of the hard work of getting today together… we deserve a nice Christmas with everyone…"

"The kids do love Santa, don't they?" Derek asked as he nuzzled her neck.

"Hell… I love Santa…" She laughed. "Wait…" She said as her head turned toward him. "Does this make me Mrs. Claus?"

"Yep." Derek laughed. "And just think… you saved the reindeer population by letting Mark drive you here." Derek laughed. Meredith turned her head and scowled.

"You're not funny…" She said with a half smirk as she stretched and climbed off the couch. She grabbed his t-shirt and tossed it at him. "Alright, Santa… get dressed…" She said as it landed on his head.

She giggled as he climbed from the couch and chased her through the tiny living room. "One more trip around the world, and Santa will be all ready!" He exclaimed as they fell onto the bed in a heap of giggles.

--------------------

Meredith stepped up to the porch and looked back at Derek sitting in the car. She waved at him and laughed as she grabbed the doorknob as he shook his head from the car, his white beard hanging from his chin as she opened it slowly. She peeked into the house and could immediately hear the singing of the children and the sound of the happiness filling the house.

She wasn't exactly sure how she was going to approach this, having her mother, Mark and Cristina was a very new experience, but she had to make an entrance like she would have any other Christmas. She giggled as she stepped towards the family room, the sound of the children moving around made her smile as she peeked around the corner. Her eyes scanned the room as she noted her mother sitting on the couch talking to one of Derek's sisters as one of the children showed them something that she had in her hand. Cristina was sitting by the tree seemingly trying to explain to the children something about germs and how they were covered with them, keeping the attention of the boys as the little girls just rolled their eyes and talked to baby Richie who was seated on Mark's lap, laughing and giggling.

"Who are you spying on?" A voice came from behind her as she jumped, nearly slamming into the wall as she came face to face with Neil.

"Neil…" She giggled as she wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

"Is Santa coming?" He chuckled as he glanced around the corner as he held his cup of coffee in his hand.

"He'll be here in just a minute…"

"Well come on in and make yourself known." He laughed as he grabbed her hand. "Looks like we have a spy, everyone!" He exclaimed as he pulled her around the corner as she giggled.

"AUNT MEREDITH! AUNT MEREDITH!" The children all exclaimed happily as they ran up to her and hugged her. The questions started flying about Derek and the excited children jumped up and down as they each got a hug from her.

"Oh, he'll be here in a while… he had to stop off at the store and get a few things…" Meredith shrugged as she rolled her eyes at Michael when she heard him laughing. She hugged everyone, making her way across the floor towards Cristina and her Mother, though stopping first to snatch up her son from Mark as she gave him a kiss on the cheek as payment.

"You're very popular around here…" Ellis said as several of the younger children started to climb over Meredith, telling them about this or that, about how much fun they had at the wedding, and again, asking where their Uncle Derek was.

"I've always been popular around here…" Meredith giggled as she snuggled around her son. "How are you doing among the sea of munchkins?" She asked her mother as she noted that she didn't look nervous at all.

"I'm getting used to it…" She nodded as she turned her face towards her grandson and ran her fingers through his hair quickly.

"So where is Derek, anyway?" Cristina asked as all of the children began perking up. 

"Speak of the devil…" Meredith whispered with a smirk as a chorus of children screamed out "SANTA!" as they made their way to the front door excitedly.

--------------------

One of the children swung the door open as a chorus of cheers could be heard through the house. The adults all stayed in the family room as a stampede of children came running back inside. "Mommy! Daddy! It's Santa! Santa is here!" They exclaimed as Meredith just smiled. She watched her mother's eyebrows raise as she glanced to her, and Cristina shook her head in disbelief, as did Mark.

"Don't tell me that… Oh, Meredith… please tell me that…its…" Cristina said as she tried not to laugh right away before she saw it with her own eyes.

It just took a moment and Derek stepped around the corner. "Ho ho ho!" He exclaimed, grabbing his belly with his hand as his fluffy white beard puffed out with each word. The parents and children were all excited, but Mark, Cristina and Ellis stared in disbelief as they watched those familiar blue eyes come walking through the family room holding a big bag of gifts. He walked passed Ellis and grinned behind the beard. "You guys look like you've never seen Santa before…" He chuckled as he made his way to his chair as he sat down.

Cristina turned around and looked him in the eyes as she suddenly fell forward in a fit of laughter. She leaned against Mark's leg as she laughed hysterically, sending Mark into a gale of deep laughter. "Oh my God! Oh my God! I have… I could have… I couldn't even have… HAHAHAHAHA" Cristina continued to exclaim.

"It's good to see everyone is in the Christmas spirit…" Derek laughed. "Merry Christmas, Doctor Grey…" He said with a smirk as Ellis stared at him with an amused look of surprise.

Meredith nudged her mother as she glanced to her and back to Derek. "Merry… Christmas… Santa…" Ellis said with a shocked tone as all of the children began to line up.

"Me first! Me first! I'm the oldest! I'm the youngest!" They all exclaimed as they pushed and shoved as the parents tried to arrange them in a proper line.

Cristina was now rolling around on the floor laughing, her face was bright red as she nearly hyperventilated. Mark was laughing as well, trying to keep the children from trampling over her as they waited their turn in line.

"Meredith…" Mrs. Shepherd said from the other side of the room, watching her eyebrows rose as she looked to her mother in law. "Why don't you let Richie sit on Santa's lap first… since he's the smallest."

"Very good idea!" Meredith said with a smile as she glanced to her mother, who held the camera in her hands.

"I'm all ready…" She said with a smirk as Meredith laughed.

"Hurry and get it before he starts to scream…" Meredith giggled as she lifted her son as she stood up. He held onto her tightly as he watched the man in the red suit hold his arms out for him.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" He started to panic as he grabbed hold of Meredith.

"It's alright, baby… let Grandma Grey take your picture with Santa… it's just Santa, baby…" Meredith said with a soft voice as she tried to convince the little boy that it was alright.

"Mama…" he whimpered as Derek took him into his arms as he pouted, his face turning red as he prepared to scream.

"Hey…" Derek whispered behind the beard. "What's all of this noise about?" He asked in a soothing voice.

Suddenly, Richie's attempt at crying ceased and his eyes widened as his mouth dropped open.

"See… Santa isn't so bad…" Derek said with a happy voice as he watched his son stare at him in disbelief. Ellis took picture after picture of her grandson sitting on his lap, watching as Meredith stood by ready to lift him.

"Dada?" he whispered. "DADA!" He exclaimed as his hand swung up to grab hold of the beard. Meredith jumped forward and grabbed his hand as it just gripped the beard. She was face to face with Derek as she held one hand on her son's hand, and the other hand on her son's other arm.

"Nice save there, Mrs. Claus." Derek whispered with a smirk beneath the beard.

"All in a day's work, Santa…" She whispered as she slowly extracted her son's fingers from his beard and lifted him from his lap.

--------------------------

The evening rolled by slowly as each child was given their gift and sat on Santa's lap. Even the older children who weren't really sure that this whole Santa thing was for them sat on his lap and played along for the younger children who were having so much fun as they opened their gifts and giggling and laughing as one by one, they began to fall asleep on the carpet.

Richie had fallen asleep against Meredith as she held him on the couch, he calls to his father were ignored, and eventually he had given up the idea that Santa was in fact his 'dada'. As Derek's sisters and brother in laws began to slowly gather their children to bring them to their beds, Santa said his goodbyes and headed towards the door. Meredith stood up holding Richie, following him through the littered floor of paper and boxes, children and toys as she walked to the front door with him.

She kissed him goodbye and smiled as he kissed his son softly on the cheek, and slipped quietly out the door. She slowly made her way around to the kitchen, passing a sleepy Cristina and Mark as Michael led them up to the bedroom they'd be staying in and found her mother and Mrs. Shepherd standing in the Kitchen together talking.

"It looks like someone had a busy day…" Marion said with a smile as she walked towards Meredith.

"Yes… very busy… very, very tiring…" Meredith said with a sleepy smile.

"I think she was talking about you, dear…" Ellis said as she reached up and touched her daughter's cheek.

"I'll be alright." She said with a soft smile as she cuddled her son. Her eyes flashed to the back door as it slowly opened as Derek walked inside and closed the door quietly behind him.

"Well if it isn't Clark Kent." Ellis joked as she watched Derek's grin widen.

"I'm very mild mannered." He nodded as he smiled and walked over to Meredith as she cuddled the baby. "He is really out…" Derek remarked as he watched the baby's nose wiggle. 

"He's had a very big day…" Meredith yawned as she felt Derek pull her into him as he wrapped his arms around the two of them, resting his head on hers as they both looked at their mothers as they watched on.

"You two are too cute for words." Marion said with a smile.

"It's quite sickening, I'd say…" Ellis nodded.

"I would have to agree with you there…" Marion said with a giggle as she kissed her son's cheek, her grandson's and Meredith's. "You kids get to bed soon, you have another long day tomorrow…" She said softly as she squeezed her son's shoulder, watching the happy sparkle in his eye. "It was a beautiful day." She said with a smile.

"The best." Derek whispered as he smiled at his mother as she walked past him.

"Thank you for inviting me…" Ellis said as she reached her hand out to her daughter's, smiling as Meredith accepted it with a soft smile, squeezing it lightly.

"Thank you for accepting." Meredith squeezed her daughter's hand in hers as she smiled. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, sweetheart." Ellis said with a soft smile as she kissed her daughter and grandson on the cheek, and watched as Derek smirked at her, puckering his lips a little. "You had better watch it, Shepherd…" She raised her eyebrows.

"Always watching, Mom." Derek laughed as Ellis gave him a light punch on the shoulder as she turned and followed Marion out of the room.

Derek held Meredith in the middle of the kitchen for a few more minutes as he kissed her softly. He watched as she yawned and cuddled her head into him. "Why don't we go sit in the family room." He whispered.

"Under the Christmas tree?" She whispered.

"Under the Christmas tree… just you, me and our little guy…" He replied as he slowly released her and placed his hand on the small of her back as he led her through the door towards the family room. They looked up the stairs, listening to the sound of everyone getting ready for bed, and smiled softly at one another as they stepped into the family room. The lights were off, but for the Christmas tree, sparkling in the corner of the room, and Meredith settled herself on the rug, cradling their son in her arms as she watched Derek sit beside her.

She smiled as she gently placed Richie on the floor between them, nestling him in his father's arm as he suckled in his sleep, sighing lightly as his tiny nose wiggled. "So your wish came true." He whispered.

"My wish came true." She whispered back as she lay down, curling against the two of them as the lights of the tree sparkled off her features. "And you are happy again…" She whispered.

"I am happy..." He replied. "And now you're my wife."

"And we have a family…" Meredith said with a smile.

"A very large family…" Derek's eyes went towards the stairs as they settled on her again.

"A very beautiful family." Meredith whispered. "And I faced my fears…"

"That you did." Derek whispered. "I'm proud of you." He smiled.

"I'm proud of you." She said as she yawned softly, her fingertips lightly dancing over her son's face as she felt Derek breath in her scent. "I love you, Derek." She whispered.

"I love you, Meredith." Derek whispered as he held his wife and son close to him as they closed their eyes and curled around one another, falling asleep beneath the Christmas tree as the grandfather clock tolled midnight. 

The end… 


End file.
